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Sunday, June 6, 2004 4:22 PM CDT

Oh my goodeness.. I have been letting this place go WAY too much. I am SO sorry. I am fine, that is why i haven't been updating much, I have been living a very normal and busy life.

Best news would be my broviac is OUT and I have a port now in my right chest. It's only had to be accessed twice these two months, the first time was only for a flush and the second was an emergency fluid/hydration access. I haven't been in the hospital since January... with the acception of the port being placed in the begining of April.

April 17th my brother got married to a wonderful woman named Melek (egyptian). She has a heart defect she was born with and is truely a great inspiration to me since she is in her 30's and living and maintaining and great life with her illness... until last night. Last night Melek's heart created a clot in it somehow (her blood is pretty thick because of complications, she was supposed to be getting a sugery for this in just a week and a half) and the cloth traveled to her brain and caused her to have a stroke. She's in the hospital now, my brother had to call an ambulance... really awful, I feel so bad for him. She can't say much except yes and no.. and as of right now she can't use her right arm. Last night she couldnt say ANYTHING or use her right leg, so it's getting better at a good pace. Please, pray for Melek as I am. I love her so much I am worried sick about it all.

Tomorrow I'm going to the doctors, Melek is in DCH so I am going to go visit her before hand. I will update tomorrow on both of us, although I am not really a priorty in my mind at the moment. Please say a little prayer for everyone in Caringbridge and feel gratitude towards your own health, what little or lot you have... you never know how much you have 'til its gone.
-- Molly

Thursday, March 18, 2004 6:11 PM CST

I do realize my updates are few, and I do apollogize, I just haven't had a ton of time to be taking care of a website which has resulted in the neglect of this one.
I had a doctors appointment today and it went very well. They got on my tail about not having enough Nutrein fromula at night because I have been 'cutting back' which resulted in me losing 2 pounds this month. I'm 5'3" and 103 pounds- I don't see the problem but they seem to.
Good news I got from the visit: I get my broviac out soon! They said as soon as the surgeon has an opening I'll get my broviac out and a Med-A-Port placed. I never use the broviac anymore since I have been off TPN for 2 and a half months now *cheers to that* and so a port would be nice to have just for emergency dehydration promblems and such. I like it cause it will but under the skin and out of the way meaning I can shower, swim, and wear that gorgous strapless gown I got for my brothers wedding and not have to deal with a dressing.
Bad news I got from the visit: I don't qualify for Make-A-Wish, which is a total catch 22. In one way I am glad I don't but in another it isn't so great cause I don't get to meet Johnny Depp! Oh well, I will meet him another way, it's a goal of mine and stupid or not I am going to accomplish it.
Thanks for stopping in and I appreciate any Guest Book entries you have time to give me. Thank you for all your support and I love you all. Bless you.

Friday, February 27, 2004 0:40 AM CST

Hey y'alls-

I am updating quick. Like the new picture? I do. It's me in my hat from 'The Viper Room', Johnny Depp's club he owns. I am obsessed... yes.

I applied for a Make A Wish wish. Hoping to meet Johnny, which would rock. He had met other make a wish kids before so maybe I have a chance.

Over all I have been well, which is nice. Just really busy. I don't ave much time for anything, annoying

I pray all your families are well and that all of te caring bridge children are doing well.

XOXO

Molly

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 8:12 PM CST

Bad molly... bad. Gees, Im letting this place go too long. I am here for a quick update though! *audience claps*

Tomorrow I'm going for a radiology appointment and a docs appointment too. They want to run some tests and see how things are going in my intestines, gastrgraphen (sp?) and stuff. All in good fun :-\ haha. Then after all those tests are done I'm heading to AZ to spend the long weekend with my dad and Brenda. I'm so excited, really can't wait. We're gonna have a great Valentines.

I'll let you know how all that goes, and um, yea... thats all I guess thats going on. I have been going to school A LOT more. Now that I'm off all the drugs I'm running a pretty busy life, going to school at least 4 days a week the past month and that means TONS of work.

Please check in on my cookie twinie, Courtie, she had a surgery a while back and is kinda feeling bad, her page link is above. ^^

Love you all,
Molly

Saturday, January 31, 2004 0:19 AM CST

Oh my. I am sooo sorry for letting this page go so long without a review, so much has been going on for me. Right after I got off the drug for that last blood infection I started to get Joint pains and stuff, and hear my heartbeat in my ear. The pains have gone away, after 5 days or so, but the heartbeat in my ear is still there, though much softer. I haven't been feeling great but I am on my medicine for bacterial overgrowth, so it's to be expected.
My mom met with my teachers today, they say they have formed a plan and if I can make it to school more this second semiester I will pass freshmen year, PAISE THE LORD. I don't know what I'd do if I had to repeat, I'd be so embarresed.
I am sorry for the short post, I promise I will post again in the next few days I just wanted to tell you guys how things were going and make sure you weren't worried, that was really bad leaving you hanging wondering if it was spepticemia or not... bad molly. SOOO SORRY.
LOVE YOU ALL GOD BLESS
XOXOXO
MOLLY

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 9:43 AM CST

Guess where I am? AGAIN. UGH. This nurse came sunday and just by "coincidence" i have a line infection... do you people realize this is the 5th time in the past 3 months? UGH i offically wont let ANY home care nurse touch me EVER again. I feel horrible... I had the worst head ache of my life last night.. and I am hot and my blood pressure is down and my heart rate is up and they are afraid it's septicemia. (I have no idea if thats right or not) which of course, is the worst line infection you can get. I swear if I have that I am going to go kick that nurses butt personally. She is weird too, she's the same one that we think contaiminated my sample and made it appear that I had yeast... which I never had but they put me on antibiotics for it that nearly caused renal failure. I swear, Denver Children's is by far the worst hospital on the planet. I like the nurses IN the hospital but thats it, the food is nasty, the doctors treat me like a 2 year old that has NO idea what's going on half the time, when really i am an educated 15 year old who knows more than these half twitted fools do, dude, I mean I have flushed my self MANY times and I never got sick... when these nurses probely do this same thing to a few kids a day and im just the one they choose to mess up on. Im breaking in my fever as I type, im so sweaty lol. My head hurts a bit and they won't let me have motrin only tylenol because motrin is hard on the kidney's... funny how I never had kidney problems till dr. stupid precribed Gentamysn. PCH is sooo much better, they are carefuller (is that a word?) and much nicer... PLUS they have room service so the breakfast man doesnt wake you up DEMANDING you order... I mean, half the time in the morning im not hungery, and he scares me so I order anyways LOL. I have sausage, eggs and milk today, sickest thing ever are these eggs, but im hungry and I want to prove to this dim witted docs I DONT have septicemia because I have an appitite and no rash.

Doctor just came in and said I have a gram-neg infection, its more serious than any I have ever had he says... he also said last time I got one SIMLIAR to this one last year (that one was actually caused by a nurse who when I told her what she did and called my mom she proceeded to YELL at me and my friend, who was staying with me cause we hadnt hung out in FOREVER, and said I was wrong... trust me she was fired!) that I had to go to ICU and was reaaally sick, so lets hope that doesnt happen, I want to get back to school ASAP. My mom is bringing my back pack today, so I can work on school work, i need to keep up this semeister, thats my #1 goal!

Well Im gonna go, and it my nasty breakfast, haha. I'll write more later.

xoxo MOLLY
Ps. if you haven't read my last journal you should, it had some important stuff... as well as EXTRA exciting. haha.

Saturday, January 3, 2004 9:19 PM CST

WOW! so much news, so little time. Well I guess we can start on the more- well not depressing topics but not happy ones neither... I was in the hospital, AGAIN sunday-wednesday, only this time in arizona. I went down to visit my Dad and I felt really sleepy, and because I was on the Abisome (yes I learned to spell it :D), Rofapin (now I need to learn to spell that one haha) and Venco they wanted me to get blood levels. Well we went to the local 'Banner Health Center' and they told me my levels were too bad and I needed to go to PCH. My Cratin (sp?) was 3.9 (normally for me its around .8 or 1.0) and my potassium was too hig (pretty rare for me so we knew something was up) and my phosphorus was high aswell, along with being anemic. All lovely signs of taking baby steps towards renal failure! OH JOY- not. So I checked in to Phoenix Childrens, and BOY i love that hospital. I had a roommate for the first time in YEARS and she was so nice, even though I will probely neve see her again I wish her the best of luck. She was a kidney pateint and she had a PIC line placed and had to do dialysis the first time when she was in, I pray for her and hope she gets a new kidney ASAP, her family were all talking about getting tested to see if they could be a donor (forgive me if thats not how it goes, im not a kidney person.) her family was very supportive, someone was ALWAYS with her, if not two or three people, and they were very kind to me as well, like when my dad was at work during the day they included me in conversations and such... kind kind people. I pray she does well. Aswell as the great roommate I found that the doctors are so much more open minded and less pig headed there, they didn't even understand WHY i was on TPN... ugh, i wish I lived there just for that, I would be off of it if it weren't for the doctors thinking my blood levels aren't perfect, you know, i have NEWS for them... NO my blood will NEVER be perfect... you want to know why? I HAVE NO LARGE INTESTINES! wow... what a freggin concept. UGH.

Anyways, they figured because my kidneys are already so sensitive from me getting dehydrated so much that the antibiotics (Abisome,Rofampin, and Venco) all just about maxed them out. My cratin last time it was checked as down to 1.2 which was a plus. They took me off all those antibiotics (half of which i didnt even need they were a procaution because the stupid blood lab here in CO messed up and contaiminated my culture and they THOUGHT i had yeast but didnt... UGH i hate Denver Children's with a *as lauren says* FIREY DEEP SEEDED PASSION! :P) and I am fine without them, so thats coolio.

On a lighter note, I had an awesome time in AZ (the bit i got to have) with my dad and his NOW FIANCE Brenda, (sort of... see they both dont want to get married but they want to be together forever kinda deal, so as Brenda says "It will be a long engagement- 30, maybe 40 years! Heck if we make it that long lets get married!" haha.) THE RING IS GOURGOUS! He told me to ask what Brenda got for christmas, so I asked and she named a few small things and I looked at dad like "wow... that was pointless" and suddenly she gives me her left hand and says "oh but the biggest thing was probely this- santa was good to me." she says my eyes got as big as saucers hahaha. What a great christmas gift, for me just as much as her! I am so happy that my dad is so happy.

Speaking of love and such, my brother Cody who is engaged to this beautiful girl named Melek (its egyptian, so cool! Shes cool in a lot of ways, she also has a cardiac problem and knows ALL about hospitals and such.) are planing a wedding for the 17th of april, and GUESS WHOS THE BRIDES MAID!?!?!?! MEEEEEEEEEEEE! omg I've never been part of a wedding either! Im soooo thrilled, she and Cody took me to dinner to talk to me about being the brides maid and showed me some pictures of dresses she's thinking of... this week we'll go to look at dresses and such. OOOOH!

My goal is to have my broviac OUT by april, that way I can wear a strapless gown and not have that hidous thing showing its lovely whiteness with me. You think I can do it? ugh... if only i lived in AZ hm?

Last bit of news is that I am 110lbs... not sure if thats good or not, i'd be happier if it was more muscel mass than fat :P Im eating more protein like Brenda suggested and im going to start running on the tredmil all the days I don't ride my horse for exercise, i gotta get back in shape! :D

Happy new year to you all! So far, it looks like it has great possibilities for me. I hope it brings a healthier year to all of you. 2003 was a bad year for a lot of people, so lets let go of 2003 and move into 2004 with good intentions and high hopes and see what happens :D!
xoxo
Molly

Thursday, December 25, 2003 7:26 PM CST

Hey all! I hope your christmas was as wonderful as mine. I had a great day. I GOT THE GUITAR! woohooo!! I have a Acoustic Guitar by Fender. My uncle bret owns a guitar store in Yuma, AZ and he got my mom an awesome deal and also helped out by getting a bunch of supplies, liek strings and a tuner. It took me about an hour to get it tuned, and im not sure if its perfect but the tuner was reading it as good so I suppose thats a good thing. I went online and learned how to read tabs and I have been playing "Sunshine Of Your Love" and something by purple sombody ehehe. they are both old 60's songs so im not sure if thats right. I can only play like part of each of them but I figure thats better than none!

I am exhuasted, this three antibiotics are just wipping me out. I feel so tired but I dont want to go to sleep at 6:30 :-P

Well I hope all of your guys' christmas' were awesome... god bless!

xoxo
Molly

Ps. Lab results for my blood test today came in and said I was dry... so im on my saline bag right now, I knew I felt a bit off. These drugs do a number on my kidney's.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003 6:14 PM CST

Hey y'alls!

Im out, thank goodness... sooo happy. They did a bunch of tests yesterday and I prayed for clear results and got them. I am on three anitbiotics to kill of this yeast, and so far I still feel GREAT except the benadryl I take with the ambasome makes me sleep... a lot. I got home and did some laudry, poped in the "E! True Hollywood Story Of Johnny Depp" that Lauren sent me for christmas in for the fourth time and I barely got to the part about Jennifer Gray before I fell asleep for four hours. :-P

I am sooooo excited for christmas, how fun. It feels like this year went waaaay too fast though, but in a good way, so many great things happened this year for me, and hopefully even more will be happening hm? Well I asked for Johnny for christmas but since I highly doubt thats going to happen I also asked for a guitar... I am excited to see what I got though, even if I don't get what I asked for.

Well I am going to go clean my room some more now that I'm awake, its pretty much a wreck, and my mom doesn't need the added stress, shes already tearing her hair out over MANY other things LOL. Well Hope you alls holiday is AWESOME and HEALTHY. :-D

xoxo
Molly

PS. If any of you see Johnny Depp please tell him to come to my house imediately... :-P

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 3:24 AM CST

Im baaaaaack. ugh. yes... right before christmas im back in the joint (hospital). They called my mom and told her I had some sort of yeast growing and I needed to come in right away, hopefully we can find an antibiotic to treat it and go home for christmas. I really hate is how slow they are, we got here 2 hours ago, and I have been online hanging out with pals and here they are not even having me hooked up on antibiotics. Crazy. A 15 year old is more effcient. Thank god for laptops. I also got to open an early christmas gift, I got the movie "Don Juan Demarco" from my aunt. I can watch it here thank goodness for Johnny Depp. What would I do without him?

Anyways... I feel great despite the fact they say I have a serious type of yeast growing. I am sleepy but other than that I feel like i could go run a mile and sing and dance. I am happy that I feel so well, its a drag to be in AND feel terrible.

Please keep up your prayers for all the caringbridge kids, and pray for a happy christmas for all of them, hopefully home with their loving families.

xoxo- Molly

Saturday, December 20, 2003 12:11 AM CST

Hey! I'm back home. I am on Venco at home and some other nasty orange oral medicine that is NASTY. Its nice to be home though. While I was at the hospital my family got a christmas tree, and it's begining to feel like christmas. I am also very excited to go down and visit my Dad for the new year. Being in the hospital was such a drag, it was my first time being alone all four nights, and it wasmt fun. Because the holidays being near my mom needed to stay home and work, and no one else was able to stay. It was pretty depressing to say the least haha. Oh well I have stuff to do today, I am just SOOOO happy I dont have school monday. Bless you all!

xoxox molly

Monday, December 15, 2003 9:19 PM CST

Hey. Ugh, guess where I am... yeah. The Hospital. I am so upset, a nurse gave me a infection in my line, a home health one. Nurses never know what they are doing... its really frustrating. Last night I had the worst body pains and headache, and this morning I woke up and took my temp after the horrible chills I had. So yea... I grabbed all my comforts of home (Computer, Pillow, and Blanket haha yes... I know im 15... but I have a blankie!) and headed off to Denver Childrens, at which I am having such a good time. lol... that was sarcasim.

I think its a line infection. I got one last month and this is how I felt, although the doctors are telling me its a flu... I doubt that but you never know. Im pretty sure I SAW the nurse mess up, and no one around me has has the flu, so... I dunno. I'm just waiting for my mom to get here after work, she should be on her way... if shes coming, she might be too tired, in that case ill spend my first night in the hospital alone, shes always been here. I am 15 now though, im sure ill survive haha.

Anyways, I just wanted to update real quick and let y'all know where I am. I hope everyone on caring bridge is doing good. Bless you all.

xoxox
Molly

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 8:36 PM CST

Hey all. Sooooooo sorry about the long time no update. I am getting bad about ut again. Last tuesday I went back ta school and it was cool... wow that rymed. Thanksgiving was really awesome, and real fun. Uhhh.. I went shopping when I was down there, and tons of stuff has been goin on in my life. Everything has been good health wise, the surgery seems to have helped. I started flagil Sunday night for my bacteral over growth but I have been feeling great other wise. I bett go get HW done. LYL! peace... and chicken greese.

Saturday, November 22, 2003 3:52 PM CST

Hey all. Sorry its been a while i've been recovering from surgery, its been like one day I'm feeling so much better and the next I have pains again. Anyways, in a few hours I better feel better because I have to clean this mess of a room so that when I leave for AZ tomorrow everything will be clean. Just a reminder to all my friends I'll be gone for a week, so if you need me call the cell other wise call sunday or something, your know since i get so many fans calling me each day :P. anyways... ummm lets see what else is going on. OH! well good news and bad news, good news is my brother is going to propose to his girlfriend on thanksgiving, bad news is I will be in AZ and not able to see it. I told him he better give me a great part in the wedding then and he agreed, actually I think i might be on of his girlfriends maids. That'd be cool. Ive never been part of a wedding so this is a big thing for me. ummm... I get to help make thanksgiving dinner with my dads girlfriend, isnt that awesome? Im so happy! I love to cook, although im not too good at it, but Brenda (his girlfriend) teaches me and watches that I do it right, she says I have inventive ways of doing things that shes never seen anyone else do... in other words, when I mess up its always interesting because its in a way porbley no one else could have possible thought of. LoL. anyways... yea so Im gonna get running... well not litterally, ouch that would hurt. haha. TTFN

Hugs,Kisses,and Good Thoughts,
Molly

Tuesday, November 18, 2003 8:39 PM CST

Well the surgery went real well. I am in a lot of pain if I don't take the Tyonol with Codine which makes me dowzy, I can barely keep my eyes open right now. They put me to sleep in a real nice way, which is always the main part i hate. I am alergic to versed to unlike everyone else that goes in a little already out, i go in fully awake, and the bright lights and the equiment and things and it definatly gets your heart beating. They normally want me to lie back as they put me out, a vonerable position that I have always hated. This time they let me sit up and let my mom (who always comes back with me) hold me up and i layed my head on her chest it was really more relaxing and calm. I woke up and it was real painful and they gave me tons of drugs and stuff, I am so drowzy from all of it still. I barely got an hours sleep last night so im going to sleep in a second. I'm on the phone as i type with a friend of mine from Arizona, i'm going there for thanksgiving with my dad. I am so excited. Well, i'll write more tomorrow, just wanted to let you all know that it went real well.
xoxo,
molly

Tuesday, November 18, 2003 2:29 AM CST

I cant sleep, I'm worried about tomorrow, or well now that I look at the clock today. I know its not good to go into surgery tired, but I am too... dare I say scared? to sleep. I have been through it all like 20 times, but it still worries me. I hate going under, the feeling of prophal is enough to never let me sleep again. I also have this fear I have had since I was a little kid, about going under and never coming back, it's irrational, I know, but it is still a fear. Its only a 30-45min surgery probley, but still, I am worried. I am up talking to Lauren (link above) my fellow child of the night haha. We are always up way too late, usualy with eachother.

On a lighter note, my b-day was... interesting. It wasn't the most eventful day, Ispent most of it on the computer bored, and people gave me some gifts. It was slightly depressing, in a weird way.

The real sad thing was when I got a letter from my grandma and grandpa, her letter said something about how my grandpa could do more than sign his name because his alzhimers (bad spelling I know) is so bad. She wrote about how he looks at my picture on my horse everyday and smiles and says "She's still on that horse." it made me about cry. They are going through so much, she has breast cancer (Although she is doing real well on chemo) and he has alzhimers and some form of cancer from this mole he had, I haven't seen either of them in 3 years, and I feel bad that I never call them. I looked at my grandpas signature and it looked like a toodlers weaved letters, and I teared up. They sent me money, and i feel really bad, I want to send it back.

Anyways, enough of my sob stories. My birthday was interesting and Ibetter go to sleep before I keel over. Thanks for all your warm thoughts, and keep your prayers going for all the caringbridge kids, and an extra one for josh y. who needs to get out of the hospital soon and start feelin' better! :)

Hugs, Kisses, and Good thoughts!
Always,
Molly

Monday, November 17, 2003 1:45 PM CST

Well here I am, on my birthday, wahooo!! IM 15!! but.. I don't feelany different, hm. Oh well, once a few presants gets unwrapped im sure i'll feel more like, as spencer says, 'The big one five'. haha. Anyways, tomorrow my surgery is still schedualed. I am not really looking forward to it, I had a bunch of weird dreams about surgery last night, not bad, but just weird. haha, in one, I updated my caring bridge at the nurses station so everyone could know I was at surgery, it was odd. haha. It's an overnight surgery, that makes it sound all fuzzy for kids that haven't had them, overnight, like a sleepover or something, but I think anyone who is on caringbridge knows its not quite a sleep over at the hospital after surgery, its 10 million nurses in every 5 seconds when you are trying to sleep off that, as the anathesologist called it one time when talking to me (after which my mom gave me a glare warning me not to do what I wanted... because I wanted to leugh my head off at him and his high tech term.) "Sleepy Air Medecine" mind you I had just turned 14 and he knew I had a life threating illness all my life I wonder where his brain was. Anyways, haha geez, I just babbled on for like 3 paragraphs, thats me for you. I'll check in probley wednesday at earliest, but who knows, if they give me real good pain meds, I'll check in tomorrow, thats one good part about the "over night" stay... great pain meds. haha. yes, if you didn't know, that was the comment of someone whos done this a few times-- ehhh I'm not funny.

I also get off that horrible antibiotic tomorrow, I am soooo happy! The headaches continued all week from it, i stayed home all week from school. Not good because when I go back after surgery im gonna have sooo much HW when I am with my dad for thanksgiving, eh, not fun.

Keep prayers and good thoughts for everyone on caringbridge, and a little extra one for Josh Y. if you haven't been to his page you should go, he's sooo cute. I adopted him haha. His throat is really hurting and he's unableto eat or drink and he's pretty unhappy about that, so keep a prayer for him that the cells with kick in and help him break outta the joint (hospital) soon.

Hugs, Kisses, and Good Thoughts for everyone!!
Molly

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 11:51 PM CST

Hey guys...
I stayed home from school today due to more headaches from the antibiotic. It isn't fun, I hate stuff that in the end is going to make you feel better but you feel sicker first. I think I will be staying home tomorrow as well but we'll see what tomorrow brings.

My birthday is in 5 days! I am so excited, I really have no idea what everyone is getting me, and I don't think I am getting many presants actually because I'm not going to have a party, so it will probely just be close friends and family that bother on getting me a gift. But that is fine with me, just being 15 will be cool enough for me. That means I'm only 7 months away from my permit! *jumps up and down* I can't wait to drive!!

I caught up some ion school today but I need to do more. I have to finish this book for school called All But My Life I actually am really enjoying it, despite how sad it is, it's about the haloucaust, and it's a true story. It's sad but impspiring, the girls strength is really remarkable.

My head hurts a little bit right now, in the back, I'm not sure if it's been four hours and if I can have more Tyenol. Anyways... I'll post an update today or tomorrow, at latest on my birthday!

xoxo,
Molly

Tuesday, November 11, 2003 10:30 PM CST

Hey all! Sorry its been like 2 months lol. A lot has been up for me. Well, for starters I was in the hospital for 4 days (Last Tuesday-Friday). I got an infection in my good ol' broviac. It had a hole AGAIN. haha time to be 'cheesy' haha... okay ready? Okay... My broviac must be from Switzerland.. haha... omg... its liek swiss CHEESE hahaha... that was lame. UGH. I am on an antibiotic now that makes me feel like CRAP and im mad. I have been looking at my grades at school and I am falling behind majorly, I've messed the whole 2nd quarter so far, weee. lol. I have surgery on the 18th for a stoma rivision, making it larger basicly so more can come out and not go into my bloodstream and make me so sick.

Courtie (MY COOKIE TWIN!) and I are going to school tomorrow, we think. LoL. Check her page the link is above, she rocks socks, and she added a little thing in her enterie about me so I only thought it fair to add her in mine, although I prolly would have anyways cause she rocks socks :-D.

Anyways, wish me luck on the surgery encase I don't update before, and keep your prayers going for all the othere caringbridge kids, they need it a TON more than I do hehe.

Friday, October 17, 2003 9:17 AM CDT

Hey guys! I'm with my dad in AZ! YAY!!! I'm having fun, we have big plans, but I don't wanna type them out cause I'm really lazy, so any of you that want to go to: http//www.freewebs.com/balidoll/ aka my other page, can. I have all my stuff there, but because it is a more centeral server I don't like people saying my name and stuff in the guest book because people would like stalk me or something >.< hehe. Oh yea, and don't go there if you don't like cussing... it's not bad but some journals get rough, because it truly is my diary there.

Anyways moving on, AZ is really nice and I'm very happy. Nothing really new halth wise I'm just jellin' like a felon hehe. Check out the other Caringbridge peoples pages, and sign my guest book.. i'll check you all later.

Sunday, October 12, 2003 1:18 PM CDT

I am avoiding doing my homework and I have nothing to avoid it with so I decided to write a journal entry. My health has been declining lately, which isn't cool. I was sick all week this week! I had a doctors appointment on Wednesday at which my mom got really mad at my doc and was chewing him out because he doesn't know if I will ever get TPN, well he says so anyway, I am not sure what to believe anymore. My mom is full of words of encouragement and help, but it's been so long since I felt like a normal kid again. My life changed back fall and it hasn't been at all the same once since. The days that I do feel good I am treasuring since they are coming in shorter increments.

My doc gave us another doctor saying he "can't fit our needs" or in lame mans terms: "Your mom is phsyco and I can't handle her." She loves me too much sometimes... lol I have a new doctor to meet on the 12th of November to see if I like her and if she will work out. My mom is set to get me off TPN, the doc was set on making me "better" first, and then off tpn. I'll never get completly better, the doctors need to realize that. My mom said "It's like cutting someones legs off and expecting them to run, what they did to you last fall, and it's not fair.". I agree, but all I want to is to get better, and for the time being I think my mom is right, I will get off it, as long as I have faith in myself.

As far as personal more fun stuff goes I am going to my dads on the 15th (this wednesday). I am really looking forward to it. I get there late that night and stay till late afternoon sunday, it's a short visit but any time with him will make me VERY happy.

I will update again soon, probley while I am in Arizona or when I am back. Please sign the guest book and check out some of my friends pages, alrights? Peace!

Sunday, October 5, 2003 6:56 PM CDT

Last night was homecoming at my High School. It was soooo fun, my friend Channea is so outgoing and fun, she just jumps up on the dance floor and starts dancing alone lol... She helps me get over being shy a lot of times, knowing we can look stupid together is helpful. We got to meet Sydney's guy she likes, and boy is he a hottie... *grins* I am happy for her. Let's see... I danced with Robbie when the swing dance slong came on and I taught him the electric slide ;-) Those dance classes in 6th grade really did pay off hehehe... It was a blast, I had a great time. I am feeling very good, happy and healthy is always a good combo. I'm going to my dads on the 15th *cheers* im so happy! I miss him, it feels like forever since I've seen him. Anyways, I'll check in laters, love you all ... hope all is well for you people.

Ps. The new picture up there under the title is me in my homecoming dress ;-) hehe

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 2:16 PM CDT

Yo homies! School is goin' well. Today was a block day so when I got sick I was kind of glad mom was okay with bringing me home. I don't want to fall behin din High School, I will be dead meat. Plus, our classes our extended to 1 hour 20 minutes on wednesdays and thursdays and last thing I want when I am feeling sick is an extended period of History and Biology! Anyways, I'm loving my classes and all the new people to our school. The teachers are all nice and the classes are challenging, which is good for me, I hate being bored. The math class is the one i took last year, Algebra 1. I had to retake it because I failed it. Math is one of the hardest things to catch up on when you miss assignments and lessons, and last years challenges didn't make it easy. So far it's easy and fun the second time. I have a small crush... but I'm not going to let out who it is, he's in my math class o.o I know 4th day crushes are questionable thats why I'm not sure it's really a crush, he'd just nice.. and.. yeah lol anyways... moving on!
Health wise it's been alright, I am dehydrated today and on sunday I had to do two Lactated Ringers before school. We think it's bacterial over growth so I'm taking my flagil, that ends on friday night.
Well thanks for stoppin' by and hope all is good for you guys!

Saturday, September 6, 2003 11:37 PM CDT

Hey y'alls! I hope the music won;t be a problem, it's one of my favorite songs lol I guess you can turn down your speakers if you don't like it lol. Anyways, thanks to lauren for putting my ER visit on her page, it's not that big of a deal, I'm fine now. I didn't keep care of my broviac as well as I should have. With a broviac you have to flush once a day, and I think I didn't do it for 72 hours *blush*. Well I am 14, I guess brain cells lack when you're a teenager, I remember my brother forgot a lot of stuff when he was young. Except when your a teen with a serious illness you need to rise to the occasion... ha... oops. Oh well we went to the ER in KS and they were all weird about doing the TPA, they said it was dangerous. So my mom flew me home early [Thursday instead of saturday] and we went to my hospital. It was an easy thing really, the TPA unclotted it in an hour and I was on my merry way... mind you I got a lecture from each family member. That's enough excitement for me thanks... geez, you have no idea how scary that was. Oy! Oh well, thanks for the questbook entries on checkin' up, but I'm doing good now.
Today my stomach was upset, not so fun... I think I ate some spoiled something cause I didnt check the expression date on this milk... I thought it tasted odd. haha kind of weird that I have no intestine and all I got was a stomach ache from that. Oh well its gone now, but I'm taking it easy on my stomach cause I know it's just forgiving me.
I hope you're all well, thanks for stoppin' by!

oh and notice how good I have been about updating lately? *nods* someone... be proud of me! *grins*

Wednesday, September 3, 2003 0:13 AM CDT

Hey I'm at lauren's now, fun fun... i'm kinda sleey but we're goin to bed in a few so thats okay. I am almost completely off TPN *does a dance* a week off it and im fine, that means that I will get the broviac out in a few months. My goal is to have it in for less than a year, I hate not being able to swim and shower, baths suck. First thing i'm doing when i get it out im gonna go swimming at the indoor pool *DREAMS* that would be fun.

School is gonna be so trying I guess I should enjoy my last trip but part of me wants to be home right now, im my own bed... my own room... yeah... oh well I have lauren, which is better than any ol' stinkin' room! I've been having a good time here, taco and adam left and its been slower, but still fun. we didnt go to sleep till 6 am today, woke up at 11 or something, might be why im so exhausted... maybe...

Peace out... word... n all that jazz.. im gonna get some zzzzzzzzz

Saturday, August 23, 2003 8:44 PM CDT

Hey! I'm sorry for being so late with the journal entrie!! I've been soooo busy, i went to my dads, didn't bring my comp so that I could spent time doing what I would do without it... which turned out to be being bored out of my flippin' mind! LOL anyways, I'm getting a new computer for school since on this laptop the keys are all messed up and all. My sister is getting this one I think, which will be nice because despite the fact she lives 30 minutes from my dad we NEVER see her except holidays which is sad, so I hope she can keep in touch with e-mail this way. I start classees on wednesday but my back to chool picnic is monday night, I'm so excited to see all my old friends, and see if there are any new possibilities for a... ahm.. I mean.. a good friend that might be... ah well I'm not ticking anyone, and cuties in the guy department hehehe. So yeah I have a ton of unpacking to do cause I went shopping and spent too much money-- my dads money. haha, I'll see ya all around thanks for stopping by... oh and um, for health I'm doing awesome as usual! I haven't been sick in like 2 weeks or so which is kewlness hehe... TTFN!

From a house that is smelling REALLY good cause my cooking school grad of a bro and his GF are cooking dinner :-D,
Molly

Sunday, July 27, 2003 1:14 AM CDT

Yo my homies! I made a new page toda out of cher boredom... whoopdie doo! lol... I am doing well health wise, and taying healthy is a good thing. I've been kind of bored lately, nothing muchc to do. I've been working out of the treadmil too, which is probley good for me... i hope. The thing about that is, I can't loose weight. Mom when she sees me on there gets a little upset and makes me weigh myself and chart it to make sure im not loosing any lol... let's hope I dont cause i like how I have been feeling... Sore yet good lol! I hope you are all well... thats all for me ;-) Peace Out!

Monday, July 21, 2003 11:38 AM CDT

Hola homies! I just got home from laurens, it was AWESOME!! She got me saying 'ie Poo' though, so watch out, thi entrie might get frightening. haha! we all had a great time, mostely talking, and playing video games and stuff. I think I am like teh champion of all champions at 'Tony Halk ProSkater 4'!! Like seriously... i could kick ANYONES butt... haha. Anyways I had a blast. i am now dead on kmy feet and need sleep... but i also need to go do lanry or something before my mommy shoots me haha jk... ttyl!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 0:32 AM CDT

Hello all! I'm sorry... I've beeen soooo busy! Okay well I got back from AZ a week ago and I am leaving tomorrow again, but this trip is something I've been waiting a LOOOOOONG time for... I AM MEETING SPENCER AND LAUREN!!!! hehe I'm sooo happy oh my goodness!! Well, for all of you that don't know, Lauren and Spencer are my two beest friends off of Starbright World which is an online community for kids with Chronic illness. I meet Lauren 8 months ago and Spencer 6. I love them both so much and I am so excited to really get to habg out with them. It is a birthday gift to Lauren for me to go :) It's truly a gift to me too!! Eeep! Anyway... I can't sleep, that's why I am up so late hehe. I am like counting down the hours till I am in Laurens room... I can't beleive it's real. I am going to take many pictures on my mom's digital camera so I will post them as soon as I can. :) My life is sooo great. Thank you whoever in this whole world I need to thank hehe... someone up there must like me ;) I mean, think about this... If i hadn;t been so sick back in the fall I wouldnt have meet Lauren or Spencer, and now they are like some of my best friends... like i'm always saying... everything happens for a reason. Medical stuff... umm well haha I was in thee E.R. on saturday cause my broviac got a hole and prung a leak, of course this had to be at the same time as my Bactrial Overgrowth which the first day of that always dehydrates me badly and I always need a Lactated Ringer boost, but i couldnt cause it was leaking so I got and IV while I was in the E.R., I forgot how bad those were... GEEZ! I hated it! Oh well it was only one stick, but it was a tiny dryed up vein so it had to go slooooow. They fixed the Broviac, it was kinda kewl how they did it: they cut the line, (Which was just like nasty because... well I dunno a line that is in a main artery being cut in half and left open to the air, is just- well just creepy.) and then they got like super glue stuff and glued a platic part over the old and the new pieces so that it was like a little bridge merger thingy... It was weird! The surgons had to do it so waiting for them took 4 and a half hours... my friend Lexi once thought that the E.R. was going to be on T.V... I wish they were that fast, Boy that would be nice. I've been REEEEAAAALLLLYYY sick before and had to wait like 45 minutes before an IV... it sucked. Anyways haha hope you are all well and all, Im getting a bit tired and i have to get up early! I meet Spencer at noon... he arrives from salt lake and then were off to Kansas together! Thanks for visiting and reading... and as always... Bless y'all and I wish you all happiness :)

Monday, June 16, 2003 10:57 AM CDT

Okay... that took long enough haha. Okay well I had a busy few days there, that's why I never updated. I felt fantastic ;) anyways, lets see I guess I should tell ya what I did and then go into last october... I don't want to remember it :-P anyways umm okay last update was friday? well saturday wasn't all that cool I just hung out with my dad, not that that's not awesome but we didn't do much. I wrote a story on my laptop and he took a nap after we went to his house to get the mail. Umm and then sunday I slept in and wwe went to Faith's bday. Faith is Brenda's neice, shje turned ten and we went to macaroni grill (yumm I love that place.) and theeeen... umm oh we started to go for ice cream at the mall but we ended up going shopping for clothes a while... I got really cute stuff. My dad kept saying since it was fathers day I should be buying him stuff... I had no time to shop cause I never shop in Colorado. Okay so yeah thats was my day. Anyways continuing in my illness... Okay so in October my doctor said I needed to try this antibiotic, gentamysin, through my G tube. I took it october 31st and november 6th I was in teh hospital teh most dehydrated I have ever been in my life. They thought I had a ruptured something or other but we had a feeling it was the gent. I got out of teh hospital and came one (I had been visiting my dad at the time) and I went back in the 16th, very sick and dehydrated again. So then I get out and feel much better and I get home and I dehydrate that fast again in 5 hours so the day I got discharged I came back.. that was not kewl lol. They places a broviac and so I got on that and I was on tpn again and all (which I hate failing at something and this felt liek I had failed so I was sooo mad) and then they gave me too much fluid and I got phnemonia and my lungs were 3/4 the way full and I couldnt breath and I was on CHet PT and the bipap and stuff... I nearly dided... and my hear and liver was bad... and my kiddneys had a creatin level of 3.4 when a good level iw 1.4... AHHHH nightmare. Anyways I am starting to slowly get off tpn, Im not dong so great... I hate this. I am so scared I might never get off it, like seriously scared. I guess I gotta just keep beleiveing I can. Well I g2g... I hope you all have a great day... see ya!

Thursday, June 12, 2003 9:17 PM CDT

Hey People, I'm sorry yet again for my delay in writing. I guess I should tell you about me now... who I am, what my disease is, what I like and hate a stuff like that. I am at my dad's in Arizona right now so I have tons of time. First off is the fun stuff. I am a 14 year old girl and I live in Boulder Colorado. (Well, really close we really live out in the boonies in a small town about 10 miles away from it.) I have four dogs, a cat, and my family breeds and shows American Paint Horses so we have about 30, I myself ride two. Our ranch is about 40 acres and it's great place to live. My second home is Mesa Arizona, where my dad lives. He and my mom spilt up in August 2002, their devorce will be final in a few weeks. My family in colorado is my brother(24), my mom, and me. I have a sister in Arizona, she's 25 (Nearly 26). I have family in both states basicly, ad normally (When my mother and I aren't fighting) like to live in both places equally as much.

From here it goes to the no so fun story, my disease. It's not terrible like some, actually sometimes I look at it as a gift, as crazy as that sounds. it has helped me meet and understand different people, I have learned a lot from it actually, and so sometimes its a wonderful gift but, when it's not... it's not so nice. I have a rare form of Hirchsprungs, called Total Ganglion Hirchsprungs, Hirchsruns it's self is a disease in which the intestines cells get confused an sometimes stop the intestine from working properly. Mine, well haha mine neeveer works properly... All of my larg intestine and 2/3 of my small were so messed up they were removed. So I only have a small part, but it works good enough to get by on tube feeds and oral. Oral wise I can't have much fiber, just because I can't prosess it that well. Now naturally with no large intstine keeping hydrated is my day to day struggle. When I am sick, more often than not I have just servely dehydrated and my levels are wacked.

I used to be a lot sicker than I am now, but when I was seven my mom found a product called 'Ambertose' though a company called Mannatech. It's basicly a suplement that improves cell communication, it has nuetrients that we rarely get from our diets. (and you know if I wasn't getting it from TPN it must be hard to get!) After a year on this product I was off TPN and eating oral foods that my mom never thought I could have, such as Pizza, Spahgetti, fish, chicken, and much more. Because of this product I seriously have a normal life. I used o be in bed 22 outr of 24 hours a day, while now I go to school and ride my horse and all kinds of other acivities.

I guess that's all for now cause I have to go to bed in a while and want to watch some TV with my dad and his Girlfriend Brenda. I'll tell you all that happened back in october and that whole saga tomorrow....night!

Friday, June 6, 2003 1:09 PM CDT

Yo My Peoples... haha sorry for the delayed entry. I have been soooo busy, i graduated last friday and then partied all weekend withfriends and celebrated and then monday I felt kinda sick and tuesday I babysat all day and rode my horse, and then wednesday my mom took my to this therapist kinda guy, that was interesting. I mean, I was kinda mad that she thought i needed shrink or whatever he is but just talking to someone about how I feel is good, and nothing about my really persona life came up, we more taked aboutmy illness... I guess the guy has had a serious intestinal illness himself since he was four, but I didn't ask anymore that he ould lt me know, I find that kind of rude, he'll tell me in time I guess. Anyways, he was more help than I thought he would be. With my mom and dads devorce and all i was thinking we'd get more into that and i was relly releived it didn'tt come up. my mom thinks I am still mad at her for that and i'm not and it's annoying. Anyways then thursday i had the flu and babysat at teh same time because since i am always kind sick I thougt nothing of it but I guess i ad a 24 hou bug... anyways today is friday!!! haha yay and I am going o go ride my horse but i ave to clean my room first which is no fun butoh well whatcha gonna do ya know? i'll keep ya posted on my life and how much this stupid disease is interfering with it... but right now its not going to bad... anyways ttyl!

Thursday, May 22, 2003 6:01 PM

Hey people, Im Bali! Today i signed up for Caring bridge and I already love it... thanks Lauren!!!

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