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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:44 AM MDT
I think I am going to close this page. I haven't been good at updating anyway. And since I feel like I never have anything positive to say, I feel like maybe I should just not say anything at all.
There is nothing to update regarding cancer. I am just so scared that it is going to come back though.
One of the people that I fought the hardest for to get better has decided that he no longer knows how he feels about me. My heart is broken into a million pieces. As if I couldn't feel bad enough about myself on my own, I now have the one person I love with all my heart telling me that he doesn't feel the same way. If he's going to give up on me, I might as well give up on everything too.
Monday, May 15, 2006 7:14 PM MDT I'm working on an update. Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:00 PM MST Well, once again, I have not posted in a very long time! I was pretty bummed and stressed out in December. And, I didn't want to be whining on here so I just didn't post. Sorry. This one might get a little long and hopefully it won't be all over the place with my thoughts.
Friday, November 18, 2005 5:30 PM MST Wow...I think I set an all time record for slacking on the updating!!
Monday, September 12, 2005 9:15 PM MDT Well, I figured I shouldn't take a week or more to update about my appointment! (Not that anyone is reading this very much anymore anyway!) And since I just updated last Wednesday after a long absence (see journal history), I will try to keep this short.
Wednesday, September 7, 2005 11:15 PM MDT Things have been pretty busy around here. Our summer has been over for a couple of weeks now already! Ashley and Hayley started school on August 17th! Hayley goes to kindergarten in the mornings and Ashley is in 5th grade. They are both enjoying it. Ashley joined the school volleyball team so that will keep us all pretty busy too. Games start this week and so far, she is having a lot of fun. Hayley is looking forward to the first field trip of the year next week! Lots of stuff to remember all the time! The big news with Emily is that she is potty-trained!
Thursday, August 11, 2005 A beautiful life that ended too soon was celebrated tonight. The world has lost a true hero. My friend Chris passed away on Sunday. I was heartbroken when I read the news Sunday morning and can still hardly believe she's really gone. I've struggled to find the words to adequately describe Chris and what a blessing she was. Chris was truly one of a kind! I really think that she was an angel here on earth. And, now her body is as strong as her spirit has always been. Even though I never met her in person, we were instant friends. I am going to miss our late night chats on Yahoo and her posts in my guestbook. Chris inspired so many people, even in the midst of her own struggles and pain. She was so full of hope and compassion and courage and strength! The CaringBridge community will never be the same without "Clownfish Chris". She really did touch the lives of thousands of people, many of them, fellow cancer warriors. She was especially a big support to all the kids battling this nasty disease. I will always remember her. Every time I see yellow or a Willow Tree Angel or a dolphin, I will think of Chris. And every time I hear the song "Over the Rainbow/Wonderful World" or look at my wooden BELIEVE thingy, I will smile and think of my friend Chris. If everyone was as nice a person as Chris was, the world would be a much better place!! Christine Schauf, you definitely left your footprints forever in the hearts of thousands! You will be greatly missed but never forgotten! Please keep Chris' family in your prayers!! Her mom Mary, sister Amy, sister Michelle and niece Jade, and sister Jen and her husband Jerry and their kids, Colin and Maddy. And, there is a little boy in Utah who was a very dear friend of Chris and he is absolutely heartbroken as well so please add Devin to your prayers too!
Wednesday, July 27, 2005 5:30 PM MDT ***New Link Added Below! Please visit Heather Grace's Little Shop!! My friend Angela is her mom and she makes awesome bracelets (and soaps)!
Friday, June 24, 2005 6:25 PM MDT ***New Pictures Added Too!
Friday, June 3, 2005 11:45 PM MDT Well, I've been slackin' on the updating again. (Big surprise, huh?) It's just been nice not having to go to the cancer center everyday! And, I just haven't had much to say. (I had been trying to update before I got more slacker comments but it was too late! Thanks a lot Chris!) I have been planning on updating for a week now!! That is pretty bad. So, here goes...
Monday, May 9, 2005 11:10 PM MDT I am DONE with cancer treatments!!
Sunday, May 1, 2005 11:25 PM MDT I had my appointment with the radiation oncologist on Tuesday morning. The skin was still not healed enough to continue with radiation. I was not surprised at all. It was still quite sore. He told me to take the rest of the week off. Thanks for all the prayers that my skin would get better! The nice wishes especially cheered me up this past week! My skin was finally a lot better on Friday. I go back tomorrow (Monday, May 2nd) to start my radiation treatments again. I only have 6 more treatments and then I'll be finished!! The doctor said my skin should not get nearly as bad for these last 6 now that it has healed. I'm sure it will still get burnt though since it's such a high dose. But as long as it's not as bad as before, I'm okay with that! My last day of treatments is Monday, May 9th!
Sunday, May 1, 2005 11:25 PM MDT I had my appointment with the radiation oncologist on Tuesday morning. The skin was still not healed enough to continue with radiation. I was not surprised at all. It was still quite sore. He told me to take the rest of the week off. Thanks for all the prayers that my skin would get better! The nice wishes especially cheered me up this past week! My skin was finally a lot better on Friday. I go back tomorrow (Monday, May 2nd) to start my radiation treatments again. I only have 6 more treatments and then I'll be finished!! The doctor said my skin should not get nearly as bad for these last 6 now that it has healed. I'm sure it will still get burnt though since it's such a high dose. But as long as it's not as bad as before, I'm okay with that! My last day of treatments is Monday, May 9th!
Sunday, April 24, 2005 11:30 PM MDT Well, so much for pluggin' along! I've hit another little bump in the road. Oh yeah, just when I thought I was almost done!
Sunday, April 10, 2005 11:20 PM MDT ****New Pictures Added****
Wednesday, March 23, 2005 10:28 PM MST Okay, okay! Here's the much awaited update. (And after you read it, you'll probably be thinking, "We waited 2 weeks for this?!") I've had 2 weeks of radiation now. It is going fine. Nothing major to report. The treatments are really quick. It takes me longer to drive there than it does to have the "beams"! I've been pretty tired but I don't really know if that's because of the radiation or not. (Most of you know how well I can sleep.) The skin is already getting kind of red but it's not really "burnt".
Sunday, March 6, 2005 9:25 PM MST Well, I have good news! When I went to the doctor on Monday, the incision is healed! I am so glad that it sealed quickly and didn't take 6 weeks like they had said. I had my CT scan and tattoos on Tuesday. Some people have asked what exactly I mean by "tattoos." They actually marked me with a real tattoo...3 of them actually. But they are very tiny...they look like freckles. (Thank goodness I had the female technician because she said she makes them a lot smaller than the male tech!!) They use the tattoos to line up the radiation beams for treatment. And, they will use the CT scans to map out the treatment plan. I have to go back on Tuesday to line everything up again and get everything finalized. Then, I will start radiation on Wednesday (the 9th). Oh, and I have to get one more little tattoo because the doctor thinks I should get the supraclavicular area treated as well. They already took the scans in case I decided to do it. We were just trying to figure out what would be best. Hopefully this is it. It looks like I will most likely be having treatments for 7 weeks. (Everyday...Monday - Friday)
I had my bloodwork done in December and everything came back clear again! Praise God! I did not meet with the oncologist this time. He said it was fine to just call with the blood results. I will go again in March and will also have another mammogram at that time.
I did have sort of an exciting milestone in December! I got my first haircut since my hair grew back!! I will try to get a picture on here soon.
I was really hoping that 2006 would be a much better year for us but so far, it hasn't started off the greatest.
My dad has been diagnosed with emphysema. Emphysema is a chronic lung disease, usually caused by smoking, that makes it hard to breathe. My dad has smoked for a very long time. But to see how quickly this all got so bad has been hard. Two weeks ago, the doctors put him on oxygen. He can't even walk up the stairs without having the oxygen on. The doctor also put him on Welbutrin, which is a drug to help people quit smoking. He told my dad that he NEEDS to quit smoking. Well, I am very proud to say that my dad threw out his cigarettes about a week and a half ago and hasn't smoked since!! I am sure it's very hard but I know he can do it! He knows that this is the best way to help his situation now. Any medications they put him on will help better if he no longer smokes. Dad, I love you and I'm proud of you for giving up the cigarettes!! I've got some wonderful friends on here and I know they will all pray for you too!
Another source of stress has been about school. The girls go to our church's school. I went through school there and my mom has been teaching there for over 20 years. Since it is a Christian school, everyone that goes there pays tuition. Well, when the new tuition rates came out for next school year, my heart just sank. I knew there was no way we could keep the girls there. With the changes of Hayley going into full-time for 1st grade and Emily starting preschool, combined with the general rate increase, it was going to be a lot more each month. We've all been stressed about what to do and with the thought of having to leave Immanuel. (When we told the girls, they both cried and so did I!) The town we live in runs on a the middle school system, so in the fall, Ashley will be starting middle school. There is NO way I want to put her in one of the big public middle schools, especially after spending the past 7 years at a small Christian school. I hope that doesn't sound snobby because that's not what it is at all. I just don't want her exposed to a lot of the stuff that I see or hear about going on. We heard about a new charter school that is going to open this fall in our town and we went to an informational meeting a few weeks ago. Unlike the rest of the schools here that go Kindergarten through 5th, this school will be Kindergarten through 6th and then they will add 7th the following year and 8th the year after that. So, that was a HUGE plus for us that Ashley could be at a smaller school all through middle school. It will be a LOT smaller than the regular middle schools. And, most of the stuff we learned about the school, we were pretty impressed with. So, we decided to get the girls in the lottery drawing and hope for the best. They had the 3rd lottery drawing on Thursday night. I had been praying that whatever happened, it would be a sign for me. If the girls would get in, then I should look at it that that must be God saying it's the right thing for us and that everything will be okay. Well, I guess we got a pretty big sign because we were the first family drawn!! I am still having a little bit of trouble totally accepting that this is what we will be doing but I just don't see any way that we can remain at Immanuel. I think it will help if we get really involved with the new school.
And, as always, money is another huge stress factor! I am trying hard to figure out something I can do at home to make some extra money. I just feel like I really need to start bringing in some money to help out. I am going to try to sell a bunch of stuff from around the house on ebay. Hopefully my house will get cleaned out and organized AND I'll make some money in the process!! I want to find something that I can consistently sell on ebay after that. And, hopefully at some point, I can create an online webstore too.
All of us, except Ashley, have been fighting colds. Emily is finally starting to feel better after a little over a week. Hayley has had a stuffy nose the past few days. Mine is mostly sinus congestion and Ben feels lousy too. I am really hoping we get over it soon!! (And that Ashley can stay healthy!) Emily's birthday is coming up in a couple of days and I don't want any of us to still be sick!! And Ashley's birthday is a little later this month so hopefully there won't be another bug at that time either!
Thanks again to all of you who still check in on me!!
Love,
Jennifer
There really isn't much to report, which is good! I feel good! I still get tired sometimes and I have been in a bit of a "funk" the past several weeks. I just haven't felt much like updating. And since I don't really have any "cancer news", I don't know if I should even keep the site going.
I have been busy trying to get stuff made for a bazaar that our church is having tomorrow! I am excited and kind of nervous! I am hoping that I will sell a lot and make some money for Christmas shopping. I can hardly believe that Thanksgiving is next week already!!! Christmas will be here before we know it! Yikes!
Ashley is now playing basketball at school. So far they are just having practices. We are supposed to get a schedule for the season by next week. Ashley's newest hobby is knitting!! She got a neat tool called the "Knifty Knitter" and it is an easy way to learn how to knit. She taught herself and has been making scarves. Last weekend she got the other set to make hats so she's been working on a couple of those now too. It keeps her busy and I am glad she enjoys making stuff and doing crafts and artsy things.
Hayley celebrated her 6th birthday a few weeks ago. And, she lost her first tooth last week!!! She was SO excited!! It actually fell out while she was sleeping and she was afraid that it was lost.
Emily is just a busy little girl. She talks non-stop and cracks us up. She is very into Disney Princesses right now. And just this week, she's also become a big Wizard of Oz fan. She is wanting to buy some "ruby slippers".
The girls are looking forward to a few days off next week for Thanksgiving. We don't have any big plans so hopefully they won't be too bored or disappointed! I am glad that Ben will have a couple days off too. He's been working a lot of hours. Ashley and Hayley are both working on Christmas programs at school. Those will be coming up before we know it too! I guess I better find something for them to wear!
Thanks to those of you who still check in on me! I really do appreciate it!! And special thanks to my friends from Angels On Earth who have been so kind to me while I was the "Pampered Parent"! You all rock!!
Love,
Jennifer
My appointment with Dr. Schlanski on Friday went well. He said that everything looks good! I have to go back and see him in December. And he wants to me to have another mammogram in 6 months. And, I can get my port out anytime now! I am going to talk to Dr. Blomquist (the surgeon) to see about maybe having it done in his office rather than in the operating room. I'm kind of nervous about that, but it would sure save a lot of money. I'll just have to see what Dr. Blomquist says because I trust him completely.
Hayley and Emily didn't feel well today. Hayley stayed home from kindergarten. Emily had a runny nose that just wouldn't stop. Poor girl is so worn out from wiping the "boogies"...she is just miserable. I have been fighting a cold since late last week too. I am hoping everyone is better tomorrow!!
Please keep baby Avery's parents, Scott and Shannon, in your prayers. After complications from her heart transplant, little Avery passed away on Friday afternoon. I am just heartbroken for them!
Please say a prayer for Jenny and Andrew Scott. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of their precious Allie becoming an angel. I think about the Scott's everyday. Jenny and Allie have touched my heart forever. Everytime I see a giraffe, I smile and think of Allie. (Even the girls know...you see a giraffe, you think of Allie.) The world is truly a better place because of Jenny, Andrew and Allie Scott! And, Jenny and Andrew are getting ready to welcome a new daughter, Maggie, into this world!
And don't forget to eat at Chili's on September 26th!! All proceeds from that day go to St. Jude's! If you eat there any other time this month, make sure you color a pepper too!! They are only $1.00.
Love,
Jennifer
It's hard to believe that it has already been one year ago that I was diagnosed!! We went out to dinner on Saturday night to celebrate being a one year survivor! It has been quite a year! I've met some amazing new friends who I am forever grateful for! And I am so thankful for everyone who stood by me and supported me! I try not to dwell on the stuff that makes this all so hard...The strain it puts on marriage, the strain it puts on the family finances, etc. I am thankful to be alive and that is what really matters!!
This week is a busy week of appointments. Yesterday, I had a bilateral mammogram. I had bloodwork done today and then on Friday, I go see the oncologist. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about all this. I am sure that everything is fine!! It's just not knowing for sure and then having to wait to find out. The mammograms are harder to read now that I've had radiation and because of the scar tissue from surgery. The tech did take them down to the radiologist right away and he said that there wasn't anything that he was concerned about and that the films looked like what he would expect at this point. I am hoping I'll find out more on Friday.
I haven't gotten my port taken out yet. Part of me is too nervous to do it "just in case". I know that may seem like a negative way of thinking but it's really not. I guess I just want to be on the safe side. It already stinks that I have to pay another outpatient surgery expense to have it removed (not cheap!) and I just wouldn't want to have to do it all over again IF it were needed again. I don't know if that makes sense to any of you...probably not, because I have been getting grief about not having it done yet. But as long as all the tests are okay, I will arrange to get it taken out. And I might actually have it done in the surgeon's office but that makes me kind of nervous too.
September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. Chili's is once again doing their "Create A Pepper" campaign to benefit St. Jude. I can't wait to get a shirt this year too! I just think this is SUCH a cool thing that Chili's does in partnering with St. Jude's! And, on September 26th, Chili's is going to donate 100f their profits to St. Judes!!! So mark your calendars and make a date for Chili's on September 26th!! You can learn more at www.createapepper.com. OH, and Jeff Probst, host of Survivor is the spokesperson for this awesome campaign!! Makes me like that guy even more!! 
Oh, did I mention that I am turning 30 later this month!?!?
Please keep little baby Avery in your prayers! Her mom signs my guestbook...she's so sweet! Avery was in desperate need of a new heart and she got one yesterday! But now, her little body is rejecting it. Please pray that that the medications she is on will help her body accept the heart!
And, if you would like to read an amazing story of hope and the power of prayer, go visit Jacob Duckworth! What an amazing family and what an AMAZING little boy!! (Go to the journal history to see what I'm talking about!)
I know you all already are, but please keep praying for all the people affected by Hurricane Katrina! What an enormous tragedy!
Thanks again to everyone for all of your prayers and support!! I will let you know how my appointment with Dr. Schlanski goes on Friday.
Love,
Jennifer
***New pictures added in the photo album too!
As Chris would say, "Until there is a cure...Peace~Love~Hope"
Love,
Jennifer
P.S. - I know I haven't updated about "me" for awhile but my heart has been heavy with thoughts of my friends. I will try to update again soon though.
I would like to ask for prayers for my friend, Chris. I know some of you have visited her page before. If you haven't, well, then you should know that Chris is a fighter, a true inspiration and is full of so much hope. Even with her own battle, she is such a huge encouragement to others fighting this awful disease...especially the kids. And right now, Chris is the one who needs encouraging. Her journal entry for Tuesday is heartbreaking. (There are 2 parts to it...be sure to read down the page.) She NEEDS a miracle. Please visit her page and send her some prayers and nice wishes!
Another cancer warrior in need of prayers is a handsome young man from Texas, Christopher. I've been following his story since January of this year when I read about his amazing meeting with Brett Favre!! Christopher is in need of some serious prayers too! And prayers of support for his sweet mom, Christine.
Chris and Christopher actually got to meet last month when Christopher and his mom went back to Wisconsin for Brett Favre's Charity Softball game. I had told Chris about Christopher and of course, in true "Chris fashion", she's been a great cheerleader for Christopher!
Thanks everyone!! I appreciate all the support you have shown me and I appreciate everyone praying for my friends too!!
Love,
Jennifer
I hope you are all enjoying summer! We have been keeping pretty busy!! I can't believe that June is almost over already!!
Ashley went to a volleyball camp last week and had basketball camp this week. She enjoyed them both! (And uncle Craig helped out at the basketball one so that made it extra fun!)
Hayley has started t-ball and she is loving that! Ben is coaching her team! They meet 2 nights a week and they start playing games next week.
Emily has been potty-training!!! She has been doing really good too!! Last week, when we were at a store, she told me she needed to go potty. And, she's been going ever since! So, I have been spending a lot of time taking Emily to the potty and asking her a 100 times a day if she needs to go. She is doing pretty good about telling me too.
I am trying to "overhaul" my house! My mom has been helping me go through stuff and try to get more organized. We just have WAY too much stuff and we have a garage sale coming up. I will be glad when it is all done. It's a huge project but once it's finished, it will be so much better!
I am looking forward the stamping event on Saturday SO much!! I think we are going to have a pretty good turnout. I know it's going to be a lot of fun and I am so excited to learn how to make all the fun projects that Marissa has planned! I still cannot believe that she is doing so much for me and we've never even met! I am looking forward to meeting her on Saturday along with all the other people who are coming that I don't know!
Please continue praying for my friend Chris. She has had a really rough time lately and been in a lot of pain. She has a bone scan on Monday so please pray that she gets good results. Thanks!
Happy Summer!!
Love,
Jennifer
I am feeling good. I still feel kind of sluggish but I can't complain. I feel like my hair is growing slower than slow. I mean, it's definitely an improvement over completely bald but I just wish it would hurry up! Doesn't seem fair that ALL the hair was completely gone in literally a day or 2 and now it's going to take forever to grow out. I need to go shopping for some hats. I think I'm going to be wearing a lot more of them this summer. It gets too hot with the wig on.
I had a follow-up appointment with the oncologist today. I met the new doctor, Dr. Schlanski. (The oncologist that I saw during my treatments left the clinic a few months ago.) It started off kind of rocky. He was irritated that I was talking to the nurses...but I was just talking while I waited, they hadn't called me back yet and I was just standing there at the front desk so it's not like they couldn't have. I was a little upset by his reaction but he was actually very nice and I do like him. He seems very honest and straight forward and easy to talk to. He said that I will have to come see him every 3 months for 2 years. I was under the impression that I needed to have 2 mammograms done each year but he said that 1 is enough unless I want to have 2. He said the American Cancer Society recommends one per year. I have a follow-up appointment with the radiation oncologist on June 9th. I will also be taking Tamoxifen everyday for the next 5 years. It is a drug that reduces the risk of recurrence and reduces the chances of new cancer by 50 percent. I am a little worried about some of the side effects though. (One of which is increasing my risk of uterine cancer by 50 percent!) All these catch-22's are annoying. But, I need to think about all the good it will be doing. And, prayers for minimal side effects would be nice too! I need to get my port flushed again and then I can schedule to have it taken out anytime. (One more outpatient surgery) Dr. Schlanski also recommended that I have genetic testing done. I need to find out if our insurance will cover it or not. Then I will explain more.
I am trying to figure out the "new normal". I spent the past 8 months doing everything I needed to do to just get better. So what now? I found this quote on a breast cancer website: "With so much going on, it may not be till the whirlwind of treatment subsides that reality sinks in." That pretty much sums it up. It is definitely a roller coaster ride.
I can't believe school is already over again! Hayley had her preschool graduation on May 19th! I can't believe she's going to be in kindergarten in the fall! She is really excited. The graduation ceremony was very cute! They sang some cute songs and each of the kids gave their parents a rose after telling us (in sign language too) "Thank for sending us to a school where we can learn about God." Ashley's last day of school was May 27. She has already been reading a ton! Summer activities are going to start before we know it. Ashley is going to a volleyball camp and a basketball camp at school. Hayley is going to play teeball. They will both probably do some art stuff. Other than that, I don't really know. No big plans.
I am so bummed that The Contender is over!! Alfonso won the bronze match in the finale!! He really deserved it! I felt bad for the guy he fought (Jesse) because I like him too. I was still bummed that I couldn't be in Vegas to watch it. And my other favorite, Joey (the one who I was begging y'all to vote for) ended up being medically ineligible because he reinjured his ribs. I hope he gets better quick...I wanna see him fight again! For now, I am hoping that The Contender will be released on DVD and that it will get picked up for a 2nd season.
There is a really neat fundraiser coming up on June 25th that I hope a lot of you will be able to come to! A sweet woman (whom I've never even met!) is organizing a Stampin' Up fundraiser for me! She will have lots of projects for everyone to make and take home. I am very excited about it and hope we have a good turnout. If you would like to join us, email me and I'll let you know the details. I am just amazed that people who don't even know me, want to help and that they care about me! It is an amazing feeling.
Ben's cousin Manuel was diagnosed with colon cancer a couple of weeks ago. He had surgery and his outlook is very good. He got his port put in today and will be starting chemo next week. Please keep him in your prayers.
My friend Chris has started a new nasty chemo drug to kill her cancer bug. She has been through a lot and she is so full of encouragement and hope for everyone with this awful disease. She got to attend the Lance Armstrong Livestrong Gala recently AND she got to meet him! Pretty cool! Please pray that she tolerates this new chemo okay and that she will beat this horrible disease.
Thank you for all of your support! It means SO much to me!
Love,
Jennifer
I had a really awesome day! I was so excited to be done with all my cancer treatments! I got a certificate from the radiation oncology department. It said "Congratulations for completing your course of Radiation Therapy with the highest degree of courage, determination, and good nature." I thought that was kind of neat! No more going to treatment every day!! Woohoo!
My parents took us all out to dinner to celebrate. We went to Texas Roadhouse which was very good! My brother came along too. It was a nice night. My mom and my brother got me really nice cards. And, my mom got me a cute little wooden thingy that spells out BELIEVE and on top of it, there is a little sign that says "Things happen for a reason." 
I had seen it at the Hallmark store and I really liked it. Thanks mom for getting it for me! It is SO important to believe and I definitely think things happen for a reason...including cancer. I know it has taught me so many valuable lessons that I don't think I would have learned any other way.
When we got home from dinner, I checked my email. I about flipped out when I realized I had gotten an email from Alfonso Gomez...one of my favorite boxers from The Contender!! I had emailed him a few weeks ago and he was kind enough to take time out of his busy training schedule to write me back. He was SO sweet! He even checked out my website AND signed my guestbook! Thank you SO much Alfonso! You have no idea how much that means to me! (I'm sure most of my friends have some idea though since they all know what a Contender fanatic I am! And I know most of y'all think I'm nuts too! That's okay though.)
So, I had a really great day! I am still beaming (no pun intended!) about getting through all this and for what a wonderful day I had!
Oh, I had a nice Mother's Day too! Ben and the girls got me a new Willow Tree angel and took me to lunch at On the Border. Hayley made a couple of cute gifts at school too! I am so thankful for my girls! I am truly blessed.
Thanks for all that you have done to help get me to today! I am so thankful for all the support I have gotten...it is truly amazing!
Love,
Jennifer
I was hoping to have a little celebration trip to Las Vegas to go watch the finale of "The Contender" but I wasn't able to get tickets. (They sold out in less than 5 minutes!) 
Guess I'll have to settle for a "Joey Gilbert" tshirt and watch the fights at home! At any rate, I'll still be celebrating!
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
I was hoping to have a little celebration trip to Las Vegas to go watch the finale of "The Contender" but I wasn't able to get tickets. (They sold out in less than 5 minutes!) Guess I'll have to settle for a "Joey Gilbert" tshirt and watch the fights at home! At any rate, I'll still be celebrating!
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
On Monday, April 11th, I didn't have radiation because the machine was down due to a snowstorm. My skin really started to get worse that week. I was supposed to start my higher dose to the tumor site that Wednesday (the 13th) but everything was off by a day so I started on Thursday (the 14th). By Thursday and Friday my skin was really getting sore. The technician, Jennie, was going to come in on Saturday so that people who hadn't gotten treatment on Monday could still stay on schedule (for getting in 5 per week). After much deliberation and back and forth, I decided to go ahead and go in. I wanted to stay on track and just get done. I didn't really think one day would help a whole lot. By Tuesday, April 19th, my skin was VERY sore. I had my "beams" and then I had my weekly appointment with the doctor. After he looked at the skin, he decided that I needed to have at least a week off from radiation. He said it may take more than a week. Basically, the skin is just burned off. It is raw and they have to wait for new skin to grow back. And the area is right where I have to get the higher dose, making it even worse. I have been doing Domeboro soaks a couple times a day, using a special antibiotic cream (Silvadene) and using these things called RadiaDres Gel Sheets. I have another appointment on Tuesday (April 26th) to recheck the skin. Then I'll find out if they will go ahead with the last 6 sessions or if I'll have to wait some more. It is definitely still sore but I do think it's getting a little better. I only have 6 more treatments so I really want to get it over with!! For now, my happy dance is postponed for a bit. But, I will definitely be celebrating once I do finally get finished with all of this!
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
Here goes...yet another uneventful update from me! I guess uneventful is good though, right?
I'm pluggin' away with the radiation treatments. I only have 13 more to go! Starting on Wednesday (the 13th), they will start doing a higher dose localized to where the tumor was. I will receive that for the remainder of the time. My skin is starting to burn more. The last 11 days are supposed to be worse so I am a little worried about that. Hopefully it won't get too bad. My last treatment will be Wednesday, April 27th!
While I am looking forward to being done with getting "beamed" everyday, it is also going to be very strange not having doctors appointments and visits, etc. all of the time. I have been doing something related to cancer since last September. So for 8 months I've been doing something to ensure that this is taken care of for good. And now what?? I feel like then I will just have to start worrying about how long before I have new scans or tests or a mammogram or whatever.
And speaking of tests, people have asked if there is a test once I'm done with treatment to see how effective it all was. I have asked and the answer I have gotten is pretty much no. Apparently the tests aren't all that accurate and can even give false positives. Or something would be too microscopic to be seen. I will however have to get mammograms done every 6 months and I will be in to see a doctor every 3 months. So they will be monitoring it fairly closely. It still scares me quite a bit...worrying if all these treatments took care of it all and if it will ever come back. But, I just can't think about that because I'd drive myself crazy!!
Thanks for helping me get through this!
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
I had been feeling a little down again the past couple of weeks. But once again, I also remember that I should not be complaining.
The girls are on spring break this week. So, that has helped keep me busy and my mind off things that have been buggin' me. We didn't have any big plans for our spring break. But we've been doing a few fun things and are enjoying our time together. We've done a couple craft projects, made prezels and dyed some Easter eggs. Of course the girls are enjoying hanging out with grandma too! What better place to have all this fun than at grandma's house! We are hoping to go see "Ice Princess" sometime this week still too. And we are planning on doing a bit of shopping in Denver. (I hope The Childrens Place is having a good sale!)
My "peach fuzz" is getting much more visible!! I can't believe how much it's grown in just a couple of weeks. It's still not a lot but it's definitely a big change!
I hope that you all have a wonderful Easter with your loved ones!
Love,
Jennifer
I have a favor to ask all of you. PLEASE get on the bone marrow registry!! All it takes is a simple blood sample. You can get more information at www.marrow.org, including the qualifications. You must be between the ages of 18 and 60. You can also donate blood, platelets and plasma. You can find more information about that at www.givelife.org. All of these are simple things that you can do that will literally SAVE LIVES. You could always take a friend with you and you could both get tested! Better yet, organize a drive at your work or your church! The more people who will do this, the better!!
Oh, my other news is that I am starting to get some very soft “peach fuzz” on my head!! And, it is definitely itching like they had warned me!
I guess that's about it. Please pray that radiation treatment will go well for me!
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
Friday, February 25, 2005 10:25 AM MST I had my appointment on the 15th with the radiation oncologist. It was my first meeting with this doctor. He was not at all what I expected but seems nice. I was supposed to have my CAT scan and tattoos that day. But, after examining the incision site, I got sent back up to the surgeon's office. Basically, the incision didn't completely seal and there is a very very small hole there. They want it to be totally healed before they start radiation. I was glad to see Dr. Blomquist again because I like him so much! (Even though I had to pay $50 for him to look at me for 10 minutes!) He said that I would have to go to the "Wound Care Clinic" and that they would fix it up. He said it should be healed 2 weeks after I could see them. So, I got in with the Wound Care Clinic last Thursday and again on Monday. They opened the wound up a little bit more in order to make it seal properly. (Sounds lovely and rather nuts, doesn't it?!) I was very upset though because the nurse said that it could take about 6 weeks to heal!! Well, I NEED to get into radiation treatment within the next couple of weeks in order to stay on track with my treatment and have it be most effective. My radiation should start 4 to 6 weeks after chemo. If this takes 6 weeks, it would put me at 9 weeks...not what they want at all! But, the re-check looked pretty good on Monday...it had already gone back to the size it was before they opened it. So, I am praying that this heals as quickly as Dr. Blomquist said it would and not what the Wound Care place predicted. I have another check on Monday. Please pray that it's healed so I can proceed with the CAT scan and tattoos on Tuesday!!
On Valentines Day, I went to the "Look Good Feel Better" program. LGFB is a free 2 hour workshop for women with cancer. People from the American Cancer Society and licensed cosmetologists come in and teach about skin care, makeup, and dealing with hair loss...things like wigs and scarves, etc. It was fun! I have been frustrated because a lot of my eyelashes have fallen out...especially on the bottom...almost all of them are gone. It just looks so weird. But, they showed us how to help that and I feel a lot better about it now! And, I learned a few things about tying scarves and I'm looking forward to trying that out more this summer!
Right now, I am just really hoping to stay on track and get started with radiation very soon! Please pray for that to happen!
And, in case you haven't visited my site lately, thanks again to the "Tag Artists Who Care" team for making me the cool dolphin and survivor blinkie tags! I love them! And thank you, Angelina's mom (another Jennifer!), for helping me figure out how to do the graphics and borders, etc. You are so sweet! I can't wait to keep changing it!
Hope you are all staying healthy!
Love,
Jennifer
Friday, February 11, 2005 6:35 PM MST I am officially DONE with chemo!!!
I just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing pretty darn good! I haven't been as sore after my last chemo. I didn't have to get the shot to boost my white cells like I have all the other times. It causes a lot of soreness and they eliminated it this time since I am done with chemo now! It definitely helped! I'm still fatigued, but what else is new!? Oh, and I have been having insomnia really bad.
I was so happy at my last chemo treatment! I think I must have had a smile on the whole time I was there! I still can't believe that it's over when it seemed like such a long road at the beginning. I was very glad that I got to have my favorite nurse, Lisa, for my last day! I will miss seeing her so I'll have to make sure to schedule my line flushes for when she's there!
My parents took all of us out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse after chemo. Yummy! My brother also joined us. It was a nice celebration!
I have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday (the 15th) with the radiation oncologist. I will be getting everything set up to start radiation later this month. I think I have a CAT scan that day as well as getting the tattoos that they will have to mark me with!! I believe this is also when I'll find out exactly how many weeks radiation will last...probably about 6 weeks. I will have to go everyday (M-F).
I am starting to wonder more if my hair will grow back differently and if so, what it will be like. They say a lot of times it grows back darker and curly. They also said that my head might be pretty itchy when it's growing back in. At any rate, I'm sure I'll still be wearing my wig for quite awhile longer. I've been thinking that it might get pretty hot and not so comfortable in the summer so maybe I'll try some scarves and hats too. (I do have a soft knit baseball hat that my dad's cousin sent me and I wear it around the house ALL the time! I love it!) I'm also anxious for my eyelashes to come back! I didn't lose them all but I did lose most of the ones on the bottom.
Thanks to the "Tag Artists Who Care" team for making me the cool dolphin and survivor blinkie tags! I love them! And thank you, Angelina's mom (another Jennifer!), for helping me figure out how to do the graphics and borders, etc. You are so sweet!
I will let y'all know what I find out at the radiation appointment next week. Thanks for continuing to check on me! Your prayers and kind words mean more than you know!
Love,
Jennifer
Thursday, January 27, 2005 10:44 AM MST Well, so much for doing better on posting more often! It's been over 2 weeks again!
I have been having a rough time. I've just really been bummed. Most of it is related to insurance and financial stuff. It makes me crazy that the stress of cancer isn't enough...insurance companies have to make things worse. I am SO sick of insurance crap this week, it's not even funny. I haven't been feeling the greatest either. But...
I don't have much right to complain. Things could be much worse. And, sadly, for way too many people, they are much worse.
Who am I to complain when the ever-faithful Bowen family in West Virginia has been watching their beautiful 2 year old son Ben suffer immensely the past 2 weeks as his life draws to end from a rare brain tumor?
Who am I to complain when sweet little 3 year old Taylor Krueger is in a hospital in Iowa undergoing total body radiation and a bone marrow transplant that will give her a chance at a new, cancer-free life?
No, I should definitely not be complaining. We have been blessed. I need to remember that stressin' out isn't going to help anything anyway.
I am getting ready to go have my blood counts done. Then I meet with the nurse practioner later this afternoon so she can review the results. And, she can then authorize chemo treatment.
I am scheduled for my LAST chemo tomorrow (Friday)!! I'm pretty excited about that! These past 5 months have been a blur. It's hard to believe it's been that long, and then, it also seems like it's been forever ago that we weren't dealing with cancer. It seemed like such a long time when chemo first started and here I am, one treatment away from completion!
I couldn't have made it this far without all the love and support and prayers from all of you! I am truly blessed and I am so thankful for everything! I decided to change the page background to these silly smiley faces because I have a lot to be happy about!!
Love,
Jennifer : )
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength."
Monday, January 10, 2005 3:40 PM MST Well, once again it's been awhile since I posted. I should probably update more often. I guess I just don't know what to say most days.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 7:45 PM MST I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas filled with lots of happy memories! We had a great Christmas! I was really wiped out on Sunday but that's okay. It was worth it! Time with family is such a gift!
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 9:40 PM MST Wow...it's been a long time since I updated! Sorry!
Sunday, November 28, 2004 10:45 PM MST I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I know I felt extra thankful this year for all of the blessings in my life!
Tuesday, November 9, 2004 11:25 PM MST I wanted to let you all know that chemo went well last Thursday. Ben had to stay with the girls this time so I started out by myself. My friend, Tami, brought me lunch though, and stayed the rest of the afternoon with me. It definitely made the time go faster! Thank you, Tami!! I didn't feel as bad after this round. I did sleep a lot on Sunday and was pretty sore then too, but that's about it. However, it has been a rough couple of days because of my hair.
Saturday, October 30, 2004 11:15 PM MDT Today was an exciting day for me! I had an appointment at a wig shop! It is a Christian bookstore/wig shop in Loveland. The lady who I met with, Cindy, was very nice and very helpful!
Sunday, October 24, 2004 11:35 PM MDT I am sorry that it has taken me so long to post about how my first chemo treatment went! I was sleepy and not feeling very well when we got home. (I really wasn't expecting that on the first day.) And, the past few days, I've just been really tired.
Sunday, October 17, 2004 10:53 PM MDT I had a wonderful time with my friend Julie!! (If you didn’t read about that, click on “read journal history” right below here and you can read past entries.) The 4 days went much too quickly though and I miss her tons already. It was so nice to hang out and be able to talk to her in person. She helped me out with a lot of stuff and even made Halloween cookies with the girls when I had my appointment with Dr. Minkoff. Thanks again for such a wonderful surprise, Julie!
Monday, October 11, 2004 11:08 MDT I had the most wonderful surprise today!! I had an appointment with Dr. Blomquist this morning to recheck and hopefully remove my drain. Ben had told me that he wouldn’t be able to go with me because of a meeting with a client at work. So, we lined up my dad to come so he could watch the girls in the waiting room and to drive me home if I needed him to. We pulled up to Dr. Blomquist’s office and I went to Emily’s side of the van to get her unbuckled and out of her seat. As I’m unbuckling her, I feel this tap, tap on my shoulder. I figured it was my dad or maybe he had picked Hayley up and it was her and I kept unbuckling Emily. Again, I feel tap, tap on my shoulder. So I finally turned around, thinking, “what the heck!?” The look on my face must have been priceless because standing right there, inches away from me, was my best friend Julie, from Indiana!!! I was SO excited and surprised. I screeched, “Oh my gosh!! Julie!! What are you doing here?!” and tears of joy were running down my cheeks!! I also noticed Ben standing at the end of my van and realized he had been in on planning this lovely surprise for me! I truly had no clue!! (I did comment though that I now know why my house got so clean yesterday!! Ben did a fantastic job cleaning and picking up yesterday! I just thought he was being nice and was just trying to help me get things done!) I had such a big smile when we went into the doctor’s office and I still had tears in my eyes! I told the receptionist and the nurse about my wonderful surprise and they were excited for me too! I didn’t get my drain out...It’s still draining too much fluid. (I will go back on Friday and they should be able to take the drain out then.) As irritating as it is to have that drain still in, I didn’t care nearly as much, knowing that I have a few wonderful days to spend with Julie!! She is here until Thursday afternoon and it’s going to be great!!! What an awesome surprise!!
Friday, October 8, 2004 1:54 PM MDT I had my post-surgery appointment with Dr. Blomquist on yesterday afternoon (Thursday). I am still sore, but I feel good. He said that all my incisions look really good. There is no sign of infection this time. The drain (under my armpit) looked good as well but I do have to keep it in through the weekend. I have another appointment on Monday and the drain should be taken out then. He said that I would start chemo in probably 2-3 weeks. They want to make sure I heal completely and that everything is good before we start. I have an appointment with the chemo oncologist (Dr. Minkoff) next Wednesday. I am sure that will be an afternoon of information overload!! We will find out then a lot of information about the chemo. They have to determine which drug combinations they’ll use and how often I’ll get them and for how long. The type of drug also determines a lot about whether or not I’ll lose my hair. Based on how aggressive they have talked about doing this, I am sure that it is highly likely. I also forgot to mention in my last update, there is a nerve (with a really big name) in the area where they remove the lymph nodes. Dr. Blomquist had said that sometimes they can spare it when they do the lymph node dissection and sometimes they cannot. If they can’t, then you lose all the feeling in a section of your arm (near the top ofthe arm, mostly underneath, by the armpit). Well, guess what? They couldn’t save my nerve! It is sure weird trying to get used to that!! It just feels numb all the time.
Saturday, October 2, 2004 10:15 PM MDT I am home from the hospital! I spent 2 nights there. My surgery went well. I am still very sore. We did get GREAT news already though!!! We found out the results of the pathology report on Friday night. There ended up being 8 more lymph nodes removed and NONE of them had cancer in them!!! And, all the margins were clear this time on the tumor area as well!! We were SO happy to get the news so quickly and to have it be such GOOD news!! Dr. Blomquist did say that they found some DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) this time, but he said not to worry about it because it would be taken care of with the chemo and radiation. DCIS is basically cancerous cells in the ducts that have not invaded the normal tissue.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004 10:04 PM MDT I am scheduled for surgery this coming Thursday, September 30th, at 8:45. I will be staying in the hospital overnight. And, I really need your prayers that they get all of it this time!!! Dr. Blomquist mentioned that IF there is any left again, they would have to start talking mastectomy. So please pray that the margins are clear this time and I don't have to go through that!! Please also pray that they don't find any more positive lymph nodes!
Monday, September 27, 2004 8:41 PM MDT This page has just been created. Please check back for additional updates.
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I was in kind of a "funk" at the start of last week. I was sad and bummed and just overwhelmed. Life can be stressful enough without cancer. (Kind of like being a mom is hard enough without having to deal with cancer...whether it be the mom's or the child's). And, most of the time, I try not to think much about or dwell on the cancer stuff. But, for whatever reason, it had me down for a bit. I hate cancer. I hate what it does to people and their families...the young and old alike.
I think part of the problem was thinking ahead to when these chemo and radiation treatments are over. As much as I will be glad that they ARE over, I will also be worried. Worried if it completely took care of the cancer. Worried about every test that I will have for months and years to come. Even when this is "over" it will always be a part of my life on some level. I just can't let the "what ifs" consume me though.
As far as how I'm feeling, this new chemo drug is definitely making me more sore. And, I'm still fatigued. (I read on a breast cancer website about how fatigue is different than being tired. It said, "Fatigue is a daily lack of energy, a kind of weakness or inertia that pervades your whole body. It's a loss of interest in people and the things you normally like to do. Physical exhaustion blends with low spirits, and you wind up with fatigue." I thought that pretty much sums it up for me!) I do get tired too. Usually I get through each week but by Sunday, I sleep way too much. The last 2 times I've had chemo, I've had to get 2 shots instead of just one. I had been getting one to boost my white cells and now I'm getting one to boost my red cells as well. My bloodwork has been coming back showing that I'm anemic.
Last time I had chemo, I was glad because it was on a day when my favorite nurse works, but she actually had the day off. I was bummed. And I was very irritated by the time I actually got hooked up for chemo. I had to see the oncologist before my treatment and I ended up waiting for an hour before she came in the room! Then I think she talked to me for about 5, maybe 10 minutes and that was it. I don't even see what the point was. I have been thinking about seeing a different oncologist there but I don't know. It seems kind of silly when I'm almost done, yet, I really believe that it makes a big difference if you feel comfortable with and like the doctor you are going to. I guess I was spoiled because I liked my surgeon so much. My regular oncologist is out of the country for the rest of the month so I am going to at least meet another one of the oncologists before my appointment on Friday.
The girls were still on Christmas break during that last appointment. So, our friends Tami and Kalyn came over to watch and play with them so my mom could come sit with me for the first time. She stayed for awhile and then went back to my house after bringing me lunch. The girls had a blast that day! Thank you Tami and Kalyn!
I have my second to last chemo this Friday!
Please keep my friend Julie's mom, Candy, in your prayers. After I posted that she had gotten good news of clear margins and no positive lymph nodes, I found out that further evaluation of the cultures showed a grade 3 tumor which means the cancer cells are fast-growing. So, while it was still good news that the cancer hadn't spread and that they got it all, it now looks like she also will have to go through chemo and radiation.
My friend Danielle has appointments this week to find out if she has to have anything else done after her mastectomy. I hope she gets good news and that she won't have to undergo chemo! Danielle's site
And, the Heroes For Children website is now fully up and running now! It looks GREAT! Check it out at HeroesForChildren!
Thank you all for your continued support throughout this journey! It's not over yet and I am so thankful to have all of you who take the time to care!! It means the world to me!
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
I am amazed at what a small world this is! Most of you probably remember me talking about little Allie Scott. (If you visited her parents' website - www.scotthousehold.com - I don't know how you could ever forget!) Well, I am a member of a message board in her honor that is called Friends of Allie. It's a board for childhood cancer awareness and the women are amazing how they help out so many families who need it. I have come to follow quite a few CaringBridge sites of kids who have cancer and a few moms as well. (Alright Ashley K., I'll admit that it's more than a few!) A couple of weeks ago, I "met" another Friend of Allie who is a young mom in California and was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She and I have been exchanging emails! Her name is Danielle and she's 31 with 2 beautiful little girls. She had a mastectomy today so I would like to ask all of you to pray for my new friend!! If you want visit her site, it's www.caringbridge.com/ca/danielle. Not only did I meet Danielle because of my continuing connection with little Allie, but, as I was reading Danielle's guestbook, I saw a post from a woman in Loveland!! I could not believe it and just had to email her! Now, she and I have exchanged a few emails and I hope to meet her soon! All this, thanks to a chubby, blue-eyed, giraffe loving baby from Texas named Allie! (And of course her parents, Jenny and Andrew for sharing their story with everyone!)
By the way, Allie's mommy is such an inspiration to me! Jenny is one amazing woman! She and another mother who also lost her daughter to leukemia have joined forces to create a non-profit organization in their daughters' honor. It is called Heroes for Children and their mission is to help families financially when the kids are sick. Jenny told me that right now they are only able to provide financial assistance in Texas. But I am sure that with Jenny's help, Heroes For Children will take off and one day they'll be able to help far beyond Texas! I have added the link to their new website below. I just want to help Jenny get the word out about it.
My friend Julie's mom got great news from her surgery! The margins were clear and her lymph nodes were negative! Awesome! I think she will just have to get radiation treatments. (And perhaps a "short version" of them!) Candy, I am so happy for you!
I have chemo tomorrow. I handled the new medication fine last time. I didn't even have any reactions! (And thank you Chad and Anne for coming up to visit me during that last session!) I am sure that it will go well again. After this one, I only have 2 more sessions of chemo! I will be done with chemo at the end of January.
I hope you all have a Happy New Year and that 2005 will bring lots of happiness and good things!
Thanks for continuing to pray for me and for all the nice notes in my guestbook!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Love,
Jennifer
Things have just been busy, I guess. It's that time of year! Ashley had her Christmas program at school tonight. We really enjoyed it! Hayley has her program on Thursday afternoon. It will be fun to see the little ones tell the story of Jesus too!
My last chemo session went well. My cousin Chad came up and spent the day with me. I enjoyed talking with him very much! He bought me Subway for lunch and we mostly "hung out" in the lobby area because the chemo room was so full. I am halfway done with chemo!
I have chemo tomorrow, Wednesday, December 15th. I usually go on Thursdays but I switched because of Hayley's program. I am happy because my favorite nurse, Lisa, is there on Wednesdays! I start a chemo medication, Taxol, at this session. It is supposed to be a really long day...yes, even longer than usual. They have to administer the medication very slowly because almost everyone has some sort of a "reaction" to it. They say this new medication is easier than the last combo. It's not likely to cause nausea so I don't need as many anti-nausea medications! My cousin Chad and his awesome wife Anne are coming up at lunchtime to spend the afternoon with me. I am looking forward to seeing them! (They are moving to Amarillo, Texas soon and I am REALLY going to miss them!)
Remember my best friend Julie from Indiana? Her mom, Candy, was diagnosed with breast cancer last Thursday. Please keep her in your prayers. Julie's mom is going to have surgery soon so pray for good news from that. And, Julie was already dealing with a lot because both of her grandmas are very ill. So please keep Julie in your prayers too!
This Saturday, we are going to Disney On Ice with the girls! They are very excited and I am too! It’s at the Pepsi Center and it’s Monsters Inc.! It should be a very fun afternoon! We are blessed to be able to go thanks to a wonderful place called the Diana Price-Fish Cancer Foundation. Their mission is “Helping Adult Cancer Patients Enjoy Life.” I am so thankful that the cancer center told me about this...I would have never known! We get to do one activity of our choice each month while I am in treatment. What a wonderful blessing! AND, Ashley won a coloring contest at Joe's Crab Shack so we "have" to eat there while we're in Denver so she can get her free kids meal!! YUM!!!
I am so very thankful for all the wonderful ways that my life has been blessed! I continue to be amazed at the outpouring of support we've received (and continue to receive) from people we know and those we’ve never even met!
I hope you all are enjoying this wonderful time of year!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Love,
Jennifer
This last round of chemo turned out to be interesting. I would have said that it went well again (with the exception that I got a headache and some heartburn again...although neither as bad as the first time). But, this past Tuesday is when things got interesting. I started feeling like I was coming down with a cold and I started to get really sore and just figured that was part of it. I had a massage scheduled on Tuesday evening through the Lydia's Foundation. It was the first time I've ever gotten one and it was great! But, once it was done, I still felt sore and it continued to get worse. By Wednesday morning, I could hardly get out of bed or move much at all! My fingers, hands and wrists hurt so bad that I could barely grip a pen much less pick Emily up. And my legs (from my ankles, calves and up to my thighs) hurt so bad that I could barely stand up. I looked like an old lady when I tried to walk and it hurt really bad to go up the stairs (didn't do that much!). I called the cancer center and they told me I could take some Percocet (painkillers left from my surgery). The nurse seemed to think that it probably had to do with the shot they had given me to boost my white cells. They said if they didn't help to call back. Well, they did seem to help. Not that I felt great by any means but I did feel like they had helped some. My wonderful mom came and brought lunch to the girls and me and then took them home with her for awhile. I felt even worse that they were out of school and I was feeling so awful. I am glad they had a good time at grandma's house!
I was really hoping that I'd be feeling good on Thanksgiving. But, I woke up really sore. I took my pills throughout the day but I never did feel very good. We went to my grandma's house (which was great!) and had dinner. I had really been looking forward to the day and the food but I couldn't even eat that much...even though I wanted to! But it was still nice to be able to visit and share the day with family! (I missed my dad and my brother though! My dad was sick and stayed home and Craig was on his way to Nebraska for the CU/Nebraska game.) On Friday, I called the cancer center again and they wanted me to come out there. I was out of pain pills and still really sore. My favorite nurse out there, Lisa, was the one who helped me. She wanted to get all my blood counts tested to make sure nothing else was going on. She also figured it was because of the shot last Friday, although it was bizarre because this has never happened before. Anyway, all my counts came back fine. So, I got another prescription for Percocet and was told to alternate that with Ibuprofen as an anti-inflammatory. Lisa said that I probably had some sort of a bug (the cold from Tuesday) that manifested itself this way for whatever reason.
I did start to feel better on Saturday. Even though my legs were still sore, I could at least walk without looking old, so we took the girls out. They wanted to have lunch at Chick-Fil-A and to go see Santa. It was nice to have a fun day with them! Finally...after they'd been off for 3 days already! We dropped them off at my mom and dad's later that evening so we could do a little shopping without them!!
I am surely hoping that this never happens again!! It was really awful. And, I have to keep having the shot throughout chemo in order to continue on schedule (which is really important).
I have chemo again this Thursday. It is my last round of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The doctors and the nurses all keep saying it gets easier after that. And really, it hasn’t been that bad. I will start Taxol in 2 weeks. My chemo will be a day earlier that time so that I can go to Hayley’s Christmas program. That will be a very long day...longer than the usual 5 and 1/2 hours that it already takes. I guess that although Taxol isn’t as hard on your stomach (and therefore less anti-nausea medications!) it can cause allergic reactions so they have to start it really really slow.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support! We certainly feel very loved!
Love,
Jennifer
Starting Thursday night, I pulled my hands through my hair before bed and I was a little startled when I had quite a bit of hair come out in my hands. By Saturday, it was pretty bad. My bangs were very thin. I could barely "style" my hair as usual. On Sunday, it was even worse but I slept most of the day and tried not to think about it. On Monday, however, it became almost impossible to deal with. It was coming out so much that I pretty much had no bangs left. It was useless to comb it...more hair would just come out. So, I grabbed a baseball cap and slicked my hair down and spent the day like that. The girls were very sweet and told me that I looked cute with a hat on. I decided that it would be better to just get rid of all the hair than to keep trying to deal with it falling out everywhere. So, after the girls went to bed, I had my mom come get me and take me to have my head shaved. I closed my eyes because I couldn't bear to watch. It's not completely bald, but pretty darn close. As much as I don't like it, I do feel better that it's over and done with. Today (Tuesday) was my first day with no hair. I am SO thankful that I had my wig!! I wore it all day. It is going to take some getting used to, but it definitely helped make me feel better! Thanks again to Marcie and Dell for buying my new hair!!
The Current fundraiser was a huge success!! There was over $3300 sold from the catalogs and $1085 in straight donations! From the stuff that was sold, we get 50 percent. And, one of the moms in Ashley's class was able to get an extra $300 matched from an organization through their church. So, the total amount earned to help us with these cancer expenses is $3000!! I was very surprised and feel very humbled by the amount of generosity being showed toward us! Thank you to everyone who bought something from the Current catalog or donated to us!! (I am very behind on thank you cards right now but I'm trying to catch up.) And a huge thank you to April for organizing this whole thing!! We appreciate it so much and are so grateful for the help! The orders should arrive to April in about 3 weeks. We'll be contacting everyone then.
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
I found 4 wigs that I thought I might like. The first one was SUPER close to being the same hairstyle as I have now! It was almost kind of weird but I really liked it. Out of the other 3, I liked 2 of them. Cindy had brought out another one that she thought I might like. The color was PERFECT! It is just like my hair and it has highlights in it. I really liked it too. So, we tried on the 4 that I liked again and I eliminated 2 of them. It was a hard choice between the one that looked like my style and the one that Cindy had brought it. It is a little bit longer and it has some loose curl in it. Ben liked that one a lot more than the one that looks like my hair now. (Should I feel offended? Haha!) Cindy said that she liked that one better too. The other one felt so "safe" to me that I didn't think anyone would even notice I had switched to a wig. But the other style was really cute and it's kind of like how I was wanting to grow my hair out (before all of this cancer stuff happened of course!). I finally decided that I would go with the cute style and the fun highlights!! I was so happy to have made a decision!
Now comes the teary-eyed part of my story! We had the most incredible offer on the day of my first chemo treatment from Dell and Marcie Lee. They are April's parents and we have known them for a long time. They had come over on the night of my chemo treatment to drop off a bunch of treats for the girls. Dell told Ben to have me make an appointment at Probascos and to pick out any wig that I wanted (and not to worry about the price) and they would take care of it for me! We had found out earlier in the week that our insurance won't cover wig prescriptions and I had been very upset about it. Apparently, April told her parents and they decided that this was what they wanted to do!! I cannot tell you how amazingly blessed I feel about their generosity! It's bringing me to tears once again as I write this! Dell and Marcie, thank you SO much for your incredible gift!! I am SO thankful and will be forever grateful to you for giving me my hair!
Love,
Jennifer
It was a very long day at the cancer center. I ended up being there for 6 hours!! I had a prescription for some numbing cream to put on the port site so that it wouldn't hurt as much getting the needle injected. We had to wait for it to take effect for almost an hour. I was really scared about how that was going to be. But, luckily, that cream helped a lot. I could feel it but it didn't hurt. They started me out on anti-nausea medications through the port. Between each medication, they'd have to flush the line with saline. The first chemo medication was the Adriamycin which was red! It looked like Kool-Aid going through the tube. I got 2 vials of that. Then, after a saline flush, I got the 2nd chemo medication, Cytoxan. The nurse (Debra) said that it causes headaches in some patients. The first time that she came to check on me, I felt fine. But a little later, my head started hurting so she slowed down the drip. It still didn't help and she gave me some Tylenol. Unfortunately, I continued to have the headache.
Ben was with me most of the day. He did leave for a bit to get some lunch and then go to Hayley's Halloween party at school. Since I couldn't be there to help and take pictures, I wanted him to go.
There were quite a lot of people having chemo treatments and they were all old!! We really felt kind of odd being there. The nurses were nice and so were the couple of other people that talked to us. I did meet one younger lady (she is 44) who has breast cancer when Ben was gone. Once Ben came back, I didn't have too much longer before we could go home. They left the connector tube/needle in my port because I had to go back on Friday to get injected with more anti-nausea medications. It was kind of weird but it was better than having to get poked again! Once we could finally leave, I didn't feel too good...kind of dizzy, sleepy and a little out of it and yucky heartburn!!
I came home and fell asleep for awhile. I had some more Tylenol hoping it would help my headache but it didn't. I did come down and eat a little bit of dinner with my family. Then I mostly relaxed on the couch. I was surprised at how yucky I felt. Ben called the doctor to see what else I could take for the headache that wouldn't go away and they let me have a Percocet (a painkiller that I had left from my surgery). It took a little while, but it did help. I managed to sleep fairly well and when I woke up, the headache and heartburn were gone.
I went back to the cancer center on Friday afternoon to get more anti-nausea medications in the port and also get a shot that would boost my white cells. My mom came for awhile with Ashley and Hayley. I wanted them to see the cancer center and to see that I am comfortable there. There was a new nurse, Lisa, there who was really nice. The white cell shot makes your bones hurt and I already had some of that Friday night. It is most likely to hurt in your hips, back, chest and legs. I had it in the lower back and legs tonight. It is just weird. The needle got taken out until the next chemo treatment so that's nice. I felt pretty good on Friday. I guess some of the effects hit a little while later, so we'll see how it goes. I'm sure my bones will be aching some more. But thank goodness that I haven't had any vomiting and the nausea/heartburn seems to be under control now too. I have just been tired and sore, but I'm okay!
Thanks for all your prayers that I wouldn't get sick and that things would go well. They definitely helped! Thank you for checking my site! I really appreciate it!
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
That leads me to what we learned at our appointment with Dr. Minkoff. She is the medicine oncologist who is in charge of the chemo treatment plan. From what I understand, there are basically 3 main chemo drugs used to treat breast cancer although they can be used in several different combinations and different lengths, etc. I am getting the "new gold standard" of chemo treatment, which is AC (adriamycin and cytoxan) followed by T (taxol). I will get AC every 2 weeks x 4 which is 8 weeks. I will then get T every 2 weeks x 4 for another 8 weeks. That will be followed by 7 weeks of radiation everyday. And then, I will be on Tamoxifen for 5 years. (Tamoxifen is a powerful drug that reduces the risk of breast cancer recurrence, decreases the chance of a new breast cancer starting and helps keep bones strong.) Since my chemo will be administered every other week, Dr. Minkoff checked the calendar so that I would have the weeks of Thanksgiving and Christmas off. That meant that I need to start this Thursday, October 21st. I have an appointment on Monday to have a scan of my heart. And on Tuesday afternoon, we have a chemo education class. Then on Thursday, at 10:15, I will start chemo. It will last for 3 hours. Dr. Minkoff has prescribed a new (and expensive) drug called Emend that is supposed to help a lot with the nausea and vomiting. I sure hope it works for me! Of course, one of the first things I asked Dr. Minkoff was whether or not I would lose my hair. She pretty much didn’t even hesitate before answering YES. She showed us to a part of the cancer center where other patients have brought in their wigs and hats after they are done. She said I can go through them and see if there is anything I like. In fact, she sent me home with a few things, but, I honestly only liked 1 hat. The wigs were very bad (Julie and I got some very big laughs out of trying those on!). The one thing I liked was a hat that the volunteers make. It’s made out of this funky yarn and I believe it is knitted. The one I got is a bright teal and Dr. Minkoff said it is a great one for wearing around the house just to keep my head warm. That’s one thing about having chemo in the winter...my head is going to be freezing!! But, at least I can cover it up and it’s probably better than having it be super hot in the summer. Even though I know that I will lose my hair, I don’t think I’ve really come to grips with it yet. And, I don’t think any amount of knowing it is going to fall out will prepare me for when it actually does. I haven’t yet decided if I am just going to let it all fall out or if I am going to take charge and have my hair shaved real short. I am nervous about what the girls are going to think and what the kids at school will think. I hope that it doesn’t make people uncomfortable to talk to me (and vice versa). I still need to find out if our insurance covers the cost of getting a wig. (They actually write you a prescription for a “cranial prosthesis”...in other words, a wig!) I think I would like to buy one unless I happen to really find a good one at the cancer center.
Some wonderful people at Ben's work (Peak Industries) organized a benefit BBQ for us this past Friday! They provided the meat and people brought side dishes, desserts and drinks. I went down there for it. It was REALLY cold out but there were SO many people and a TON of food!! They had 4 grills to keep up! It was amazing. They had a box for people to drop donations in. Ben and I were both SO surprised to count the money and find almost $2200 in there! Peak has also sent several beautiful bouquets of flowers. Most of all, we appreciate their understanding, patience and flexibility during all of this! We are so blessed!! Thank you to everyone at Peak for what you did for us!!
I had my appointment with Dr. Blomquist on Friday afternoon. I did end up getting my drain taken out...finally! It hurt like heck, but I am glad that it is out. I actually won’t get to see Dr. Blomquist now for quite awhile and I am going to miss him! He has been SO awesome! Ben and I both just think he is great! He is so kind and I really feel that he cares about his patients. He is so good about explaining things to us! He tells us the “technical” stuff but then he also explains it in “regular people” terms. He always has great analogies for things! (I wish I could think of one right now to tell you but my mind is racing with too many other things.) I also think Dr. Blomquist is a very honest man. And he was always open to listening to my questions or me asking about things I read or hear. I trust him completely and am very glad that he was my surgeon.
Please pray that my first round of chemo will be okay and that I won’t get sick!
I will try to update later in the week.
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!!
On a serious note, I would like to ask all of you to add my good friend Lisa to your prayer lists. She was diagnosed with melanoma shortly after my breast cancer diagnosis. Recently, she was told that her cancer is stage IV (which is the latest stage for that type of cancer). She has been told that melanoma in it’s late stages is very, very hard to treat. She and her husband went to the University of Colorado Cancer Center in Denver today to talk with an oncologist there about clinical trials. Lisa has been told that clinical trials will be her best chance. Now, she and her husband have some difficult decisions to make regarding what to do next. It looks as though she will be going to either Bethesda, Maryland to the National Cancer Center or to MD Anderson in Houston, which is a nationally renowned cancer center as well. Lisa has 2 little boys and is only in her mid 30s. Please pray for a miracle for her and her family! My heart just aches for her. Lisa, if you read this, you are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers!!
I have an appointment with Dr. Minkoff, the oncologist, this Wednesday afternoon. I will post an update about what we learn.
Thanks for all of your prayers! And don’t forget to include Lisa in them too!
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
Oh, for the people who have asked about the “technical” aspects of my breast cancer, here’s some information for you! The type of breast cancer I have is invasive (also called infiltrating) lobular carcinoma. (Lobular carcinoma is a lot less common than ductal carcinoma...but then again, I’m not exactly in the “common” crowd being 29 with breast cancer!) I am Stage 2a. They determine this by 3 factors...TNM...tumor, nodes, metastases (if it has spread past lymph nodes). The tumor was a little less than 2 cm. I had 1 out of 11 nodes positive. And, the metastases is zero. I can beat this!!
I certainly don’t mind any of you asking questions either. Please don’t hesitate if there is something you want to know. I may not have the answer but I can probably find out.
Thank you all so much for your outpouring of support!!
Love,
Jennifer
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BITTER, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!
I will have a post-surgery appointment either Thursday this coming week or the following Monday. I will still have to start chemo in about 2 weeks.
Thank you for all of your prayers! I know they are definitely helping!
Thanks for all the nice notes in the guestbook! It means a lot that you come here to check on me!
Love,
Jennifer
The surgery on Thursday will be to remove more tissue from the tumor area, remove the lymph nodes and to put a port in for chemo. A port is a small device that they will insert in near my collarbone. They use it to administer the chemo treatments rather than having to find a vein everytime. Once chemo is over, I'll have to get it taken out.
Dr. Blomquist also said that I would probably start chemo about 2 weeks after my surgery. There is still quite a bit that will be determined after this next surgery. So, that's pretty much all we know about the chemo at this point. He did say that I would start radiation shortly after and would continue doing it at the same time as the chemo.
I have a couple of people, including my brother, who are going to run in the "Race for the Cure" in Denver on Sunday in my honor!! I am so excited and honored that they would do that! The first one who told me about doing it was Hayley's preschool teacher! I am planning on being there next year to walk as a survivor with my family!! My very dear friend Julie in Indiana is also doing a breast cancer walk this weekend on Saturday! She signed up her family to walk in my honor as well!! I am so touched and can't wait to see pictures!!
I will try to post an update on here as soon after the surgery as I can.
Love,
Jennifer
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