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Joshua John Edward Kasun
Born
March 21st, 2003
Returned to the loving arms of Jesus
July 1st, 2005

Welcome to Joshua's Web Page! It is dedicated to the memory of our precious boy. His life, however brief, has been such an inspiration to us. He has forever changed the lives of many. Every day he spent with us here was blessed by his smile. Through his life, we are reminded how to live each day that God blesses us with. Our hearts are broken . . . we MISS HIM SO MUCH, but we look forward to the day we will hold him again in Heaven.

It has been hard to update Joshua's page. It was different when he was here and we had something to report about his progress and setbacks. Somehow, it was easier to talk about his broken heart, then it is to talk about ours. As difficult as this is, we trust that God will heal our broken hearts too, in time.

To all of you who check back often, thank you so much! When you do stop by, please leave a note in the guestbook. Your messages are a huge source of strength and encouragement for us.

We are happy to share the pictures and memories of our time with Joshua.
Hope you enjoy!!

Journal

Monday, June 5, 2006 1:19 AM CDT

It is almost impossible to believe that it has been a year since all of this with Joshua. Ever since his birthday, I have been in a constant state of “this time last year...”

On March 21, we celebrated his third birthday, but first birthday in heaven. We had a nice celebration here (which I am sure was nothing compared to him celebrating with Jesus and all the angels!) It surely must have been glorious.

In April, I noticed the dates of his last therapy sessions, his pre-op day and the day of his third heart surgery -- April 19, 2005. I remember the second day following his surgery when he got very sick and we called church to rally the prayer warriors. I recall clearly the moment when their hundreds of prayers stormed the heavens and within hours Joshua had improved greatly.

When May came, I remembered the day last year when he got so close to coming home. I recalled sitting in the room with Dr. Frommelt as she looked at the echo and found the clots in the fontan. I remember the bold attempt to dissolve the clots with TPA that resulted in the bleed. As a mom, I felt so helpless to stop all that my little boy was going through. I remember countless mornings where I sat in on the morning rounds to try to understand all that was happening to him. I recall the numerous times we asked Dr. Fedderly and Dr. Frommelt to assure us that “Yes, his heart was failing.” I remember the first day we had to consider heart transplant; the Friday afternoon meeting with Dr. Berger to discuss what transplant would mean; and the agonizing days that followed until we felt God lead us to pursue that option. I can still feel the comfort we felt when Kristen (his nurse) said “listen for the small voice,” and Mike finally heard it.

I recalled the relief we felt as he came out of the PICU for the second time, and the preparations that were made to ready his body for transplant. I remember taking him for walks around the fourth floor to the playroom. I appreciated how wonderful the nurses were to allow me to do as much for Joshua as I could, including taking temps, giving baths, connecting/disconnecting monitors and turning his room into his own private waterpark with real water, splashing, squirty toys and fishing poles! I remember Joshua smiling at little Audra as she celebrated her second birthday in the room across the hall on 4W. I smile to recall the visit from Adrian’s father, Lothar, from Germany and the adorable little lamb that he brought. “Baaa” as Joshua called it, brought much joy and comfort in the following days, and still does every time I look at him and hold him.

A few weeks ago, on May 24th, Mike and I were invited to Children’s Hospital to share with nurses about having a child on ECMO and our experience in the PICU. We never pass up a chance to talk about our boy! We had an opportunity to see many of the awesome, loving nurses and doctors that worked with Joshua. Their encouragement and support has meant the world to us, as well as the prayers and support of all of you, our family and friends.

As we enter June, I know the next few week will bring more memories. Some of them were happy. I love to recall all his special nurses “girlfriends” and their late night visits when he could not sleep. I can still see Joshua sign MORE... WATER... PLEASE... and hear his little voice say “All done.” He was so thankful to receive just a couple drops of water from his bottle. I remember how the nurses laughed at his two binkies -- one in each hand being rotated in and out of his mouth. I remember the numerous trips to the window where we could see the Flight for Life helicopter that would one day arrive with a new heart to give Joshua life. I still recall the prayers we prayed for the family of the child who’s death would give our son life. I remember meeting a 6 year old boy, recovering in the PICU following his heart transplant, and finding hope in that. And, I recall the wonderful day Stephanie had planning the birthday party for Daddy and Bryan in the family lounge. She spent the whole day decorating with Kristen and Leslie to make it special. We wanted to celebrate at the hospital so Joshua could be there too.

Today, as I said to someone at church, “Bryan will be 17 on June 15th,” I had to swallow hard. I know that day, and the ones to follow, will bring joy and sadness. On one hand, we will celebrate the wonderful memories of the birth of our first son, Bryan on his Daddy’s 25th birthday. Sadly we will remember the way that June 15th, 2005 ended up, and the following days of Joshua on ECMO. We will celebrate the hope we felt when we cheered for a 15 year old boy in the PICU as he received his new heart ... and cheered again as he recovered quickly, taking his first few steps around the PICU just days later. While we will painfully remember hearing Dr. Nancy say the words, “Joshua may die,” we will find joy in remembering the special last 24 hours we were given. We will find strength in remembering how we continued to trust in God’s will until His plan for Joshua was complete, and he reached out to take the hand of his Savior, Jesus.

I pray that God will provide comfort on the difficult days ahead. I pray we will find peace in letting go of the grief and celebrating Joshua’s life. We are so blessed to have shared his brief time. The storm has not ended, but we still praise the Lord in it and see glimpses of His promised rainbow. We have grown in the experiences we have endured. Every day, we are another day closer to seeing our son again and meeting our Savior face to face. We look forward to that glorious day!

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E-mail Author: dkasun_05@yahoo.com

 
 

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