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Darren Ernst


Darren Ernst
September 6, 1989 - July 14, 2005

Darren was diagnosed with Stage 1 Neuroblastoma on September 21, 2000 at the age of 11. After many relapses and many travels for treatment, he lost his battle on July 14, 2005.
Darren was an amazing boy, he didn't know a stranger, and had more self confidence than most adults. He never let his adversities get the better of him, instead he used them to better himself. He was a wonderful young man and will truly missed by many.


"I had cancer, but cancer did not have me. Cancer was not who I was. It was only a bend in the road that was my life’s existence. An unexpected detour on my path. It was a lesson in the cosmic schoolroom that is human existence. So, I paused to rest and heal and study the lesson before I moved on to my life beyond cancer. I did not give in to fear and I was not discouraged by setbacks. Setbacks were simply opportunities to review the lesson. I was not ashamed of my scars. My scars were the brushstrokes in the masterpiece that was my life. I was thankful for the many blessings cancer brought into my life; people I never would have know, love that I had never been still or quiet enough to witness, humility I needed, strength I thought I had lost, courage I never knew I had. I remembered that I could still have fun and that it was okay – even healthy – to be silly. I remembered that to find the joy in rainbows, I had to endure the rain. And, I remembered always, that while I may have had cancer, cancer did not have me."

Mother ... Do you remember?
It wasn't so long ago when the doctor told you I was growing inside of you. Do you remember the joy? The wonder you felt? I do. I was so excited to be making my journey into your world. I chose you, you know. Of all of the parents in the world, I chose you.
It was quite miraculous really, for both of us.

Do you remember the first time I moved inside your womb? Do you remember my first kick? My first hiccup? I remember, too. You were so happy and full of joy. You sang to me and I heard. You talked to me and I listened. When you moved, I rocked gently inside of you and it was so comfortable. You carried around my picture and showed it to all of your friends, even though it didn't look much like a child, but more like a tadpole. Still, you shared your joy with those around you.


Do you remember the day I was born? Yes, how could you forget? Birth really is a miracle, you know. He allows us to enter this world through our earthly parents, and brings us from the darkness of the womb into the light of our parents love.

He told me it would be difficult. He said life on earth is hard and filled with both joy and tears. He was right. Of course, He always is. For He created this great world and all that is in it.

Do you remember how you felt when I was born? Did you grieve? Did you mourn? No, you were filled with abundant joy! You didn't grieve for an empty womb. You didn't mourn at the loss of the tiny child inside of you. Instead, you rejoiced that the child you carried in your womb, you would now carry in your arms.

Do you remember how many times you held me? I certainly do. Your arms were so safe and strong when I was afraid. I will always remember the comfort there - in your arms.

You held me when I was sick. There was so much love in your arms, but I could see the pain in your face.

I am an Angel now.

You cry , 'Why now?'

Life, no matter how long, always seems to be too short. I must ask, when would be a better time for you to say goodbye to me? Next year? In twenty years? No, there is never a good time to lose someone you love. But time is only in your world, not in His.

You must remember this, for this is the Truth. Do not grieve now for your empty arms, as you did not grieve for your empty womb. I am not dead. I was born into your world, and you held my hand. Now I've been born into my Father's world, where He holds my hand.

I am always with you. I see you when you cry and wish I could hold your hand and provide you with the same comfort you've given me. I wish I could wipe away your tears. Remember that grief is a natural part of this earthly world, but you must not let it control you. There are many joys ahead. He has told me so. Then, the day will come when you will be reborn also, and He will welcome you with His open, loving arms.

Until then, He will hold your hand and walk you through each of the difficult days ahead. Lean on Him when you are afraid or when your grief threatens to overpower you. Let Him guide your footsteps as you so many times guided mine.

Be comforted in the knowledge that my love didn't die when I left you. It lives throughout all eternity. '















Journal

Wednesday, May 21, 2008 9:54 PM CDT

I know, I know...... It has been forever since I posted to the site. This has been a very difficult few months for me. I have spent alot of time wondering what Darren would have been like as a senior in high school and what his dreams and aspirations would have been.

Last night was the awards assembly for the seniors. We were able to give 5 $1000.00 scholarships to his classmates. I am thrilled with our choices of some very deserving students and friends. Darren's dad said some very nice things and was able to do the all the talking because I am quite sure I wouldn't have been able to speak. I joined him in giving out the awards and congratulating the kids, but mine was a non speaking part thank goodness.

Friday will be graduation for his senior class. His classmates selected him as most memorable of their class. It is very touching that after almost 3 years they still think of him and remember him in special ways. We plan to attend graduation, I am not so sure that I could actually go and watch this milestone in his classmates lives if it weren't for our good friend Chaillie. She and Darren were like brother and sister and were friends from the time of her birth. I can honestly say I couldn't be prouder of her accomplishments and her career choice.

Chaillie has decided to become a pediatric oncology nurse. She was so impacted by Darren's illness that it made a lasting impression on her.

In this time of great sadness, Race continues to be a constant source of joy even though I feel the impact of Darren's absence everyday.

Congratulations to the Clinton High School Class of 2008 we are very proud of you and I am sure that Darren will be watching over you all as enter the next chapter of your lives.

DeAnn

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HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!



Links:

http://www.caringbridge.org/ok/xander   Darren's friend Xander
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=2879611   An ABC News story about research funding
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brianbriscoe   Our good friend Brian who is in need of extra prayers right now


 

E-mail Author: nbmom09@yahoo.com

 
 

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