This is my 101st entry into this journal. It is hard for me to keep up with anything but Lyn's care. Please try and understand that the fact that I am not updating this page very often doesn't mean I don't want to have contact with any one or that Lyn is just fine...
It is probably quite the opposite. I just can't keep posting updates any more that are all upbeat and happy, and the more truthfull I am about how hard this is the further away I seem to push most of you. I truly do not understand how people think and act as they do. I am sorry for that.
While I was staying at Brigham with Lyn last year, I listened to a lot of music by Kate Bush. There is one song of hers about a man whose wife dies in an accident but whose spirit pushes him to continue on through his grief.... I'll paraphrase it for you-
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Pray God you can cope. I'll stand outside.
This woman's work,This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man.
Now his part is over. Now starts the craft of the father.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking:
All the things I should have said, but I never said.
All the things we should have done, but we never did.
All the things I should have given, but I didn't.
All the things that you wanted for me.
Oh, darling, make it go, Make it go away!
Give me these moments.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your, give me your hand babe.
give me your pretty hand
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
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I still find strength from these words. I hope that by sharing them with you you will as well, if not now then maybe someday in the future when you least expect it.
Lyn's birthday was this week. She celebrated by having her first shower in a year and a half. Over the last few months we've been visited by a seemingly endless stream of contractors who have made our bathroom wheelchair accessible and installed a barrier free shower for Lyn to use with her shower chair. Our thanks to The Massachusetts Rehab Commission and to RCAP solutions for the lean against our mortgage that funded the project. Also, our gratitude to Wood Wise Construction for their sensitivity and friendliness while they remodelled our bathroom.
Thanks also to my cousin Richard and his wife Julie for getting us a new washer and dryer that we could have installed upstairs behind the bathroom at the same time.
Other highlights of her day included a visit with her brother Marty, who continues to be a great support to both of us.
We have good help: MoMo is here most mornings to help with Lyn's bath, Krystal comes in during the week and helps with chores, and Venerable and Ann both help out each week. Weekly nursing visits with Megan, PT with Maureen and speech & swallow therapy with Tamara each week as well, all from the VNA.
Lyn's speech continues to improve, and her eating abilities are slowly recovering. It's still hard for her to eat very much of anything, but she keeps on trying. Her pain on the left side continues to be a problem, we recently increased her transdermal pain meds in an effort to keep her confortable. Wound care is still ongoing, the wound on her shoulder is now MRSA positive and is stubbornly refusing to heal.
Last month we made the trip by ambulance to the hospital in Gardner so she could get a new feeding tube, they wear out every few months. Lyn's been home now for nine months, with no new complications.
She's looking forward to a good summer, and plans to get out on the deck in her wheelchair on a regular basis. I'll try and update this page every few months.
