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It's been more than 20 years and every few years I find myself back here. A name that will never leave my consciousness entirely. I never knew him in person, but I played games with him as so many others did, FLF like the others. It struck a chord in my life... him.. the same age as me.. on a journey.
Andrew
FL - Thursday, February 22, 2024 3:12 AM CST

Please know Matthew isn’t forgotten on his 20th anniversary.
A fellow gamer
- Saturday, July 23, 2022 0:31 AM CDT

❤️
Nikita
Helsinki, - Thursday, March 18, 2021 1:04 PM CDT

The FLF community remembers! ❤️
Nikita
Finland - Monday, June 24, 2019 0:05 AM CDT

I played FLF with Matt many years ago. when I discovered this site and saw what had happened with him, it was devastating. This was also many years ago as I was a teenager.

I still come back and remind myself the courage and fight that someone like him can have in life. You had a beautiful way of describing his fight and the caring and love shared by all through the times that moves me to tears every time I visit.

You said in one of the posts that you were worried his web presence has long been gone. His history, either through this website or on the FLV websites, is not completely lost. Archive.org will always have these sites saved long (forever) after their initial iteration has been removed. I just wanted to share this in case you've ever lost your printed/saved artifacts:

https://web.archive.org/web/20020604224642/http://www.frontlineforce.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=8190

https://web.archive.org/web/20020725132628/http://www.flfmod.com/matt/

Cory <shinnokxz@gmail.com>
UT - Wednesday, January 6, 2016 2:32 AM CST

Matthew had been on my mind for a few days and I hadn't visited his website in several years. I came to Caringbridge and paused, realizing I had to key in the site name on the classic sites. Amazingly, it popped right into my head and I reached his site. So glad to hear Christopher and Julie are well and happy and you updated. Best wishes to your family. Matthew is not forgotten.
Michele
Orlando, FL - Friday, March 6, 2015 8:16 PM CST

Hey Debbie,
I found myself thinking of your family today, so just a note to let you know that Matt is remembered with admiration and smiles.
Love to you and yours,
Robyn Delgado , Quito's mom
San Diego, CA United States - Saturday, March 22, 2014 6:25 PM CDT

Remembering Matthew and thinking of his loved ones on his angel anniversery.
A fellow gamer
- Monday, July 22, 2013 7:33 PM CDT

I just got back home from a memorial service for another friend who passed away due to cancer, and my thoughts returned to Matt. It's been over nine years since I worked up the courage to post on here the first time, but I just wanted to say thank you, again, for sharing Matt with us. His work in FLF crossed paths with my work in the HL mod community from time to time, and he worked hard to create joy for others without thought of return. In time, his work will probably just be a footnote in a forgotten history, but we'll always remember him and his valiant struggle.

I look forward to meeting Matt and his family someday in the distant future, in a world free from pain, tears and death. Until then, take care and keep up your work helping others battling cancer!
Nighthawk
- Saturday, September 1, 2012 9:03 PM CDT

Hi Debbie, it was lovely to see and update and to hear that your family is doing well. It is certainly hard to believe that 10 years have gone past without our loved ones. This September will be 10 years since I lost my mum to cancer. I wish your family well and lots of love.

Take care,
Janice

http://www.caringbridge.org/oceania/girlieliew/
Janice <janiceliew1981@gmail.com>
Melbourne, Australia - Tuesday, August 28, 2012 8:13 PM CDT

Glad that your mother seems to be doing better-no fractures reported this time. Matthew seems to have really been a special boy. I read his story from top to bottom last night till this morning. I've been exposed to so much cancer and death in "real" life that even in my cyber life, those are the areas that touch me the most. It rounder stand how to support the bereaved. Wishing you and your loved ones peace.. Thandi in Cape Town, South Africa. (If there any typos, blame the phone I'm typing on:) )
Thandi <Thandiwen@gmail.com>
Cape town, WP RSA - Thursday, August 23, 2012 2:25 AM CDT

Debbie, I'm not sure what prompted it but you popped into my head this morning and suddenly I was thinking that it must be close to 10 yrs since Matthew passed away. As soon as I checked CaringBridge I realized that was indeed the truth. I just want you to know I am thinking about you, Matthew and all of your family, and saying a prayer for comfort to you all and for health and healing to all those still battling cancer
Tracy Pitts <TADTracy2000@aol.com>
Florissant, Mo USA - Friday, August 10, 2012 8:12 AM CDT

God loved you the way you were. How great that love is. Everyone who knew you loved you. He who gave his only son for us that we may know the Fathers love, loved you. He never lost you. We who continue on will suffer our losses but greatfully knowing he wanted you right away. And there is hope for us.
Bob Parmeter <robertparm@sbcglobal.net>
Florissant, MO USA - Wednesday, July 25, 2012 4:01 PM CDT

Debbie, because of my cancer (evil, evil) I got you as a nurse and an amazing friend. I feel like I know Matthew because he still lives in you and I have heard so many wonderful stories.

Blessings to you....

And from the musical Wicked...'because I knew you...I am changed for good'.
Sharon Whitehall <sharon.whitehall@gmail.com>
- Sunday, July 22, 2012 10:13 AM CDT

Thinking of you & sending warm regards..
Matty's Mom (ALL) 06/28/1997-02/02/2009
Day-by-Day
Yvette <Yvettenothnagel@yahoo.com>
Port Elizabeth , South Africa - Sunday, July 22, 2012 5:12 AM CDT

Hi Debbie. I send to you and your family a big hug on this special day. Thinking of your family.
From another Mum who as lost a daughter to cancer and member of the Day by Day group.
Kim Rogers <kitchenskar@yahoo.co.nz>
Timaru, New Zealand - Sunday, July 22, 2012 3:38 AM CDT

Just thinking of you. I wonder if your mother still even comes here.
Gamer
- Thursday, July 19, 2012 11:16 PM CDT

Remembering Matthew and thinking of your family on his birthday.
A fellow gamer
- Thursday, March 29, 2012 9:09 AM CDT

saying a prayer for you and your family
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Sunday, March 18, 2012 8:58 PM CDT

<3
Nikita
Helsinki, Finland - Friday, January 20, 2012 1:36 AM CST

Just stopped by to say hello. Still think of you from time to time.
Gamer
- Tuesday, December 13, 2011 2:50 AM CST

thinking of you this past week. hope all is well.
sheila <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Thursday, July 28, 2011 7:39 AM CDT

Thinking of you this week...praying for your family.
Judy Gillen <jgillen@nechristian.edu32>
Papillion, NE - Tuesday, July 19, 2011 2:13 PM CDT

It's been a long time since I've visited this site, way to long. I just wanted to let you know that I've been keeping Matt and family in my prayers. I'm going to the light the night walk in downtown tonight so they can find a cure. Just wanted to check in.
Alex Noss <alex@fivestar-electric.com>
Bridgeton, MO - Friday, September 24, 2010 1:26 PM CDT

I was at the ER all night tonight, my 2 year old baby girl had been throwing up for 2 days. They gave her zofran and I immediately thought of Zof and started crying. They looked at me like I was crazy, they didn't realize I relate that drug to what Matt had to go through. They were just trying to get my baby girl to stop throwing up. Anyway, I realized its been a long long time since I've come here and it had been a while since I thought of Zof. But you sure are in my mind today!!!
Gamer
- Sunday, September 12, 2010 4:05 AM CDT

Remembering Matthew and continuing to game in his memory.
A fellow gamer
Canada - Saturday, July 24, 2010 2:37 AM CDT

Been thinking about your family this week. Many blessings to you!
Judy Gillen <jgillen@nechristian.edu>
Omaha, NE USA - Friday, July 23, 2010 1:08 PM CDT

Remembering Matthew.
Michele
Orlando, FL - Thursday, July 22, 2010 8:47 PM CDT

Hi Debbie & Dirk, sending you some (((((hugs))))) and thinking of you today. I hope that the memories are gentle with you.

Congratulations on the birth of your first grandchild last year (I am a bit slow with that I know!) She shares a birthday with our 'after' baby Owen who turned 6 this June 13th.
Harri T
Auckland, New Zealand - Thursday, July 22, 2010 5:12 AM CDT

I was going through some boxes and found a prayer card from Matthew's funeral....which led me back to this website. I remember reading your daily updates, just willing for peace and healing for all of you.

Rereading the journal, I cried as hard as I did the first time I read it...what a gift his life was and I am blessed to have known him when he was a student at Pattonville Heights, where I used to teach.

Thank you again for sharing him with all of us...may you continue to heal and know you are all still in so many hearts and prayers.

God bless,

Laura Lancaster, Counselor @ Remington Traditional <llancaster@psdr3.org>
Maryland Heights, MO US - Monday, May 24, 2010 12:08 AM CDT

Thinking of you.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Sunday, May 23, 2010 9:18 PM CDT

*afternote*

Sorry, I meant ALL - it's in the early hours of the morning here and my brain isn't feeling very sharp!
Montserrat McShane <monty_mcshane@hotmail.com>
- Sunday, May 16, 2010 6:33 PM CDT

Hi Debbie

I'm not sure if you ever check this anymore, but I just wanted to leave you a note. I'm Maximilan Snowdon's sister (I'm 21 now) and I know you used to talk to my mother, Gloria McShane a lot while he was ill with ALL. She talked about you and Matthew and his AML a lot, and was always so concerned for you guys. I've seen his site before and I was thinking about it recently, so I came here. I was very sorry to hear all those years ago that he had died. Thankfully, Maximilian's doing very well - he's 26 now - and has a job and is getting his own place next year, hopefully. I am so sorry about Matt, because he deserved to live just as much as Max. My own brother's struggle has meant I have the utmost respect for families who go through the hell that is having a child with cancer. It was terrible when Max was ill, and I know it was awful for you with your son. I just wanted to let you know that I still say a prayer for your family sometimes. Even though we've never spoken before, I'll never forget Matt's story. xxx
Montserrat McShane <monty_mcshane@hotmail.com>
London, UK - Sunday, May 16, 2010 6:29 PM CDT

remembering sweet Matthew
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Sunday, April 11, 2010 8:22 PM CDT

I just wanted to stop by and remember my friend... Matt was the most genuinely good person I've ever met and I was blessed to have known him. No matter how much time goes by, he will never be forgotten. I miss you buddy.
Colin Pocsik <cmpocsik@gmail.com>
St. Louis, MO - Friday, March 12, 2010 11:11 AM CST

thinking of you
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Thursday, March 11, 2010 7:26 PM CST

♥
Nikita
FLF, Finland - Wednesday, January 6, 2010 6:00 AM CST

Merry Christmas sweet family.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Monday, December 28, 2009 7:00 PM CST

Wishing your family a peaceful Christmas.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Sunday, December 20, 2009 8:13 AM CST

bet that granddaughter is gorgeous. hope when everyone was home in august was great.

sheila <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Wednesday, September 30, 2009 10:26 AM CDT

Hey Debbie, Just had to tell you how beautiful this site is. The pictures of Matthew with Julie and Christopher are amazing...really capturing their personalities. The song made my cry, yet is so inspirational at the same time. Your strength never ceases to amaze me...what a wonderful mother, and wife and nurse and now Grandmother you are! To survive such a loss and to be so strong to remain triumphant is simply incredible to me. I want you to know that I think about you (and miss spending some time with you) and most importantly, I keep Matthew in my prayers every day (honestly!). Hope to talk with you soon.
Jo Ann Gileza <jagileza@msn.com>
- Thursday, September 10, 2009 8:35 AM CDT

It was so nice to see your update. Though I don't know you or your family personally, nor did I ever know Matthew personally, I have been touched by his life for some time now and think of you all often. Congratulations on your new granddaughter. I hope we hear from you more often.
Meg
Allentown, PA - Sunday, August 16, 2009 2:00 AM CDT

Anniversaries are so difficult-wishing you peace. It was nice to see your update. Congratulations on your new granddaughter!
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Friday, July 31, 2009 9:35 AM CDT

Just writing to say I remembered Matthew's angel day and still think about him. Glad to hear the family's well and hope things continue to go that way.
Anonymous
Canada - Sunday, July 26, 2009 10:04 PM CDT

Remembering Matthew...

I check your site often, and was so glad to see an update. Congratulations on the new grand-baby!
April Plourde
Methuen, MA - Saturday, July 25, 2009 10:55 PM CDT

Debbie- thank you for the update. It is awesome hearing about everyone. I bet Norah is beautiful. And to think that Matthew met her first before her arrival. He must be so proud of his family. I am remembering sweet Matthew tonight and praying for peace for his family.
Would love to see some pictures.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Wednesday, July 22, 2009 8:19 PM CDT

Remembering a special young man today. I am sure that Norah has a very special Guardian Angel watching over her - her Uncle Matthew! And, I am just a sure that he is a very proud Uncle!
Linda
Pittsburgh, PA - Wednesday, July 22, 2009 4:00 PM CDT

Debbie - I'm an old timer from ALL kids and followed your site years ago, through Matt's journey. Just wanted you to know I saw your post on PED ONC and was glad to see the web address so I could go back and check on you. You and your family went through so much, so bravely, as did Matthew. Matthew was very special. It sounds like your other two kids are doing wonderfully and that you are coping as well as you can. I always loved the picture of Matthew with his sister and brother. Take care,
Jocelyn, mom to Carly (16) dx ALL 11/00 and OT 1/03
Jocelyn <JCH5960@aol.com>
Blue Bell, PA - Thursday, July 9, 2009 11:33 PM CDT

Miss hearing about your family. Thinking of you
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
- Wednesday, June 24, 2009 8:57 PM CDT

Hi Debbie and Dirk. I miss your updates about the family.
I want to wish you a Happy Mothers Day and ask about Aunt Hazel. Is she doing OK? I'm having an 80th birthday on the 30th of this month. Can't believe I'm that old. Ha.
Best wishes to all of you! Barb Cary
Barbara Cary <bcary67@verizon.net>
Bellflower, CA USA - Sunday, May 10, 2009 8:42 PM CDT

Remembering Matthew's birthday....
Michele
Orlando, FL - Sunday, March 29, 2009 8:16 PM CDT

i still check in our your website and was glad to read your update
Linda Sidorski <lsidorski@sbcglobal.net>
- Friday, January 30, 2009 8:32 PM CST

Hi Debbie, I've just stopped to see how Matthew is remembered in this big old place called the internet.

I just happened to be reading a news website and sadly there was a story similar to Matthews which reawakened my memories of him. It's quite nice to know that he's still remembered so dearly by the communities he surrounded himself with and that his family is doing well too.
I spoke to him every now and again back in 2001/2002 and he truly was an amazing person, given his situation he was a remarkably friendly and funny guy.

I hope 2009 treats your family well.
Alex Scott <xxgfxx@gmail.com>
Cardiff, United Kingdom - Monday, January 26, 2009 6:23 AM CST

Love to hear what has been happening with you. I think of Matthew and pray often for your whole family.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Friday, January 2, 2009 5:09 PM CST

Merry Christmas, Debbie! I hope your family's well, and I look forward to your next update. I think of Matthew all the time.
April
Methuen, MA - Wednesday, December 24, 2008 9:34 PM CST

Hi Debbie - Always remember Matthew and sometimes stop by.
God bless
Gloria McShane (mother of Maximilian, ALL) <gmcshane@tiscali.co.uk>
Darlington, UK - Friday, December 12, 2008 8:49 AM CST

Hi Debbie. Just stopping by. Very cool news about the wedding and Christopher's med school progress! Where did he end up going for his residency? We are coming up on 5 years here too, in February. Most days I can't even wrap my mind around it....or I choose not to. Good to read your update.
Peace,
LeeAnn
www.caringbridge.org/in/brockbarnard
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Muncie, IN 47304 - Saturday, November 22, 2008 8:32 AM CST

Hi Debbie - Just wanted to say hello, thinking of you guys, praying for your family...
Justine Kessler
Madison, WI - Saturday, November 15, 2008 8:53 PM CST

Just thinking of you and your family. I have always enjoyed reading your up dates.
Molly Trout <molly.trout@yahoo.com>
St. Louis, Mo - Friday, October 31, 2008 4:04 PM CDT

Matt is not forgotten. How is Julie and Christopher?
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Sunday, October 26, 2008 8:51 PM CDT

Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that Matthew is not forgotten!
Linda
Pittsburgh, - Tuesday, October 21, 2008 9:52 AM CDT

Something pulled me to this site today, not sure how or why. In my 15 years of teaching and then counseling in the Pattonville School District, 14 students of mine have earned their angel wings, all too early...there isn't a week that goes by that I don't think of each one of them and say a prayer for all of the families who have endured such a loss. I am glad you keep up with the website.

Wishing you strength, love and peace in your heart.

Laura, former Pattonville Heights teacher.
Laura Lancaster <llancaster@psdr3.org>
St. Louis, MO 63146 - Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:32 PM CDT

Just dropping in to visit, your journal is always remembered. Prayers to all.
Gail Williams
Toronto, ON Canada - Saturday, October 11, 2008 8:24 PM CDT

I truly enjoyed learning more about your family.
Pamela Murphy <pkmurphy@ikon.com>
Chesterfield, MO USA - Wednesday, October 8, 2008 9:31 AM CDT

Just thinking of your Matthew today as I always do when my nephew Matthew is in my thoughts. Hope all is going well with your family.
Michele
Orlando, FL - Friday, September 5, 2008 12:39 AM CDT

Just stopping by to say hello.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Saturday, August 2, 2008 8:19 AM CDT

Matthew and your family are still in my thoughts.
Anonymous
Canada - Monday, July 28, 2008 11:21 PM CDT

Especially this week....thinking of you and praying for your family.
Judy Gillen <jgillen@nechristian.edu>
Papillion, NE USA - Wednesday, July 23, 2008 4:02 PM CDT

Thinking of you this week
Judy Shank <jshank@csbsju.edu>
St. Cloud, MN USA - Wednesday, July 23, 2008 1:21 PM CDT

Debbie, Dirk and family, I often think of you when I am down in Auckland City and see the visiting cruise ships, and of course think of you at this time of the year and remember reading your journal as Matthew lost his fight against that stinking disease, memories which will live with me forever. It is nice to read your updates on how your older children are getting along, but still incredibly sad to come here and see the photos knowing that, like us, you will never get a new one of your children all together. Sending you (((((hugs)))))
Harri (Lowri's mum) <timvdw@kcbbs.gen.nz>
Auckland, New Zealand - Wednesday, July 23, 2008 2:14 AM CDT

thinking of matthew.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Monday, July 21, 2008 7:53 PM CDT

Wow, it's been so long since I've stopped by here. I'm grown now and have my own children. Just had my first baby girl 3 months ago. I still game every now and then, but life has just gotten in the way. I was just thinking about zof and wanted to come by and say hello and to let you know that he still has a place in my heart and I'm so so sorry that you had to lose a child. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like.
gamer
- Wednesday, July 2, 2008 10:49 PM CDT

Finnish FLF-gamers still remember Zofran! Both oldskool players and newbies. We just had a discussion about FLF and Zofran @irc.

FLF is pretty much dead at this moment (no servers online) but we are patiently waiting for the New Improved FLF (hmm, waited for the past 5 years or so...).

I remember reading your journal back in 2002. I read and cried, cried and read some more the following day. I started playing FLF around the same time Zofran passed away. Cant say if we ever played together. But I found out he passed away when I was playing FLF. Ppl talked in the game chat about Zofrans passing. The map was Bio, where one of the cap points is dedicated to Zofran.

I have visited your page several times during these years. Was about time to let you know. My deepest condolences (6 years too late, but still...).

Nikita, female FLF:er from Finland
Helsinki, Finland - Tuesday, June 24, 2008 2:34 PM CDT

Hello,

I just got the whim this morning to check in as well and see if there had been any updates. While I can't disagree with your reasoning for not posting much over the last year, I still want you and your family to know that Matthew is still in all of our thoughts.

I was reading back through the journal entries and it really is amazing to see how many people have came and left their sentiments, including myself a few years ago when I first heard news of his passing through the Frontline Force forums. He really touched so many people who never had the pleasure of meeting him.

I'm sure my reminiscing isn't helping much though, =] So I'll leave it at that, but just remember there's plenty of us out there who still haven't forgotten about Matthew and his family.

Take care and be well!
Sean Aikins <sean.aikins@gmail.com>
Noblesville, IN USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2008 8:59 AM CDT

thinking of you and stopping by to let you know I care.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
- Thursday, June 12, 2008 10:06 PM CDT

Dirk and Debbie,
I have been thinking about you both a lot lately, and, obviously, thinking about Matt. I just stopped by to see if there was any update... it has been awhile since my last visit. I hope that your spring was good, and your summer is off to a warm start :)
Where did Christopher end up getting his internship/residency? Just curious. How is your mom? Is she off the walker now, and moving around like a pro? I hope so.
Please know that we think of you all often.

God Bless you!!

Julie and Chris Bushre <baconj54@hotmail.com>
Lyons, NE - Thursday, June 12, 2008 6:47 PM CDT

Hi there, I am also a stranger to you and your family, however I began reading Matt's site many years ago and was reading the site when he very sadly passed on. I remember reading messages his gaming buddies left and how you were very happy to get those messages.
I drop by from time to time, just to check up on you. As a mother of 2 grown up kids, I cannot imagine what the last 5+ years have been like for you without Matt. I admire your strength and courage. I look forward to reading your next post.
Gail
Toronto, ON Canada - Monday, May 26, 2008 8:20 PM CDT

Hi there from a complete and total stranger! I don't use my real name online, but on my blog (www.doolittle.typepad.com) I go by Eliza. I have three children with special needs and spend a lot of time surfing CB sites either because I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with someone or because...well, I guess because it's good to read about other families who "get" what it is like when something horrible happens to a child and aren't afraid to talk about it. I hadn't looked on here in a while, but came by today just to "check in" (it's funny how attached you can get to families just by reading about them) and see how everyone was doing, and your more recent post talking about how you pretty much diagnosed Matthew yourself made me really hurt for you. Please, please, please don't play The Blame Game. You were a wonderful mother and care partner to your son, and sometimes kids ARE "just" anemic and pale and sickly (two of mine are; we have some kind of "atypical coagulopathy" that the local hem/oncs and our geneticist can't quite figure out although it appears that I and two out of my three kids all have it so evidently it is genetic). Did that stop me from freaking RIGHT ON OUT when my oldest started having hideous gushing nosebleeds and turned translucent over the course of a week? Heck no. Was I thinking about you and Matthew when I bullied our (poor, wonderful, long-suffering) pediatrician into seeing us on a Friday afternoon and running STAT labs? Of course I was. Was it leukemia? Thankfully, no. Was it necessary, in retrospect, to freak out the way I did and pester everyone into immediate action? No, we still had a bleeding disorder on Monday and it wasn't quite bad enough to warrant a transfusion (and thanks to liberal iron supplementation hasn't gotten there yet). I know that you know this, but I just wanted to remind you that that's how it is with parenting. Sometimes you freak out unnecessarily and feel ridiculous. Sometimes (and I've had my moments in this category, too) you're so used to seeing things wrong (and not wanting them to be any worse) that you wait a day or two longer to take action on something than you would have, in hindsight. Your writing on this site really touched me, and I just wanted to introduce myself and urge you to go easy on yourself--I think you did a wonderful job. Unfortunately, sometimes that doesn't make any difference in outcome, but if it did then I'm sure Matthew would still be around today because I can't imagine anyone handling things any better than your family did. I'm so sorry he isn't still with you, but please don't try to take responsibility for that in any way. I do the same thing sometimes when things go wrong with my kids, and I think it's kind of my way of trying to make their health more controllable--if I am screwing up somewhere then I can just STOP IT and they'll get BETTER! Not so much. I still do it sometimes, and some of my friends know this and have permission to give me a "reality check" with extreme prejudice if need be :) Some things are beyond anyone's control, though, and I hate to see another mom doing that to herself. Take care, and be well.
Eliza
"Doolittleville", ? USA - Thursday, April 24, 2008 9:28 AM CDT

I have been checking into this site for awhile. I was very happy to hear about the wedding. I know you miss Matthew at such times. I lost my precious son and I don't think it is something any parent should have to go through. Life goes on but it is forever changed.
Kathy Green <Greenk3@k12tn.net>
Knoxville, TN U.S.A. - Tuesday, April 22, 2008 9:40 AM CDT

Debbie,
I too have not been good about updating... Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you & Matthew tonight,. Glad to see all is well. Hope to catch up Kristin's page soon.
Hugs and many Blessing to you & yours!
www.caringbridge.org/fl/kristinhofmann
Laura Bradford ^i^Kristin's momma <laura.bradford@gmail.com>
Lake City, Fl - Tuesday, April 15, 2008 8:06 PM CDT

Happy Birthday Matt. Visited you a couple of days ago just to see how things were going since I would be out of town for your birthday weekend. I got my drivers license, I'm even starting to grow a beard now. I wish you were here to see how much I have grown up now. For class we had to pick a hero, at first I was going to pick my grandfather, but now I realize that you are a hero to more people than anyone. I miss you Matt. Love ya cuz.
Joe
St. Charles, MO U.S.A. - Saturday, April 5, 2008 0:30 AM CDT

Happy Birthday Matthew! Perhaps a visit to a favorite restaurant of Matthew's for dinner tonight? Hope your day is filled with warm memories! He is in the best place ever for his birthday. I know you miss him.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Saturday, March 29, 2008 11:15 AM CDT

Just stopping by to let you know you're all in my thoughts on Matthew's birthday. Happy birthday Matt.
A fellow gamer
Canada - Saturday, March 29, 2008 6:32 AM CDT

keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as another birthday comes by again. Matthew is not forgotten.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Thursday, March 27, 2008 9:10 AM CDT

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as Matthew's birthday approaches. I wanted you to know that Matthew will never be forgotten, even by those of us who only knew him from this website. I don't often sign, but check frequenntly for updates. Know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers!

Linda
Pittsburgh, PA - Wednesday, March 26, 2008 7:56 AM CDT

Still checking in and thanks for the update.
Linda Sidorski <lsidorski@sbcglobal.net>
- Saturday, March 22, 2008 3:03 PM CDT

Any info on Match Day for Christopher?
Thinking of you.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Tuesday, March 18, 2008 4:24 PM CDT

I have been following your updates for years and love to see how you are all doing.
Molly Trout Matt <mtroutmatt@yahoo.com>
St. Louis, Mo - Monday, March 10, 2008 5:26 PM CDT

Still checking for updates. God bless!
C. Wright
Tennessee, - Thursday, February 21, 2008 3:09 PM CST

Stopped by to check in, the update was nice to read. Thinking of you today.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
- Saturday, February 16, 2008 4:12 PM CST

Debbie- Thanks so much for updating! It is always wonderful to hear what is happening with Julie and Christopher. The wedding sounded wonderful. I cannot wait to see the pictures. What beautiful children you have. I cannot believe that Matthew would be turning 22. Amazing! I always continue to think of him often. Such a quiet but wise soul. He would have been wonderful doing whatever he chose in life. I am sure he wouldn't change places where he is right now. It sure doesn't make you miss him any less.
I think it is so awesome the job that you have(working with oncology) and the profession that Christopher has chosen. How this journey continues to touch so many. What a precious gift you have to offer others being through all that you went through with Matthew. He still continues to impact others. And that is even when you do not even say a word to your patients about Matthew. You still live it and have the understanding, wisdom, love wrapped up within you. Thank you Matthew for your gifts and sacrifice! I pray for you often.
So sorry to hear about your mom. I broke my femur and messed up my hip as well about 6 years ago. I have 3 children and my youngest at the time was 20 months. It was such a long recovery. I feel for you and your mom. My prayers for all.
Please let us know what Christopher finds out in March for his match day.
Please know that Matthew and his story continue to touch me and I think of him/you often. How beautiful he is/was to all. He is not forgotten.
Many blessings for family time together and the realizations of the gifts we give to others for you in 2008
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Friday, February 1, 2008 1:21 PM CST

I always check in on you from time to time. You are always in my families thoughts & Prayers.
Jennifer
(Ryan Grumish's cousin)
Jennifer
- Wednesday, January 30, 2008 0:05 AM CST

Hello. I have been reading Matthew's caringbridge site for over 6 years and it stuns me to think about the time that has passed. Please rest assured Matthew has not, nor never will be, forgotten. He is a very special young man, as is Christopher and you must be SO proud of him.
I try to look at my own family loss this way - as long as my loved one is still in my heart, there will be pain and that's okay.
Bless your whole family and thank you for including us all in your world.
Michele <chelly313@earthlink.net>
Orlando, FL USA - Monday, January 28, 2008 3:59 PM CST

Just wanted to let you know that I still stop by to check in on you and your family. I never met you or anyone in your family, I found your site through another patient's site.
Christine
Fort Lauderdale, FL - Thursday, January 24, 2008 4:36 PM CST

Just want to let you know that I still follow this site. Love reading your updates. God bless!
C. Wright
Tennessee, - Monday, January 21, 2008 11:22 AM CST

Just writing to say Matthew is still remembered and that your family is in my thoughts and prayers. From time to time when I play games I think of Matthew and remember his courage.
A fellow gamer
Canada - Monday, January 14, 2008 6:17 PM CST

Hi Debbie. Just stopped by to check in. Thanks for the update. Always wondering how other families are doing. Sounds like you all are doing well. Good luck to Christopher in his med school match.
Peace,
LeeAnn
www.caringbridge.org/in/brockbarnard
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Selma, IN USA - Sunday, January 13, 2008 12:58 AM CST

Hi Debbie,
Thanks for the update, it was really great to hear what your family's been upto. Big congrats to Christopher and Cami! I do check Matthew's site occasionally for an update but don't always sign in.. hope this year is a wonderful one for you and your family.

Lots of love,
Janice
www.caringbridge.org/oceania/girlieliew
Janice <janiceliew1981@gmail.com>
Melbourne, Australia - Saturday, January 5, 2008 8:33 PM CST

Thanks for the update. Though I don't often write a note, I visit your site often.
Hoping for a peaceful New Year.
Matthew will always be remebered!
Alice
Birmingham,AL, AL - Saturday, January 5, 2008 8:51 AM CST

Hi Debbie
It was lovely to read your update! The wedding sounded wonderful and I look forward to seeing photos.
Good luck to Christopher with his hospital placement. I hope it's not too far away from you!
Sorry to hear about your darling Mum.....poor thing, she must have had a lot of pain. We hope she is comfortable and wish her a speedy recovery.
Did you get our Christmas mail? We have finally found a house and get it in 3 weeks! I will send you the details when we move.
Your precious Matthew is never far from my thoughts. I love visiting his page!
Take care. Love & hugs to everyone!
Liz & her precious gang XOXOXOXOXO
The Cruickshank family <max.puppy@hotmail.com>
Melbourne, Vic. AUSTRALIA - Saturday, January 5, 2008 7:26 AM CST

Stopped by to visit and to wish your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...where does the time go??
Elizabeth <e_spehr_99@yahoo.com>
Washington, DC USA - Wednesday, January 2, 2008 4:27 PM CST

Just wanted you to know that I think of your family often and pray for you. Blessings to your entire family.
Judy Gillen <jgillen@nechristian.edu>
Papillion, NE USA - Wednesday, January 2, 2008 9:59 AM CST

Hey Debbie... I still check on you and you remain in my prayers. Sounds like you've kept busy these past few months. I've been keeping extremely busy chasing my two 3 year olds. There ARE reasons we have our children when we're young! :) These two are either going to keep me young, or kill me young...but I wouldn't trade 'em. I'm glad you like your 'new' job, I'm sure that helps you some. I'll check on you again soon. God bless.
jan livingstone (andy's mom forever)
- Tuesday, January 1, 2008 10:10 PM CST

Just thinking of Matthew! Hope your Christmas and New Years was memorable. I am sure it did not feel quite right though.
How was Christopher's wedding? Any pictures from Christmas 2007?
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Tuesday, January 1, 2008 5:22 PM CST

Just stopping by to check in and let you know that Matthew is remembered this Christmas.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Sunday, December 9, 2007 1:31 PM CST

Hi Debbie,
I just checked Matthew's site again, and found you'd updated it and added new pictures! I look forward to hearing about you and the family.
I thought of you today, because I've just been told another young relative has A.L.L. He was diagnosed Nov. 27, 2000. It made me think of your Matthew. He is also Matthew Fackler. He's my brother, Kenneth's grandson, and he's a sophmore in high school, so I think he's about the same age as your Matthew was when you wrote about him?
I'm wondering if maybe it runs in families? I didn't know whethe to share this sad news with you, but it made me think so much of you and what you and the family went through. After 3 yrs and 2 mos he commpleted chemo. Then in Dec. 2004 he relapsed and had to do it all overe again. On October 10, they got the news that he relapsed again, this time in his central nervous system. He's fighting for remission and then on to a bone marrow transplant. It brings back so many memories of what you went through! I hope this story turns out better for this Matthew! Please pray for him
Your cousin, Barbara (Fackler) Cary
Barbara Cary <bcary67@verizon.net>
Bellflower, Ca USA - Wednesday, October 24, 2007 7:31 PM CDT

It is good to hear an update from you. Congratulations on passing your certification test!!
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Thursday, August 23, 2007 5:23 PM CDT

Hey Debbie! Great to hear from you. Wow, you have been amazingly busy! :) Congrats on passing your onc test. It seems that I have accomplished nothing this summer. School starts again next week, and I have a new class to teach, so I guess I have to get my head outta my rear and figure out what it is about. We just got back from a vacation to Florida, just the 3 of us, and it really hit me hard...should have been 4. :( But I know you know that feeling. Thanks for stopping by Brock's site. We need to keep in better touch! Talk to you soon!
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Selma, In USA - Monday, August 6, 2007 4:26 PM CDT

I found your son Matt's website only recently but I wanted to let you know that I read your story and his and I check up on you all periodically now that I have found it. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now and I truly believe that Matt is a bright star looking over all of you each and every day. Thank you for sharing his story with us. We will keep all of you in our prayers and congrats on passing your test!
Cindy <cokidreams@yahoo.com>
TX - Tuesday, July 31, 2007 3:57 PM CDT

Debbie,

I Just wanted you to know I still check Matthew's site and think about him and you and your family so often. I keep you in my prayers. I know I will never forget you or Matthew. Take care of yourself and I look forward to another post from you. Hugs
Laurie (mom to Kaleigh 12 yrs old DX ALL 6/99 OT 8/01) <mlkttkk@sbcglobal.net>
Fishers, In - Monday, July 30, 2007 3:40 PM CDT

Debbie: I read the Day by Day list, and saw Matthew's name this week . . . I remember him and you so well from the ALL-kids list back in the day. Take care and take comfort if you can that many do still remember your brave son.

Karen, Clare's mom www.caringbridge.org/md/clareschmidt <ardenjunk@mac.com>
Cabin John, MD - Saturday, July 28, 2007 9:13 PM CDT

Thinking of you this week as another Anniversary has passed. Matthew will live on in the hearts and souls that he touched. Thank you for sharing his story.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Saturday, July 28, 2007 6:27 PM CDT

Hi Debbie, I found Matthew's blog by chance several years ago. His story has truly inspired me... and I've shared it with several friends and family, who have in turn, have shared it with others. Matthew will never be forgotten. I hope you continue to update, though I will also understand if you choose not to. But please know that you have not taken this journey alone... that even a stranger from across the country has become emotionally bonded to your family. Take care and God bless.
April Plourde <april.plourde@comcast.net>
Methuen, MA US - Tuesday, July 24, 2007 11:26 AM CDT

Still think and remember Matthew. I still love to read your posts... they are always perfect- exactly what they should be. Please know you are in my thoughts and most especially my prayers as Matthew's passing day is close by. You are an awesome mom to all your kids. Your continued love and devotion shine through always.
Sheila Sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, mo - Monday, July 23, 2007 8:40 AM CDT

I love you very much!!!! Thinking of you.
Kim Janke
Rolla , mo USA - Sunday, July 22, 2007 11:24 PM CDT

Lifting you in prayer on Matt's 5th Homegoing anniversary. May you continue to know our Lord's love, joy, comfort and peace.
Yolanda Rogers, Mom to Anna <weloveanna@earthlink.net>
Alt Spgs, FL USA - Sunday, July 22, 2007 8:30 PM CDT

Hi Debbie and Dirk - I remember all too well five years ago. There was clearly always something special about Matthew, because his story has always lived in my mind, despite the fact I never met him. I am sure you miss your precious son just as much today as five years ago. God bless you - Gloria
Gloria McShane, Mother of Maximilian, T-ALL patient <gmcshane@tiscali.co.uk>
Darlington, England - Sunday, July 22, 2007 3:21 PM CDT

Debbie & Dirk, thinking of you today and remembering that terrible day 5 years ago when I read that your precious Matthew was at peace but gone from your physical presence. I know how much it still hurts and how much the missing piece of your family jigsaw is always glaringly obvious to you. I hope that all else in your lives is going well. (((((Hugs))))), your New Zealand friends,
Harri & Tim, parents of angel-girl Lowri 8Oct98 - 23Sep02 <timvdw@kcbbs.gen.nz>
Auckland, New Zealand - Sunday, July 22, 2007 5:03 AM CDT

I too wanted to say that Matthew is not forgotten. The amazing love you have for your son is an inspiration to me
Cindy
- Saturday, July 21, 2007 10:26 PM CDT

Matthew is not forgotten, i check my caringbridge bookmarks and he is on it. Glad to see you updated. My thoughts are with you
Linda Sidorski <lsidorski@sbcglobal.net>
- Saturday, July 21, 2007 6:35 AM CDT

Matthew is not forgotten. I've been thinking about him and about your family, especially this week. Just want you to know that I'm praying for your family and remembering your special Matthew.
Judy Gillen <jgillen@nechristian.edu>
Omaha, NE USA - Friday, July 20, 2007 5:00 PM CDT

I noticed you mentioned the gaming community in your last news update. We haven't forgotten Matt. His story may no longer be recorded on the WWW but the lessons he taught us have become a part of the collective conciousness of the community. We are so often vilified by the media that remembering stories like Matt's have become indispensable for reminding ourselves and others that our ties extend past the digital realm, that we are not without memory or compassion.

I don't want to sound like an advertisement but i think it is important to point out http://www.childsplaycharity.org/, a charity set up to share our passtime with children that would otherwise have little hope or joy in their lives. We all share a passtime but more than that; in the chatrooms and forums across the world, we share our lives. I know it sounds corny, but the friends i have made through the gaming community have helped me through some of my own tough times and in that spirit I still carry Zof's tag. I still tell his story to any and all that ask about it. It reminds me that if you devote yourself to a community, to other people, if you share your life with them without pride or selfishness that the people you touch will never truly let you die. I never met Matt in person but his life, his story and his strength of character have made me a better person. For that i will never forget him.
Ben
Melbourne, VIC Australia - Tuesday, July 17, 2007 0:12 AM CDT

Thinking of you as Matthew's anniversary approaches.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Monday, July 16, 2007 10:21 PM CDT

Just wanted you to know that your Matthew is not forgotten ... even by those who did not know him personally. Thinking of you especially as July 22 draws near. Please know that you remain in my heart and prayers.
Linda
Pittsburgh, PA - Monday, July 16, 2007 2:32 PM CDT

Hi Debbie!
I still visit Matthew's site, especially to see his beautiful smiling face. He will never ever be forgotten. He certainly left an imprint on my heart and I'm sure in the hearts of many others worldwide.
Thinking of you all with Matthew's anniversay coming up this month. Our hearts are with you.
Love & hugs to you and all the family,
Liz, Murray, Adam, Joshua & Bethany
XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO
the Cruickshank family <max.puppy@hotmail.com>
Melbourne, Vic. AUSTRALIA - Wednesday, July 4, 2007 8:54 AM CDT

I still come here to check on your family, Matt's site was the first that I found after my Emily was released after transplant. I was devastated when you lost him. I just wanted you to know that he is not forgotten.
Debby Roberts..........................http://www.caringbridge.org/oh/emilyroberts/ <djfrro@aol.com>
Franklin, oh - Saturday, June 9, 2007 4:00 PM CDT

Hello Debbie. I just wanted to let you know that Matthew has not been forgotten at all. It's nice to read your updates to know your family is okay, but it's Matthew that draws us all back.
Some of us are cancer patients too, and as you know, there are periods of time that are simply black holes. Matthew is an inspiration for me to keep in the game, so to speak, and I think about him even though I do not always post in your guestbook.
Thanks for keeping everyone updated. Your family has become in a distant way, part of ours.
Regards, and hope your new job turns out well.
Michele
Orlando, FL - Tuesday, May 22, 2007 2:27 PM CDT

Hi Debbie... I think of you often, and check the website from time to time. I find that sometimes I get too caught up in my own grief to sign in and say anything...but please know that I understand. Please consider coming by another one of the Patching Heart meetings sometime; it might help you some? I continue to attend...it's about the only place on earth I feel 'normal' anymore. ;) Blessings
jan livingstone (andy's mom forever)
- Sunday, May 20, 2007 10:52 PM CDT

This was one of the first caringbridge sites I visited, I always drop by when I am checking on some other sites.
God Bless You All.....may your memories of your son be a comfort to you as you continue this journey we call life.
Remember we will all be reunited with our loved ones.
gail
Toronto, ON Canada - Sunday, May 20, 2007 8:22 PM CDT

Debbie, Matthew and your family will never be forgotten. I still stop by often to check and see if there have been any updates. I think of Matthew often and your family continues to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Kelley Fitzgerald (www.caringbridge.com/ny/lindsay)
Rochester, NY - Friday, May 18, 2007 8:20 AM CDT

We still read...........and remember.
Susan and Scott <hilltophedgies@msn.com>
Layton, UT - Thursday, May 17, 2007 7:06 AM CDT

Hi Debbie,
I just wanted to let you know that I still think about Matthew often and check in on the site monthly. I only had the pleasure of meeting Matthew once but he certainly made a wonderful impression and of course I always felt like I knew him so well through Julie. She loved her little brother so much. I still remember the night you and Dirk called to tell her about Matthew's diagnosis. She was crying and I didn't know what was wrong and scribbled on a piece of paper while she was still on the phone...."Matthew...leukemia" She insisted on getting in the car and driving home immediately that night and of course you and Dirk (as wonderful parents) convinced her that she needed to wait until the weekend and didn't want her on the road so late at night. I know it's not a happy memory but it just shows what a caring and wonderful family you all are and I know that Matthew could have been in no better place while he was here. I think everything has a natural progression and your heart has lead the progression of this journal from day one. Whatever kind of post feels right to you will be the perfect one. Please know all the Hallemeier's are in our prayers and Matthew will always be remembered.
Love,
Maria (Brock) Rosa
Maria <maria.rosa@murraystate.edu>
Murray, KY - Thursday, May 3, 2007 2:52 PM CDT

Debbie --

Please know that Matthew is not forgotten. While I never knew Matthew personally, I could sense from his website that he was quite a young man. He will always be in my thoughts and prayers as will your entire family.
linda
Pittsburgh, PA - Wednesday, May 2, 2007 8:15 AM CDT

Whoops...missspelled the website and was not sure if you still had it....

www.caringbridge.org/page/alexandriasangels
-alison
alison haddock <alisonhaddock@charter.net>
- Tuesday, May 1, 2007 3:42 PM CDT

Hi Debbie-
It has been so long since we have talked (way too long) so I wanted to come by and say "hello."

Things have certainly been busy around our house as we have welcomed Harrison Grant Haddock into our lives 3 months ago !!!

Give me a call sometime...would love to chat...

Big Hugs and love always-
Alison
Mom to Angel Alexandria

www.caringbridge.org/page/alexandrisangels

alison haddock <alisonhaddock@charter.net>
O' Fallon, MO - Tuesday, May 1, 2007 3:40 PM CDT

Hey there. Just another post saying that this site is still remembered. I knew Matthew as Zofran back on the FLF forums. Even though it's been almost 5 years, I remember how much my life was changed by his posts to the forums (as a 15 yr old at the time, i didn't have much else in my life :). Just thinking about what he had to go through... it put my complaints about minor changes in the game into perspective.
Gabe <gaccm@techie.com>
Oakland, CA 94618 - Thursday, April 26, 2007 6:24 PM CDT

Debbie and Family --
I still check Matthew's site very regularly and I'm always
thrilled when there is an update from you. I obviously don't know your family personally - but Matthew always seemed so very special and I care very much how your family is doing. I think of you and pray for you often....thank you for continuing to share with us.
Blessings to your family always
Judy Gillen <jgillen@nechristian.edu>
Papillion, NE USA - Thursday, April 26, 2007 10:35 AM CDT

I still check in on you and enjoy reading your updates. Matthew is not forgotten!
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Wednesday, April 25, 2007 11:23 AM CDT

I still read the page and hope to see updates more often- I never knew Matthew or your family personally but your story has touched my heart. Hearing about what is going on within your family keeps Matthew's memory alive and I hope that you continue to update. People think about him & love him, there is no question in that. How blessed you were so have spent sweet 16 years with him - how lucky he was to have parents and a family like you. No amount of words can help to alleviate the pain you are surely feeling, but please understand that many people care and enjoy hearing about your family still today.
Sarah
York, PA US - Tuesday, April 24, 2007 0:22 AM CDT

I still follow your caringbridge site and can't believe it has been that long. Cherish your sweet memories. God bless!
Cindy Wright
Tennessee, - Monday, April 23, 2007 3:11 PM CDT

Debbie~

I have not been to any CB sites for several months and today of all days I clicked on sharethelove and went directly to Matt's name...

Happy Birthday Matt.
Teri
Las Vegas (was Nashville), - Thursday, March 29, 2007 5:51 PM CDT

Thinking of you and your family and remembering Matthew. He is not forgotten. My prayers are for peace for you today in remembering the joys of your son. God bless you.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Thursday, March 29, 2007 8:13 AM CDT

Thinking of yall today.
God Bless.
Susan <autooncie@yahoo.com>
Mobile, AL - Thursday, March 29, 2007 7:58 AM CDT

Happy 21st Birthday Angel Matthew!
Briana
MN - Thursday, March 29, 2007 4:57 AM CDT

Debbie its going on five years? How in the world can that be!? And here we are with no answers, just more questions.
Chris & Gooch <chrisrusso_@hotmail.com>
- Monday, March 26, 2007 7:49 PM CDT

Just sending some

________XXXXXXXXX_______ XXXXXXXXX_________
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________________XXXXXXXXX ________________
__________________XXXXX __________________
___________________ XX ____________________
______________________________________________

To you,

From Everyone at Post Pals
www.postpals.co.uk

viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Friday, March 16, 2007 6:43 PM CDT

Stopping by to let you know that I was thinking of you as Matthew's birthday approaches. Your family is always in my prayers.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Sunday, March 11, 2007 10:40 PM CDT

Debbie,
Thinking of you and hope all is well.

Alice <asd507@hotnmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Wednesday, January 31, 2007 10:53 AM CST

Dear Debbie & Dirk
Happy New Year to you both and all your lovely family. I often think of you all and especially of your precious Matthew.
Lovely photos of you all at Christmas. Debbie you've grown your hair and it looks lovely!
Take care
Love & hugs to all
Elizabeth, Murray, Adam, Joshua & Bethany
XO XO XO XO XO
the Cruickshank family <muzlib@aapt.net.au>
Melbourne, Vic. AUSTRALIA - Wednesday, January 24, 2007 7:07 AM CST

Signing off. Its been great gaming in your name. GG
Gamer
- Tuesday, January 16, 2007 8:20 AM CST

Hi Debbie-

I still think of Matthew and your family often.
Diane Mathis (Mitchell's mom) ALL-KIDS <Stubby3620@aol.com>
Hickory (moved from Florida), NC - Monday, January 15, 2007 6:40 PM CST

Hi Debbie and Family...it has been a very long time since I have signed here. I found myself thinking of Matthew today; remembering him and your family. You may remember me from my son Robert's story. I just wanted to take a minute to tell you that I re-read about Matthew's last days-he was so special to us as my son Robert really enjoyed reading the updates about Matthew as he went through his transplant. Robert's plight somewhat mirrored Matt's and when Matt was winning his battle and doing so well with his transplant it encouraged Robert so much.

They are both gone now. I miss your son too. Life continues to blow by us, doesn't it? For some reason I just wanted to tell you that I was remembering Matthew and thinking of you today...warm thoughts and peace to you and yours, Kathy Charlton
Kathy Charlton www.caringbridge.org/fl/robertmitchel <ckcharlton@aol.com>
- Monday, January 15, 2007 2:36 PM CST

Hi Debbie ~
Merry Christmas to you and your family. I am remembering Matthew on this special day and wanted you to know that I still keep him close to my heart. I think of you and your family often but have misplaced your mailing address. Can you send it to me again please?
I hope your Christmas has been a peaceful one with fond memories of your beloved son. I know you must miss him so so so much.
Thinking of you and sending hugs,
Stacey
Stacey Wada <HIT4NOW@aol.com>
Las Vegas, NV USA - Monday, December 25, 2006 5:30 PM CST

Its quite a flashback remembering Zofran. Its funny, I woke up this morning thinking about him... Christmas eve. He was probably one of the better players to have met and gamed with in FLF. As rediculous as it sounds Zofran made FLF Games better. Rarely when he was in a game was there ever people fighting over stupid things. To me I can't go a game in FLF without thinking about him as he was a inspiration and a leader to everyone he played with.

Miss yeah Zofran Merry Xmas!

And to Matts family Merry Xmas!
Ron <Ronnie_Darko@hotmail.com>
Calgary, AB Canada - Sunday, December 24, 2006 2:56 PM CST

Thinking of your family this Christmas. I don't often sign in but you all remain in my prayers.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Sunday, December 24, 2006 1:27 AM CST

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear,
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here,
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card,
A card of love for my parents, as this day for them is hard,
There must be some mistake I thought, every card you can imagine,
except I could not find a card, from a child that lives in heaven,
they are still a parent too, no matter where I reside,
I had to leave, they understand, but oh the tears they cried,
I thought that if I wrote to you, that you would come to know,
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my parents so,
they talk with me, and dreams with me, we still share laughter too,
memories are our way of speaking now, would you see what you can do?
my parents carry me in their heart, their tears they hide from sight,
they plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells,
they writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease there pain as well,
so you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth,
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth,
they need to be honored, and be remembered too,
just as the children of the earth will do,
thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you will do your best,
find a way to tell them, how much they mean to me,
until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.

I know Christmas must be so hard for you although I can't comprehend how difficult it must be.

All my love,

Viks

viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Friday, December 22, 2006 11:04 AM CST

Hey Matthew,
Our birthdays are coming up soon. Mines before yours tho : ). I bet its going to feel great being a big bad 21 year old. I miss you so much, everyone does. We all love you. You should see your baby cousin all grown up, I'm taller than most of the people in our family. Rest in peace.
Joe <stlsc01@yahoo.com>
- Wednesday, December 20, 2006 11:42 PM CST

...we still miss you Zof. Hard to believe its been years since we last chatted and had a good game with the lot of us!
Anon
- Monday, December 4, 2006 10:00 PM CST

Thinking of you and Matthew. Thanks for keeping this site open to all . . . it is comfort to read.

Karen, Clare's mom www.caringbridge.org/md/clareschmidt
Cabin John, MD - Friday, December 1, 2006 8:59 PM CST

Debbie,
Wishing you and family a Happy Thanksgiving and warm memories of Matthew.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Monday, November 20, 2006 11:54 AM CST

Debbie,
I miss you so much, and even though I never met matthew, I always felt like I knew him through you. I stop by his site once in a while, just to check on you. I think your insite has made me a better oncology nurse.
Karen Muller <kroeka@aol.com>
Overland, MO USA - Monday, September 25, 2006 4:52 PM CDT

Deb I dont check in as mcuh, not to any of the sites it seems, just not enough time in the day. But I fondly remember Matthew and all your adventures you journaled, and remember the heartache of his last weeks. Thinking of you all,
Chris & Gooch
Share the Love.org <chrisrusso_@hotmail.com>
- Saturday, September 23, 2006 9:28 PM CDT

Dear Debbie, Dirk and family
Just checking in to say hi and to read your update and the precious memories of Matthew.
Like you, life is very busy here for us, but never busy enough to remember your treasured Matthew. He will inspire me always.
Much love & cuddles to all!
Liz, Murray, Adam, Joshua and Bethany
XO XO XO XO XO

the Cruickshank family <muzlib@aapt.net.au>
Melbourne, Vic. AUSTRALIA - Saturday, September 23, 2006 7:54 AM CDT

Hello Hallemeier's
Just wanted to say hi. Julie and I were exchanging emails last week and I was thinking about you all. I share Matthew's story whenever I feel that it might offer hope and comfort to someone who is going through something so difficult as you all have. I want to thank you so much for having the courage and strength to continue to share your thoughts and feelings so openly. You truly have a gift, Debbie. It sounds like you are sharing your gift with others in your new job. Those patients and their families are so lucky to have you. I cherrish Julie's friendship so much and have seen what a wonderful family you have through her. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Maria Brock Rosa
Maria Rosa <maria.rosa@murraystate.edu>
Murray, KY usa - Monday, September 18, 2006 3:03 PM CDT

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of your family!
Justine Kessler
Madison, WI - Friday, September 15, 2006 6:25 PM CDT

Hi Debbie- Just wanted to stop by and see how you are doing. I can't believe Christopher is in his 3rd year of medical school - amazing. I am sure he will be the most awesome doctor. We moved from Florida a year ago to North Carolina. We love it up here. Mitch is now playing football - he made the middle school team and he's never even played before (well, on a league or anything - he's always played baseball year round). Thinking of you.....
Diane Mathis www.caringbridge.com/page/mitchellmathis <Stubby3620@aol.com>
Hickory, NC - Friday, September 8, 2006 8:32 PM CDT

Dear Debbie,
It's been awhile since I've signed in.. I really do apologise... I really haven't spent as much time on Caringbridge the last couple of years as I would love to or hope to... life gets so busy sometimes. I love everyone on here and the kids and their families that I've gotten to know. I miss being on here all the time but it's so great to jump on occasionally and read updates... I really enjoy checking out Matt's page and seeing an update from you. Congrats to Christopher and Cami! That must be so exciting. I also wanted you to know that I borrowed a little something from Matt's Caringbridge journal. It was a poem you had in a previous journal called 'May I Go'... I thought I'd use it on my mum's journal for tomorrow (her 4th anniversary in Heaven). Hope you don't mind.. it's beautiful. But sad. Anyway, I hope you guys are hanging in there.. it is hard to think that the future holds so many different exciting things for us but we have to go through it without the ones we love. Take care!

~*~*Girlie's Page*~*~

Love,
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Janice <janiceliew1981@yahoo.com>
Melbourne, Australia - Thursday, September 7, 2006 7:46 AM CDT

I was just reading your update and wanted to let you know we were thinking of you and your family. We can't imagine the pain of your loss but we can tell you that Matthew has touched us in a special way... he was a very special young man. Thank you for sharing his story.
Cindy
TX - Saturday, August 26, 2006 5:57 PM CDT

I was posting this picture on Cassie's site, and thought I would swing by your page to say "hello", I hope Pedra is growing well (saying that do chiwawa's- i cant spell them! grow?)

Lots of love

Viks

viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Saturday, August 26, 2006 8:53 AM CDT

Just stopped by to check on you...you remain in my thoughts and prayers. I'm busy chasing two-two year olds & loving ALMOST every minute of it! :) God bless
jan livingstone (andy's mom forever)
- Friday, August 25, 2006 10:59 PM CDT

the golden days they go so fast the precious times why cant they last so many loved you did you know they were not ready too let you go
rebekah sharkey <bsharki@hotmail.com>
scunthorpe, england - Sunday, August 20, 2006 11:33 AM CDT

Debbie, nice to see an update on all of you! Sounds like things are going well for the kids. We start back to school tomorrow, so my summer laziness is over. I think about you and Matthew often. Time just passes so quickly......

www.caringbridge.org/in/brockbarnard
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Selma, In USA - Sunday, August 13, 2006 8:17 PM CDT

Debbie,
Thanks for the update on the family and the rememberances of Matthew. Praying for peace and understanding.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Wednesday, August 9, 2006 5:57 PM CDT

Wishing you peace today, tomorrow, everyday. How you must miss him sometimes, I just can't imagine it. I'm so sorry.
Erica Hoelscher, mom to Zenus, ALL-kids <ebh2@lehigh.edu>
- Wednesday, August 2, 2006 9:36 PM CDT

You're not forgotten. I still think of and pray for you. Let us know how you are when you can. Blessings in Christ.
Khalita Duke Peds BMT <khalita@yahoo.com>
Lexington, NC - Sunday, July 30, 2006 9:30 PM CDT

Stopping by to say hello, thinking of you.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Friday, July 28, 2006 10:51 PM CDT

Hey aunt Debbie. It's your nephew Joe again. I was thinking about all of this and remember quite a few years ago the story. My mom had called Ben, Sam, and I into the living room and we all sat down on the coach. She said that Matt had cancer. I didn't really think anything of it cause I guess I didn't know what it meant. Then a couple years later she told all of us that he had passed away. Then at the funeral it all hit me. Matthew was no longer with us. I cried the whole church service and funeral. I just wanted you to know that I still think of him. And those memories will be with me forever. That was hard to type. This was my confirmation verse: MATTHEW 28:20 “Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Isn't that ironic?
Joe Hallemeier <stlsc01@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, July 27, 2006 10:47 PM CDT

Thinking of you today and hoping our boys are having a great time.
Jean, Jake's Mom
www.caringbridge.org/az/jakefavour
Jean <jfavour@aol.com>
Phoenix, AZ - Saturday, July 22, 2006 11:48 PM CDT

remembering you and Matthew today. Your journal entry for his birthday is a strong reminder of a different time and of how amazing your family is. I love the poem.
God Bless You,
Robyn Quito's Mom <caringbridge.org/ca/quito>yodelgado11@yahoo.com>
Rancho Bernardo, Ca - Saturday, July 22, 2006 9:33 PM CDT

I'm thinking about you on this day. God Bless.
Michele
New York, NY - Saturday, July 22, 2006 3:12 PM CDT

Remembering Matthew on the day he departed. He will never be forgotten - an extremely brave young man from whom we can all draw a lesson in dignity.
Michele
Orlando, FL USA - Saturday, July 22, 2006 10:41 AM CDT

Lifting you in prayer on the eve of Matthew's Homegoing anniversary. May our Lord bless you abundantly with His comfort and peace.
Yolanda Rogers, Mom to Anna, http://www.galatians5.com
Alt Springs, FL USA - Friday, July 21, 2006 5:55 PM CDT

Hi-Thinking of your precious Matthew today and sending some extra prayers to your family. Thought about Matthew a few weeks ago when I was watching the Wizard of Oz. Brought a smile to my face. Take care.
Jean Bass <jbass@cbburnet.com>
Minneapolis, MN - Friday, July 21, 2006 11:51 AM CDT

Thinking of you and hoping you find peace as this difficult day approaches. Please know that Matthew was an inspiration to many -- including many of us that never new him personally. He will never be forgotten.
Linda
Pittsburgh, PA - Friday, July 21, 2006 11:15 AM CDT

Just want to let you all know I'm remembering Matthew as his 4th angel anniversery approaches tomorrow. He was a courageous young man.
Lauren Gamache <lauren.gamache@gmail.com>
Surrey, B.C. Canada - Friday, July 21, 2006 8:23 AM CDT

Thinking of you and your family especially this week as another angelversary approaches. Matthew is still on my mind and I pray for peace and comfort for you.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Tuesday, July 18, 2006 9:03 PM CDT

debbie- thinking of you and your family and matt with the approaching of the 22nd. matt is not forgotten and thought of often. i pray for you and your family and hope God's peace brings some comfort. hope your new job is going well, and know that i think it is amazing that you are in oncology and there for so many.
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Tuesday, July 18, 2006 9:34 AM CDT

Dear Debbie, Dirk and all the family
You are so often in our thoughts and we fondly remember your visit to us here in Melbourne!
Extra thoughts and prayers are with you all with your precious Matthew's anniversary approaching. He touched my heart with his courage and strength, which will always have an impact on my life and I'm sure, on many other lives as well.
Take care and much love and hugs to you both and to all the family!
Liz, Murray, Adam, JOshua and Bethany
the Cruickshank family <muzlib@bigpond.net.au>
Melbourne, Vic. AUSTRALIA - Monday, July 10, 2006 7:42 AM CDT

Thinking of your family and Matthew today.

Karen, Clare's mom www.caringbridge.org/md/clareschmidt
Cabin John, MD - Thursday, June 22, 2006 12:34 AM CDT

The wheel of the year turns again to a time of memories painful and bittersweet. I think of you often, although I am but a stranger. Sometimes when searching the archives of the ALL-kids list, an old message from you will pop up - and I feel as though I have another window into the past. I hope you don't mind my voyeur activities, because I gain so much from your wisdom and experience. How I wish it could be nearly ANY other experience.

I ask myself why why why and I pray for your peace

Erica Hoelscher, mom to Zenus, pre-B ALL dx 2/14/05, will be 3 July 18 <ebh2@lehigh.edu>
- Saturday, June 3, 2006 10:43 PM CDT

Stop by often to see how you're all doing. Happy belated birthday Matt, I thought of you on your special day. Sorry that cirumstances prevented a formal wish. Whenever I play a game I think about Matthew; even though I never got to speak to him personally he was a courageous young man who will never be forgotten.
Lauren Gamache <lauren.gamache@gmail.com>
Surrey, B.C. Canada - Saturday, June 3, 2006 2:36 PM CDT

Hello Debbie and family, it's nice to hear that you feel that you are ready to use your experiences with Matthew to comfort and care for people in his situation. The understanding that you have of what the oncology families are going through adds that extra something to your ability to care for them.

I just thought it was worth popping a note in the guestbook to let you know I'm still coming by.

Big hugs to all in the family and thanks again for being willing to share Matthew with us.
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
THE KICKIN' CANCER'S BUTT STORE!, - Tuesday, May 30, 2006 5:25 PM CDT

It makes me very happy to know that googling maffer's name can bring anyone who remembers him here. I tried to find him in FLF community web pages, but it seems that all orignal posts are no longer in data form. Matt's letter to the community is something I wish I had printed out. There still isn't a day that goes by without Matt's memory.

I remember when he explained to me what a processor was and how it worked inside a computer in 7th grade or so. Eight year later and I'm finishing up my degree on Computer Science. I still love that kid so much, even though I'm so much older now. I will always miss him.
Richard Deslauriers <richard2richard@gmail.com>
- Tuesday, May 30, 2006 3:24 PM CDT

Aunt Debbie,

Hi, it's Joe, your nephew. I googled matthews name because i was thinking of him and i clicked on this. It brought back soo many memories that i will never forget. I wish Matthew the best and our family the best. I hope we never have to deal with this again. And to all the other families with this problem, god bless you and i wish you the best. I hope i see you soon!
Joe Hallemeier <stlsc01@yahoo.com>
St. Charles, MO United States - Saturday, May 13, 2006 11:46 PM CDT

your still in our hearts and minds matt. my tattoo will never let me forget you little buddy. gg_zof
Mingtea Suicide Milkshakes <sspieces@hotmail.com>
ontario canada - Tuesday, May 9, 2006 12:46 AM CDT

Debbie, thinking of you and Matthew and your family. Jean, Jake's Mom 12-17-86 to 2-9-02 t-cell ALL
www.caringbridge.org/az/jakefavour

Jean Favour <jfavour@aol.com>
phoenix, AZ USA - Sunday, May 7, 2006 0:02 AM CDT

Debbie - That last entry was so moving to read. I think it is so brave what you do on this space. Good luck with your new job -- I know that you have so much to give to your patients and they're all so lucky to have you in their lives! Take care -- Love, Rebecca
Rebecca Francis Ballard <rebeccafballard@yahoo.com>
Washington, DC USA - Saturday, April 29, 2006 10:05 PM CDT

Debbie,
Thanks for sharing such a moving journal entry. Know that you all did what was best for Matthew.
Happy Birthday to Matthew!
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Saturday, April 22, 2006 6:41 PM CDT

Debbie,
What a powerful, moving update! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your family's cancer journey! I am saddened to hear you talk of regret, though very parent wonders if they've loved enough, done enough for their child. Please listen to those who remind you that you are a wonderful mother! Matthew knew that he was loved, that knowledge shines out from every picture I've seen of him! And that is a priceless gift!
How lucky the onc patients that you will work with! May this new experience bring you much satisfaction.

Missy, mom to Joel <missy.layfield@cfu.net>
Iowa - Wednesday, April 12, 2006 10:02 AM CDT

Your latest update is so moving. I think Matthew would be so very proud of you for wanting to work with oncology patients. I know as a nurse that I would not be up to the challenge, and I've not had to live through what you did with Matthew. It is a very special "calling", I think, and you'll be wonderful in your new position. I have no right to say this, but please don't feel as though you could have done anything differently--you sound like such a very wonderful and caring mother. It's so easy in retrospect to feel that we should've done something else, chosen another path, and especially so as a parent, since much of what we decide affects our children. I'm sure at the time, you made the very best choices that you could, balancing the time you spent with Matthew with the time when you felt he might need some independance. Your love clearly comes through in your writing about all of your children, and I'm glad that Christopher, and Julie and her husband Brad are doing well. My prayers remain with you and your family.
Denise Ward <deniward@shaw.ca>
Winnipeg, Canada - Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:45 PM CDT

Happy 'Belated' 20th Birthday Matt.

I had the pleasure of talking to you online and you were, and still are an inspiration to those that knew you.

You are deeply missed. Sleep well my young friend.
Mark Smith <strontiumdog@rafpolice.co.uk>
UK - Saturday, April 8, 2006 2:08 PM CDT

Hi Debbie. Still checking in on Matthew's site. I'm sorry I missed his birthday....we were on spring break in Florida. I hope the day was tolerable for you. Still, I know how those days go.....and how so many other ones sneak up on you too. Sending you hugs from stormy Indiana!

www.caringbridge.org.in/brockbarnard
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Selma, IN USA - Friday, April 7, 2006 8:05 PM CDT

Happy Birthday, Matthew. Thank you for the update and the summary of Matthew's diagnosis and treatment. I, too, ask myself the eternal, "what if..." and have memories of making my 19-month old walk because I thought he was just being stubborn. It is true, I guess, that the terror never goes away.

Problem is that you could also wonder, "what if I'd waited another week..." or "what if the side effects were even worse?" Matthew was robbed of his chance to achieve his full potential. I'm betting there are others, who like me, would freely give our own lives in exchange for the life of a child. If only we could bargain that way.

Your patients are so very lucky to have you. I met a nurse once who had ALL as a child and we chatted a little. I felt so comforted by her connection to my son even though we didn't discuss it again.

Blessed be
Erica Hoelscher, mom to Zenus, age 2.5, pre-B ALL <ebh2@lehigh.edu>
- Monday, April 3, 2006 10:28 PM CDT

Hi Debbie --

I was thinking of you and Matthew today and thought I'd check in on you. Your journal entry was very powerful -- you share your heart and that helps others who read this site. You are using suffering in your life for good in that you are helping others like no one else can. God weeps with us in suffering, but he also uses these situations to help others who are experiencing the same thing. I would be lost without the women I know who have also dealt with life threatening illnesses with their husbands. These women really understand me -- they get me and my emotions and my responses to things because of what we have been through that is so similar. Likewise, you understand like no one else can the pain of having a son diagnosed with Leukemia, going through all the treatment with him, and then losing him to this awful cancer. I applaud you for using your experiences to help others. It is no coincidence that you are drawn to oncology patients and their families. It is no coincidence that you are still drawn to this website and that you still update. It is no coincidence that many of us still check in and that new folks check in as well when they learn of your site because they are looking for comfort in their time of suffering and trial, comfort only you can give them because you have been there. Let God continue to use you - you will be blessed for it. It won't take away the sting of Matthew's death, but it may help you know that all that you have been through is being redeemed for good and perhaps that will be a comfort to you in some of your darkest days when the world just does not make sense. Love - Susan
Susan Colletti <ascolletti@juno.com>
Springfield, VA 22153 - Saturday, April 1, 2006 11:18 AM CST

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW!!! WOW....20!!! I bet you had a wonderful celebration in heaven! I know you are looking after your beautiful family from above and watching over them with the greatest of pride! Thank you for the courage and inspiration you give me and I'm sure many others. You will never ever be forgotten Matthew.

Dearest Debbie
My heartfelt thoughts are with you at this time. I can't believe Matthew's 20th birthday is here! WOW!
Reading your entry brought back so many memories. We all have our "what ifs", but we can all definitely say we haven't been through this with our child before, when they are diagnosed. We can only do the best that we are capable of, in an extremely trying time in our lives. Debbie you did THE BEST and a most wonderful job with your precious Matthew. He knew that. He felt the love and comfort of his family with him....and still does, as I'm sure you feel his love and presence with you at times.
Debbie, good luck with your new job. I think Matthew guided you to it, as he knows from experience, how very well you look after people!
Thank you sincerely for sharing your thoughts on this web site. Not only does it help others, but I'm sure it is therapeutic for you and the site also provides a wonderful memory of your precious Matthew.
Take care
Love & hugs to all!
Liz & her precious gang!

the Cruickshank family XO XO XO XO XO <muzlib@bigpond.net.au>
Melbourne, Vic. AUSTRALIA - Saturday, April 1, 2006 10:19 AM CST

Oh Debbie, no parent can go through this without questioning themselves. I mean, those of us whose kids are still here do it; I feel guilty about telling Ronnie to just walk because I thought he wanted to be babied and carried when he complained at 3 that his legs hurt. We all have our regrets, things we would have done differently/faster/better had we known. But who would have thought? Heck our doctors didnt see cancer as a likely diagnosis, why and how should we have? I guess what I am trying to say is, dont do this to yourself. You'd feel guilt no matter what the outcome - kids just arent supposed to get cancer and parents arent supposed to outlive their kids. But dont do yourself the injustice of thinking you werent there enough, didnt do enough, or certainly didnt show enough love and attention. Its not fair, its not accurate, and Matt wouldnt want you putting yourself thru the emotional wringer like that.
Chris Gooch's mom <chrisrusso_@hotmail.com>
- Thursday, March 30, 2006 7:06 PM CST

Remembering Matthew on his 20th birthday.

Debbie, you will never realize the number of people/patients who have followed Matthew's compelling story. Thank you for sharing him. Best wishes on your new job. You have a special knowledge and compassion of what both patient and family suffer through as a result of a cancer diagnosis and death, and will be quite an asset and comfort to any patient to whom you are assigned.

Michele
- Wednesday, March 29, 2006 9:12 PM CST

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you on Matthew's special day. Although we've never met, I followed Matt's story online. Matt was a special and courageous young man. He will always be with you. God bless all of you.
Linda
Pittsburgh, PA - Wednesday, March 29, 2006 3:49 PM CST

Hi Debbie and family,
Thinking of you today an saying an extra prayer that you will be able to rejoice in Matthew's birth and have only good memories to comfort you.
Mary
Mary Sweaney <mes@chapman-sander.com>
Manchester, MO - Wednesday, March 29, 2006 2:36 PM CST

Happy 20th birthday, Matthew.

To his family: Although I signed this book years ago, I still feel the need to send my condolences and best wishes.

I'm going to be doing the Relay For Life this year and I'm going to light a luminary in his name.. that way, the next Matthew Hallemeier can make it. This one's for you, bud.
Exor
Ottawa, ON Canada - Wednesday, March 29, 2006 2:11 PM CST

Hi-Just wanted to say I am thinking about your family today and remembering Matthew. From all your posts, he was a brave person who handled his fate with dignity. You must be so proud. Thanks for continuing to share your journey.
My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

Jean Bass <jbass@cbburnet.com>
Minneapolis, MN - Wednesday, March 29, 2006 9:32 AM CST

Keeping you in my thoughts and in my prayer's always.
LOVE ALWAYS BRENDAMY LOVING DAD'S SITE <brurka@shaw.ca ~THE PRAYER BEARS~>
EDMONTON

, - Tuesday, March 28, 2006 2:12 PM CST

Hello. It has been a very long time since I came to Matthew's page. I have been thinking of him alot lately. Remembering so many things about his last summer. I even remember you sharing about what he would/could eat and everything about him. I wanted you to know that. After all this time I think of him so much. Your son became very dear to my heart because he was such an encouragement to my Robert during his transplant. They were sort of neck in neck in treatment; Robert a bit behind Matt. Robert really enjoyed hearing how Matt was doing, sort of like an idol because he was in the same boat as him but older...stay strong-I know it is never easy, just different on certain days.

Peace, Kathy Charlton/www.caringbridge.org/fl/robertmitchel
Kathy Charlton <ckcharlton@aol.com>
- Friday, March 24, 2006 6:43 PM CST

Hello,
I lost track of your page over the time that CB wouldn't allow links. I found it again today through another site and wanted to let you know that even though I haven't signed in a very long time that you are always in my prayers.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Monday, March 13, 2006 11:08 PM CST

Hi Debbie,

I came across your son's webpage as I was reading through various CB sites. My friends's son was diagnosed with pre-B ALL a few days before Christmas 2004. He was 17. He has replapsed just before Christmas 2005 and is scheduled for a BMT this month on the 22nd. My heart goes out to her and her family during these trying times. Reading Matthew's story, along with others, has helped me realized the reality of this monster disease. I pray each day for my friend and her son. I pray the BMT will be the cure that will rid him of the leukemia. (Note: They do not have a CB website, but I'll will mention it to her.)

I am raising my two young children on my own (their father passed away 5 years ago). A son who just turned 8, and a daughter who will be 6 in May. They are my life, as you know, and can't even begin to imagine living it without them. Your journal has been an inspiration to me. Each day with our children should be appreciated and never taken for granted. I know that now more than I ever did, and I thank you for that.

My thoughts are with you and your family.
Brigitte <b.seguin1@sympatico.ca>
Ottawa, Ontario Canada - Wednesday, March 8, 2006 8:08 AM CST

I cant believe its been 4 Christmases already. I guess each year is a catch 22 for you, its a new beginning for everyone else, but brings you one year further away from the freshness of his memory, of the last times you spent together. Still dont understand why this happens, and I know we never will.
Chris & Gooch <chrisrusso_@hotmail.com>
- Sunday, March 5, 2006 8:03 PM CST

Debbie,
I think of you often and visit your site. I too, feel so much like you. It will be four years without our Matthew this year. I miss him more and more each day. His sister, Megan, decided to go to nursing school and she is in her first year at Pitt, and will soon be doing her clinicals at Children's where her brother died. She too, wants to be an oncology nurse. I think it is wonderful that she and you are able to share this experience with your patients and their families. Take care and know that I think of you and your family often.
Noelle Conover <nconover@peoplepc.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Wednesday, March 1, 2006 7:09 AM CST

Hi Debbie,
Somehow I lost the link to your site and was visiting Alexandria's and saw your note, so here I am.
I just wanted to let you know that I think of you often and offer a prayer for peace for you and your family as you make your way through the grief.
Hope today is a good one for you.
Mary
Mary Sweaney <mes@chapman-sander.com>
Manchester, MO - Monday, February 20, 2006 10:44 AM CST

Thank you for the update. I simply cannot fathom how those last words and images of Matthew must resonate in your mind. It must seem like eons since you held him. I am so sorry.

Your words make palpable the reality that Matthew's absence touches every moment and every portion of your life. Your occupation clearly brings you great joy and satisfaction and also many painful reminders of Matthew's struggles. How I wish there were an easier way to survive. I hope that happy memories of Matthew will soon play in your mind.

A stranger who cares,
Erica Hoelscher, mom to Zenus, pre-B ALL
- Saturday, February 18, 2006 11:34 PM CST

Dear Debbie,

This is my first time to Matt's site. What a handsome young man... My heart breaks for you. I think you are one amazing woman, and to go back to work helping others go through what your son endured, gosh... I'm sure you are the BEST nurse there!

I'm just so sorry I never had the honor of meeting your son, but one day, I will!

Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I will keep you in my prayers.

Keep holding on,

Susan
Jordan <Susan2956@yahoo.com>
Covington, La - Saturday, February 18, 2006 11:29 PM CST

Saw your guest book entry on Alexandria Haddock's site and had to come over to Matthew's site. It was good to see an update. Thank you for sharing the pictures from Christmas. It has to be so hard to celebrate the holidays and take pictures knowing that someone is always missing. My heart aches for every parent on CaringBridge that has lost a child. My prayers are with you today as I visit Matthew's site and remember what a remarkable young man he was.
Love,

Debbie Nagy <nagyhome@sbcglobal.net>
St. Louis, - Friday, February 17, 2006 5:15 PM CST

I know I'm a day late but want you to know that I was thinking of you.
LOVE ALWAYS BRENDA MY LOVING DAD'S SITE <brurka@shaw.ca>
EDMONTON,ALBERTA/CANADA, - Wednesday, February 15, 2006 2:41 PM CST

Hi Debbie- I wanted to stop by and say hello. I was thinking of Matthew and you this morning. I haven't checked the website for a long time so I decided to check it today. I hope you had a nice anniversary - 30 years - that is awesome. We moved to North Carolina in July from South Florida and just love it here. Mitch is doing well. Next month he will be 2 years OT. He's 11 1/2 and in 6th grade. He now gets his every other month check up at Duke. Take care.
Diane Mathis (Mitchell's mom) <stubby3620@aol.com>
www.caringbridge.com/page/mitchellmathis, NC - Monday, February 13, 2006 9:25 AM CST

Thinking of you and your loved ones today.

Sharon Burrall <ssburrall@yahoo.com<>www.caringbridge.com/ar/davidburrall>
Roland, AR USA - Saturday, February 4, 2006 4:45 PM CST

Thanks for the update. =) Hope to hear from you again soon.
Shannon <Shannon_r@hotmail.com>
Vancouver, - Friday, January 27, 2006 0:00 AM CST

Debbie,
Thanks for the update. Glad to hear your Christmas was good.I am sure Matthew was celebrating with you as he looked down on all of you.
Praying for peace in your heart.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Thursday, January 12, 2006 1:02 PM CST

Remembering Matthew in 2006 xxx
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
THE KICKIN' CANCER'S BUTT STORE!, - Tuesday, January 10, 2006 12:04 AM CST

Happy holidays.

Still gaming in your name.
Gamer
- Monday, January 9, 2006 10:08 PM CST

I still stop by to see how you and your family are doing. There is something about your special children that will never let them be forgotten.
I hope you have a good new year.
Cindy Crider
Houston, TX USA - Tuesday, January 3, 2006 4:47 PM CST

Hope you have a Happy and Blessed New Year!
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Saturday, December 31, 2005 4:30 PM CST

Hi Debbie --
Thinking of you this Christmas season. Wondering how you are doing. I'm glad you keep doing updates -- whenever you all cross my mind, I check and it's nice to read your updates which are always so honest and open. Having a little girl now, I can't even begin to imagine the pain of having a child die. Charlotte has a heart defect that is serious, but I can't even let myself think of her dying -- way too painful and that's just thinking about it. Matthew will never be forgotten by all those he touched in his life.
Great to hear you are working with Oncology patients now. I often feel like I have a whole different persepective that I would be able to share if I went back to work again. (I worked oncology before Andrew got sick). I'm enjoying being a stay at home mom though, so that will have to wait for awhile. :-)

Blessings to you in the coming year.
Susan Colletti
Susan Colletti <ascolletti@juno.com>
Springfield, VA USA - Thursday, December 29, 2005 11:04 AM CST

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and hope you have a blessed new year too. I think of Matthew and yall's family often. God Bless.
Susan <autooncie@yahoo.com>
Mobile, al - Wednesday, December 28, 2005 11:02 AM CST

Merry Christmas Matthew. Remembering you today.

Merry Christmas Debbie, Dirk, Julie, Christopher and family.
Lauren Gamache <lauren.gamache@gmail.com>
Surrey, B.C. Canada - Sunday, December 25, 2005 7:07 PM CST

Merry Christmas Debbie and Dirk ~
Just stopping by so you know that we are thinking of your family today and remembering Matthew on this special holiday.
Wishing you peace and love in the New Year ~
Friends forever,
Stacey and family
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Stacey Wada <HIT4NOW@aol.com>
Las Vegas, NV USA - Sunday, December 25, 2005 6:07 PM CST

Debbie,
May your Christmas be peaceful and happy.
Remembering Matthew.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Saturday, December 24, 2005 4:11 PM CST

still coming by....wanted to wish you a happy and peaceful christmas. Matthew will be remembered by many for his courage and determination. The worst memories fade fast and the best ones are burned into our memories forever.
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
THE KICKIN' CANCER'S BUTT STORE!, - Tuesday, December 20, 2005 7:05 PM CST

I stumbled onto your site while looking at the other ALL kids sites. My son 4yrs was dx in May 2005. I read through all your journals. You and your family has inspired mine to keep the faith and stay positive. I pray that over time you and your family will find comfort. Matt will always live on through his CB site. Thank you for sharing your story.
Kim Murphy
www.caringbridge.org/ks/gunner
Kim Murphy <kemurphy@sbcglobal.net>
Olathe, Ks - Sunday, December 18, 2005 9:10 PM CST

I just stumbled across this site from Kendrie's. Matthew seemed like a remarkable person. Please remember that he is not forgotten and still touching lives to this day.
K
- Thursday, December 15, 2005 4:57 PM CST

Debbie: I followed Matthew's journey on the ALL-Kids list back in the day, and remember well how hard he fought. My daughter Clare recently died from complications after her bone marrow transplant. I'm casting about trying to see how to survive this pain, and was so encouraged to see that your CB page was still up . . . . thank you for your words even after all this time.

Karen, Clare's mom www.caringbridge.org/md/clareschmidt
Cabin John, MD - Thursday, December 15, 2005 1:25 PM CST

Hello Debbie and family, I remember when Matthew was going through his treatment as well as near the end of his journey. Each day I would log on to the internet to see how Matthew was doing, and the family. As far as the AOL thing goes, I hope that you know that you can keep the screen name, as an AIM screen name. AIM is the instant messaging item through AOL.
Your posts about the memories of Matthew encourage myself as well as remind me of days that have gone by.
Jacob Barlett <JacobECONRAIL@AOL.COM>
Toledo, OHIO USA - Saturday, December 3, 2005 11:52 PM CST

Debbie,
Hope you and your family had a good Thanksgiving.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and Matthew will always be remembered.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Saturday, November 26, 2005 9:04 AM CST

Debbie,
I am sure that you are a blessing to many at your new job. Matthew lives on through you and the work you are doing. I am sorry he is no longer here on earth and that you miss him so very much. Blessings to you this Thanksgiving.
Love,

Debbie Nagy <nagyhome@sbcglobal.net>
manchester, - Tuesday, November 22, 2005 8:23 AM CST

I didnt know matt but he seems like a great kid I wish I would have known him and even though it might not seem like people come to his website still they do. Im 17 and have cancer (cml). http://zachirarhsworld.4t.com/index.html Im on the interent alot if you ever want to talk or something
Zac <soccerhoillic99@aol.com>
PA Usa - Saturday, November 19, 2005 1:04 AM CST

Hi Debbie
I have not visited Matt's site for a while and just love to see his beautiful face when I do! His courage will be imprinted in my heart always.
You are all so often in my thoughts and I enjoy reading your updates. I have your new e-mail address now, so I will send you an undate from us soon.
We often remember your special visit to us and we still long to visit you all, one day!
Take care
Love & hugs to all
Liz, Murray, Adam, Joshua & Bethany
XO XO XO XO XO
Cruickshank family <meajbc@bigpond.com>
Mellbourne, Vic. AUSTRALIA - Thursday, November 17, 2005 7:28 AM CST

Hi Debbie! Just wanted to say hello and that there are folks out here who check in on you regularly and keep you in our prayers whether you know it or not. Have a good week! Love, Rebecca
Rebecca Francis Ballard <rebeccafballard@yahoo.com>
Washington, DC USA - Sunday, November 13, 2005 8:21 PM CST

My heart goes out to you. My son was l6 when he was diagnosed with ALL PHpositive. He had a BMT on June 28,2005. I pray every day that GOD takes this dreadful disease away. Your journal has given me stregnth.
joann delcorse <joanndx10@yahoo.net>
Chicago, Il Cook - Friday, October 28, 2005 10:11 PM CDT

Thank you for updating. I am one of those people who never met Matthew or your family but was touched to follow your story and the struggle since his passing. I do continue to wonder how you all are doing. I will continue to pray for peace in your hearts and that your sorrow is something that you are able to withstand. May God bless you all.
Sheryl Clubb <SLCLUBB@aol.com>
Eureka, MO USA - Wednesday, October 26, 2005 3:04 PM CDT

Zof will never be forgotten. This page can go away, but he never will. I'll remember him always, do what you need to do to make peace. If you're ready to close this down you should, there comes a point when you are going to have to make that change for yourself. But don't feel that you are doing an injustice. Matt will always be remembered. Live your life well.
gamer
- Monday, October 24, 2005 6:27 AM CDT

Hi I am so sorry to hear of your lost. I found the page from my friends Kristin hofmann page. I really does touch me. I am so sorry. God Bless
Jessica <ffa_vp2005_jessica@yahoo.com>
Lake City, Fl - Saturday, October 22, 2005 7:15 PM CDT

Hi Debbie. Just wanted to let you know that I think of you and Matt often, and still check on you. My life is pretty crazy, chasing two babies. I continue to attend Patching Hearts meetings...helps keep me a bit sane. Sounds like your new job has some LONG hours...good luck with that! God bless
jan livingstone (Andy's Mom)
- Wednesday, October 19, 2005 5:38 PM CDT

Still here checking in on you and stopping to say a prayer.
NEVER forgetting Matthew!
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Sunday, October 16, 2005 4:03 PM CDT

Hi Deb,I followed your journal for so very long. I'v even signed your guest book shortly after Matt replasped. I often check your website to see if there are any updates. Your son represents a symbol of courage. I have close friends who experienced the loss of one of their twin girls due to a childhood cancer. You have been so brave and I praise you for that. Much luck on your new position. And keep the updates coming. Your often in my prayers.
candy adkins <candida. adkins@amwater.com>
sickerlville, nj usa - Friday, October 14, 2005 7:01 PM CDT

Debbie,
I'm one who stops and checks Matthew's page! I think there are a lot of us who think of Matthew often. I love seeing the picture of him with his brother and sister! Congrats on the new job! I'm sure your special gifts are much appreciated by the adult onc patients you work with. It's great that you are able to work in the onc field. Thanks!
Missy
Iowa - Thursday, October 13, 2005 9:17 PM CDT

Hi Debbie! Great to see an update. Did I remember to tell you how much we LOVED St. Louis this summer? We spent a night and day and a half there on our way home from Branson. We will be coming back, for sure, and we definitely have to hook up. Union Station, the Zoo, very impressive! Glad you are doing well at your new job. I know how you feel, wrestling with whether or not to continue the webpage. I do the same thing myself. I know I still enjoy hearing from you, so as long as you feel like it, keep it up! Talk to you soon!
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Selma, In USA - Thursday, October 13, 2005 5:37 PM CDT

I have read through your site and marveled at its honesty, pain, and, yes, triumph of spirit. I hope you continue to update as often as you feel moved to write. Your memories and present life have given me much insight.

Erica Hoelscher, mom to Zenus, aged 2, ALL <ebh2@lehigh.edu>
Bethlehem, PA - Tuesday, October 11, 2005 10:28 PM CDT

Debbie,
Thinking of you. Hope all is well with you. Remembering Matthew in my thoughts and prayers.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Sunday, October 9, 2005 8:57 PM CDT

Hi Debbie - Just wanted to drop by to let you know I was thinking of you and of Matthew!
Justine Kessler
Madison, WI - Thursday, September 29, 2005 5:34 PM CDT

Still thinking about you and Matthew. My daughter is now 17 months off treatment and driving. Every time I look at her I can't help but to think about those who didn't make it to this point and it makes my heart ache. Every day is so precious.

I wish you all the best.
Karin, mom to Christine <karin.mika@law.csuohio.edu>
Berea, Ohio USA - Tuesday, September 20, 2005 9:40 AM CDT

Just wanted to say that I miss you Zof and, even after these three plus years, I still carry with me the memory of your seemingly boundless humor and always welcome cheer. So blessed are we that have the leisure to enjoy each day without the daily challenges of our measured mortality. That Matt faced the unthinkable with such unwavering courage will, for me, forever endear his memory. He is, indeed, a hero of the most singular degree.

Reading through the journal, and seeing how many times our gaming community was mentioned, makes me feel so privileged to have shared in such a special part, however small it may be, in the life of such a wonderful person.

Miss you Matt... Zof.
Darren "Steele" Krape <flf@forma3.com>
Washington, DC USA - Saturday, September 17, 2005 8:34 PM CDT

Debbie,
Just leaving a note to let you know I am thinking of you and your family. Hope everyone is well.
Always remembering Matthew!
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Sunday, September 11, 2005 10:20 AM CDT

www.postpals.co.uk

Liz Cook - Postpals
Brighton, England, UK - Saturday, September 3, 2005 3:15 PM CDT

Just dropping by to say I'm thinking of you; I often stop by Matthew's site but don't always sign the guestbook.
d <deniward@shaw.ca>
Winnipeg, Canada - Saturday, September 3, 2005 12:00 AM CDT

viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Friday, September 2, 2005 8:32 PM CDT

Dear Matthews family
I found your page through another cb page
I also have lost a son so I know your pain My Jacob had AML
also had a BMT(MUD) he relapsed after day +96 he recieved his angel wings one day before his 14th birthday this year
my heart goes out to you all
with love Jacob's mum Angel Jake
www.caringbridge.org/me/jacob

Deanne McLeod-Steinmetz
Alex Hills Brisbane, Queensland Australia - Friday, September 2, 2005 7:20 AM CDT

Touched by Matthew's story. Thinking of you all today. Keep beating games in heaven Matt. I think I might in the future have met my match!
Lauren Gamache <lauren.gamache@gmail.com>
Surrey, B.C. Canada - Saturday, August 27, 2005 4:09 AM CDT

Debbie I am so sorry for your loss... I know it has been many years but there must be such a hole in your heart where Matthew was.. I just came upon this website and have been glued to it reading your journal entries what a woman of courage and strength you are... May you be blessed knowing that your son is in a better place waiting for us all

much love

Scott
Scott Lewis <wordmanswl@msn.com>
Astoria, NY 11103 - Friday, August 26, 2005 10:48 PM CDT

Just wanted to you know I'm thinking of your family. The Italy pics are wonderful!
Kathy H.
T.O., CA - Sunday, August 14, 2005 9:57 PM CDT

Hi Debbie,
Just stopping by to let you know that I still keep you and Dirk in my prayers and that little things still remind me of Matthew........
I wish you knew how many times I think of you, or how many times something I see makes me think of a story you told of Matthew........he will always hold a special place in my heart.
My computer has a glitch that won't allow me to link to the author's page on Chad's CaringBridge site so I have been unable to update since May. Very frustrating! But just so you know, we are all well. Bryce turned 16 and will be a Junior this year. Chad is now 13 and going into the 8th grade. He has his Onc check up on Monday - still goes every other month for counts, etc. So far he shows no late term effects or any health problems whatsoever. Thank God.
I hope you are enjoying these last days of summer......it goes by so quickly, doesn't it?
Thinking of you and sending my love always,
Stacey
Stacey Wada <HIT4NOW@aol.com>
Las Vegas, NV USA - Friday, August 12, 2005 11:22 AM CDT

Hi Debbie,
thanks for posting Matt's 4th of July story. His picture looks just like your memory of him.
Thinking of you and Matthew,
Robyn

Quito's Mom <caringbridge.org/ca/quito>yodelgado11@yahoo.com>
San Diego, CA - Tuesday, August 9, 2005 9:25 PM CDT

I can't believe it's been over three years since I posted. Sometimes it feels like just the other day that Matt / Zof was talking to me. i'm glad people still come here and remember the good things. You never forget losing a loved one or friend but you can move on and remember all the good things and happy times in your heart and they will never be gone.
Steven Duffy - Hot Soup <steven@7thlevel.co.uk>
Paisley, Scotland - Monday, August 1, 2005 5:09 PM CDT

Never knew Zofran in person, but what I've read about him makes him look like one of the toughest guys in my eyes.

RIP lil' man
oldi
Jyvaskyla, Finland - Wednesday, July 27, 2005 5:50 AM CDT

thinking of you.

gg
gamer
- Sunday, July 24, 2005 2:21 AM CDT

Thinking of you, your family, and Matthew.
KMK
Clayton, MO - Saturday, July 23, 2005 1:14 PM CDT

Thinking of Matthew and his family...
God Bless
Susan <autooncie@yahoo.com>
Mobile, AL - Saturday, July 23, 2005 11:59 AM CDT

Remembering Matthew on this day he left for a safer place.
Michele
Orlando, FL USA - Friday, July 22, 2005 10:09 PM CDT

Thinking of you.
Mrs. Porzelt (Matt's 4th grade teacher)
- Friday, July 22, 2005 8:57 PM CDT

Stopping by from Sharethelove to let you know we are thinking about you on this day. Tommorow would have been my daughter's 5th birthday. Unfortunately she is not here to celebrate it. May the memories of your son bring you some comfort today and always. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Carol Mack (Mom2Angelz Meghan & Taylor) www.caringbridge.org/fl/meghansjourney <tmcmbm@aol.com>
Titusville, FL USA - Friday, July 22, 2005 6:54 PM CDT

Thinking about your family today. Sending thoughts of comfort your way.

Denette mom to Kaden (caringbridge.org/ut/kaden ) <nettys6@yahoo.com>
south weber, utah - Friday, July 22, 2005 6:18 PM CDT

Thinking about you today...
Michele <Michele212@gmail.com>
- Friday, July 22, 2005 5:25 PM CDT

Thinking of your family and your angel Matthew today. I know it must be a difficult day for you all. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Katie, mom to Hayley, Hunter, and Taylor <dugan2b@yahoo.com>
Franklin, MA - Friday, July 22, 2005 5:21 PM CDT

Thinking of Matt today...
Teri <tlxavier@cox.net>
Las Vegas (was Nashville), - Friday, July 22, 2005 1:45 PM CDT

Remembering Matthew and your family today. Holding you in thought and prayer. Your Day by Day Friend, Robin, mother of Stephen (06/19/87-12/15/03)
Robin Bonesteele
- Friday, July 22, 2005 10:15 AM CDT

Hello Debbie: Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of Matthew and your family on this date. Know how hard anniversaries can be. Sending some additional prayers your way. Take care.
Jean Bass <jbass@cbburnet.com>
Minneapolis, MN 55405 - Friday, July 22, 2005 9:51 AM CDT

You are in our prayers as another anniversary of Matthew's Homegoing falls upon you. I say fall because no matter how much time passes and no matter that we think about them every day, these special days do fall upon us with a deeper sorrow and a keener pain. May our Lord hold you close. May you know the peace and comfort of His embrace and may your eyes be ever turned toward His blessed assurance of Heaven.

In His Love,
Yolanda Rogers
http://www.galatians5.com
Mom to Anna <galatians5@truevine.net>
Altamonte Springs, FL USA - Thursday, July 21, 2005 5:11 PM CDT

Debbie, glad to see your updates. Sounds like you have been busy! I hope it was nice to have all the hustle and bustle around your house! I have been thinking about you and Matthew with his anniversary coming up. Hugs to you, hope things are going ok.

www.caringbridge.org/in/brockbarnard
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Selma, IN USA - Sunday, July 17, 2005 11:37 PM CDT

Just wanted to let you know that I will be thinking about you in the run up to Matthew's anniversary. I hope that you will find encouragement in the fact that people still care for and remember Matthew to help you to guide yourself through these days with such difficult memories.
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
THE KICKIN' CANCER'S BUTT STORE!, - Thursday, July 14, 2005 5:26 PM CDT

Hi Debbie -
Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you during the difficult days and weeks approaching the 22nd!
Justine Kessler
Madison, WI - Wednesday, July 13, 2005 6:56 AM CDT

Debbie,
Good to read your update. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers especially during the days to come. Matthew was a special guy and I am sure he will be with you.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Tuesday, July 12, 2005 11:09 AM CDT

I do hope and pray that in time you will only have the happier and more comforting memories of Matthew.
Denise Ward
Winnipeg, Canada - Tuesday, July 12, 2005 1:06 AM CDT

Debbie~
I have not been by for some time, but that does not mean that your family and Matthew are not in my thoughts. It sounds like you had a busy 4th with a full house, I'm glad that all seems to be going well.

Take Care.
Teri <tlxavier@cox.net>
Las Vegas (was Nashville), - Monday, July 11, 2005 12:51 AM CDT

Praying you find peace during this emotional anniversary. Matthew sounds like he was a very special boy. He is not forgotten your heart felt journal entries ensure that.
Monica Rulon <rulonm@hotmail.com>
Flanders, NJ 07836 - Monday, July 11, 2005 1:21 AM CDT

Hello~ Matthew has been on my mind a great deal as July 22nd approaches. I think of my nephew, also named Matthew and a college junior, and think of your son. He also is not a healthy teen and I wonder where these kids draw their courage and drive. Your Matthew had such dignity about him in dire times and you will never really know how many people admired him and your family. I hope someday there is a cure that will prevent any more suffering. My heart goes out to you as the anniversary of Matthew's departure approaches.
Michele
Orlando, FL USA - Thursday, July 7, 2005 4:54 PM CDT

I am having a quiet evening at home, and I stopped in to say that I am thinking of you, as I very often do. I am so glad that you are my sister, Debbie, and I think of Dirk as my brother. I am sorry that we could not have dinner together Monday. Needless to say, it was a LONG drive back to Rolla!!!! Fortunately, the "BUG" that hit Rebecca did not effect the rest of us. Just wanted to let you know that you are on my mind, and to say that I love you!!!
Kim
Kim Janke <bkjanke@wavecomputers.net>
Rolla, MO - Friday, July 1, 2005 10:27 PM CDT

Debbie -
Thinking of you and thought I'd check in. Andrew's anniversary of his transplant is in a few days and I am always reminded of you, Matthew, and your family at this time of year. You all were an inspiration to us as you all fought this horrible disease -- and I mean you ALL fought it. As family members and caregivers we are forever changed no matter what the outcome. I understand the part about the memories "come crashing back" as you said in your last entry. This whole journey you have been on and are on is a part of who you are. I'm finding that the memories of the past 4 years are as strong as ever -- I wish I could erase the bad one's (the bad treatment related one's where we had to watch the person we love suffer), but I can't so I'm trying to just embrace them as part of who I am. Your journey continues.... I'm sad that it is without Matthew and I'm remembering with you right now. Even though we have never met, I want you to know you still come to mind and when you do, I pray for you and your family.
Love
Susan
Susan Colletti <ascolletti@juno.com>
Springfield, VA - Thursday, June 30, 2005 9:47 PM CDT

I can remember sharing the last few weeks of Matthew's life with you through caringbridge. I was away on holiday in Barbados and everyday went to a sweltering little shack on the beach to check the Internet and see how Matthew was doing. It felt like another world.

In many ways, I couldn't understand how the world was so beautiful but so cruel at the same time. There was such stunning beauty around me on that beach. For a long time, Matthew's passing has really made me appreciate how lucky I am to be around - it still does - it always will.

"I know nothing with any certainty,

but the sight of stars makes me dream".

- Vincent Van Gogh

HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
MY CB SITE, - Monday, June 27, 2005 4:56 PM CDT

Debbie, Thinking about you and Matthew and your family. Jake would have graduated this year. I went to the graduation. My daughter Sarah is pregnant again and it is a girl. It is so hard, that life just keeps going on. Bob and I are going to Hawaii June 20th for our 25th wedding anniversary. I should be excited. He learned to scuba dive so we could do it together. Tell Dirk Happy Birthday and my heart will be close to yours these next couple months. Love, Jean Jake's Mom 12-17-86 to 2-9-02 t-cell ALL www.caringbridge.org/az/jakefavour
Jean Favour <jfavour@aol.com>
Phoenix, AZ USA - Friday, June 10, 2005 0:09 AM CDT

I come by your web page at least once a week to see how you and your family are doing. I love reading your updates but they are getting further apart which means to me your healing and to me that is a good sign.
molly <mtmatt@sbcglobal.net>
- Thursday, June 9, 2005 12:12 AM CDT

Another bump of honor.

Always gaming in your name. You won't be forgotten, no worries.
Gamer
- Wednesday, June 8, 2005 8:04 PM CDT

Debbie,
Glad to read your update. I check often but don't always leave a note.
I know you will find the right job for you. God will lead you there.
Always remembering Matthew and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Wednesday, June 8, 2005 4:58 AM CDT

Debbie,
I know what you mean... it will be three years this year since I last saw my mom and I STILL have bad days... you know, even if 20 years went past, I still think we'll have our bad days. We're allowed them... sometimes we need them so we know we're human. I don't write often in Matt's guestbook but I want you to know that I check in often for updates... your family remains in my prayers always... take care, I'm sending lots of love your way from Down Under..

~*~*Girlie's Page*~*~

Love always,
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Janice <janiceliew1981@yahoo.com>
Melbourne, Australia - Monday, June 6, 2005 7:48 AM CDT

I don't know you personally, I was looking at the Cathy's Candles Website and clicked on Matthew's link. I am overwhelmed with emotion as I go through and read each families journey and not only physical but emotional roller coaster. Each of your strength is unimagineable and inspiring to me as a mother. You are to be admired as well as your son Matthew and the way he Chose to live his life. God bless each of you.
Tatum <tatumf@ext.msstate.edu>
Starkville, MS - Thursday, May 26, 2005 10:48 AM CDT

Debbie, hoping you are able to enjoy Mothers Day and the good times with Matt, although they were too few, overshadow the grief somehow.
Chris & Gooch
- Saturday, May 7, 2005 10:22 AM CDT

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?t=161029&goto=nextnewest
Gamer
- Sunday, April 24, 2005 4:10 AM CDT

Hello Debbie, I am glad that the banner was a success. We have had quite a few requests recently and I am sure that's Matthew's influence and people coming by from your page. It is lovely that so many people still stop by to find out how the family is getting along. Are you still having a little trouble with Matthew's "Edit page" page on caringbridge? Another lady was having some trouble and she contacted me to ask for help with it. I recommended she tried a few things and it seems that it worked so I am just wonddering now if I recommended them all to you or not. Let me know if you are still aving trouble and I'll send the same E-mail over to you as I did to Lisa.

So once again, big hugs to all of the family from "sunny" England!
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
MY CB SITE, - Saturday, April 23, 2005 6:18 AM CDT

Debbie, good to see an update in Matthew's journal. Think about you often. Hope things go well with your mom. Hugs!

www.caringbridge.org/in/brockbarnard
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Selma, In USA - Thursday, April 21, 2005 9:31 PM CDT

Sending lots of "Mousey Love" to you today,

Love

Viks

viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Wednesday, April 20, 2005 5:18 PM CDT

Just wanted to let you know that I'm still thinking about you.

Karin, mom to Christine <karin.mika@law.csuohio.edu>
Berea, Ohio USA - Monday, April 11, 2005 8:05 AM CDT

Just stopped by Matthew's site to catch up and wanted to say hello. I was thinking about and praying for Matthew (and you all) as we celebrated Easter and again this week with the passing of the Holy Father. This must be a wonderful time to be in heaven. Love you guys.
Rebecca Francis Ballard <rebeccafballard@yahoo.com>
Rockville, MD USA - Friday, April 8, 2005 8:34 PM CDT

Still think of you often. You touched my heart in ways I don't understand.

good game
very good game
Gamer
- Tuesday, April 5, 2005 7:45 PM CDT

Happy Birthday in heaven Matt.

Robyn, Quito's Mom <caringbridge.org/ca/quito>yodelgado11@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, March 31, 2005 3:10 PM CST

THINKING OF YOU TODAY. STILL PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY.

CARINGBRIDGE.ORG/WV/FREDAFOX
RUTH <BLUEEYED_FEMALE@MSN.COM>
HINTON, WV - Wednesday, March 30, 2005 9:28 PM CST

Happy Birthday Matthew! Debbie, I have been thinking about you all a lot lately. Hoping you are doing ok. Sending you hugs from Indiana!

www.caringbridge.org/in/brockbarnard
LeeAnn Barnard <lsbarnard@hotmail.com>
Selma, IN USA - Tuesday, March 29, 2005 9:15 PM CST

Just checking in before heading your way to celebrate this special day. We certainly have a beautiful day for celebrating Matthew's special day!
With much love,
Kim
Kim Janke, aunt to Matthew H. <bkjanke@wavecomputers.net>
Rolla, MO - Tuesday, March 29, 2005 1:10 PM CST

Thinking of Matthew up in Heaven, and hoping he sends you a sign today that he's doing okay.

Gosh -- when I saw the words "3 birthdays" it really hit me. My mother passed away in April of 2002 so I should "know" it's been three years, but it just didn't seem like that long, you know?? Thanks so much for the memories of the day Matthew was born here on Earth. I'll go now and check out the photo album, in case the picture of the pound puppies is there. :) Take care.

Shiela
~NY~ USA!!! - Tuesday, March 29, 2005 11:56 AM CST

Happy Birthday Matthew
Thinking of Matthew and his family today
God Bless
Susan <autooncie@yahoo.com>
Mobile, AL - Tuesday, March 29, 2005 10:04 AM CST

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Matthew!!

Eva and Rodney <KWfan4ever@yahoo.com>
www.caringbridge.org/mi/rodneyreeves, Grand Rapids, Michigan - Tuesday, March 29, 2005 6:24 AM CST

Remembering Matthew on his 19th birthday.

Survival is not so much about the body,
but rather it is about the triumph of the human spirit.
~ Danita Vance

Michele
Orlando, FL - Tuesday, March 29, 2005 1:17 AM CST

Debbie, hoping you are all there for each other (as I know you will be) tomorrow. Happy Birthday Matt. I can not believe its been nearly three years, I guess its easy for life to go on for everyone else, but for you guys it must feel like eternity
Chris - Gooch's mom
- Monday, March 28, 2005 10:16 PM CST

Holding you in my thoughts and prayers as you celebrate the precious remembrance of Matt's birth and life with you.
Yolanda Rogers <galatians5@truevine.net>
Altamonte Springs, FL USA - Monday, March 28, 2005 8:25 PM CST

Hello-Just stopping by to say I will be thinking about your precious Matthew and your family; and remembering him on his birthday and sending prayers your way. Take care.
Jean Bass <jbass@cbburnet.com>
Minneapolis, MN - Monday, March 28, 2005 4:45 PM CST

I wanted to stop by and say "Happy Belated Easter", and to also let you know that I'm thinking about Matthew's birthday tomorrow. Just in case I don't get to stop by tomorrow, I wanted to be sure I did today!

Shiela
~NY~ USA!!! - Monday, March 28, 2005 1:50 PM CST

Just stopping by to wish you a blessed Easter and also remembering Matthew on his birthday as it is just around the corner.
Debbie, if my memory serves me correctly, Chris lives at the same apt. complex my son does...if Chris decides to stay at the same complex, there is an opening for 1 roommate in my son's apt. One of his roommates is getting married this June. My son and the other 2 current roommates are staying together...they are great guys and get along very well....drop me an email if Chris decides to stay at the same apt. complex and needs roommates. We looked around at other housing options, but decided to stay put where he is because of the nice features of the apt and the location. Since we live here, we know there are areas I wouldn't want my son living and walking to school.
Karen <Valenti56@aol.com>
Bloomington, Mn. - Sunday, March 27, 2005 9:36 PM CST

Hi Debbie,
Thank you for the update. It was good to read about all your family.
Matthew and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hope you have a glorious Easter!
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham`, AL - Saturday, March 26, 2005 7:38 PM CST

so great to read your update. it is so wonderful hearing of your family and of matthew. i will be thinking of him and checking in on his birthday!
sheila sellenriek <shsellenriek@hotmail.com>
wildwood, - Saturday, March 26, 2005 4:40 PM CST

Hi Debbie, I got your E-mail about the banner problems. I can still see it OK on my computer. Perhaps if you try emptying the temporary files on your computer it might work. I have tested it on both of my computers because one does not have the banner on the hard drive and it still shows up.

In Internet Explorer - Go to > Tools > Internet Options and on the "general" tab you should see a section that says "temporary internet files". Click on "delete files" and then try and visit Matthew's page again to see if it works.
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
IS YOUR FAMILY KICKIN' CANCER'S BUTT?, - Saturday, March 26, 2005 6:35 AM CST

HAPPY EASTER LOVE WWW.POSTPALS.CO.UK

Post Pals <info@postpals.co.uk>
- Saturday, March 26, 2005 5:18 AM CST

Hi Debbie, I added the banner to Matthew's page. I tried to Email you to check it was ok but my Email kept bouncing. Please don't hesitate to Email me if you'd like me to change anything.
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
The Big Brave Banner SIte, - Friday, March 25, 2005 10:28 AM CST

So sorry to hear your mother had another fall. That has got to be so difficult. Sounds like a great time with the "frisky puppies"! (had to laugh that it wasn't your daughter and son-in-law!) I keep thinking about your family, and Matthew's birthday coming up. As I've said before, I'm amazed at your strength, although I only see it through the words of this website. You still sound very strong, though, given what your family has gone through. I couldn't help but smile, envisioning the nursery/Pound Puppies picture. :o) Take care -- !

Shiela
~NY~ USA!!! - Wednesday, March 23, 2005 2:34 PM CST

Just stopping by and was happy to see the update. I'm sorry March is a month of difficult and sad memories. I know his many birthdays when he was healthy are happy memories though, and I pray that those memories can fill your hearts with "good Matthew times". Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,

Debbie Nagy
Manchester, - Tuesday, March 22, 2005 11:34 AM CST

You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Monday, March 21, 2005 9:40 AM CST

I still stop by all the time - a couple times a week. =)
I hope you continue to update because I love hearing about what you guys are up to these days (even though we've never met!). I'll always remember Matthew!
Shannon <Shannon_r@hotmail.com>
Vancouver, BC - Saturday, March 19, 2005 10:13 PM CST

Hi Debbie~
Stopping in to say hello and hope that things are going well for you and your family. My thoughts are with you and Matt.

Take Care
Teri <tlxavier@cox.net>
was Nashville...now Las Vegas, - Tuesday, March 15, 2005 7:12 PM CST

Again - a long time since I've signed. Just wanted you to know that Matthew and his family will never be forgotten. I sure hope your mother is doing okay. What an ordeal!! I can imagine the month of March is an especially difficult time for you. Will check back again...

Shiela
~NY~ USA!!! - Friday, March 11, 2005 4:11 PM CST

Thinking of you and hoping all is well.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Thursday, March 10, 2005 11:04 AM CST

Thinking of all of you, hope to see an update soon.
Sarah
PA - Saturday, February 26, 2005 11:23 PM CST

Thinking of you and hope all is well. Keeping you in my prayers.
Alice <asd507@hotmail.com>
Birmingham, AL - Monday, January 31, 2005 10:45 AM CST

JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY.

CARINGBRIDGE.ORG/WV/FREDAFOX
RUTH <BLUEEYED_FEMALE@MSN.COM>
HINTON, WV - Saturday, January 29, 2005 3:31 PM CST

Hi Debbie, I tried to contact you with regard to sending you a special "memory box" that I designed for you and your family (see below).

I'm not sure if you got the E-mail because it was from my hotmail account and I know some E-mail accounts filter me to junk mail because of that. If you think you'd like the box, please check it out at

http://www.cafepress.com/cancercustomtee.14629204

It will be a free gift from the store as we have been raising money through the sales of our "2005 childhood cancer awareness calender" and other items from the store below.

Just drop me an E-mail and let me know either way if you can Debbie. I will not be insulted if you decided you didn't want it!
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
THE KICKIN' CANCER'S BUTT STORE (raising money to send out gifts to CB families)., - Friday, January 28, 2005 5:18 PM CST

Hi there Debbie and family. I enjoyed seeing the photos of the trip to Italy - it looks like your family had nice weather there and enjoyed all of the scenery. I have heard that the colusseum is huge. Maybe I'll go and see it one day. I am too lazy for city breaks, I'm more a go-on-the-beach-and-laze-around kind of person.
HelenH <geordielass999@hotmail.com>
uk, - Wednesday, January 26, 2005 11:53 AM CST

JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY.

CARINGBRIDGE.ORG/WV/FREDAFOX
RUTH <BLUEEYED_FEMALE@MSN.COM>
HINTON, WV - Monday, January 17, 2005 0:08 AM CST

Debbie - just wanted to let you know you and Matthew are still thought of. Your poor mom! I hope she heals soon.
Vicki, mama to Duncan, ALL-Kids <texneus@yahoo.com>
Lewisville, TX - Tuesday, January 11, 2005 11:14 AM CST

Dearest Debbie
I have not been online for a while and came to wish you all a Happy New Year. I hope it is a lot happier than the end of the last year! I am SO sorry to hear about your mother's problems. I hope she is well on the road to recovery by now and that life is a little easier for you.
Fantastic news about Christopher! Please pass on our congratulations to him. How very proud you & Dirk would have been at the ceremony! Angel Matthew would be so proud of his big brother too!
Please write when you get a chance. I will keep checking for updates too. Take care.
Much love & BIG cuddles.
Liz, Murray, Adam, Joshua & Bethany
XO XO XO XO XO XO
the Cruickshank family
Melbourne, Vic. Australia - Tuesday, January 11, 2005 6:26 AM CST

Dear Debbie,
It was so great to see an update from you...was really starting to get worried there! I know how hard it must be to be able to come to Caringbridge and update..just know that Matt and your family still have so many faithful readers out there...and although the updates are far apart, that is okay...it is good enough just to hear how things are going. I'm really sorry your mom has had to go through so much off late. I pray things pick up for her and that her spirits are lifted...well, just really wanted to stop by to let you know that I'm thinking of you and beautiful Matt in Heaven... continue to stay strong.

~*~*Girlie's Page*~*~

Love & hugs,
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Janice <janiceliew1981@yahoo.com>
Melbourne, Australia - Thursday, January 6, 2005 4:17 AM CST

Thinking of your family today.
Maria <mariaw19@hotmail.com>
NJ - Wednesday, January 5, 2005 7:03 PM CST

Dear Debbie,
So much has gone on, no wonder you had not updated. I hope that things start getting easier and brighter for you and your family. I know you still miss Matthew terribly and always will. I am still so sorry that his life was cut short by this awful monster of a disease. My prayer for you is that 2005 will bring you peace, hope and happiness.
Love,

Debbie Nagy
Manchester, MO - Tuesday, January 4, 2005 10:13 PM CST

Debbie,

Just stopping by to say hi and that I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.
Laura Piper mom to Dani (http://www.caringbridge.org/ia/danisdiary) <laurapiper@hotmail.com>
Hampton, IA - Tuesday, January 4, 2005 1:24 PM CST

Two and a half years have gone by, but not a day goes by that I don't think about Matthew and your family. I'm glad to hear about all of the good things going on, but sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she gets better soon so that she can start taking more pictures of that rose bush.
Karin, mom to Christine <karin.mika@law.csuohio.edu>
Berea, Ohio USA - Tuesday, January 4, 2005 12:53 AM CST

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