^Angel^ in Heaven
Abigail Anne Rose Ortiz
6-14-95 to 3-12-04

Journal

Friday, October 10, 2008 12:17 AM CDT

Dear Friends & Family:

Again I want to thank you for faithfully coming to my Abigail’s web site. I welcome all of the newcomers.

When Abby first died, it was bad for Bert and me, really bad. The second year was even worst; I couldn't imagine how bad it can be. If grief could kill, I would have died. I did accumulate a lot of health problems which are still plaguing me. After Abby's passing, I felt sick to my stomach all of the time. I stopped eating. I got down to 90 lbs. and the doctor was threatening to put me in the hospital. I resorted to putting quarters in my pockets to increase my weight.

My therapist told me that when I decided to live, I would start eating again. I finally began to eat again about the 3rd year out from Abigail’s passing. Because I starved myself, I ended up with a lot of medical problems - anemia (red count 8 which required iron infusions in the hospital), neutropenia ( my white count was 1, I had to consult a oncologist), folate acid deficiency (my hair was coming out in handfuls), vitamin B deficiency, female problems and other issues.

My deep grief for my daughter almost destroyed me. I decided to write this on her web site so those of you suffering deep grief will know that someone understands what it can do to you physically, spiritually, mentally (can't remember things, living in a hell) and emotionally (deep despair, isolation & lonliness). I want to tell you that I will send love and prayers in hopes of helping you, even if it is to just get through the next hour. Please don't die. Your loved one would not want that for you. Your loved one would want you to be surrounded by love. May God help you through these dark times.

I will sign off by reminding you that our loved ones who have passed on are always with us. They will never leave us. And someday we will be reunited with them. It will happen in a blink of an eye.

Love and prayers,
Mommy Suzanne

E-mail Author: ltbert@aol.com

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