Welcome to Samantha and Sydney's page.

This page has been created to allow others to see our beautiful angels, and hear about their story. This is a testament to their short lives with us.

Helen Keller once said "What we have once enjoyed deeply, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." Samantha Jo and Sydney Amanda have become a part of us; living in our hearts, our minds, our souls.

Samantha Jo Pahl & Sydney Amanda Pahl

Born: November 13, 2002; 10:19AM and 10:22AM

Weight: 15.6oz. and 14.4oz Length: 11 inches, 10.5 inches

"To live in hearts we leave behind Is not to die" Thomas Campbell
Our hearts are heavy, but we know this is from the love we carry for our girls.

Journal

Monday, November 18, 2002 at 02:15 PM (CST)

Samantha Jo and Sydney Amanda were conceived late in June of 2002. Unlike our first attempt at building our family, this time we were lucky right away and did not have to endure any failed cycles. Daddy knew from the beginning, in his heart, that I was carrying two. He even went so far as to declare that they were his girls, even though mommy was convinced they were two boys. So much for mother's intuition.

Troubles began at 11 weeks, with an emergency room trip. The diagnosis: partial previa and partial plancental abruption. Weeks of bedrest followed at home, and then a referral to a perinatologist suggested that the girls were, like their big brother, vying for an early entrance to this world. Not one, but two rescue cerclages were performed in the month of October, with Abbott Northwestern becoming our second home for the duration. The only redeeming part of this ordeal were the daily ultrasounds we received to check on the girls' heartbeats. It was during these times that the bonds were reinforced; these were our girls. The only thing more amazing was feeling the girls scooting around, ever the explorers.

Things seemed to continue status quo until the morning of November 11, when I began having contractions, and labor ensued.
After a long hard fought battle, which included nearly three months of bedrest, it was determined we could do no more through medicine or prayer. The girls arrived in our open arms the morning of Wed. November 13, 2002. From our arms, they entered our hearts, where our grief remains heavy. A wise chaplain told us that the more hurt we feel, the more love we have. We are beginning to find this to be true, though acceptance is still well down the road. Big brother Tanner continues to be gentle around mommy's tummy, asking where the babies are; I keep saying he is too young to truly understand, but then, aren't we all?

Some think that God does not give us more than we can handle; I disagree. I once heard, and believe wholeheartedly, that God creates chaos and some are more fortunate than others in where that chaos lands. We can't control the chaos, but we can pray that God sends us strength to endure the chaos. We are waiting for such strength.

We want to thank everyone for their incredible prayer crusade throughout this ordeal. Also, thanks to the fantastic doctors at Abbott Northwestern. It is of some consolation that we feel we were in the right place, and everything was done for the girls that could have been done. We will, of course, always ponder the "what if's" and the "why's" of it all.

Below is a poem, written by the girls' Auntie Pattie, a week before they were born. It is an amazing tribute, and I wanted to share it with all who visit the girls' site.

Treasures
Two tiny pieces of God,
Little miracles of flesh and blood,
Meticulously and lovingly chosen,
Fascinate even in hidden presence.

With spirits strong and undaunted by the odds
They inch forward in the direction of life.

Journey on so you can discover your toes,
Feel daddyÂ’s chest against your cheek,
Rock together sitting on mommyÂ’s lap,
And share giggles and secrets before bed.

In each of you exciting futures exist
Guided by many loving hands and hearts.

Along the way you will create mischief,
Be the source of someoneÂ’s bursting pride,
Search to find answers to your questions,
All the while developing dignity and self-worth.

The song you sing as the dance you choose
Will start in innocence before gaining wisdom.

So be the early evening star that leads,
The flower that unfolds in poignant beauty,
The precious stone that shines before itÂ’s cut and polished,
Or the light that radiates long after dark.

Your choices like fine threads
Stitching the tapestry of your life.
P.Briggs Nov. 3, 2002

Look at past journal entries

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Email address  : mpahl13@aol.com

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