Dan chose "no more treatment" quite a while ago.
He had enough. He had gone through two surgeries, two different types of chemo, and a lot of radiation. He was done. Not done living. Done with treatment. Big difference.
Also, Dan is comfortable with his prognosis. He is very accepting of it, which is a tremendous thing. He lives life to its fullest but he is realistic with the fact that we ALL have a time to die.
The day we found out about Dan's tumor was a Sunday.
We were at church and we had just sung a song that we had never sang in church before...it was a little edgy in some people's opinions...but it really turned out to be large testament along Dan's Brain Tumor Journey.
The song was "Let it Be" by the Beatles.
The church service had just ended and we had all stood up. Dan immediately sat back down. He wasn't feeling well. He had no words to describe how he felt. Just not well. I listened to my intuition that it was something that needed immediate attention. We were not the kind to run off to the ER on a whim so I look back and I know that my intuition was in full force - because I drove him immediately to the ER. They didn't know what to do with him because he really didn't have any 'symptoms.' So they looked in his ears - gave him some sort of pill - I guess for dizziness and said he had an "inner ear infection."
I looked at the doctor and still listening to my intuition, I said, "No. It is something more." Still not having anything to base it on, she said, "I don't know why I am doing this, but I am ordering him a CT scan." (Thank goodness she was open to my intuition as well!!)
Less than 15 minutes later she came back in with a copy of the scan and showed us the very large tumor in Dan's left frontal lobe.
I remember well the silent tears dripping out of my eyes at that point and Dan consoling me saying, "Remember, Lisa...'Let it Be'..."
Dan seriously has not fretted over anything during his Brain Tumor Journey because he has really taken on the 'Let it Be' mentality. He knew God was and is in control of the entire situation.
So when he felt he had enough treatment I listened to him.
That was in the spring of 2004 when he went off all treatment. It is now fall of 2007. Had he gone off all treatment and died soon after, obviously that would have been hard beyond words, but going off all treatment was a decision that Dan made and we decided as a family to stand behind him. It is his body and he knew when it was time to stop.
We are still dealing with radiation damage to his brain and the effects of all the treatment he did have. But I am thankful that I listened to Dan when he said he wanted to end his treatments, just as I was thankful when the Doctor listened to me when I told her I knew Dan was dealing with something more than an inner ear infection.
We live our days remembering the mantra of "Let it Be." And I have to tell you, it has brought us so much peace.
