History

Journal History

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 8:31 PM CDT

Dear Nikki's Friends! It has been Sooo long since I've been able to write in Nikki's journal...too many computer complications and then computer apathy that followed my shear frustrations about everything to do with computers!! It has been almost 2 years since I've written, and I feel so bad, Nikki would not be making excuses! Caring bridge revised their site, and I didn't know how to sign in anymore, but as you can see I've figured it out! I am so happy that Caringbridge has maintained this site for so long, and Nikki would be quite excited to see how many people have visited her story. She used to sign in just to check:) It is also so special to me to see what friends are still writing in this journal, and so uplifting to know what an impact Nikki continues to make on so many people! As time goes on, I am forgetting things I don't want to lose, but part of the problem is Nikki was my brain (hehe...she really helped me remember everything!) so it helps when I read things that her friends say to remind me of her...at swim practice,and school, at cross country meets and just being silly, being Nikki! So I truely appreciate that people still visit this site when I havn't signed on in so very long! Special days have come and gone...graduation, 3 Birthdays and just everyday without Nikki. But she truely remains in my heart, and with each beat, I know she is still with us...all of us, making us smile with fun memories and cry with our grief. We have had three Nikki's Run, Walk 'n' Rolls now and have raised approx. $65,000. in total. I am amazed by all of the help and love that goes into this event. We now have a website: www.nikkisrun.org and you can also send questions to info@nikkisrun.org. Enough business! I hope to write a note in another 2 weeks, as October 24th is Nikki's 19th Birthday. I hope all of you take a few minutes that day to celebrate with her in some way! Well, as Miss Nikki would say...adios, love Nikkismom:)

Saturday, November 1, 2003 7:50 PM CST

Dear Nikkis friends<3, HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIKKI:) I tryed to write an entry on OCTOBER 24th, but my computer was giving me problems (as usual:) I seem to have alot of problems when I write in Nikki's journal....just now my connection failed in the middle of signing on, and i had to sign on again! Last night, on Halloween, Nala and I went for a walk, along our old route, that the girls and I used to always go trick or treating on. There were princesses, butterflys and a care bear! One mom we passed, said she loved Nala's Dog costume.....hehe:) It was a perfect night for Halloween, and I had many good memories, but missing Nikki is always Huge. I have been having so many dreams about Nikki lately, shes usually very young, and always sick....but I just like feeling her with me and hate waking up. Thank you for all of your Birthday entries and wishes for Nikki and thank you for continuing to think about us! I really enjoy reading your entries, and am always curious when I don't know who wrote them...hint hint! I am so glad that Nikki's bear is helping...I have been told by so many others..especially families of children with cancer, that it has been good for them too! Just knowing that Nikki is still able to help others makes my heart feel better:) Love, Nikkismom:)

Saturday, October 4, 2003 8:48 PM CDT

Dear Nikkis Friends, A Huge Thank You to all who participated in Nikki's Run, Walk N Roll for children with cancer! It was very sucessful....we raised at least $15,000!! We are already planning next years Run for September 12th! I went to Washington the same week Hurricane Isabel decided to land! She did interfere with our plans to meet with our Congressman and Senators, but our keynote speaker on Wednesday was none less than the First Lady, Laura Bush! Nikki's friend Carolyn, from teen group at CCMC was also a speaker, and Carolyn was able to give Mrs. Bush one of Nikki's Bears along with the card with Nikki's picture and the story of why the bear was created! Thank you Carolyn! I would like to share another very inspirational young girls story...Alex Scott who is a 7 year old, and has had cancer for over 6 years has raised over $100,000 for childrens cancer research by having Lemonade Stands! Alex lived in CT and was a patient at CCMC but because she needed to have her treatment at CHOP, she has moved to Philadelphia (and ironically lives in the same town as my sister) I was honored to meet Alex and her family at the Jersey Shore (my niece, Lauren, had a Lemonade Stand to help Alex's cause while we were at the Shore!) I met her mom, Liz, again in Washington. Alex was on the Today Show recently, and has been featured in several prominate magazines and newspapers. if you would like to read about Alex, please visit her web site....www.caringbridge.com/page/alexscott (I am pretty sure her last name has two t's but if it doesn't work try alexscot) As you know October has always been a special month in the Giampolo household. Natalie's birthday is this monday, October 6th, but since she is still in Shreveport Louisanna, we will have to celebrate long distance. She would love to get mail, so please email me if you want her address! Nikki's 17th birthday is October 24th...Nikki loved her birthdays, she loved the whole birthday season, beginning with her paperchain countdown....20 days to go. It is just to hard to not have her here But always remember this: <3<3Love lives beyond life<3<3<3 (special thanks to Keaton's mom who shared her wisdom with us in Washington:) Love, Nikkismom:)

Thursday, August 7, 2003 7:26 AM CDT

Dear Nikki's Friends, This is Nikki's official countdown for Nikki's Run, Walk 'n Roll....it's one month away! Save the date on your calander! September 7th. Registration begins at 7:30am. The run starts at 9am, wheelchairs racers at 8:50am. Then the 2.5K walk begins at 10am. We have registration forms ready now, and they are great! You can contact me at nilli34@aol.com for info and forms. I check that site everyday, but only come to Nikkisstory occasionally. I am not sure how many friends still come here, since I had not really written for quite a while! If you are on a swim team or cross country team, please pass this date to your friends....we hope to have lots and lots of people at Nikki's first Run, walk n roll for kids with cancer. And the first 250 people who register will get a tee shirt! It will be a great pre season run for all of the athletes out there, and if you don't run, the walk will be easy. We also hope to be at the Hebron Harvest Fair again. A friend has made a beautiful quilt, with a painted picture of Nikki's Bear in the center, that we will be raffling off Sept. 7th. We hope to sell tickets at the fair. We will need all of your support to continue to help other children with cancer! Hope to see all of you on Sunday morning, September 7th! Love Nikkismom:)

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 11:01 PM CDT

Dear Friends, It has been two years since Nikki started this journal. Two years ago on July 30th she wrote her first entry. (thank you Mcguire for reminding me, and for your sweet note...i am glad that when you are swimming the backstroke that you can see Nikki smiling down on you:) I just wanted to tell you that the Grand Opening for the Build A Bear at Buckland Hills Mall is this friday, August 1st at 10am. It would be nice to have lots of Nikki's friends there! You will get to meet Maxine, who is the owner, who made Nikki's Bear possible! I hope to see you there! Love, Nikkismom

Friday, July 25, 2003 0:16 AM CDT

Dear Nikki's Friends, Two years ago, it is hard to believe, this month was the month Nikki's life changed...she had so many losses to face....her hair, her leg, her friends (not that she really Lost her friends, but lets face it, it is not possible to maintain the same relationships, when a person has a life threatning illness, and most of the problem stems from fear...which all of us, felt in a huge way). Nikki lost school, which she loved, she lost cross country, and she lost her beloved swimming. Although she fully planned on getting all of these things back. I don't know why, but is very important for me to continue to express that Nikki never gave up. So often I read that someone with a life threatning illness survives because they had the right attitude. I think everyone who knew Nikki would aggree with me, that she had the best attitude she could have ever had.....she was going to Run and Swim again, event though her doctor said she would never swim competatively again, She would have proved him wrong...and enjoyed doing so.....her cancer was just too aggressive. During this most difficult time of her life, Nikki thought mostly of her friends and family. She enjoyed writing and especially reading this journal. It has been awhile since I have read Nikki's entries...they are hard to go back to. But one of my favorite things we did, and she wrote about, were our autumn walks at Gay City State Park. She loved the crisp smell of the air. She wrote "they are going for a walk and I'm going for a roll". Which is how we decided on the name for our event....Nikki's Run, Walk N Roll for the Children. It will take place on September 7th at Manchester Community College. The 5K Run starts at 9am (wheelchair racers will start at 8:50am) and the 2.5K Walk will begin at 10am. The first 250 registrants will get a tee shirt (they are being designed by Build A Bear!) I will let you know when the registration forms are ready...hopefully in the next week or so. The registration fee will be $15. ($20. after August 25th) and $5. for kids under 10. Everyone is encouraged to raise pledges, this is how we will raise enough money to make a difference....we need to find a cure for this terrible disease! Please join us on September 7th, to show our support for children who are cancer fighters, survivors or angels (there are too many angels). And those children not yet diagnosed. Please email me at nilli34@aol.com if you would like to help or just have questions! Thank you for your continued support!!!!Love Nikkismom

Wednesday, June 4, 2003 5:50 PM CDT

Dearest Nikkissfriends:) I just caught myself writing to this to Nikki, and decided to just go from there. Have you ever noticed that there is a Kiss in the middle of Nikkisstory? That makes me smile and think of Nikki's special butterfly kisses:) Time keeps marching on, and putting more distance between life now and life when Nikki was here. That huge space is so hard, finality sets in, and remembering gets harder. But life goes on. There is so much to do to help Nikki achieve her goal of helping other children. We are getting ready for our first special event: Nikki's Run, Walk'N'Roll that will take place at Manchester Community College on September 7th. It will be a 5K run that will hopefully include wheelchair racers. We planned it early in September, so the high school athletes will be able to attend! It is a week before the first high school cross country event I believe, so it will be a perfect way to start the high school season! There will also be a walk, after the run. We are meeting again on June 16th at the Manchester Police Dept. at 7 pm for planning if anyone wants to help! Just tell them you are there for a "Blue Angels" meeting with Bernie. Or feel free to call me or email me at Nilli34@aol.com. Natalie and Mike will be coming home on June 28th for a few weeks. We will be celebrating their marriage the next day, since it is the first time that Natalie and Mike will have a leave to come home together!! I hear from friends that people are still visiting Nikkisstory....and I know it is as hard for you to know that it won't be Nikki writing.....I love to read the guestbook entries, but like my entries, they are getting less frequent! Please feel free leave messages for Nikki or for us:) So heres a message especially for you Nikki...WE LOVE YOU MORE THAN THERE ARE STARS IN THE SKY AND WAVES IN THE OCEAN!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE Mommy

Wednesday, April 16, 2003 7:17 PM CDT

Dear Nikki's Friends.....It is getting longer and longer between my entries, but it is nice to see that friends are still coming here:) I still come here wishing for a new update by Nikki, my mind knows that isn't possible, but my heart always wishes for a different ending to Nikkis illness...It has been 15 months and 15 days since I last saw my sweet Nikki, and missing Nikki never gets any easier, but I've learned to go on. I remember Nikki playing her flute, the theme song from the Titanic...My Heart will go on....and somehow it does. Today I went to CCMC and visited the Hem oc clinic (where we went so often for 6 months). I had met a precious little "ballerina" when I was at the dedication of the Laura Santiago Teen Room last month. This sweet little girl was at clinic today, getting her chemo and coloring a picture. She touched my heart, as I'm sure she would have touched Nikki's <3. I feel Nikki's presence with me whenever I am doing things that may help other children...it is through Nikki's strength (and all of these other brave children) that my heart can go on:)********Nikki's Bear(the eight foot bear!) is getting ready for her cross country tour that starts in Los Angelas on April 26th and will end up here in CT on May 19. It will be filled with purple paper hearts that are being sold at Build a Bear stores across the nation for $1. each. Build a Bear Workshop (BABW) has started their own foundation for Childrens Cancer, and the proceeds will go to research and treatment, as well as helping families financially (through the NCCS) and also for education .... we want our children diagnosed as early as possible, so their chances of survival are better! This was very important to Nikki, as her own cancer was misdiagnosed for almost 3 months!!*****Another Big part of our goals have been to get kids involved in helping children with cancer...kids helping kids. (There is a wonderful group of kids in Avon called Kids for Kids who have been helping raise $ for about 15 years:) Right now, the track team at Hall High School is doing a Nikki's Bear Project that they have been working on for several months now! The goal is to make Nikki's bears that will be donated to kids with cancer, and 55% of the proceeds will go to BABW foundation! They have a web site: www.whps.org Go to schools, Hall, and click on web presence, then go to Nikki Bear project. The more schools and organizations that get involved the more kids we can help:) Feel free to email me at nilli34@aol.com if you have any questions. A Huge Kudos to all of the Hall kids involved, the track/cross country team and their supportive coach, Sue Curnias, and the administration of Hall High.....Thank You!******ALSO, we are working on Nikki's Run, Walk and Roll, that will happen on Sunday morning September 7th! There is an organizational meeting on April 23 at 7 pm at the Manchester Police Dept for anyone interested in helping! Email me at nilli if you are interested! (I check my email almost daily, but find it much harder emotionally to come to Nikkisstory, so thats why I have not been very good at writing here. I still love reading your messages in the guestbook.....it is so good to know that Nikki is in all of your hearts as well! Love Nikkissmom:)

Monday, March 3, 2003 8:19 PM CST

Dear Nikki's friends, Hi! I missed Februarys entry, but since it is 3/3/03 I knew today I needed to sign in, as Nikki would have liked the date:) I remember when it was 9/9/99 she thought it was the best day! Actually that was Nikki's best year....she had said before she was sick, that being 12 was her best year, and that was 1999. It make me feel good to know that Nikki experienced a best year:)***** It has not yet been two months since Nikki's Bear was launched, but it has been a huge success! I have heard it has sold out Nation Wide! I just emailed my friends at Bearquarters (hehe, they really call it that!) in St. Louis to find out if it really has sold out, and when they will be getting more in. Build a Bear sent 25 Nikki's Bears to Australia, to the Royal Children's Hospital. Laura Santiago's family friend, Charley, went to Australia on February 3rd, to bicycle 2000 miles to help raise money for the teen room at CCMC..(the teen room will be dedicated on March 11th as the Laura Santiago Teen Room....I am so proud of her! During Laura's first months inpatient at CCMC, she saw that there was a huge need to have a place for teens to get together..the playroom is great for little ones, but not for teens! So she petitioned for it and presented the completed petition to Larry Gold, CEO of CCMC. Happily, it was approved....how could it not be...what a great idea Laura!!) You can follow Charleys progress online at www.travelwithcharley.com and Laura's Legacy. We tryed to get the Nikki Bears to Charley in time for him to bring them to the hospital, but they were held up in Customs for 4 extra days, and got there a few days after he left the area, so friend Robin is going to deliver them!***** We are working on the Senate Bill (#435) for a special license plate that would possibly say "Cure Kids Cancer", to raise awareness and raise funds for the 2 CT Childrens oncology hospitals. To track this Bill online go to www.cga.state.ct.us and in the quick search section, type in the bill number 435). We need as many people to as their legislators and senators to cosponser this bill as possible to get it approved! email me at nilli34@aol.com if you have any questions.********We are starting to plan the run for September that will benefit Childhood Cancer, it will be in Manchester on Sept.6th or 7th, and will be called Nikki's Run, Walk and Roll for the Children. The Blue Angels, a part of the Manchester Police are putting this together, but we will need many volunteers (if you want to help and are good at coordinating and organizing we could use your help now:) We will also hope for Many partipants to kick off this hopefully annual event! People of all ages, and most especially, of all abilities will be encouraged to join in the fun. Remember when Nikki wrote in this journal, they're going for a walk and I'm going for a roll....thats where the name of this event comes from....Nikki would want people in wheelchairs to join in to help and have fun, (also, little ones in strollers:). So, put aside those dates. We are working on the location, and if it is approved we will know the date soon.*****Natalie had her tonsils out last thursday and is still hurting, although she doesn't complain...I know she is thinking about what Nikki went through, and just becomes stronger...I think Nikki's amazing strenght and courage is what gets lots of us through many things now. But I sure wish I was with my Natalie to take care of her! I'm sure Natalie would love to get some mail from home, so if you'd like to write, just email me or call and I'll give you her address.***** Thank you to all the friends who still come to this site...I know I'm not very good about writing, but I try to post an entry every month! Love, Nikkismom<3<3<3

Sunday, January 26, 2003 at 05:14 PM (CST)

Dear Nikkisfriends, As I look at the powerpuff calander from 2001 that hangs frozen in time, I see Nikki's January entries. On this weekend, 2 years ago, Nikki was at the Wilton Wahoos swim meet staying with Kaitlin and her family. She was so excited to stay at the hotel with them, and also to take a day off from school that friday to go!! I had gone to PA to help take care of Jessica who was sick at college, and then my silly old van died on the PA turnpike coming to Wilton...Nikki was so upset with me for not being able to come. I loved going to all of the girls events. Luckily, I have so many good memories of sharing special time with Nikki at almost all of her meets, including chaperoning at Zones in Pittsburg and Buffalo:) And I know that Nikki had a blast with the Chepaleffs that last Wilton meet. I am still amazed that during Nikki's last swim meet ever, Age Groups March 2001, that with Nikki's ferocious determination, she was able to get her best 100 yard breast stoke time...she worked so hard all year to get back to where she was, and couldn't quite get our of her slump...only after her diagnosis with cancer, did we realize that it was affecting her long before we knew it...but girls that age often have slumps and plateaus in their sports just because of normal growth. From the initial MRI of Nikki's right femur, it was apparent that this cancer was around for awhile. Oh, but swimming was the love of Nikki's life and just knowing that she felt so good about swimming fills me with a warm glow. I can't wait to come to Age Groups...Kaeley, will you see if they'll play Mariah Cary's "Hero" at the opening of Saturdays age group meet? ****This has been a beary eventful month for our Nikki bear...I can only think about how Happy Nikki would be (is:) that her wish came true, and that so many other children are benefiting from it...I can't think about the What If's any more, they are too painful. Just in case anyones not seen Nikki's story on the web page, just go to www.buildabear.com and click on January 9th and nikki's story will come up (check out what Nikki's friends wrote:) The best part is that Build a bear has enabled others to share their story, but just till Jan 31st, and then I think they will come up in february on the website. There are also some press releases that have info regarding some other events buildabear is planning, just go to In the News, in the About us section! Nikki's bear is really selling well, it is so cute and soft, just perfect for kids:) We went to CCMC last Monday with Bearamy to donate bears to the oncology children, they seemed to love it, and we hope to get some fundraisers planned to continue to donate a bear to each newly diagnosed child, to be given with "Hannah's Gift" which will be launched this May at CCMC.****Nikki now has a whole enterage of angels with her, so when you think of Laura and Nikki, please don't forget her little friends Michelle, Hannah and Pierce, and her other teen friends, Dan, Doug and Maria....We must all join together in our continued fight against this disease that takes 35% of its victims...our crusade has just begun! (Remember Nikki's energy on the swim deck and her courage till the end and it will help us in our everyday lives:) <3<3<3 love, Nikkismom

Tuesday, January 07, 2003 at 09:57 PM (CST)

Dear Nikki's Friends, On January 4th, Nikki's dear, dear friend Laura Santiago became an angel. Laura and Nikki met over chemo. Neither of these girls ever complained about having cancer or chemo, they were just focused on getting on with their lives. Tonight when I was at Laura's wake, and listened to her families good friends talk about Laura, I had trouble separating their traits in my mind, both girls had so many qualities that were alike, especially both always being concerned about everyone else around them. Such beautiful angels. No wonder God called them back so early. I can't help but think about how Laura was born almost exactly one year after Nikki and died one year after.Their days on this earth were almost exactly the same in number and I can't help but feel the significance. But I know that Laura was sick for so much longer than Nikki.... Our losses are Huge. Laura, we will miss you so much...our missing you is too big for words. The first thing I thought when I met Laura a year and a half ago, was how extremely polite and sweet spoken she is, an unusual trait in a teenager these days. But we soon learned that she were so strong behind that sweet smile. A girl who worked hard to get something she believes in....Laura's teen room. Nikki was so proud of you for advocating for your peers and was looking forward to enjoying the opportunity to use it with you and the rest of the teen group! I am so glad that we were able to celebrate your birthdays last year, by going to the Gelston House and then to the Goodspeed for a musical...a highlight in my memories. When Laura heard that Nikki was dying, she told her mom that she Had to go to the store (not an easy thing to do,Laura hardly being able to walk without extreme pain) to get Nikki a Best Friend necklace...Laura made Nikki smile, her last smile, when she recieved this gesture of love. The day before Nikki's funeral, Laura called me and (very politely:) asked me if she could sing a special song for Nikki at her funeral. I was and continue to be honored that a girl, who was battling cancer herself, could so bravely stood in front of a whole church full of people, and sang, with the voice of an angel, the song that will forever help me with the loss of my own precious child. You made me see that it is not really a loss, because I will always have this precious gift of love from my daughter. As you sang, you also radiated Love, as your dear friend said tonight...God's love. Laura, you were always an angel, but now you are free of your body that was just too sick....I like to imagine that you and Nikki are swimming and running again and skating, singing and playing too:) You will always be in our hearts forever....we love you our dear angels:) Love Nikkismom

Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 09:22 PM (CST)

Dearest Nikkiangel.....Our precious daughter, sister, and a friend to everybody. A young girl who loved old men and little children. I guess you loved old men, because you had such wonderful grandfathers..Papa and Grandpa Giampolo, who both dyed of cancer before you. I know they were there to help you when you were getting your angel wings. And memas new husband, Grandpa Don, whom you adopted lovingly. When you read and wrote a paper on Tuesdays with Morrie, with an understanding and compassion beyond your 14 years, writing about a dying old man, when you were facing your own death, never complaining, never feeling sorry for yourself. And always caring about the other children in the hemoc clinic and MS8. As I read the entries from our dear friends, I know how much you are loved, not only by your family, but by friends. And I know that you have such a positive influence on all of us. I continue to be so, so proud of you. You will always be the light of my life. It is so hard to believe that I have endured a year without you. We miss you beyond words and yet you continue to share your joy for life with us. You can still make us smile and laugh, through the tears and grief that clutchs our hearts. I could go on and on. There are so many unfinished things to say. But I know you are at peace. You have already helped our sweet Michelle make her transition from this earth....while she was dying, she told her parents that she wasn't afraid, because Nikki would be there for her...like a big, comforting sister, to a sweet 7 year old. Two girls, with a few things in common, Ladybugs, powerpuff girls and bone cancer. And our dear, dear friend Laura. Laura, born just a year after Nikki, now dying a year later. You girls have given this battle with cancer your all. Laura and Michelle having suffered far too long, but fighting to the end. We still pray to God for a miracle for Laura, but if the miracle we are looking for is the wrong miracle, then we pray for a peaceful release for Laura, and we know that Michelle and Nikki will be waiting for her with open wings. Godspeed Laura.<3<3<3Thank you dear friends for all of your heartfelt words that have sustained us through this past year. I hope we can continue to share our thoughts and memories:) Nikki loved looking at numbers of people who have visited this site...I know it made her feel so loved and gave her strenght to go on...after all friendship and love are all that matters. As I write this entry, it gets close to the time when Nikki became an angel, and it is pouring rain....and I think of the song Nikki liked....Kiss the Rain. Nikki I never would have thought anything positive about the rain, but now I go out into the rain, and look up at the heavens, and kiss the rain....for you and for all of the angels in heaven and for those still on earth. Thank you for the love you continue to give me ...and for those butterfly kisses and the whistles I hear when I am falling asleep. You are with us. love Nikkismom

Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 09:22 PM (CST)

Wednesday, December 25, 2002 at 10:52 PM (CST)

Nikki's first Christmas in Heaven...and its Snowing! Jessica made a snow angel:) Tonight another Angel tree appeared in our front yard..complete with Lights, purple ribbon, Angels, hearts and stars...and Snow! Nikki loved her angel tree last year, and now I am certain she can see the lights of love shining! Thank you for the Memory book of Nikki, I remember Nikki sharing so many of these fun times with me, but I have such a bad memory that you are all helping me treasure these cherished moments. There are still some empty pages, if anyone would like to add to this special notebook just let me know:) Nikki's special friend Laura is still at Sloan Kettering in New York. Laura has been fighting so hard, for so long. She is a truely amazing girl. Please pray, this Chrismas Day for a miracle for Laura. There is a place on Lauras journal (link at the bottom of this page) if you would like to help. You can also still order jewelery from Elise Rosenstock, from Laura's line..our favorite jewelery, that will also help. This is my second time writing this..I still lose things here.. I am going to go out in the hottub, Nikki always wanted to go in her hottub in the snow, so I will do that for her...Nikki made me promise that I would use her hottub that she worked so hard to get A's for..what a special gift she has given me, since that is when I feel so very connected to her. I will end this Christmas message to Nikkis friends with a few lines I wrote for all of our precious angels...Michelle, Hannah, Doug, Dan, Maria, Jason, BJ and of course my precious Nikki...and all of Gods angels... Angels in the Heavens.....Shining Brightly from Above....Feel the essence of their Spirit..In this season filled with Love. Love Nikkismom

Friday, November 22, 2002 at 07:36 PM (CST)

Nikkiangel.....Its almost that Turkey, mashed potatoes and pumpkin & applepie time of year. It is hard to think of what you were going through at this time last year. Things got worse and worse until there could be no worse. But you did enjoy your Thanksgiving feast, with Mema and Don, Aunt Diane, Uncle Tom, Lauren, Elissa and Aaron, and of course your sisters and mommy and daddy. It was a feast like no others, because we knew unless a miracle came to be it would be our last together. But we enjoyed just being together. This year our memories will have to suffice, and I will eat an extra helping of mashed potatoes and pie for you:) I cannot bring myself to do the Manchester Road Race without you, but next September we will do a Road Race in Manchester to help, just like you wanted, for Children with Cancer. We are working on it now, but will really focus on it after the holidays. I am hoping each family and friend of a child (or anyone) with cancer will have a tee shirt with their loved ones (fighter, survivor, or angels) picture on it. There will be alot to do to get to the point of being able to ask for help and volunteers, but as soon as I know more and the holidays are passed I will let everyone know about it. The Build a Bear ...Nikki's Bear, Nikki's wish is going to be "launched" in January. I will post a date and the BAB web site will have info on it Soon! Stand by friends, because your help will be needed:) We will be getting Nikki's Christmas tree (she always was the one to initiate going out to get our tree and decorating it, another favorite time for Nikki!) and if you would like to come over to help decorate it, it would be fun to have some friends join me. If you want to come over just sign the guest book, and we will make arrangements. I would also like to do an angel tree for a "special family", I will get a live tree, one they can plant later, and we can decorate it with angels, (Kind of like the special Angel tree that Appeared in our yard last Christmas!). Everyone can bring a special angel. The first sunday of December would be a good time to do this, but I will let you know via the guestbook, or if you call, if that is a go. We hope you all have a very special holiday, and that you cherish each moment you have with each other. Love Nikkismom <3<3<3

Thursday, October 24, 2002 at 11:14 PM (CDT)

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birtday Dear Nikki, Happy Birthday to You! Your sweet sixteen! Today the sky was clear and blue, and the air smelled of autumn, that smell of leaves that you love. I went to your resting place to bring purple roses, some balloons (they didn't have any powerpuff ones left, but I found a purple heart shaped Hello Kitty Princess one that I know you would approve of:) And I left you a letter. That was the one thing you asked for, was to be buried in a place where we could leave you letters (and stuff:). I wanted to make you a cake, and buy you special presents, but thats because I want you to be here. We all do. There are so many reasons to be happy today. First, you were born. 16 years ago. And we had 15 beautiful years together. So many treasured memories. You have left us with these memories, and you have left us inspired. To lead our lives as best we can. To treat others with kindness and compassion. This is how you lived your life. I know that mothers usually teach their children most things about life, but Nikki you taught me more about life than anyone or anything else. And you are still teaching me. One night as I gazed up at the stars, and sang you a song, I realized that when I die, I will not only be reunited with you, but that we will all, all the souls that have ever lived, will be united and we will love each other unconditionally, as if we were all truely a family. This message came to me very clearly that night and I knew it was from you Nikki. And I learned from your life and during your dying time, that as the singer Jewel sings,"In the end, only kindness matters". I think we have all learned from you, Nikki, that love is all that matters. You have given us all a beautiful gift. Nikki, you always liked giving presents more than recieving them, so I thank you, for the birthday gift of yourself. And I think you now have 2 birthdays, because on New Years day, when we all thought you died, you were truely born:) I would like to say Happy Birthday one more time, in the silly way that Nikki and cousin Tasha made up, I think when they were 10....Like Happy Birthday to you,like happy birthday to you, you look like a monkey and smell like one too a boo boo choo, a boo boo choo (a silly noise that sounded like that:) but you really had to see Nikki and Tasha do it to appreciate it!!! And on that note, I will say goodnight my sweet angel... I love you forever<3mommy PS thank you to all of Nikki's friends for the special birthday messages, I too love reading your entries and it still helps alot:) PPS...Natalie you have to help me lighten this purple background:) love mom

Sunday, October 06, 2002 at 07:39 PM (CDT)

Happy 19th Birthday Natalie............. If I was still here I would have made you a card, and sung you the special birthday song that Tasha and I always sung after our regular birthday song. Mommy and I would be making you a cake or an apple pie with a heart on it! I would be counting down to my birthday. I would have tryed to give you your birthday present a week ago:) There are so many things I would say. But you would have been far away and I would be missing you, like mommy and daddy are. But now that I am an angel I can be with you all the time. Those special earthly things we had so much fun doing are still deep in your memories, so anytime you want to visit them they are there! But today and everyday, I am with you in ways much more special than ever before. I am the love that is deep in your being. I am the happiness you feel each time you think of us doing all the fun things we did. I will be with you forever, and when you run, and swim and get places on time, you will know that I am here. In your heart. I love you Natalie......Nikkiangel (and mommy too)

Friday, September 06, 2002 at 01:09 AM (CDT)

I loved doing things with nikki, not just special things like when we got to go to florida and disney, but also everyday things. I think about how i used to drive her to school every morning when i was a senior. She practically had to drag me out the door and feed me my breakfast to get her there on time... we had this running joke about how on mondays we didnt go to school (ofcourse we really did) but we said we were just gonna go to California to the beach instead, who wants to go to school on a monday? we never did. When i took her to swim practice she was the one who got my bag and h20 bottle ready and made me leave on time, on the way we listened to certain songs (what they were will remain between her and I). I miss the way she always ran in and jumped on my bed right after i finished making it and passing her in the halls at school saying "thats my little sister" to my friends. Nikki and I always did special things together too.. things most sisters wouldnt want to do with each other.. like when we went to the high school winter ball together and especially swimming on the same team at alot of meets we were even in the same heats swimming right next to each other, competing, well with me lagging behind her.
well as anyone would imagine i miss her like crazy there have been so many times when i still think i could call home and have her tell me everything thats gone on in the past six months since i left home. even before i left for the AF i kept thinking she was still with me... the morning after i sat with her as she took her last breaths i got up and poured two glasses of juicy juice (our fav) for ng2 when i realized what i did i just about freaked out.
I feel like im living in a time warp it seems like so long since i was last saw nik yet it seems like no time at all. Ive done alot since then, getting married, basic training, weather school in mississippi, right now im in california but, its not a monday and nikkis not with me, Im here visiting mike for the week then Ill be going to louisiana where Ill be stationed. i know if nikki were still living here on earth she would have done alot too she would be excelling as always that helps me push myself to do my best, i can thank that when i make myself go running now, for getting airman of the month, and for so many other things. Ive been living alone for 6 months now but i dont feel alone at all. NG2 forever

Thursday, August 01, 2002 at 10:34 AM (CDT)

Dear Nikkisfriends...7 hours, 7 weeks, 7 months...time somehow keeps marching on...Somedays I feel so strong, and some days are so hard. I still keep coming here, but like some of you:) I only write once in a while. (last night I wrote a long entry and it did that disappearing act! hummm, maybe Nikki didn't like what I wrote:) Reading your messages makes me smile, but sometimes they make me cry (like when Kaeley reminded Nikki to KICK!!!) but a smile emerges from these tears as I remember these pieces of Nikki. Somedays just having had Nikki in my life and feeling her presence in all I do is enough, but most of the time I just want her to be here, having fun and living her life like she was supposed to. I am reading one of Elizabeth Kubler Ross' book about "Children and Death"...I had read it years ago when I was taking care of some very sick children. She has an amazing outlook on life and death. It is not morbid, but very loving. Nikki had read "Tuesdays with Morrie" just before she got sick, and I think this amazing man, who was facing death, helped give Nikki some of the strength she needed. For as sad as death is to us, who are left behind, so many who have had near death experiences know it is beautiful... unconditional love, that nervona we all look for here on earth, but could never achieve here. I now know that all that matters here on earth, is Kindness. Onto the news:) Some of Nikkis cross country friends are going to be walking in the Jimmy Fund walk on 9/29, they will be raising money for osteosarcoma research and the more the merrier!! Marcy McDonald, Nikki's swim coach will be swimming in the Sound to help raise $ for cancer as well. Go RHAM girls...Go Marcy!! AND, I just got the registration forms for the walk I will be going to in ST. Louis on 9/28...for the National childrens cancer society, that Build a bear is teaming up with. Nikki is the National Honoree for this walk and we hope to have one in our community next September, and hopefully someday have national walks/runs like Race for the Cure...but for our Children. Nikki is leading the way! For this year, if anyone wants to be a part of nikkis first walk n roll you don't have to go to St. Louis, you can be a virtual walker and raise donations (there are prizes..if you raise $501. or more you get a build a bear party for 10 people!! How fun would that be:) The best part is helping other kids with cancer. Thank you for all of your continued support...you are all demonstrating that Kindness that is so essential to our time here on earth. And thank you for helping me to stay connected...and remembering all those little moments that are Nikki. Love Nikkismom and Nikkiangel

Friday, June 28, 2002 at 07:46 PM (CDT)

Dear Friends, Wow, It's already the end of June. Its been almost 6 complete months since Nikki joined Gods Garden. Almost a year since Nikki found out that her pain was not an injury or tendonitis, but cancer. On July 2, 2001 our lives were forever changed. Nikki endured arduous treatment in hopes of stemming the disease that was destroying her bones, her life. I have since met many other children who have displayed the same type of courage that Nikki has shown us. Like Nikki, these children are hit with one complication after another. They don't cry or whine, they are just determined to win. Not that it would be a bad thing to cry or complain, but after a while I guess it must seem fruitless to. And because of all they have to endure on a daily basis, sometimes for years, the smallest things, things that we normally take for granted, become Huge. Like sitting in the sunshine. Not being attached to machines. Being able to go to the bathroom by yourself. It is hard to appreciate these things, when life can be so complicated. But just remember, we often make it complicated. I hope all of you take the time today to enjoy something simple and remember to tell your mom, dad, sister, brother, or your child that you love them and just spend some time with them every day talking about nothing or everything. And HUG! I am glad to say that I have no regrets, because Nikki and I did all of these things everyday of her life:)

Sunday, June 09, 2002 at 06:47 PM (CDT)

Dear Friends....Its been very busy, but I do take too long between entries! Last weekend 2 teams of friends came together at the Relay for Life and it was very inspirational. Nikki was right there with us. The weather started off very stormy, with lightning and thunder, which gave way to several rainbows and then cleared to a beautiful weekend. Do you think Nikki had any input on that:) Navigating for Nikki was her swim team family and Nikkis Angels...her RHAM friends, worked so hard, not only during the Relay, but for months ahead of time. You are applauded by all who visit this site!!! John, Jessica and I will be traveling to St. Louis on thursday to the National Childrens Cancer Society awards dinner where we will be presenting Nikki's Bear. Natalie can't get away from her Air Force duties, but our NG2 will both be with us in Spirit! (NG2 is the signiture trademark that stands for Natalie and Nikki Giampolo....super swim sisters). Who out there remembers cheering for both sisters when they swam next to each other during the breast stroke heats!! Natalie was such a good sport when her Little Sister started beating her! Good Memories:) When I am thinking bad, sad thoughts, I go to the place in my mind where I can see Nikki standing on the swim block, in perfect form, assuming the diving postion and taking off in a graceful long dive. I can see her in slow motion under the water, two long pulls before coming to the surface. Then everything speeds up into fast forward, with Nikki's signiture breast stroke. She was so fast!! She comes to the end of the pool and goes into that turn perfectly timed, pushes of the wall with those, long, strong, perfect legs. Into the next lap, she never slows down ( she has long graduated from what Mr. Sykes called going shopping) no she doesn't waste any effort, looking to see where her competition is. She just seems to sense, Caitlin, or Meghan, or Casey or maybe Natalie is right there trying to catch up. But they can't catch her. She is just too fast. She reaches the wall first. She looks up at the clock and see that she beat her own best time. She is smiling. Shes is so, so happy. I still see her flowing under the water, just before that burst of energy, where she wins her best race. That is only one special place I go. There are many, many happy moments, that I can recall. But I bet this was one of Nikki's greatest. So I will say good night for now my friends. Adios as Nikki would say. Love Nikkismom

Sunday, May 12, 2002 at 07:32 PM (CDT)

A Mothers Gift Mothers Day. A celebration of a childs unconditional love and a mothers undying love for her child. When we celebrated mothers day just a year ago I did not know, could not know , that it would be our last together. So on this mothers day I celebrate my daughters life. My youngest daughter, gone before she could blossom. She filled every day on earth with her joy and love. She was the sunshine of my life. It does not seem possible that she could be gone. Although I can not hold her, cannot hear her voice, nor see the light dancing in her eyes, I know she is not truely gone. She has filled me with so much love, that she will always be here. In my heart. That unconditional love will go on. In my mind and in my dreams I will savor the sweet fleeting moments when I hear the twinkle of her laughter. Smell her sweet baby girl scent. And see the sparkle in her eyes. The gift was my daughter. Just her. The flowers picked, the pictures drawn. The words, "I love you Mommy" written on handmade cards. These are the treasures I will cherish. But my heart and my soul have the truest gift, of all the love there ever was, from my precious daughter. I will have this gift forever and I will carry it with me into the next place. And then we will find each other again.********* For Nikki. Written by her mom. I wrote this a few weeks ago when I was thinking about the upcoming mothers day, thinking about mothers day without Nikki. Then I realized that I will always have Nikki. She really did fill me with so much love. I was also thinking about all the other mothers (and fathers, sisters and brothers) that have lost their beloved child and I wanted to write this for them too. The journalist from the Hartford Courant wrote an article about Nikki and put an exerpt from this "poem" that I wrote, but I wanted to put the whole entry in here. I am not a writer but I did this from my heart. Sorry, to all of you breast strokers out there.... I really didn't say she was the BEST breast stroker in Connecticut!! Just ONE of the best:) I guess if Nikki had not had cancer, maybe she would have attained that goal. She was sure determined to do so!! Love, Nikkismom

Tuesday, April 30, 2002 at 05:53 PM (CDT)

Dear Nikki's friends, The dance held in Nikki's honor was so nice and I'd like to thank everyone who helped to make it a sucess! It looked like everyone was having a blast. It reminded me of the dance on the last night of summer zones 2000. Nikki and her friends danced all night despite swimming hard all week! And Nikki was slow dancing with that tall, handsome boy from CAT! Did any one get any pictures of Nikki during zones or that dance that I could copy?? All of the pictures Nikki took were of everyone else!! Thank you again to the teens at the Church of the Holy Family for all of your hard work, it was a fun dance and I really appreciate your efforts in raising money for childrens cancer research. There is going to be another fundraiser this weekend at Teds grocery store in Hebron this saturday, May 4th from 9am until 4pm...a Car Wash...sponsered by Nikki's Angel, for the American Cancer Societys Relay for Life, which is happening on May 31 - June 1 in Manchester. Nikki will be having 2 teams walking in her honor, her friends from RHAM are Nikki's Angels and the LEHY swim team also be there, but I don't know if they have a special name:) Maybe Nikki's Devils, hehehe, I am just kidding. I have to have a sense of humor at times, so I hope I don't offend anyone:) I love you all! I am excited about going to the relay and being with all of you. It would be nice for all of us to team up! One last thing. I am planting a small garden in my yard for Nikki and a friend thought it would be nice for anyone who was interested in helping or bringing a plant to be invited. So consider yourself invited!! I could always use help in the garden!! I plan to be working in the garden this weekend if its nice out. So give a call if you feel like coming over:) Lets all hope its nice out for the car wash!! Only 5 bucks and your car will sparkle! So come to Hebron (even't if you live in PA) and get your car washed! Thanks....love Nikkismom <3

Sunday, April 21, 2002 at 09:17 PM (CDT)

Hello to all of nikkis friends...As you know its been over a month since I last wrote but I have been reading all of your messages and they still give me strenght. its just a little hard to write, because its important to me to say the right things in Nikkis journal, its like sacred grounds to me. We went to visit Nikkis resting place today and I see special things placed there that all have a special significance. I am sure Nikki is smiling down on all of her friends and she can feel your love (so be careful that you don't have any bad thoughts:)jk (that does mean just kidding...right?) I have some business to tell anyone whos interested. First, theres a walk-a-thon being sponsored by kids for kids: all proceeds go to the childrens cancer fund at ccmc. It's on saturday, April 27...thats this coming saturday, at 9 am, registration at 8am, early, I know! its at thr Rails for Trails in Avon, 3.5 miles. its $15/adult, $5/under 18 call Terri Brighenti at 667-6437 for info. I am planning on going, so you can call me too at 647-7440. Also, the same day, in the evening, 7 - 11pm there is going to be a teen dance at the church of the Holy Family, its $7/ticket and there will be raffle prizes. All proceeds benefit the children's cancer fund. Please call me if you are interested, I will have them put tickets aside if you can come. It should be fun, there will be a DJ. If anyone would like to donate raffle prizes appropriate for teens, please let me know! That takes care of business for now! Natalie graduated from basic training and is now in tech. school in Mississippi, so you can also call for her address, she loves to get mail!! We enjoyed Texas,and were very proud at the graduation, Natalie did great in bootcamp! Nikki would have loved going, but I definately felt her spirit there with us. I have more news about Build a Bear, but I will save that for next time. I have to get up early for work...our vacation is over, but cheer up summer will be here before we know it:) love nikkismom

Sunday, March 17, 2002 at 08:38 PM (CST)

A friend told me she still goes to Nikkis site everyday. Shes not sure what shes looking for. She just feels that big empty space. Missing Nikki...the light in her eyes, her laughter, her passion for life, her love. I still come to Nikkisstory too, looking for something. Some way to stay connected to Nikki. And sometimes I find it. In the entries that you write. In your compassion. In the memories you share...Nikkis tiger walk. Sticking out those silly shoulder blades in only a way Nikki and Natalie could do, especially on the pool deck to make all her friends laugh!(Nikkis dad said that she always did have angel wings!!)...memories of Nikki laughing....sometimes we would laugh so much at bedtime we'd get so wound up that we couldnt sleep. So we'd talk. Nikki loved to tell me all about her day. and I loved to hear about it. I cherish these memories. I love to talk about sweet Nikki...to share the good times and the not such good times. I never want her name to be taboo. Nikki will always be part of our lives. She has filled us all with love and happiness during her short time here on earth.. so when we talk about nikki and feel her, that big empty space begins to fill up with love. Nikkis journal and Nikkis life had a positive impact on so many of us. Her journal has been a good place to read and write, to laugh and cry. To support each other. To heal. And someday when we are ready to move on Nikkis story may come to a close. But for now i am so glad that we have each other to help each other through.I thank Nikki for starting this journal, she continues to help us. Nikkis spirit will live on in all of us who have been touched by this beautiful, couragious girl. love nikkismom

Sunday, March 03, 2002 at 09:58 PM (CST)

I think nikki would be very happy that so many of her friends are still writing in her journal. she loved seeing how many people visited her site!! Some days its so hard to get through the day without nikki. i am so lucky to have nikkis dear friends who i also know miss her so much. (i just lost a some of my message again). it was so good to see all of the swimming family again...its so nice to see all of nikkis friends!! I loved your arms with the hearts ans halos and nikkis name. she would be filled with pride and i am, just knowing how much you all loved her. thank you for selling the pins at the highschool and swimming. and for buying them too..the profit will go to help with cancer research. just lost more lines...i think i need some help to find out how to get these lost lines back. if any computer wizs can help please see me...it happens when i hit the shift button. so now that i am thouroughly frustrated...i will say goodnight and ttfn. thanks again for your support and love...love back to ya..nikkismom

Monday, February 25, 2002 at 09:00 PM (CST)

Hello again...I am trying to write more often, but I keep deleteing my entries whenever i touch the shift button to capitalize... where do all these lost messages go? It is very frustrating to say the least. we continue to get wonderfully supportive mail, and it makes me so happy to know that all of you still think about nikki (I dont go more than 2 minutes without thinking about nikki!!!) Thank you all for the letters here and in the (snail) mail:) Today I went to the library to see our state representative, Pam Sawyer. I wanted to get her support for childhood cancer awareness. She was very supportative and is now wearing a Nikki gold ribbon. I know why she continues to be our representative...she is genuinely caring for the people that she represents. The pins with Nikkis name on them are here and will be for sale for $6.00 each (they cost more to make because of the engraving) they will be available in a few days at rham and at the swim meet..the cards that go with them did not arrive yet. Thank you to the Bowies and to Kaley for your continued effort in getting and selling the pins and to nathan for helping with the cards. I am excited about the goldribbons, they look beautiful!! Beth and Jenna have been working hard on the fundraisors for the relay for life that the cancer society is having this spring. There will be a concert coming up soon at rham..tickets will be for sale soon ..more on that next time. we are going to a kick off for the relay tomarrow at the adams mill so i will have more info on that later too. Lastly we went to build a bear again (no line this time) and made a bear to raffle at the relay (beth named it Hope fora Cure)it is really cute and has a shirt with a purple butterfly!!! The bear that will be made for childhood cancer awareness(i will call it cca) wont be ready for probably a year...i know that seems like forever, but good things take time. Maybe it will be ready for christmas time. it will be something to look forward too!!! Natalie is at boot camp and called with her address, so if you want it please give me a call. she sounded,well different, and it was a very formal message...i hope these six weeks fly by for her sake and mine!!we plan to go to texas for her graduation, hopefully on april 5th. well, tired is the word here so ta,ta for now or ttfn. love <3 nikkismom

Thursday February 21, 2002 8:27 PM CST

! help it just happened again...i think i am touching the wrong button and deleting my entrys so if this is a crazy entry it is because i am again having technical difficulties. I will write again when i get natalies address for boot camp, probably next monday. I have written 2 messages that i may have delated one was a long entry, but all i will repeat is thank you to all of you for continuing to write to us, i really enjoy getting your messages. and i want to thank all of you connecticut swimmers and rham runners and other friends for all of the fund raising and support you have done and are continuing to do.( i am not putting any more capital letters in because that is when i mess up so please bear with me!!)Tata for now to all of nillis friends...i will write soon and hopefully will not mess up my entry next time! love nikkismom

Thursday February 14, 2002 9:37 PM CST

Happy Valentines Day!! I am so excited that I finally figured out how to write in Nikkis journal (Natalie helped me last time). I wrote to the owner of Build a Bear a few weeks ago and asked them to consider creating a bear for childhood cancer awareness(they had a breast cancer awareness bear and Nikki wanted them to have one for childrens cancer) The owner emailed me and said they would be honored to creat this bear. She wanted to know Nikkis favorite color....purple...and she will be letting me know whats going on in the development phase. Nikki would be soooo excited too. One small step at a time! Some of Nikkis friends at RHAM are planning to run in the relay for life for the American Cancer Society and they are calling their relay team Nikkis Angels...another thing to be excited about!!!! They have been having fundraisers at school and meetings after school on tuesdays. If you are interested just let me know (you will have better sucess if you call me because I am really bad about this email stuff:). New News in the Giampolo household: Natalie leaves for boot camp in Texas on monday Feb. 18th thats in 4 days uggggggggggggg as charlie brown would say!!!! but Natalie is looking forward to moving ahead with her career plans and we are very happy for that. Missing Nikki just seems to be harder and will be an ongoing struggle for all of us, but I feel her presence all of the time. I think of her strength and courage through out her battle and it gives me the will to go on. I am looking forward to seeing all of the connecticut swimmers at regionals and age groups. Thank you Meg and Sara for inviting us to your indoor track meet ..RHAM did awesome!!!!I am like Nikki and like cross country meets better because they are outside in the fresh air I think!But I mostly like seeing Nikkis friend doing there sports and doing a great job!!I have been walking alot and hope to graduate to running again soon......weeeelllll see!! Ill have to run if im going to participate in the relay for life and that 5K that I hope to be organizing soon (dont hold your breath...but I will get to it). Good night or ta ta for now as Nikki would quote Pooh! thanks for all you wonderful messages, they have been such a comfort to all of us! love nikkismom

Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 06:17 PM (CST)

nikkisstory has not come to a close...its just the beginning of a new chapter. this is mom. i have been wanting to write for a while but i am still in the stone ages about computers. You have all been so amazing with your words of comfort and hope. i am so glad that you have continued to write because its good for all of us. i have sensed alot of pain and this is grief, for we all miss nikki so much. if we could rewrite her story, she would have never had such a terrible disease. nikki never liked to see any one suffer. the type of cancer that struck nikki was a very painful one, right from the start. she always worried about taking her pain medications because she hated drugs and worried about getting addicted. as you know, nikki liked to do everything right. as her disease progressed and the pain became unbearable nikki hardly complained. she was so brave. she is no longer in pain and that gives me the strenght to go on. we will all miss her terribly, not a minute goes by when i dont think of her...sometimes i cry, but i can laugh too, as i think of her wonderfully funny ploys. and it helps to read your entries and memories that i don't know about or don't remember. so i thank you for your help. when i read some of the entries, i can feel so much pain. one girl who was remembering how good nikki was, said how bad she was...all of us are bad sometimes... the good thing is we can change our bad behavior into behavior we feel good about. there are many kids at the childrens hospital who are still going through the nightmare called cancer, and you can help. be a volunteer, make something special to donate. the oncology clinic is located at 2J at connecticut childrens medical center 545-9000 is the main #. Or talk to your teachers, friends or the nurse. One thing i plan to do to help, is to raise awareness about childhood cancer, because early diagnosis is key. also raising money to help with finding better ways to treat metastatic osteogenic sarcoma (that is when bone cancer spreads) I plan on organizing a road race and hopefully an open water swim (if marcy can help!) this is something that nikki would love and it would be such a tribute to her! I will let you know more later, but when the time comes i would love help in any way you can help. it doesn't have to be big, just being there!! words cannot express our thanks to all of you who have visited nikkisstory...nikki was always so excited to see how many guests visited. so, thank you, all, from the bottom of my heart. love to all of you and live each day to the fullest! love, nikkismom

Sunday, December 23, 2001 at 04:40 PM (CST)

well, im still getting transfusions, we had to go the the er last night for one, since clinic isnt open on weekends. today is the first day in a a week i dont have to go get one. its very nice to have a day where i can stay home all day. my aunt, cousin, and grandma came for a while today, and we are going out to a japanese restaurant with my other grandparents and my cousins from philly who came down today! i cant believe tomorrow is christmas eve. even though i have to go to clinic for a long visit-platelets and red blood cells. it will be at least six hours. but hopefully christmas day i will be all pumped up with the good stuff and not have to go in at all. they are now considering a morphine pump for me at night, so i get continuous relief throughout the night, and maybe can sleep all night long. because my platelets are so low, i am bruising really easy. the whole backs of my legs and arms are bruised up, and friday, i fell on my back and now i have a huge bruise and a hematoma, which is a bump from broken blood vessels. so anyway i am very very sore.
oh yeah! i got an early christmas present of friday...i got a brand new purple wheelchair. it is really nice, and a lot more comfortable then the two rental ones i had. it is more made to fit my body. i love it! AND the hospital has this program, so for whatever our insurance didnt pay for for it, the hospital gives the grant things, and pays for the rest, so really it is a gift from the hospital. i was really excited when i got it.
well, if i dont write tomorrow, i hope everyone has a wonderful christmas, and those of you who dont celebrate it, happy belated hanuka, i know i am a bit late!! keep in touch, and thanks for checking in to see how im doing. i love you all,
nikki

Thursday, December 20, 2001 at 06:44 PM (CST)

well, there is reason why i havent been writing. i have spent just about everyday since the last day of radiation at clinic. and i mean alll day, like between 5 and 10 hours. its because my platelets are not coming up, and therefore i am bleeding and bleeding and bleeding from my nose. also, my red blood counts are very low too. i am barely responding to the platelet and blood transfusions, and they bottom out the next day anyway. the docters could not figure out why, so yesterday they did a bone marrow aspiration, where they take a sample of your bone marrow by putting a needle into your hip. anyway they got the results back yesterday, and unfortunatly, they are a little hard to take. i wasnt sure if i should put it on here, but i think it is easier for me then to tell everyone in person. the cancer has spread to my bone marrow, and is spreading now, more in my spine, to my lungs, and the tumor in my leg is growing. today, the did radiation to the leg, hopefully to just relieve some of the pain. i am taking oral chemo drugs, that will hopefully just make it so i wont need to go in to clinic every single day for platelets-maybe once a week. right now our goal is to get it so i am able to go on the cruise on january 5. the whole MAYO clinic trip isnt really worth doing anymore, so for now, we arent looking towards that at all.
i have been in a lot of pain, but i am taking lots of medication that helps it. as long as im not in clinic, i would love visitors still at home and if i am admitted in the hospital.
i have one request, and that is that everyone treats me normal. by that i mean i want people to act like they did towards me and around me before i got sick. this is really hard news to take and i understand. right now i want to be around all for you and all of the people i love. i will try to write as often as i can. feel free to call to make plans, or for a short chat-usually im not up to talking for long. thank you all so much for all of your love and support,
nikki

Monday, December 10, 2001 at 06:38 PM (CST)

well, radiation is over!! the next step is a new experimental thing, but i am really hopeful about it because it sounds like they have had success with it. it is a big process though. on wednesday, i get a new chemo to make my blood counts go down. some time in the 2 weeks after christmas, i will go to UCONN where they will harvest my bone marrow. then, we will fly out to the MAYO clinic in minnesota, where i will get a radioactive isotope that will hopefully shrink, and possibly even get rid of the tumors, putting me into remission for a while. unfortunalty, long term, either way we know the tumors will come back. but i really have high hopes for it. in the meantime, we are planning my Make-A-Wish trip. originally, i wanted to go to hawaii. the problem is, the trip would be to long and rough for me to handle. so...i am going to do a royal caribbean cruise leaving from miami. the people from Make-A-Wish are coming sometime this week to plan the details. hopefully, we will get to go sometime before february so natalie can come. im really excited about that. ive been feeling pretty good lately, except for the pain-but what else is new? it makes sleeping really hard though, so ive been pretty tired. well, my dinner is ready (pizza!) so i gotta go.

nikki

Friday, November 30, 2001 at 08:43 PM (CST)

i am too tired to write a full journal entry tonight-its been a long day, but i do have an important correction to make: the fundraiser at the church of the holy family is on december 12, not the 5. it is still from 5-9, and tickets will be sold at the door. you can come any time in those 4 hours for a buffet style dinner for $10 a person. i hope to see as many of you as i can there!! love,
nikki

Wednesday, November 28, 2001 at 07:54 PM (CST)

i just finished updating, but i remembered something else i wanted to say. december 5 there is going to be a fundraised for me, amanda, and sammie, 2 other kids from town with cancer. it is going to be a dinner at the Church of the Holy Family for anyone who is interested in going- buffet style from 5-9. they will be selling pins for child cancer awareness also, and i believe a raffle. the tickets are $10 each. i hope to see anyone who can make it there!
love,
nikki

Wednesday, November 28, 2001 at 08:25 PM (CST)

i know its been forever since ive written. i had a pretty good thanksgiving, although i felt pretty miserable. my philly cousins and grandparents came over for dinner. then on friday we went out to lunch. i was really happy to see my cousins...it was a treat to have them down before christmas. all in all the radiation treatments have been knocking all my energy out. luckily, the 2 rounds of the new chemo i have gotten havent had any side effects to speak of. saturday morning i woke up at 4 am with severe shooting pain in my legs. we ended up having to call an ambulance and i was admitted to the hospital until tuesday. yuck! they put me on a morphine pump for the pain while iwas there, and now i have this new patch thing that i wear that seems to be helping a lot for the leg and back pain. they also had me on high doses of steriods to help shrink the swelling of the tumor on my spine, since that's what caused the bad leg pain. i went in my hot tub for the first time since i broke my leg last night!! it was soooo nice. we got out all of our christmas stuff yesterday too-our house is beginning to look very cheery. we even have outside lights for the first time this year!! we are going to be getting our christmas tree before sunday :) i just love this time of the year! natalie and i are planning on making gingerbread houses, maybe tomorrow. we'll have to see how that turns out. well, i need to go get comfortable. i am supposed to be getting a new wheelchair tomorrow morning, but it was actually supposed to come tuesday, so we'll see. goodnight, and ill try to update more frequently!!
nikki

Sunday, November 18, 2001 at 12:51 PM (CST)

thursday was a long day. the MRI was over four hours long. unfortunatly, it showed that the tumors in my back are still growing. they started radiation treatments on friday, and i will have 13 more. i am also starting an experimental chemo that they have had some good results with. it will be once a week outpatient, so it looks like no hospital stays for at least a little while. right now i am just looking forward to spending as much time with my family as i can during the holidays. thank you all for all of your support, as these times seem to be getting rougher and rougher. love always,
nikki

Wednesday, November 14, 2001 at 9:22PM (CST)

well, hopefully, if all goes well, this is my last night with this horrible cast on. it will be so nice to be able to move by myself and sleep without it on! not to mention going in the hot tub!!! my tutor came over again today. the little girls natalie babysits for came over for a little while this evening. they are really cute but painfully shy. my grandparents brought us a spaghetti dinner, and a pumpkin pie! yummm!! well, i have to go to bed because i have a long day ahead of me. wish me luck because im going to need all that i can get! love,
nikki

Tuesday, November 13, 2001 at 12:27 AM (CST)

good morning! its 12:30 and ive already been up for 2 hours. this is very unusual for me!! last night sarah bengtson slept over. we watched a knights tale, which was pretty good (thanks kaeley!!) i also watched the heartbreakers yesterday...another good movie. today jen, my tutor is coming over, so we can get back into the swing of things with school. my MRI is scheduled for thursday at 11 in Boston, so send out some extra prayers then if you can for good results. hopefully after we will get to see the surgeon, and he will decide to take of this god forsaken cast! that way, if i do have my surgery next week (keep your fingers crossed) then i will get one week to go in my hot tub before it! i gotta get going now, but thanks for checking in.
nikki
p.s. no luck with finding the cord for the camera yet :( ill get the pictures up as soon as i can though, i promise!

Sunday, November 11, 2001 at 06:48 PM (CST)

hey...i cant believe when i wrote the other night that i forgot to tell about the swim banquet. i was so upset on saturday night when i got the fever because i knew the banquet was sunday afternoon. so when we got to the hospital, we talked to my nurse, who convinced the docter on call to let me go for a few hours!! it was great to see everyone. i even got a standing ovation :) so, ive been really tired the past 2 days. this morning i slept till 11:30, and then at 1:30 i fell asleep again for an hour and a half. and im STILL tired. jeez. tomorrow i have to go back to the hospital, but it is just for counts, and i shouldnt need any transfusions, so it should be a quick visit. as soon as i find the connector for the computor to my digital camera, i have pictures to put in the photo album from the limo ride!! ill try to get those up as soon as i can. well, i gotta go now.
nikki

Friday, November 09, 2001 at 04:16 PM (CST)

yikes!i havent written in soooo long. im so sorry. the past few weeks have been incredibly busy. i had a rough chemo, and was in from the 25-31 for it. at least i went home on halloween. then friday i got to go in the limo!!! it was awesome, and the team did really well at the state open. 13th out of the best 33 teams in the state. saturday we went shopping, and at about 9pm i got at fever of 103, so we ended up back in the hospital. i was able to talk dr. hagstrom into letting me go home on wednesday, but not before another transfusion and more platelets. monday night i had a four hour bloody nose because they were so low. it was pretty disgusting. i went back to clinic today and got more platelets again. hopefully ill be good to go for a while. so, next week i go have mri's of my leg and my back, and if the chemo has stopped the cancer growth, my leg surgery will come next, otherwise its back to the drawing board for the docters. tomorrow we are having lobster for dinner again!! i am soo in lobster heaven. my aunt came down for the weekend from philly, and they are on sale this week at stop and shop, so more lobster for me!! :)yesterday we went to the rainforest cafe and ate a ton, and then went to build a bear. that is the best store ever!! well, i think thats a good enough update for now. later,
nikki

Monday, October 22, 2001 at 07:55 PM (CDT)

hello...so, i had a pretty busy weekend, but i had a lot of fun. we had two small parties. i couldnt really invite all the people i wanted to be, or the guest lists would have been miles long, and we wanted to keep the parties pretty small so they wouldnt be overwhelming. today my mom, natalie, mike and i went to gay city state park and went for a walk(well, i rolled). it was such a nice day. it was really beautiful there with all the leaves. tomorrow we are probably going to crackerbarrel for lunch(yum!) and then wednesday is my birthday!! oh yeah, on saturday, i got a keyboard as a birthday present from my parents. they decided to give me that one early so i could use it before i have to go in on thursday. i am not looking forward to it. im really nervous because i am going to have another cat scan, and they will be able to tell if the chemo is working. if it isnt, then the next option is experimental drugs and radiation, so i really hope everything looks great. well, im off to take a shower. goodnight,
nikki

Wednesday, October 17, 2001 at 10:36 AM (CDT)

well, i am sitting here waiting for the docter to come in and discharge me. it always takes forever, but at least i am going home today!! i cant wait to take a shower!!!! this is gross, i know, but i havent taken one in a week...ewwww!! my mom says i dont stink yet though. hehe. so, one week till my birthday :) i am going to have lobster for dinner, so i cant wait! well, i gotta go. adios
nikki

Monday, October 15, 2001 at 01:43 PM (CDT)

its amazing that im writing two days in a row!! oh well...im stuck here for a little longer. the blood counts are still bottomed out, and as i type i am getting a platelet transfusion. dont ask what it is...something in your blood. but anyways, my birthday is in 9 days!! yea! can you believe i am going to be 15...i can already see the gray hairs. hehe. well, goodbye for now,
nikki

Sunday, October 14, 2001 at 06:34 PM (CDT)

hi guys. guess where i have been since 6 a.m. on friday...? here at the hospital. i came in for a fever, and we found out my white blood count that fights bacteria and stuff is 0, and my red blood count was also so low they had to give me a transfusion. well, now the fever is gone, but my anc count is still 0 and now the red blood count is going down again. so i guess i will be stuck here for a while longer. the one good thing, is they got my pain totally under control with a patient control pump through the i.v. its working really well, but the one thing is is they cant keep it going when i leave, so they are going to have to figure out something else to use. on another note...i just want to thank everyone. from the little notes to just tell me you care to turkey dinners to the work you are putting in for fundraisers, everything means so much to me. its especially nice to read all teh caring letters i get. i love you all, and i want you to know i wouldnt be doing as well as i am without you. thanks again,
nikki :)

Tuesday, October 09, 2001 at 03:59 PM (CDT)

sorry i havent written in so long...its been a rough week. the results from the biopsy came back on monday-they found some live cancer cells on my spine. they postponed the surgery until who knows when, and i was admitted for a new kind of chemo on tuesday. i got it for 5 nights in a row, and let me tell you...not fun. also, the past few days my leg pain has been getting out of control. every time i move it is excruciating. i also still feel pretty yucky from the chemo, i just got out of the hospital yesterday, and i have two weeks off, then i go back for the same thing, the day after my birthday. what a present! well, i gotta go now. ill try to write more often the next few weeks. adios
nikki

Saturday, September 29, 2001 at 08:36 PM (CDT)

hi guys. im feelin pretty good, except that since the biopsy, my leg has been really hurting again. we think it was from the position they had it in during the procedure. so, theres not much i can tell you yet, because we wont get the results from the biopsy until monday, and until we get those results, we dont know what the next step is. they might want to fit one or two more chemo rounds in before my surgery. we are really pretty much up in the air about everything now. i havent been doing much the past few days because of my leg pain. yesterday was my moms birthday. we had fun. mrs. bowie, one of our friends, brought us over an entire turkey dinner. it was sooo nice of them, and it all tasted soo good. we were very thankful for that, and all the help we have gotten from everyone. keep your fingers crossed, and please keep praying. it means so much to us, and we really need your prayers at this point. love always,
nikki

Tuesday, September 25, 2001 at 06:58 PM (CDT)

hey everyone. we got back from boston yesterday fairly quickly after the stinky MRI. we have to leave tomorrow at like 5 am though. ugh. i got to go to swim practice for a little while on friday night just to see everyone. that was nice to get back into the environment. tomorrow i have my biopsy, so after i probly wont feel much like writing for a few days, but i will update as soon as i can. we arent sure when the leg surgery will be until we get the biopsy results back, but i will be sure to keep you posted. love,
nikki

Saturday, September 22, 2001 at 10:19 PM (CDT)

im sorry i havent written in a while. i havent been up to talking about things. on monday at teh hospital i fell and broke my femur. i am in excrutiating pain from it. i have a cast from toe to thigh, and it hurts really bad. more bad news, but im not going into lots of detail. they found something on 2 of my vertabrae in my spine. the leg surgery is postpone, and instead on wednesday ill be going in for a back biopsy. ill write later.
nikki

Sunday, September 16, 2001 at 03:38 PM (CDT)

last night i went in my hot tub. it was really cold outside and i practically froze when i got out! i have a lot of homework today. kaitlin came over anyway though :) tomorrow we have to leave at 5 am for boston, bc i have to get an mri, bone scan, and cat scan. its gonna take like all day. yuck! anyway,ten days until you know what. im really scared. i hope i am making the right decision. well, i gotta go,
nikki

Friday, September 14, 2001 at 05:28 PM (CDT)

today i felt pretty bad all day. my stomache is really bothering me, adn i have a bad headache. plus my tutor came for 2 1/2 hours, and then i had physical therapy. basically im pretty pooped. the docter said i might be able to go home tomorrow morning, or if not, tomorrow night, so i am happy to be leaving. ill write later
nikki

Wednesday, September 12, 2001 at 06:16 PM (CDT)

well, im back at the hospital. im really tired tonight though. boston was ok. i think ive made my decision on which way to go for the surgery. as much of a suprise as it may seem, i think i am going to go with the rotation plasty, which is the one where they amputate. i know it sounds awful, but i will be able to do sooo much more with it, and with the reconstructive surgery, i really wont be able to do anything, not to mention i will be facing surgery every few years afterwards. with the rotation plasty, i will be able to be done and get on with my life. anyway, i gotta go now,
nikki

Monday, September 10, 2001 at 08:39 PM (CDT)

hello everybody. i got to go to the fair yesterday, so i was happy. it was pretty fun. i got my baked potato!!! i also ate fried dough, and got yummy apple cider. tonight my mom made a chicken dinner. it was nice to have a homecooked meal for once :) tomorrow we are going to boston for the consult with the surgeon. wish me luck!! ill write when we get back to tell you all what we decided. for now, i am tired, so goodnight.
love,
nikki

Friday, September 07, 2001 at 11:26 AM (CDT)

i went to a teen group meeting last night. it was pretty fun. i met some other kids, and we are planning some fun things to do in the next few months. my tutor is coming again today...ill have some homework to keep me busy. i feel alright, but i have a fever, probably just because of the chemo. i am pretty tired though. hope to see you all soon. i gotta bounce,
nikki

Tuesday, September 04, 2001 at 07:39 PM (CDT)

i had a busy first day of school. lots of books and stuff. then i met my tutor. shes really nice. i went to aquatic therapy today too. i gotta go do homework and pack my bag for the hospital so i will write more tomorrow. just to let you know, my friend laura is going through the same thing as me(different kind of cancer though) and she also has a website. so if you wanna check it out click on the link below. goodnight
nikki

Monday, September 03, 2001 at 05:13 PM (CDT)

hi. we just got back from the shore. the weather stayed beautiful the whole time. we had a lot of fun. we rented a surry, which is like a bike car for 6 people. i got to steer it. on saturday night we had lobster for dinner. it was delicious!! i looooovvvee lobster!!!!! tomorrow i start school. i am a little bit nervous, but i know it will be fine. then wednesday i go back to the hospital. well, im off to eat dinner.
nikki

Friday, August 31, 2001 at 11:48 AM (CDT)

i am at the shore, finally!! i feel pretty good too. we are going to the beach in a little while. my cousins(aaron and elissa) say hi!! school starts tuesday, and in the afternoon i am meeting my tutor. she seems really nice, so i am kind of excited. i gotta go now. aaron says "surfs up!"
nikki

Tuesday, August 28, 2001 at 07:49 PM (CDT)

hello all. i am very tired, because my red blood counts are very low. tomorrow i am going to the hospital to have blood tests and then possibly a transfusion. it could take up to 8 hours. sounds like fun, huh? today we went to look at wigs. i decided im not going to get one. i dont think they look very natural on me, because my hair was flat, and wigs are a little more poofy, and they were pretty uncomfortable, even for the few minutes i tried them on for. i think i would be more self concious worrying about how it looked then i am without hair. well, im off to bed. goodnight,
nikki

Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 10:53 AM (CDT)

i am so bored. i am so bored. i am so bored. there is nothing to do at my house anymore. i have watched 1000000000000 movies, colored, baked...you get the picture. i cant go anywhere because my blood counts are too low. it sucks. i am otherwise enjoying my break from chemo(yeah, right). at least im not in the hospital though. well, theres not much to say, since im not doing much. my dear sister natalie left to go camping today, and jess is back at college. and no offense to my mom, but when im with her 24/7, she does get a little bit....hmmm, i dont have a good word. lets just say it gets boring with just her and me here at home alllllll day long. enough complaining. adios
nikki

Friday, August 24, 2001 at 12:11 PM (CDT)

heyyyy. i feel like crap. sorry, just being honest. i have had the worlds worst headache for 3 days now. i feel like someone is pounding my head with a hammer. i am really really tired too, and my blood counts are really low. hopefully the shots i am getting daily will start to help, and the counts will go back up so i can get some energy back. just typing this is a huge effort. im really dissapointed because i just found out i am going to be in the hospital for chemo for the whole hebron harvest fair, so this will be the first year ever that i havent gone to it. but thats alright, because as of now we are still going to NJ for labor day weekend, and i am sooo excited about that. well, i need to go take a nap, so until later, adios,
nikki

Wednesday, August 22, 2001 at 11:05 AM (CDT)

yesterday i went swimming in kaitlins pool...it was really cold!! it felt so good to be in the water though. then we went to the olive garden with the chepeleffs for mr. chepeleffs birthday.
mom called dr. hagstrom and got a perscription for water therapy, so i will get to go swimming!! not too much else is happening around here...im pretty bored today. i cant believe the summer is almost over, and school starts again soon. it always goes by so quickly. well, i ought to be going...
nikki

Monday, August 20, 2001 at 01:37 PM (CDT)

hello...last night i didnt sleep good at all, so today i feel kinda tired. kaitlin and her cousin kristin are over now, and we just got out of the hot tub. later we are going to their house. i might actually get to go in her pool! well, i gotta go change out of my bathing suit. adios,
nikki

Sunday, August 19, 2001 at 01:17 PM (CDT)

well, i am home again!! its great to be home!! this past chemo was pretty bad though. i still feel really yuck from it, and i have been having trouble sleeping lately for some reason. my mom called the school and we decided to work out some things for my schedule. im not going to take honors bio this year, because it will be too hard with all the labs. then, since i obviously cant do gym, im going to drop that and health. then, i will have all my classes in the beginning of the day, and get to come home after 5th period. well, i feel kinda nautious right now, so i am going to go rest. take it easy!
nikki

Wednesday, August 15, 2001 at 04:10 PM (CDT)

hey all! guess where i am? you got it. in the grey room...my favorite place in the world. and yes, my throat is still killing me, but for once, i found that the soup of the day today from the hospital cafeteria felt really good on it, so i actually could eat something without extreme pain!! so i start the chemo tonight at midnight, and then again tomorrow night, so after tonight i will probably be pretty wiped out. ill try my hardest to get on my computer and update this though, so you can all see how i feel! my room this admittion has nice big windows(unlike the tiny ones in the isolation room) and a pretty good view, but it is right outside the nurses station so it is really noisy. oh well, each room has some pluses and some minuses. (minuses?? is that right?) im really excited because we are planning to go to NJ over labor day weekend. i really hope it works out. well, i gotta bounce. adios,.
nikki :)

Tuesday, August 14, 2001 at 12:21 PM (CDT)

i know i havent been very good about writing...sorry! i have been busy since i got discharged on sunday. yesterday we went school shopping and then to the aerobics benefit that Mrs. Huffman held in my name. it was really fun. thank you to everyone who came and made a donation!! after that we went out for pizza(well, i had soup) and then ice cream. my mouth sores are REALLY bad. i can barely swallow water. everything burns really bad. hopefully they will go away soon, because it makes it very hard to work. today we are going shopping for some clothes...i need baggy pants that will fit over my brace. then we might go see legally blonde at the movies!! tomorrow i am getting admitted again(very unfortunatly) for a round of chemo, and even more unfortunatly, its the bad kind. so i will probably be very out of it the whole week, so excuse me if i dont write, or if you call or visit i might be kinda out of it too. well, i gotta go now, i hope to talk to everyone soon! love always,
nikki

Friday, August 10, 2001 at 06:43 PM (CDT)

sorry i havent written in awhile. the sores arent getting better(grrr) but they arent getting worse. thanks for all the calls and stuff to cheer me up...its working :)and my walls are getting un-grey from all the great posters and stuff. thank you all so much. i gotta go now though, i have company!! love always,
nikki

Wednesday, August 08, 2001 at 04:45 PM (CDT)

wahhhh. im back for more chemo :( i feel pretty good, except my mouth sores are getting worse instead of better. they are very painful!!! call me, im me write to me, anything to keep me occupied so i dont go crazy in this dumb grey room. can you believe the rooms in the childrens hospital are GREY? jeez. and guess what? im in a isolated room. they say its because they were all out of other rooms, but i know better. anyways, im going to go back to staring at my grey walls again. adios,
nikki

Tuesday, August 07, 2001 at 11:56 AM (CDT)

it felt so good to get out of the house yesterday. it was the first time i wasnt thinking about my problems. we saw the princess diaries...it was pretty good, but (suprise suprise) the book was much better. today we are going to barnes and nobles to get a bunch of new books with the gift certificates from LEHY-things to keep me busy tomorrow on. then we are going to go to Mema and Don's (my grandparents) to visit and get out of the heat into an air conditioned house. hehe. we ordered a new backpack from l.l.bean today. it is coming in a week! hmm, i dont have too much more to say, but keep signing my guestbook. i love reading the messages in there!! luv always,
nikki

Monday, August 06, 2001 at 11:22 AM (CDT)

MY THROAT HURTS!!but other than that i feel ok. we are going out soon, either shopping, or the movies, or both. not too much is going on. i've been going in my hot tub every night...i love it! i can't believe the summer is almost over, and i havent done anything really fun :( i want to go to the beach at NJ, but i dont think that will happen this year. kaitlin says hi. i'll be in the hospital starting wednesday, so drop by for a visit when you can. missing and loving you all,
nikki

Sunday, August 05, 2001 at 03:31 PM (CDT)

i had a fever last night, but i refused to let my mom take me to the hospital. im feeling much better today, but im really tired. nothing new there. kaitlin is sleeping over. im really happy, cause i havent seen her in a while. i think we are going to go see the princess diaries tomorrow. it will be my first time going anywhere other than the hospital and my grandparents all summer. thats pretty sad. oh well, i gotta go now. until i write again, adios
nikki

Saturday, August 04, 2001 at 02:08 PM (CDT)

im going home today!! but i gotta come back in like 4 days :( oh well, its what i got to do. i got a new brace today, its pretty big and ugly. ugh. but i get to go in my hot tub today without my cast!!! yahoooo. well, i gotta go. i need to get ready to go home!!!! love,
nikki

Friday, August 03, 2001 at 12:36 PM (CDT)

hey guys. today im feeling much better. so far, no mouth sores, so im really happy about that. i got my cast off today!!! now im in a boot thing, but i can bend a little with it. i will be able to walk much better now! everyone on LEHY, i miss you guys, and im glad championships are almost over so i can see some of you more!! also, im going to say my thank you's here, because i dont have energy to write everyone seperate ones(sorry). so anyways, thank you for all the cards, and packages, and phone calls to let me know you care. luv ya,
Nikki

Thursday, August 02, 2001 at 07:29 PM (CDT)

last night was really bad. i had the worst pain ever in my leg, so i didnt fall asleep until 4:30 am, and then didnt even sleep good after that. they finally got my pain under control today, but the drugs are making me really tired and out of it. i get my cast off tomorrow, so im really excited about that. hopefully i will be coming home on saturday morning, so i can probly have visitors from sat.-tues. at home, and then i have to come back here for another round of chemo. i hope to hear from you all soon, and check back often, because i will try to write every day! Love Always,
Nikki

Wednesday, August 01, 2001 at 06:42 PM (CDT)

today's been a good day, as far as feeling good. i sat around clinic for a long time, and finally i got my room upstairs, and am looking forward to seeing some of you!! i start my chemo at 8 p.m. im going to be putting pictures into the photo album, so go check them out. luv you all,
nikki :)

Tuesday, July 31, 2001 at 06:09 PM (CDT)

Hello all...i just got back from boston a few hours ago. unfortunatly, the docters news wasnt great. they told us that the tumor was on the entire femur. while that isnt much different in the treatment, it does make the surgery "tricky." i was told that i would never be able to swim again, so as you would imagine, im feeling pretty down in the dumps. other than that, my body feels pretty good-just in time for another chemo session starting tomorrow. in the mean time, all your thoughts and prayers are needed for my entire family, and everything is greatly appreciated. i love you all,
Nikki
by the way, my hot tub is currently at 90 degrees and heating up quickly, so i expect some visitors soon!!

Monday, July 30, 2001 at 11:25 AM (CDT)

Well, today is my last day at home before i am back in hospitals. Tomorrow i have to go to Boston Childrens Hospital for a consult for my surgery. Then on Wednesday i am being admitted to ccmc for my 2nd round of chemo. i am not looking forward to this. i hate the way the chemo makes me feel: like i got run over by an 18-wheeler. oh well, i understand that its doing its job. i gotta go now, so until later, bye!

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