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Welcome! Thank you all so much for all the loving encouragement you have shown us through the guest book. We love reading them everyday. God is using your words to give us strength and endurance.
Journal
Tuesday, September 16, 2008 8:48 AM CDT I haven’t been here in a while. I think of coming often, but I usually find some reason for it being too hard. We’ve been doing a little better lately. There has been a conscious effort between us to begin taking steps toward healing. I’m sure it sounds strange that we’re just beginning. I’m sure we always have been, but it seems some of the fog is beginning to lift a little. It’s strange, though. Even with a little more clarity of mind, all the feelings stay the same.
Today’s a bit of a down day for me. It’s one of those days I can’t seem to distract myself from missing my boy. Have you ever related a childhood memory with a smell or season change? I have many of those sweet memories. The smell of cinnamon reminds me of Christmas and the feeling of coming Spring on my skin reminds me of time spent in my grandparents’ garden. Well, now I have a new one. This morning the air is a little cool and the sky is a little dimmer than it is in summer. It definitely seems to promise that fall is on its way. Everyone around me is so excited…football season, Thanksgiving, then Christmas! I’m trying to join in. This morning, though, stopped me in my tracks. As I was preparing Travis’s lunch to take to work this morning a bitter feeling hit me without any warning. The cool air sent me flying back to another time…a time when I cared for two sons, a time when we called a hospital “home,” a time when everyday was a struggle, a time when I had to watch while one son was put through things no one should go through and the other son struggled to make sense of it. This cool air makes me re-feel all the fear and hope of moving our family to NC, our hearts begging for this to work. I must confess, I hate this time of year.
I am hopeful though. I understand why people would love fall and hopefully one day I will too. I hope that one day God will give me sweet memories of the fall and winter so that I can get excited about them as much as I do the spring and summer. What a gift that would be. Until then, though, I am praying that God will use the harsh, painful memories to mold me into a more complete image of Himself. I learn a lot while I’m in pain. I hold on to my Lord tighter and study His word more intensely. So in a way, I guess He is giving me sweet memories already. Memories of close, intimate experiences with my Lord are irreplaceable. This is my fall/winter focus.
Aside from that, Travis and Matthew are doing well. Travis, poor thing, is getting over a rough cold. He slept for almost two days straight this past weekend. He is still a little weak, but back to work and preparing for this weekend. Matthew is doing great. He’s really acting like a big boy now. We’re surprised daily by the things he thinks to say. He’s playing Upward Soccer this fall and loving it. School’s going great and seems to improve every day. We’re all excited because this weekend we are throwing a party for my grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary! More good memories to save up for later.
Also, the Micah’s Hope fund is doing well. We’ve already been able to help two families with their adoption expenses. One family has already been able to bring their children home and the other should be getting their daughter by the new year. We’re having another meeting tonight and I’m very excited. Our brochures have already been made and a short DVD is in the works. So far, we haven’t really been able to do much in the fundraising area because we’re waiting for the DVD to be finished. Hopefully, that will begin soon. There is one thing that is a burden on our hearts right now. One of our board members has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. The surgery to remove it is scheduled for tomorrow (Wed.), but there’s no promise that the removal will correct her severe symptoms. She has a wonderful husband and beautiful 6 year old daughter. Please pray with us on this. She is a precious friend to us and Micah’s Hope.
Much love,
Susan
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Hospital Information: Patient Room: Safely Home Duke University
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