Saturday, December 2, 2006 10:08 PM CST

News Flash...

I still worry about Logan. Quite a lot. The difference is that now the worrier in my brain has a much smaller voice. Just today that voice spoke to me, "Logan's got dark circles under his eyes, is tired, and complained of a headache yesterday. You should really worry about this." Thank goodness the voice can often be squelched now. That's new. Before it could be muffled, but could not be stopped. Now I have a bit more power. I can tell the voice to get some control. That's a good thing!

I've been in communication with many moms and dads of cancer kids. I know that this kind of incessant worry is normal. That's another good thing. Otherwise I would question my sanity more.

Logan's been off chemo for over seven months now. We now only visit the oncologist every two months. He is medication free. Too look at him is not to think of a child who had cancer. He looks like everyone else. Yet another good thing.

Austin doesn't have to come in second in the race for parental attention anymore. I'm not sure he feels this way at all, but I believe that's a fourth good thing.

Jozef and I face only the leftover medical bills, and are not constantly adding new debts to doctors and hospitals to the pile. Yes, a fifth good thing.

Today I took Logan to see the Christmas parade downtown. We had a very good time watching the floats and competing with Garrett for the candy they tossed out. Later in the car, while waiting in traffic to get home, my mind wandered. It occurred to me how blessed we are! We get to spend another Christmas together. My God, that's good thing number six!

I'm quite sure I could go on counting forever. There's so much good in our lives, we should jump up and down for joy every morning that our feet hit the floor climbing out of bed.

This makes me want to tell you all how glad I am that I can share these feelings with you. How thankful I am that you come to this page to check on Logan every once in awhile. How knowing you are all out there pulling for us, praying for us, has gotten us through the worst of times. You are all definitely lucky number seven in my good things list!

That little voice is telling me to worry that I've bored you all to tears, so I shall stop now. But know this... I could go on and on about how blessed we are... and that's a very good thing!!!

Saturday, September 30, 2006 10:46 PM CDT

Hello Everyone,

Wow, time flies between updates nowadays. I think that's a good sign that we are enjoying Logan's cancer-free days. He is doing very well. He visits his oncologist once a month to get his counts checked, and they are right where they should be. He is still on one medication, but that will end after next month.

He is still a bit tired some days. It's common for him to fall asleep on the way home from school (it's a six-minute drive) and stay asleep for a couple of hours.

He recently joined a t-ball team, and is having fun playing. It's great to watch the five-year olds either doing really well or getting distracted and playing in the dirt or looking the wrong direction. The poor coach had to tell Logan to "Run to first!!!" about five times during the first game.

I almost forgot to tell you about Logan's first run to Home Base. After being promted a few times to get moving, he ran to Home. After that they came in to switch to outfield, and Logan came running up to the fence to tell us "I winned, I winned!!!"

Jozef is quite happy, Logan's team is called the Gators.

Take care. Oh, and I haven't bugged you all lately about giving blood or signing up to be a bone marrow donor. Do it!

Kelley

Sunday, August 20, 2006 2:00 PM CDT

I just survived my 20 year high school reunion. I’m not sure just when I got enough courage to go, but that courage lasted only just long enough to get me into the hotel room. After that it took a stiff drink to get me out of there and down to the banquet hall.

I didn’t go to my 10 year reunion. I was suffering from a significant lack of self-esteem at that point. I felt like being a divorced single mom secretary with no social life was going to be visible on my forehead from a mile away. I thought people would compare my 28-year old self to my 18 year old self and be disappointed. Like they would whisper to each other “…She used to be smart, what happened?” Wow, she's a real mess….“

Who knows if that would have happened? At that point, with my juvenile attitude about seeing everyone again, I just assumed their attitudes would have been too. Or maybe I was just really nuts then.

So the 20 year comes up, and I realize something really important about myself. I realize I finally have some self-esteem. (Strange that I didn’t get any self esteem until I got older and fatter.) I’m now more confident, and at the same time, care much less about what other people think of me. I’m older and thank God, wiser about life. I look back on my 28-year old self and see that person as one tough girl who must have been pretty strong and independent to get through those years and raise an amazing son at the same time. I see my current self as even tougher, because I’ve lost a father and become the mother of a child with cancer. (Now cancer SURVIVOR, thank you very much!) I’m raising a five year old and a 16-year old, working a job and a half and helping my husband run his own business. So I don’t have the figure of an 18-year old anymore. I’m twice the woman I used to be. (In more ways than one!)

So last Jozef and I got dolled up and braved the banquet hall. To my complete and utter shock, I discovered I was not the only person who no longer looked like an 18-year old! These people had receding hairlines and gray hair. Potbellies and saggy arms. Ok some of them were still absolutely fabulous. But I wasn’t jealous, I was happy for them. Once I got over the initial shock of seeing my high school friends for the first time in so long, I found I didn’t care a bit what they looked like. I just wanted to say hello and give them a hug and find out what they were up to. How nice to find out I’ve finally become a grown up. And it only took 38 years!

Kelley

Sunday, July 23, 2006 7:43 AM CDT

Ok, I have a confession. I found out that there's life after cancer, and it's made me stop putting journal entries on this site so frequently. I've been caught up in the every day boring stuff. Hallelujiah! How wonderful! There are moments when I even stop thinking about the whole thing. It's because of those moments that I am slacking on this site. So sorry!

Logan is well. He is still itchy from his post-chemo-immune-system-recovering rash. I give him Children's Claritin and a special lotion mom had made for him and they both work well. But on occasion we have a "MOM I CANT STOP ITCHING" moment!

He growing like a weed. Up and out. His appetite is increasing and so is his waist size. Yeah! We're about to embark on a school shopping trip, and I am quite certain I am going up a size or two when purchasing his clothing. He's going to kindergarten, all day every day. I'm anxious to see how he does this year without the sickness and tiredness.

Everyone else here in this house is well. Austin is taking a few Florida Virtual High School classes online and working this summer. Jozef is bravely trying to avoid heat exhaustion on a daily basis while working on everybody's lawns.

Me, gearing up for a new school year. About a week and a half left before I once again torture a group of poor third graders.

Thanks for checking on Logan again!

Kelley

Sunday, July 2, 2006 10:36 AM CDT

Hello Everybody and Welcome to Iowa, our current vacation destination!

We haven't been up here in a very long time due to Logan's illness and treatment. I'm thrilled to be seeing my grandmother and other family members. It is a genuine family affair this trip, Mom, Jeff & Wendy & Garrett, Danny & Susan are all here with Logan and I. Austin is flying up tomorrow and driving back home with us. Jozef and Donnie had to stay home and work. They are missing out on some seriously good food. Poor guys.

So Danny & Susan were really nice. They hauled Logan and I up here in their RV. Wouldn't let me drive, so I basically lounged for two days. They even heated up home-made meals and served them two me. I told them they may Drive me again sometime. I could get used to it.

Logan loves the RV. Uncle Danny picked him up and put him in the bed of the RV while he slept. He moved around a bit then fell back to sleep. I crawled up next to him, hoping if he saw me there he'd stay asleep. A good five minutes later, I hear a tiny voice whisper, "Mom... this is really fun!" Then he went back to sleep for a couple more hours.

Stay tuned for more Iowa vacation stories!

Saturday, June 3, 2006 10:57 PM CDT

Hello everyone,

I know my updates are coming at longer intervals now. I suppose that should just indicate to you that all is well. Yes!

Logan is doing well on the health front. I had a couple of Mom-is-still-in-panic-mode moments recently over nothing much. He jumped on the couch and fell between the cushions onto the back of a zipper and ripped open the skin on his knee. I didn't panic until it took two sets of two bandaids to stop the bleeding. My mind went directly to him having a low platelet count which must have been causing the wound not to clot. Of course the more likely reason was that the cut was just really deep. Then a few days later he hurt his foot and started limping on it. If you remember how he was diagnosed, of course this sent my mind reeling. But don't worry, I've calmed my fears and gone back into just plain mom-is-always-worrying mode. You know, like a normal mom!

We're all out of school for the summer. Wendy and I took our little boys and her twin nieces for an overnight beach trip that was just a ton of fun. Both boys have lost their fear of the water and wore Wendy and I out making sure they weren't drowning in the waves.

Next week Austin and I venture to Kentucky for a karate tournament. Wish him luck!

Kelley

Friday, May 5, 2006 7:27 PM CDT

Sorry I haven't updated recently!

Today was another milestone. Logan had surgery to have his port-o-catheter removed. Everything went fine, and once he recovered from the anesthesia we got to come home for the afternoon. I asked the surgeon if I could keep it. He looked at me strangely at first, but then I told him it was Logan's badge of honor. One teenager we ran into at Arnold Palmer Hospital had made his into a necklace after his treatment ended. My student from last year saved his, and uses it for show and tell at school. It should definitely make a good conversation starter.

When we left the "Kids-Stop" ward, the nurses all clapped and cheered for Logan. "Congratulations, you did it. YOu're done buddy!" was what we heard; it was really great.

So on the he's-a-normal-kid front, Logan has taken up baking. He helped me make lemon squares and peanut butter pies this week. As you can imagine he was immensely helpful. I guess he liked it so much he decided to continue. Yesterday he took a bag of powdered sugar outside and dumped it on the concrete porch. He used a spoon to stir it around. He came in looking like Taylor from American Idol with white hair, and he was covered in white powder all down his front as well. I'm hoping it rains soon so we will have a frosted porch!

Kelley

Saturday, April 22, 2006 9:58 PM CDT

Logan is off treatment. Logan is off treatment. Logan is OFF TREATMENT...

I am having trouble feeling like it's over. Maybe if I say it enough times I'll feel it. We've all spent so much time in panic mode, worrying, wondering and waiting, that I think it's hard to turn that emotional switch off. On-Worry. Off-All's well! I guess it may take some time to get the off switch to stay put. Until then, I just remind myself every morning when I wake up how blessed we are to have come through this. We have so much to be thankful for. We have Logan!

Kel

Monday, April 10, 2006 9:08 PM CDT

He did it.

He made it through to the end.

I can't believe I am actually typing these words.

Logan finished his treatment for Leukemia on Friday, April 7, 2006. He took his last pill. His last bit of chemo.

Unbelievable!

I have so much more to say, so much to tell you about the last few weeks. But I have been literally at a loss for words for the last few days.

So check back in soon. I'm sure I'll eventually get my words back. But for now... HALLELUJIA!!!

Kelley

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 6:01 PM CST

It was a big week for Logan. Friday the 24th was his 5th birthday. Papa Donnie won tickets from a radio station to an Atlanta Braves baseball game and took Logan, who LOVES baseball by the way. They got to sit in box seats, and Logan kept yelling “You Missed!” really loud every time a player didn’t get a hit. The radio station DJ surprised them with a birthday cake, and at the end of the game they announced to the entire stadium, “Happy 5th Birthday to Logan Lozicki!” When he got home I asked him if he had a good time, and he told me, “Yeah! Remember when that one guy hit the other guy with the ball? That was SO funny!”

His cousin Garrett is a big fan of the Duke boys. You know the Dukes of Hazard Duke boys? Yep, he even has his own little General Lee. Sometimes when I call I hear “YEEEHAAAAW” in the background. I’m telling you this because Logan has recently become a big super hero fan. He likes Buzz Lightyear, Spiderman, and Batman. All the big ones ya know. Well on Sunday he got a Batman mask, cape, and tool belt and was pretending he was Batman chasing the Joker. Garrett was his trusty sidekick. No, not Robin. He was a “Duke Boy!” So I think the next major motion picture Batman feature will be titled, Batman and the Duke Boys Defeat Boss Hog!

Eleven more days. Not that I’m counting or anything. Eleven more days of chemo. Man, that is the sweetest sentence! I bet you are wondering if Logan is excited to be at the end of all this. Truth be told, I don’t think he even realizes he has Leukemia. I don’t think he knows what chemo is. What an amazing blessing that he’s so innocent of it all even with everything he’s been through. So Jozef and Austin and I will be excited for him!

Kelley

Sunday, March 19, 2006 8:15 PM CST

Logan's social calendar has been very full this weekend, so I guess it's back to me to update the journal tonight. He spent yesterday with his cousin Garrett, driving a "Gator" around the homestead until all hours of the night. Then he wandered over to Grandma's house to spend the night and all day today. He's having so much fun I can't get him out of that place. As a matter of fact he's sleeping there again tonight. I may never get him back home!

In truth, Mom and Wendy have been wonderful to me, because I'm currently in an all out war against the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards. See, they expect me to work for my certification, and I disagree, strongly! However I have been working my poor fingers to the bone, typing for hours on end to satisfy their requirements. I now know why only 35f applicants pass the first year. Because they have to go into therapy before they can finish. Seriously, it's the worst workload I've ever encountered. It even tops the work I had to do to get my Master's degree.

My mother told me she's happy to help me out. Then she told me to never ever do anything like this again. Enough. Spend time having fun.

My mom is very smart. Very smart indeed.

Today was a minor milestone. I reordered Logan's 6MP (chemo) from the pharmacy. I had to ask them to make it only 20 pills. I didn't need the whole month's worth! Whoo hoo... the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter folks!

Don't forget, we still need end of chemo party ideas. Even if you don't have one, please sign the guest book. I can't wait to see how big of a book it makes when I print it out for Logan to read when he's older. It really shows how many people were with him along the way through all of this.

Kelley

Monday, March 13, 2006 7:51 PM CST

Hi everybody,

Logan here. Mom said I do a better job than she does of updating, so I guess it's up to me from now on!

First of all, my big brother Austin got 2nd in another karate tournament this Saturday. Then on Sunday he got first but he didn't get a trophy because he was the only one in his division. I think that's wrong! You should get a trophy no matter if you don't do any work for it at all, right?!?

I still need ideas for my upcoming end-of-chemo party. Come on, WORK WITH ME PEOPLE!

I have a birthday coming up. The big 5. Yep, I'm practically a big people already. I'm really tall now. You should see. Mommy told me I'd better stop because I'm getting to big too fast. She's kinda weird.

Logan

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 6:43 PM CST

Hi everyone. Logan here.

My mom said I have to do the updating tonight because she doesn't feel so well. Man, she gets one tiny sore throat and acts like such a big baby!

Guess what?!? My last day of chemo will be Friday, April 7, of this year!!! My mom wants to have a party where we beat up stuff and burn stuff. Sounds good to me! She said something about whacking at a needle-and-syringe-shaped pinata with a baseball bat. Then she said something about aiming a potato gun at a big sign that says "LEUKEMIA." I have three questions. First, what is a pinata, second, when the potato hits the sign do we get to eat mashed potatoes, and third, has she always been crazy like this? (I'll check with Grandma for the answer on that last one.)

I'm supposed to ask if anybody has any other "clever" ideas on how to celebrate the end chemo for me. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller...

My big brother Austin went to a karate turn-a-mint in California. He got second out of 20. My mom said he would've won but he probably saw one of those California blondes and got kicked in the head during the last match.

Don't forget to sign my guestbook with celebration ideas!

Logan

Sunday, February 19, 2006 7:16 PM CST

Hello, and sorry for updating so late. The good news is Logan finally conquered that lingering pneumonia! He got to attend Pre-K three days last week. He was thrilled to be able to be there for the Valentine's Day party.

I've got less than a month to finish up all of my National Board Teacher Certification work. This means I'll be seriously busy.

Austin's job at the karate center is going well. He'll be in a bunch of tournaments coming up between now and the end of summer.

Jozef is enjoying the off-season of mowing. He actually gets to be home one day on the weekend and comes home before dark on the weeknights.

We're still counting down to the end of chemo!!!

Kelley

Saturday, February 4, 2006

Well that cruddy cough of his turned into pneumonia. He's on a nebulizer four times a day, steroids, and antibiotics to try to clear it up. Thankfully we weren't sent off to the hospital. They are letting us treat us at home so far. He "doesn't feel so well," as he tells us. But he's up and around. As long as he doesn't run or jump or play too hard, he's ok. Any rough activity at all and he coughs so hard it makes him vomit.

Anyway, hope everyone enjoys the SuperBowl tomorrow!

Kelley

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Saturday, January 28, 2006

Logan did not get to go to school this week at all. We kept him home on Tuesday due to the plague that seemed to have hit every student AND teacher there. We were worried about exposing him. Things were looking up for Thursday, so I told him the night before when I tucked him in that he could go in the morning. I got him up and dressed on Thursday, and then he promptly entered into a horrible deep coughing fit that seemed to last an eternity, brought tears to his eyes and caused his throat to hurt. Jozef and I immediately rethought the situation and decided he better stay home after all. The worst part was seeing his sad face looking at me through the front window as I pulled out of the driveway. He was crying pretty hard. Talk about breaking a mother's heart!

I stayed home with him on Friday. I took him to the grocery store. (Those cupboards were bare!) When we walked into Publix he put out his hand gesturing for me to go first. Then he said, "Your majesty..." I don't know where he got that from, but talk about making a mother smile!

This morning, (Saturday), he crawled into bed with us sometime during the wee hours. At about 6:30 he started another coughing fit and the poor guy just couldn't stop for more than a minute or two. I went downstairs and got him his cough medicine, then settled him down to watch cartoons while I took a shower.

The shower is one of those places I get a lot of thinking done. I was worrying about his cough, wondering if a fever would soon follow, and if there were any underlying reasons for that cough besides just the latest virus to blow through the poor immuno-suppressed kid. My mind wandered to one of Logan's little Arnold Palmer Hospital friends who went in one day with a cough and fever, and ended up diagnosed with a tumor. He passed away not long after that. It broke all of our hearts.

Of course I understand that I am more than likely over reacting every time Logan coughs or sniffles or feels warm from running around outside. But what my head knows my heart doesn't always agree with. Talk about taking almost nothing to make a mother scared!

On the other hand, that countdown to the end of chemotherapy that ticks away in my brain has me really getting excited. I can't wait to see how he feels after getting all of those medications out of his sytem. I anticipate that last day of chemo the way a kid anticipates Christmas Eve. It's now just two months and a few days away. Talk about making a mother hopeful!!!

Kelley

Tuesday, January 10, 2006 7:37 PM CST

---There are a lot of knew photos on the link above, check them out!---

(Logan, when you are eight years old, you're really going to hate me for this one. But, I've got to do it. I've got to share! Please forgive me when you read this for the first time!)

Cute things Logan has said recently:

Mom, my pee pee hurts.
What's wrong?
It hurts.
Did you bump it?
No, I think it's gonna turn green.

Mom, there's something in my underwear.
What is it?
I don't know, it's bothering me.
Do you want to take off your pants and see what it is?
No, I think it's a spike.

Hey Mom, where do the cows go?
I don't know, where do they go?
To the mooooooovies! Ah ha ha ha ha!

Wednesday, January 4, 2006 7:40 PM CST

Hello and Happy New Year Everyone!

This is a year of promise for us. The promise of the end of chemo for Logan. (End of March.) Whoopie, hip hip hooray! I really took the turn from 2005 to 2006 to heart. It represents such hope for this family.

Logan is doing well. Once he started feeling better after this last spinal tap/steroids/chemo session just before Christmas, he seemed to stay that way.

Austin just got back from a trip to the Dominican Republic. He with the same family friends who took him to Costa Rica last year. He's become quite the world traveler!

So I was helping Logan change into his pajamas last night. He calls them "jamas." Anyway, being a mom I said something silly about what a cute baby butt he has. His response - "I don't have a baby butt, it's a big butt!"

Kel

Sunday, December 25, 2005 8:44 PM CST

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ho Ho Ho, here's my personal Christmas countdown list for you...

Best things about Christmas 05'

*Logan anticipating Santa Clause
*Austin helping with last minute emergency shopping by DRIVING to stores for me
*Peanut butter pie, kringla, Mom's homemade rolls, Babcia's cheesecake
*Christmas Eve at Babcia's house
*A special gift from Richard and Karen (Thank you!!!)
*Knowing I have the most amazing husband on Earth
*Logan's face when he saw the presents under our tree
*Austin's face when his girlfriend liked his gift
*Christmas Day at Mom's house
*Beating everyone at a game of Hearts
*Hearing Logan says "This was the BEST Christmas EVER" right before going to bed

Worst things about Christmas 05'

*Eating too much and not having any Alka Seltzer
*Grandma Karen being sick on Christmas Day
*Rain Christmas morning
*Wishing Grandma Marian was celebrating with us in Florida
*Logan on chemo and steroids this whole week
*Missing my dad
*Not having enough gas to get home and having to syphon it from Mom and Donnie's generator
*Now it's almost over :(

Hope your holiday was happy -- God Bless!
Kelley

Saturday, December 17, 2005 9:44 PM CST

Home Sweet Home - the phrase that is the exact opposite of hospital sweet hospital.

Jozef took Logan to our pediatrician Friday morning with a rising fever. It hit 103 so off they went to the emergency room. Hours and hours and HOURS later, they admitted Logan and started fluids and IV antibiotics. When I arrived at 6:00 p.m., they were still in the e.r. awaiting a room to open up. After 8:00, we made it to the 10th floor. Whoo hoo, lucky us, a night's stay at the most expensive lodging in Orlando!

Thankfully, all of Logan's tests came up negative. Negative on the xrays, blood cultures, bloodwork, etc. Basically I think that a nasty virus hit him, and of course with his compromised immune system it hit him hard.

So Logan and I spent the night (in the same tiny bed) and his fever went up and down. Up to 102.5, down to normal. Today thank goodness he was fever free, and after half a dozen puzzles and countless cartoons on the tv, at around 5:00 p.m. we got to go home.

No big deal, right? We've been through it all before. I was thinking about this concept on the way home. Yep, been there, done that. But it still sucks. My baby is sick and getting stuck with needles and having huge pieces of tape ripped from his raw skin. Neither one of us sleeps well. He's bored and miserable. I'm worried and cranky. Jozef is tired from his long day but of course works anyway.

When I get a break and walk down the hallway to get a soda, I notice all of the door decorations on the other patients' rooms. We are in the oncology ward, adult and child. I pass a door that says in big letters, "Don't Cry for Me." I see another with Christmas wrapping paper trying to look festive. The bald boy next door to us is a few years older than Logan, and seems to be alone most of the day. The 10th floor is decorated for the holidays, and looks cheery. It reminds me of a cake I once made that was overcooked. I slathered frosting on and it looked yummy. But underneath, not so good.

We're home tonight, and if his fever stays away we won't have to go back until Tuesday. On Tuesday he gets his next spinal tap and nasty round of chemo with steroids on the side. I'm grateful we only had to be inpatient for two days and one night. But nevertheless I find myself in a mood. Forgive me. I just can't figure out which person to be some days. The thankful mom or the worried one. The one who people say is "so strong," or the one that just can't take another day around cancer. The one who smiles because she knows her child is one of the lucky ones. Tonight I go to bed confused. But know that I am all of the above -- yet most of all truly grateful. He's sick, but he's here.

Kelley

Friday, December 9, 2005 10:13 PM CST

Hello Everyone,

Logan is tired. Exhausted tired. Cranky whiny tired. Which means so are the rest of us. He made it through school two days this week, but was seriously tuckered out at the end of the school day.

Austin is sick. He's been sick for almost a month now. He's missed about six days of school in all. We took him yesterday for blood work, a chest x-ray, and sinus x-ray. I joked with him that we might not find anything in his head. But they did. They found a small cyst, which the nurse described as a fluid-filled sac, on his sinus. So Tuesday we are off to the ENT doc to find out what to do about it. In the meantime he's on an antibiotic and advair. ($150 after insurance?!?)

So Austin is sick, and Logan is tired. And I'm sick and tired of all this sick and tired stuff! But honestly none of this is too bad, and we're all getting reved up for the holiday. Logan is really starting to anticipate Santa's visit. So cute to have a little one at Christmas time!

Kelley

Saturday, November 12, 2005 11:46 PM CST

We just returned from a fabulous vacation at Hilton Head, South Carolina, thanks to an organization called Hilton Head Heroes. It is made up of people who live on the island that volunteer their time and money to give families of cancer children a week of fun. And it was just that, a week of fun!

We did the typical tourist stuff, like putt-putt golf, bowling, and biking around the island. We saw the new Harry Potter movie and ate out almost three times a day. All of this was free, including the house that we stayed in. Did I mention that this was a two-story three bedroom 4 bath house with a loft and a pool? They stocked it with games and puzzles so we had a blast even when we were just hanging out.

When I told Logan before we left that we were going on vacation, he gave me that blank stare that means he thinks I'm speaking gibberish. By the end of our week the word "vacation" became a new word in his vocabulary.

He said his favorite thing was golf. He was hysterical to watch. At first he would take a giant Tiger Woods swing at the ball and miss. Then he got the idea that it only took a small swing, but he had the club backwards half the time. Ironically, he actually played quite well. He even beat the rest of us on a couple of holes! After a while though he got bored with the rules and started putting his ball wherever he felt like on the green. When he got the ball in the hole, it was always the same yell, "Oh yeah, two points!"

Bowling was fun as well, but of course Daddy had to show us all how it was done. Logan was happy as long as any pin fell, even if it was just one.

Austin enjoyed the week, mostly because he was being fed so well. The fastest way to make a 16-year-old guy happy is to stuff him with good food.

I will be uploading photos in the next day or two. I got a few really good ones.

Kel
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Saturday, November 12, 2005 11:45 PM CST

That’s it, I’ve had it! I’ve got a bone to pick with Disney. You heard me right, Disney! Could someone please tell me why Disney (aka the Walt Disney Company) is so misogynistic? Honestly, what do they have against women, specifically mothers, anyway?

It occurred to me while I was munching my popcorn and sipping my soda thoroughly enjoying their latest movie, “Chicken Little.” It was completely cute and very entertaining. My son Logan declared it “The best movie ever Mommy!” But there is one very serious problem with it. Or rather, with the pattern I have detected in so many of their movies. They dislike moms!

That’s right, think about it. Chicken Little is motherless. The whole movie is about his relationship with his father. Great story. But it got me thinking… Let’s take a look back at Disney’s motherless characters:

Nemo's mother got eaten by a Barrucada.
Cinderella’s mom died before the story even started.
Pocahontas had to talk to an old tree because she was motherless.
The Little Mermaid’s loving parent was King Triton. Mom didn’t even get a mention.
Princess Jasmine stayed in the castle with her dad.
Little Simba had a mom, true enough, but he spent all his time chatting with his father.
Belle of Beauty and the Beast lived with her father.
Dumbo was pulled away from his chained up mother.
Huey, Duey, and Luey spent all their time with an uncle, but where was mom?
The poor little girl in the Great Mouse Detective had to rescue her only parent, her father.
Pinnochio? Yep. He was created. By a man!
Ok, Mowgli, Aladdin, Tarzan and that little girl from The Rescuers were all orphans. But still, no mom.

Do I even have to mention what happened to Bambi’s mom?!?

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 6:25 PM CST

Hello Everyone,

Logan is doing fine on the chemo front, but unfortunately suffering from a "regular" childhood illness. He has a sinus infection or viral infection that has his nose running and the rest of him coughing and feeling misserable. So far he has stayed mostly fever-free, except for Friday night.

Tomorrow is his regular appointment with the oncologist, so I will let you know what he has to say.

Kelley

Sunday, October 30, 2005 8:21 PM CST

I think today is my favorite day of the year. Yep. Even better than Christmas or Thanksgiving. Good ole' today. Can't beat it. Why today? I'm so glad you asked...

Today we turn the clocks back one hour. But I don't exactly follow the laws of daylight savings and set my clocks before I go to bed the night before. No, not me. I'm a rebel. I pick my hour! Why on earth would I want to have that extra hour when I won't be awake to appreciate it? Please!

It seems to me that in recent years this very day has also coincided with near-perfect weather. I open up every window in the house to let the fall breeze blow through, and thank God that Florida has a few days that aren't sweltering. Some time during this day of weather Heaven, usually somewhere in the afternoon, I pause, take a deep breath, and appreciate the hour I'm about to relive. I set my clocks back exactly one hour, then do exactly what I feel like doing for the extra sixty minutes given to me once a year.

For those of you who conform to the daylight savings laws -- next year, why not try it my way? Why not celebrate your hour exactly when you want to?

Yep. Even better than Christmas...

Kelley

Wednesday, October 19, 2005 7:40 PM CDT

Milestones...

I've been thinking about milestones recently. Austin just turned 16. 16?!? How did that happen exactly? I was driving my first car not THAT long ago. Or at least it feels like it wasn't that long ago. Now I have a 16-year-old-car-driving son. I told him in his birthday card that I'm extremely proud of him, and I meant it. So I thought I'd share that with all of you too.

Today Jozef came home from Logan's doctor's appointment with an updated final page to his protocol. I was looking over the changes when it hit me. I was holding in my hand a page with three October weeks on top, and the end of March at the bottom. I was holding the LAST PAGE of his protocol! Each page in his book represent weeks and months of time in our lives we are not sad to see behind us. To be within reach of the end, able to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. It's phenomenal!

Here's to milestones. I pray we will all have many more of them!

Kelley

Saturday, October 1, 2005 7:55 PM CDT

I'm sorry! I know I haven't updated in forever. Shame on me! It's that busy thing. You know that thing where you feel like you are running in circle getting absolutely done? You know, that everyday normal part of life busy?

Logan had another LP (spinal tap) last week with spinal methotrexate and vincristine. The next day he started a week of steroids. This is usually the place where I whine and complain about how hard it is on him. But I've decided you've probably heard enough whining. Actually he's not doing too badly anyway. The crankiness is just beginning to settle in, and he hasn't been very sick at all so far. Wait, that was a little bit of whining. I'll stop!!!

Austin has started basketball practice for his high school. Let's hope his newly-operated-on knee holds up and he makes the team!

I've decided for reasons I can't fathom to sign myself up for the process of becoming a National Board Certified Teacher. Put this one in the "What Was I Thinking" column of your chart. It's tons of work. Like I'm not busy enough?!? Ok, I'll be honest. It means a raise, a nice one, and I am sick of being broke. So it's pretty much financially motivated. It will also look good on a resume if I get through it. The process takes a year minimum, and hopefully not more than two years. Wish me luck!

Jozef is working hard as ever. He watched a Florida Gator game today and actually did not swear when they lost. This is huge people! My husband is just a bit of a Gator fanatic. Just a BIT.

Please sign the guestbook!!!

Kelley

Friday, September 16, 2005 7:33 PM CDT

I have a confession. It's true confession time. Ready?

My son listens to Motley Crue. And he likes it.

No, not the 15-year old. The little one. The 4-year old listens to Motley Crue.

We drive in the car, which Daddy has made sure to put a Motley Crue CD in the player of, and all of a sudden I hear a question from the car seat.

"Mommy, we listen to "Girls Girls Girls?"

I knew I was in trouble. It was only a matter of days before I got another request.

"Mommy, can we listen to "Same old?"

So I turned on the cd. "No, that's not Same Old!" I hit the next button. "No, that's 'Helter Skelter', not 'Same Old.'" "No MOMMY! That one is 'Too Young!'"

Oh man. I blame this entirely on his father. Entirely!

hhhvgcgvgcjfgfgghgyygyyggyygfy

Logan just typed that. He wanted to help me. I think it stands for "Metal Rocks!"

Help me Lord, he's only four. What happened to the sweet sounds of Barney or the Wiggles? I can't believe I actually miss them...

Kelley

Sunday, September 11, 2005 8:10 PM CDT

Hello Everyone,

September is here, and already we are halfway through our first nine weeks at school. I know you've heard it a million times, but time really does fly as you get older.

Happy to report that all is well here. Really there's not much exciting going on. No, wait. I cleaned out the inside of my car today. No really! What's is exciting.

Logan and Austin are still cute. Yeah, ok, I guess Jozef is too. (In his own sweaty dirty lawn service guy way.)

Wanna hear a knock knock joke? No? Well here it is anyway.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Panther.
Panther who?
Panther no pants, I'm goin' swimmin!

Well Logan's little friend Laramie thought it was funny, and that's good enough for me!

Kelley

Thursday, September 1, 2005 9:55 PM CDT

Geez, just when you are feeling sorry for yourself, you get a gigantic slap in the face.

I'm so very sad for everyone affected by Hurricane Katrina. I watch the news and can't believe what I am seeing. It's absolutely horrible.

So God, thank you for EVERYTHING that I have. For my family and my home. Please be with those in need. Please send them help.

So what if I can't make ends meet. I'm sending those people a little money ASAP. They need it more than the bill collectors do. I'm just sorry it's not much.

For those of you looking for an update...

Austin is recovering nicely from his knee surgery. He's walking a bit now, and complaining less and less about the pain.

Logan is fine, although he's been fighting a string of "normal" illnesses brought about by going back to school this year. I think he's been away more than he's actually been in class so far. But he got to go today, and drew me a beautiful picture that he said was "just for you Mommy!" I have no earthly idea what is it, but it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Hug your loved ones, give blood, and say a prayer...

Kelley

Friday, August 26, 2005 5:31 PM CDT

Does anyone know a sign maker? I would like to hang a sign on my front door that reads "Medical Disaster Area. Enter at your Own Risk."

Let's see, over the past 10 days this household has been hit by a rather nasty stomach virus (picture each of our heads hanging just over our not-so-beautiful toilet seats), strep throat, and knee surgery.

Austin was the one having knee surgery. If you remember, he tore the meniscus in his right knee last year. They did surgery last summer to repair it, but it didn't last. Only about 50f those types of repairs do, but we needed to try it. This time they shaved the torn area and removed the bad parts. His recovery will be much shorter, however, the long term outlook for his knee is questionable.

That's all for now. I'm currently battling what I think could be strep throat passed on from Logan. Once Jozef gets home to take his post-surgery shift with Austin, I'm going to bed!

Kelley

Saturday, August 13, 2005 5:12 PM CDT

I am not blaming this morning on Leukemia. However, I think I’ll tell you about it anyway, because it helps explain something I’ve been mulling over lately.

It all started at about 5:00 a.m. this morning when I heard Logan say in a tiny voice, “Mommy, I don’t like to throw up.” Unfortunately he vomited every 30-45 minutes up until about 1:30 this afternoon. I called the oncologist, who told me to give him Zofran, which is a medicine to help with nausea. This did the trick thankfully, and he has not been sick since. He did take a three-hour nap today, which means it definitely zapped his energy. (He doesn’t nap much anymore.)

Again, I don’t believe he was sick because of his chemotherapy. I believe Logan probably caught a bit of a stomach virus from somebody at school. It’s what goes through my head every time any little thing happens that is relevant tonight.

· 5:00 a.m. after hearing Logan’s little voice… he’s nauseous again, poor kid.

· 5:30 a.m. after another episode… ok, that’s unusual, maybe it’s not the chemo.

· Sometime after the fourth episode… Something’s wrong, how long should I wait to call the doctor? No, relax, it’s probably a stomach virus or something. Sure, but what if he dehydrates, then we’re in for a hospital stay. I’ll wait until later this morning before I call.

· During the next episode… He’s not keeping anything down. Not even water. I’m calling.

· Phone call with the oncologist, summarized… Give him Zofran, and see if that helps. If not, take him to the local emergency room and have him evaluated. My local hospital? Yes, you don’t need to bring him all the way here.

· Just after phone call… But my local hospital does not exactly have the greatest reputation. Just think what nightmarish hell they will put Logan through trying to access his tiny port that the oncology nurses with experience have such trouble with! What about the myriad of contagious germs in the emergency room?!? I will have to explain everything to them the entire time, because there are so many rules with our Leukemia kids’ treatment. No rectal thermometer, for example. His platelets could be low and he could get a tear, that could get infected or simply not heal. He doesn’t look like he has cancer, will they treat him with any more care at all or just like every other kid who comes in throwing up? God help us.

· About an hour later. Ok, the Zofran seems to be helping. He hasn’t drank anything, but he also hasn’t thrown up anything either. I didn’t give him his methotrexate yet, should I? Or will that make his stomach worse? But it’s so important to keep him on schedule with the chemo. Ok, I’ll wait until tonight, and if he’s better give it to him them.

· “Mommy, I’m tired, I wanna take a nap”… Oh good, he needs to rest. Why is he so tired? Are his counts low? Is this something worse than just a virus? How long will it take him to fight it, with his body immunosuppressed like it is? Should I let him go to school at all? Is it worth it? Maybe being home all summer and going back now means that he has to build up his immunities all over again. What was I thinking? He is going to have to stay home all next week. I can’t miss that much work, even with Mom’s help Monday and Wednesday. Jozef is already so behind getting all his customers’ lawns taken care of. Well I’ll worry about that later!

· After a three hour nap… He looks pretty good. Not so peaked. He’s definitely in a better mood. He is hungry? Great! It really must’ve been a stomach virus. Can he really be over it already? WHAT THE HECK WAS I SO WORRIED ABOUT!?!?!

So, now that I have let you into the bizarre thoughts that I struggle with on a regular basis, I’ll tell you about the theory I’ve been mulling over lately. Even though it’s exactly two years after he was first diagnosed. Even though he is alive and mostly well and I’m so incredibly grateful to have him! Even though most of the time you would never even know he had cancer. Even though sometime next March he will be off treatment, God willing. Even with all that, there’s the constant stream of thought in the back of my mind that reminds me how precious his life is and how we really have no idea what is down the road for him. My theory? CANCER STILL SUCKS.

Kelley

Sunday, August 7, 2005 6:40 PM CDT

School's back in session, and the Lozicki family is up to the challenge my friends!

Austin has just begun his sophomore year of high school with a renewed enthusiasm for educational achievement.

Logan is thrilled to be at the beginning of his second foray into the world of pre-k.

Kelley jumped into her eighth year of teaching with the zest and vitality of a first year teacher.

Jozef is excited about the opportunity to shuttle both boys to and from school and the various extra-curricular activities whenever called upon to do so.

And if you believe that... I've got something to sell you!

Here's the true story:

Austin is excited about getting to see his girlfriend more often because they're at school together.

Logan woke up on the second day of school and protested sleepily that he could not go to school because he needed to take a nap in his bed.

Kelley jumped into her eighth year of teaching feeling slightly behind the 8 ball, a phenomen that is all too familiar to her now a cancer-mom existence.

And Jozef? Well, he's always cheerful! Wish he'd rub off on the rest of us more!

-------------------------

Also, all our prayers are with Jozef's Grandmother, our Babcia, who is recovering from a stroke, but reportedly fighting back hard and recovering well. We love you Babcia!

Take care,
Kelley

Tuesday, July 26, 2005 6:15 PM CDT

Ok, so when Laurie and I were using our fingers and toes to count up the number of years I have been in Florida, we somehow counted three extra. I have been informed that I have been here 26 years, not 29! (Does one of us have an extra toe or two? We'll never tell...)

Logan is doing fine this week, although that pesky limp of his is persisting still. It has improved, but of course this mom isn't happy until it isn't noticeable.

Speaking of persistence, Austin's torn meniscus is still causing pain over a year past his surgery. We're back in the cycle of doctors and tests to see what we can do about it. I won't be surprised if he is in for a second surgery. Bummer!

During a meeting today at school with all of the moms of the prek kids that will be in Logan's class, I learned yet another lesson about raising a four year old boy. When giving him the universal sign for "shhh...", which is of course the index finger on the lips, it is necessary to follow up with further instruction. You see, the shushing sign simply lead to his response of "But mom..." I then leaned over to whisper in his ear that he cannot talk while the lady in front was talking. If he needs me he should whisper. To this I get his response, a bit louder this time so I can be sure to hear him say "BUT MOM...." A third attempt to get him to stop talking at a volume high enough for planes overhead to hear resulted in yet a louder response and me resorting to threats. Effective? Yeah, not so much. Did I give up? Yeah, temporarily. But I will win in the end. Oh yes.... I will. Right?!?

On a completely different topic, I recently received an email that absolutely made my day! I wrote back to the person who sent it, and asked permission to post it on Logan's website so I could share.

Hi Kelley,

We've never met, and most likely, never will. I am a 1.5 year survivor of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and I have to admit that before I was diagnosed, I
didn't know squat about blood cancers. However, after my swift kick in the butt, I know more than I ever thought I would.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing to you is to compliment you on your site. I
love that you include all the funny little things that Logan says (and
trust me when I say that some of the things that you put on his site that
he's said made me laugh out loud -- at work! =) ). This is something that
you will look back on and be so grateful that you have those memories
written down. I see so many caringbridge sites that only have the sadness about what their child is going thru. I know that there is sadness, but I applaud you for choosing to include all the happiness and bright sides, and humor as well. I wish I had known about caringbridge while I was going thru treatment. My journal consists of a day planner that I wrote blood counts in, and marked chemo days etc...I don't actually have a journal. I have pictures and chemo brain...not the best combination! =)

I hope you don't mind that I have contacted you. I just really think it's great how you have approached sharing Logan's experience. You are sharing it in the same way that he is responding to it, and that is just wonderful!

I will have Logan in my thoughts and prayers that he continues to do well.
~Sarah

-------------------------------
Thank you so much Sarah! My thoughts and prayers are with you as well...

Kelley

Tuesday, July 19, 2005 12:11 AM CDT

10...9....8....7....6...

Yes, we have visited Kennedy Space Center. We went with Laurie, Mart-nin, Josie, George and Fred from Iowa. (If you don't understand the names, see last journal entry.) It was our first trip, even though we've been in Florida for a very long time now. Laurie asked me how long, and after some serious use of my fingers and toes and her fingers and toes we decided it had been 29 years. Oh my, how do the years fly? Quickly, very very quickly is the answer. ANYWAY, you can see we don't get out much!

The highlight of the trip was getting to see Mart-nin's face when he saw the admission prices. No just kidding. It was seeing the space shuttle sitting on the launch pad getting ready to go up. It isn't there that often, so we felt lucky to see it.

5...4...3...2...1...

Duran Duran! You thought I was going to say lift-off, didn't you?!? Nope, last night we attended a Duran Duran concert at the Orlando Convention Center, courtesy of Give Kids the World. Thank you GKTW! They gave us free tickets, so we thought we would try it. It was great, all 2 minutes of it! Logan observed the lights go down, the crowd stand up, the cheers and screams begin, the strobe lights start, and as the song started and everything escalated... he put a finger in each ear and asked to "go home!"

So I guess it was a little like the last Space Shuttle launch. We got all worked up and ready to go, then... nevermind!

Kelley

Thursday, July 14, 2005 8:51 PM CDT

Ahh... yucky chemo horrid steroid week is over. Hooray!

Logan gained a few pounds, ate a few dozen servings of macaroni and cheese, demanded great patience, and otherwise endured the week.

On a lighter note, he's having an absolute blast with his cousins Kelsie, Meghan and Emily from Iowa. We have renamed them for their Florida stay to make it easier for Logan to remember. Therefore they are Josie, George and Fred when in town. Thank goodness they don't mind!

Yesterday we went swimming at their hotel pool. At first Logan was either clinging for dear life to either Austin or to me, but by the end of our visit, he was actually swimming long lengths by himself! (With arm floaties.)

Tomorrow we are off to Kennedy Space Center. Logan will get to see some "space men" first hand.

Kelley

Thursday, July 7, 2005 5:53 PM CDT

So I asked my sister today on the phone, "How do you put THIS on the web site?" I then held the phone at arms length and let her listen to the sounds within the walls of my home. After about a minute I let her off the hook, literally. What sounds, you ask? Well... let me share...

When you read, think of cheese being grated, fingernails on a chalkboard, and the whiniest child you've ever heard.

"Mom, I want to go to the park. I WANNA go to the park. But Mom, I want to go to the park. I want to go to the PARK. Mom, I want to go to the park. I WANNA go to the park. But Mom, I want to go to the park. I want to go to the PARK. Mom, I want to go to the park. I WANNA go to the park. But Mom, I want to go to the park. I want to go to the PARK. Mom, I want to go to the park. I WANNA go to the park. But Mom, I want to go to the park. I want to go to the PARK. Mom, I want to go to the park. I WANNA go to the park. But Mom, I want to go to the park. I want to go to the PARK. Mom, I want to go to the park. I WANNA go to the park. But Mom, I want to go to the park. I want to go to the PARK. Mom, I want to go to the park. I WANNA go to the park. But Mom, I want to go to the park. I want to go to the PARK."

But now if you would, reread the above, and when you read this time, think of huge tears, a 4-year old boy drenched in sweat from head to toe from sheer frustration, a child who has just put on almost 4 pounds in one week and a child who has been given chemo that causes nausea and pain. Finally, a child who is on enough steroids to supply an entire major leauge baseball team.

Now I know what you are thinking. Take him to the park! Yeah, I thought about that one for about six seconds, but then I fainted from the 115 degree heat and thought better of it. Ok, it only FELT like 115 degrees, 99.5 in air-conditioning, but it was unbearable. So I volunteered just about every other possibility on the planet. This resulted in another 25 minutes of those sentences I typed out above.

Finally, like a cartoon lightbulb suddenly flashing over my head I was blessed with an idea that was NOT turned down. The video store! Within 4.3 seconds we were out the door, down the street and feeling much better, thank you.

I've been thinking about a few things. First of all, why don't the steroids come with a warning on the label. You know the place where they tell your 4 year-old not to drive heavy farm machinery while taking this medication and drinking a cold Coors Light? Why not put a warning that is actually useful. Something like...

Warning, giving this medication WILL cause serious roid rage, which, compounded with the normal irrational behaviors of the common 4 year-old boy, WILL lead to situations that should best be handled by at least three adults, or two adults under the influence of valium.

Another thing that came to me while I was thinking...

The big kid, Austin, left town exactly at the right time. Coincidence? Or clever planning? He says this trip to Virginia was all about helping his friend Nick's family move. But now, after this exhausting day in a long line of exhausting days, I think it was sheer genius. He planned the whole thing to occur exactly at the beginning of Logan's most recent every 3 month nasty chemo/steroid week from HE double hockey sticks. Absolutely brilliant!

By the way, my cousin Laurie and her family of five are coming down for a Florida vacation, landing on Saturday. I'm afraid that Laurie might just get to see the wrath before it recedes. And no, I'm not talking about Hurricane Dennis who seems to be on his way, I'm talking about Logan's bad chemo/steroid week behavior. Laurie, if you are reading this, I apologize in advance. Warn your girls to wear their football padding and helmets, they just might need em'...

Kelley

ps: Tomorrow morning is his last steroid dose for the week. Whoo hoo!!!

Friday, July 1, 2005 6:31 PM CDT

Ok, today wasn't all bad, but it was very long. Here's how it went.

Wake Logan up at 8:15, convince him not to rip off the tagederm and EMLA cream I am putting on his back to numb the area for his lumbar puncture, and get him dressed. The tagederm is basically a very sticky clear bandage that he hates because it's very hard to remove and hurts when you do.

Drive 50 minutes to clinic. Hear strange noise that sounds like something fell out of the glove compartment, but on the engine side. Car acts weird as I pull into parking garage. Like the power steering is gone. Battery light goes on then back off again after a minute.

Receptionist nicely says I was supposed to be there at 9:00, not 9:30, but that's ok. I feel guilty.

Logan gets his port accessed with two nurses holding all flailing appendages. He does pretty well, but once the freezy spray hits the spot he knows the "noodle" is coming.

Thank God, they get a blood return from the port on the first try. From here, the rest of the procedure goes well. The spinal goes off without a hitch. Logan lies still for 30 minutes after on the table and we watch Blues Clues.

We drive to Wendy's for Logan's French fries and chickens, where Jozef meets us to check out the car. We switch vehicles so I can get Logan home and Jozef can get the car fixed.

I drive 45 minutes homeward when I get a call. It's the nurse at the clinic. She's extremely sorry, but could we come back? She somehow missed giving Logan his vincristine. They caught it when they did their double check after we left. We could come back on Tuesday, but... No, I'll turn around. I'm not exactly happy about the extra drive time, but quickly determine I'm very glad they caught the mistake. Thank God again, Logan's been asleep since Wendy's, and doesn't realize we're in for another hour or two.

Jozef calls, the belts need to be replaced. The first place can't do it, so he's off to another place.

So I drive 43 minutes back to the 7-11 near the hospital. Need cash to pay for parking. (I used up $4.00 in quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies the first time.) Wake Logan up, go inside for caffeine, snacks and cash. Tell Logan the nurse called and wants to see him again when he asks "Why are we at the hospital again?"

Logan finds out he has to be accessed again to get his medicine. He's not happy. But proud mom that I am, I will just say he toughed it out nicely. Just a little crying and complaining, to which he was seriously entitled. The nurses apologize profusely, repeatedly. Honestly, I understand. Catching a mistake is SO much better than not catching one when it comes to your child's cancer fighting chemo. One nurse tells him he gets to pick out an extra special toy from the prize closet. He's intrigued and calms down quickly...

One Leapster video game system with Spongebob Squarepants cartridge later, the tears are gone and we are off again. Jozef calls and says the car is fixed and he's on his way home. Most of his work day was a total washout. 65 minutes and a lot of I-4 traffic later, we get home. It's now 4:30 p.m.

Whew... Now we just have chemo-steroid boy to worry about tomorrow. Wish us luck!

Kelley

Tuesday, June 21, 2005 8:04 PM CDT

Whew! What a day. Sometimes I remember that not all of my gripes are cancer-related. Sometimes I am just a normal mom with normal gripes.

FOR EXAMPLE...

Today was a Mommy vs. Logan day.

Round 1: Logan wants to wake up at 7:45 a.m. Mommy wants to keep sleeping. Logan jumps on Mommy's bed, and does a WWF wrestling move whereby he pins her down and then drools profusely into her face for added effect.

Round 1 Winner = Logan.

Round 2: Logan wants to play baseball before Mommy has brushed her teeth and changed out of pajamas. Mommy says "after I wake up..." Logan responds "but you are awake, look, you are standing up..." Mommy can think of no way around this logic.

Round 2 Winner = Logan.

Round 3: Logan wants to open Daddy's Father's Day gift to play with. It is a new poker set with cards and chips. Mommy says "no, it's Daddy's." Mommy continues to work on her lesson plans for that night's class, then paying bills that are WAY overdue thank you very much. She takes a break and listens... Logan is quiet. Too quiet.

Round 3 Winner = Logan.
(Try to picture three decks of cards and two sets of blue and white poker chips strewn about the living room.)

Round 4: Mommy wants Logan to clean up the poker mess. Logan disagrees sweetly. "No, no thank you." Mommy tries the nice approach. No good. Then she tries the stern approach. Still no good. Next, the big guns. Clean up or time out! No good again. Finally, it's Mommy's way or the highway buster!

Round 4 Winner = Logan. The mess was still there when she left for work.

I think in the battle of the stubborn headed Lozicki people, Logan ranks a close second to his father. His father, by the way, is the one dealing with round 5 this evening while I sit here "working" at the college. Wonder who will win this one? I wonder if there will be anyone left standing? I wonder if tomorrow will be better, or if I will have to start drinking liquor in the mornings...?!?

Kelley

--------------------------------------
Wednesday, June 15, 2005 7:51 PM CDT

Hello Again,

Logan's doctor's visit today went very well. He got "a noodle on his finger that hurt bad, very bad." (They took blood from his finger with a needle.) His counts were good, with his ANC at 1330, just where I like it. He will go back in two weeks for his next spinal tap and yucky chemo.

Otherwise Logan is just being a normal 4 year old on summer break. Sometimes cute as heck, other times rotten, and once in a while he's fun to laugh at...For example:
the other day my mom came over, and I told Logan "Grandma Marjorie is here!" He came running in, and said "Hi Grandma!" Then he went back to the front door. He came back in the kitchen and asked, "Where is Marjorie?" So I explained that Grandma is Grandma Marjorie. He said, "OH!" Then he went back to the front door again. "So where is Marjorie?" Both Mom and I spent a few more minutes trying to explain the situation. After about the fourth time he responded with "Oh! Where's Marjorie?" We gave up. I wonder if we will ever find this mysterious Marjorie person...

Kelley

Sunday, June 5, 2005 9:34 PM CDT

So, what can I tell you about the little man tonight?

(I'm so happy to have nothing to report on the cancer front!)

Well, for one thing, the kid loves to jump -- from the coffee table to the couch, from his bed to the floor, any and all completely off limits jumping places you can think of. Of course he's not allowed to, but the "thunder" upstairs tells me he's at it again.

He also loves to pick fights with his brother. His 6'1" almost 16 year old brother. Fortunately Austin has a good understanding of the size difference, and merely pretends to fight back.

We took him to see Madagascar, and now he loves to go around singing the "I Like to Move it Move it" song. If you have not seen the movie, well, this makes no sense I suppose.

He decided to use a black felt tip pen and write all over his bedroom wall today. At least he was considerate enough to make it not bigger than a one foot drawing. After I explained (ok, I yelled) that I was very upset with him for drawing on the wall, I asked him where he is allowed to write. His answer, "Only on paper Mom. I'm sorry." So while the incident proves he's at least partially rotten, he's also clever enough to apologize in his cutest most pathetic voice.

That's about it for now. I have two more days before my summer break. Whoo hoo... I love being a teacher!!!

Kelley

Friday, May 20, 2005 6:58 PM CDT

On the Lighter Side of Logan...

"Mommmm.... you hurt my french fries! I feel sad when you do that!"

(I bumped into his Happy Meal bag when trying to unbuckle his seatbelt.)

"How was your day at school today?"
"I didn't eat my hot dog. I won't be big and strong now."
(Very sad face accompanies this tale of woe.)

On the Lighter Side of Austin...

"When I used to ask my mom for money for a drink, she'd give me a ten, and sometimes forget about the rest."

"But now when I ask for a drink, she gives me fifty cents and asks for change."

(His take on having a little brother with cancer. I told him he should do his own standup routine on being in a cancer family...)

Kelley

Monday, May 16, 2005 8:41 PM CDT

Hello and so sorry for not updating recently! All is well here in the Lozicki house, except that the I was under the weather for about the last 10 days. Something about Florida and my sinuses just don't mix.

Logan is doing very well. He's been able to attend school three days a week for the last few weeks! This is tremendous, because it shows me that his immune system is just tough enough to handle it. It's also wonderful because every day he goes he comes home my little educated man! He loves school, and seems to be a sponge for information.

Austin just signed up for another season of basketball. He asked the coaches if he could play on a 16 and up team, and was told yes. Then he was the first draft pick for all the 16 and ups! (Yeah, I'm bragging... and by the way, he is only 15.)

Kelley

Tuesday, May 3, 2005 6:09 PM CDT

Ah yes, a normal week.

Normal:
1.Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical: normal room temperature; one's normal weight; normal diplomatic relations.
2.Biology. Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies.

As in, Logan has recovered from pneumonia and is now back to his “normal” chemo regimen.

This week’s Loganism:

(Takes place at school.)

Miss Melissa, a guidance counselor at school asks, “Hi Logan! How are you?”

“I fine.”

She notices some smiley face stamps on his arm. “What’s that on your arm?”

Logan answers, quite matter-of-factly, “My elbow…”

Sunday, April 24, 2005 9:25 PM CDT

=== Human Pin Cushion Thanks Nurse ===

So, the little guy spiked a fever on Wednesday afternoon of 102.5, and off to the hospital we went! After a scary 45 minutes in the emergency waiting room, we were whisked off to the pediatric side of the ER. Here we stayed until about 3:00 a.m. when a room opened up on the oncology floor.

Diagnosis after chest xray and labs, beginning of pneumonia, luckily caught very early.

We stayed there until Saturday evening, trying to keep the little guy entertained while primarily confined. We finally felt safe enough Friday evening to let him go to the playroom for an hour, then two hours on Saturday. (After being assured he was not neutropenic.)

Overall Logan did very well. The child life specialist brough him a laptop to play kids games online, and we watched a ton of movies and cartoons.

Unfortunately Logan is now experiencing port problems. When they access the port, it doesn't necessarily work. Sometimes yes, but mostly no. Also, his port is very tiny (it was put in when he was just 2 1/2) and the nurses missed it. So when I say "Human Pin Cusion," I'm not really exaggerating this time. He was accessed a total of seven times, plus once to put in an IV in his arm when they temporarily gave up on the port. Poor kid. Accessing the port is painful, not just because of the needle, but also when they remove it to try again, they are taking off layers of very strong tape that sticks to his sensitive skin. So there is the holding down of the arms and legs, the little guy crying and saying "please don't hurt me" and us telling him it won't last too long. Not fun.

Once again, Logan amazed me. After about the 4th time, and another round of this access/de-access business when we finally finished, he looked up at his nurse and in the sweetest voice you've ever heards says, "Thank you..."

Yeah, so, she's in love with him now. I think she wants to adopt.

We got home at about 6:00 p.m. on Friday night, and he's still on antibiotics, but slowly getting better. I let him play outside this morning, and soon regretted it after a six minute coughing session led to throwing up. I guess more rest, less stress is required for a bit longer.

Cute thing Logan said this week:

"Hey Austin?"

"Yes Logan."

"I got a noodle at the hos-i-pital."

"You got a noodle at the hos-i-pital?"

"Yeah, and it hurt a little bit."

"Oh, you got a needle?"

"Yeah, a noodle. It hurt."

"I'm sorry Logan."

"That's ok."

Saturday, April 9, 2005 9:50 AM CDT

Whew. We made it through another "yucky" week of chemo and steroids. I believe this kid has eaten 47 Hormel Macaroni & Cheeses this week. No kidding.

Great news -- Logan has reached another milestone in his journey. He's started a new "page" in his protocol, in which his amount of chemo is reduced. He was getting four doses of methotrexate over a 24-hour period every other week. Now he's getting one dose each week. Yeah!

This got me to thinking... where are we? Here's the answer...

According to the protocol, we are at week 81 out of 130.

It has been 610 days since diagnosis.

So far, he has had:
15 spinal taps
4 bone marrow aspirations
3 MRI's
Countless xrays
More than countless blood tests
2 port implantation surgeries
1 port removal surgery
1 pseudemonas bacterial infection
2 bone scans
3 ultrasounds
1 kidney dialysis
1 EEG
Tons of chemo and other medications

The thing that amazes me the most is how little he complains!

If I counted correctly, Logan will finish treatment on March 24, 2006, his 5th birthday! I'm thinking the birthday party just became an off-treatment party too!

Kelley

---------------------------------------
Saturday, April 2, 2005

Logan is in his post lumbar puncture (spinal tap) days. He did very well yesterday, but seemed a little more gray this morning. (Literally, his skin gets a grayish tint to it.)

Last night we attended the South Lake Relay for Life Event for the American Cancer Society. It was wonderful. Logan had a great time walking/running around the track and watching all of the activities. He got to dig in the sand for buried treasure, was given a light up American Flag necklace, and enjoyed some chocolate. At the beginning of the event they presented all of the survivors with a purple ribbon and pin, which he wore proudly. He also got a t-shirt with SURVIVOR on the back of it. We saw some of our friends, including Thomas and Carlos, who are both doing very well. Thomas is out of treatment, and Carlos is just about at the same point as Logan.

Jozef and I were brought to tears; however, with some unbelievable news. Our young friend Ivan has passed on to Heaven. We last saw him in December at Arnold Palmer, where he had been admitted with a fever and an ear infection. We did not know that he never left. A mass developed on his lung and did not respond to treatment. He passed away just a week and a half ago. Ivan, also from Clermont, had the same kind of Leukemia as Logan.

So Ivan, here's to you buddy! Thanks for always bringing a big smile to Logan's face at the clinic or hospital. Thanks for coming to Logan's Make a Wish party last summer. Thanks for being such a sweet kid that could tell Logan's parents what it felt like. Fair warning up there in Heaven everyone, we called him The Ivanator on those video games! We will miss you big guy...

Jozef, Kelley, Austin and Logan

>
Ivan and Logan at Arnold Palmer Hospital

Sunday, April 3, 2005 7:51 PM CDT

I'm not feeling very profound tonight, so we'll just make it short and sweet. Or just short.

Logan had his 24-hr. methotrexate this week, and is doing fairly well. He had a bad Friday, but otherwise not too bad. He has a rash on his face from the chemo, but we're putting antibiotic creme on it to try to clear it up. Next week is his spinal tap and rough week, so keep him in your prayers please!

This week's Loganism:

When dissapointed about something he says in the cutest voice ever...

"Oh...pickles!"

Kel

Thursday, March 24, 2005 7:59 AM CST

Happy Birthday to Logan... He's 4!

We celebrated his birthday on Sunday with a big (seriously, big!) party. We had kids, presents, bubbles, swings and slides and a bouncy house! It was really great. (Friends and family do make the cake taste sweeter, don't you think?!?)

So, on this big day, shall I journal about the past four years, or imagine the next four? Let me share with you a personal revelation. Before I fell asleep last night I had the most amazing thought. It brought me right out of my pseudo-slumber. I was picturing Logan over the next few years, playing baseball, going to first grade, getting on his big brother's nerves, and arguing with me over doing homework. Then a lightning bolt struck my spine and I sat up in bed. I was imagining the future...

You must understand, it was not even six months ago that I was meeting with a counselor. He was asking me questions, trying to get some insight on what was going on inside that big empty head of mine. One of the questions was "What do you see for Logan in the future?" Such a very simple question, yet somehow it struck me so hard it sucked the breath out of me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine him in the future tense. I could only focus on right that second, getting him well, getting him through another day. The future was so frightening I guess I had stopped thinking about it at all. But until that moment I did not know how scared I had been. I hadn't realized just how big were the blinders I was wearing, how they forced my sight in only one direction and effectively blocked everything else.

So last night, dreaming as I fell asleep, the realization hit me, and I was thankful for the lightning! I guess somewhere between six months ago and now, those blinders slipped off when I wasn't looking.

So, today he is four. Today I think I'll sign him up for the next t-ball season. Today I think I'll ask him what he wants to be when he grows up. Today I think I'll write a letter to his doctors and nurses and thank them for getting him here. Today I think I'll get down on my hands and knees and thank God for giving him tomorrow!

Kel

Tuesday, March 8, 2005 6:50 PM CST

Ok, I typed an entire journal entry, and then somehow managed not to save it. So now I get to retype the whole thing. Duh!

Logan is doing well on this non-chemo week. (Non-chemo meaning no 24-hour dose of methotrexate, only his nightly pills.)

Austin is doing double duty playing basketball and running track as one season ends and the other begins. His basketball team is in the playoffs. As Logan says when he's at the games... "Whoo hoo... go Austin!"

I had a birthday yesterday. I turned 37, feel 57, and look 47. Two years ago I turned 35, felt 25, and looked 30. Are you thinking the child with cancer thing has something to do with this?

Profound grasp of the obvious Kelley, my mom would say!

Here's a quiz for you. (Can't take the teacher out of the journal entry.)

1.) Have you gotten yourself on the bone marrow donor registry yet?
2.) Have you given blood lately?
3.) Have you signed Logan's guestbook lately?

If you answered yes to any of the three questions, you get an A!

Kelley

Sunday, February 27, 2005 4:44 PM CST

(If you would like to read about the home makeover, look at "read journal history.")

Logan is doing well. God how I love saying that!

It's hard for me to believe we are approaching his 4th birthday already. (March 24.) I remember last year saying at his little family party that "from now on, this child's birthdays are a BIG deal." I see each birthday as a chance to really celebrate his little life, to be grateful that we didn't lose him back in those first awful days that dragged on so long.

He has been attending pre-k at the school where I teach about once a week, as long he's felt up to it. We are now going to start taking him regularly two days a week, because he absolutely loves it and it's wonderful for him. In April, we're going to attempt three days a week and see how he does through the end of the year.

Cute conversation of the week: Try to hear the excitement in our voices...

Logan - "Hey guys, you know what? I have an idea!"

Logan's parents - "Oh yeah, what?"

pause

Logan - "Hey guys, I have an idea!"

Logan's parents - "What is it?"

pause

more pause

Logan - "Um, I don't know!"

Thursday, February 17, 2005 7:56 AM CST

Hello,

We are still living in shock at how much has been done for us. Our house is so beautiful, so clean, so wonderful!!!

Logan is doing well. We went to the clinic for counts yesterday, and his ANC was around 1300, which is just where we want him. I made a mistake and put the EMLA cream on him before we left, and this set him into a panic about the tape coming off and having his port accessed. I guess I'm learning that it's best to just use freezy spray before they poke him with a needle, otherwise he gets all worked up about it long before it happens.

Yesterday my friend Cathy came over with her two blonde beauties, Natalie and Audrie, and the kids played outside for a long time while the two of us caught up. It was very nice to see the three of them playing and having fun!

Austin informed me last night he's going to join the track team, which will start on Monday. I guess the coach talked him into it. I'm all for it, but worry a bit about his knee since his surgery last summer. Hopefully it will be just fine!

Funny Loganism for the week:

"Mommy, you are my best friend... I love you... Daddy... you stink!" (Ok, I loved that one!)

Take care,
Kelley

OUR HOME MAKEOVER!!!
Sunday, February 6, 2005 9:12 PM CST

Wow. No really. Wow.

This is my reaction to what the Good Neighbor Program did to my house.

About 1,0000 "wow's!"

I knew from being told at Logan's auction that Austin was getting new furniture from Living Quarters. I knew that Pitcher's Cabinets were doing something in my kitchen. I was told that an artist was coming in to paint a mural in Logan's room. I was told HFC gave money for some carpet or tile.

Everything else they kept a gigantic humongous secret. So sneaky these people...

So we came back from our weekend at Wyndham Palace that felt like an actual week's vacation, and drove to the Citrus Tower which is near our home. We were told to stop there and all to see if they were ready. Surprise! A limo was there to pick us up. I soon learned I am the only member of my household to have ridden in a limo, so the "men" were in for a real first time treat. Logan quickly discovered the telephone in the car, picked it up, and had a nice long conversation with the driver about his weekend. (We waited there for a bit while those sneaky people finished up.)

So off we go, carried in style to our home. We drive up to see dozens of vehicles lining the streets into our subdivision, and as we turned the corner saw that there were dozens of people standing outside with signs to cheer and welcome us home. It was so exciting, just like you see on t.v. On the house was a very large banner of Logan -- see photo -- saying "A Weekend for Logan" with his picture on it. There was a dj playing music and introducing us, people with roses, friends, family, neighbors, sponsors, volunteers, everyone who was in any way involved was there.

-----------------
We were presented with a blessing, and bread, salt, wine, and the Bible from Sharon Sutton, an amazing lady who was given the Good Neighbor Program treatment last year. They worked miracles for her, and we soon found out they did the same for us.

So what did they do for you, you ask?!?

Everything.

No really, everything.

They ripped out our disgusting carpet. (I'm guessing that men in anti-contamination suits helped with that mess. It was that bad!

They tiled our entire first floor. Thank you anonymous tile man who donated the first floor tile and worked so very hard installing it all!

They carpeted our entire second floor. Not the cheap builder-grade carpet, the good stuff. The person who picked it out knew how hard my guys are on carpeting, and chose a rough/tough Berber in dark colors. Talk about your good thinking!!! Thank you Stinson's Carpets, especially Kathy, and the crew who installed it (on their own time for free). Thank you HFC for the $2,000 that went to carpeting, and who basically got the home makeover idea started in the first place!

They painted. Every single room. By the way, not knowing that Logan was going to get sick, we bought a big house. In hindsight, we would have bought a doublewide trailer to save money, but alas, we did not. So when I say they tiled and carpeted and painted, I'm talking about a LOT of tile and paint and carpet.

Did I mention this all happened in three days?

Kelly Pitcher from Pitcher's Cabinets put new countertops in my kitchen, and all three bathrooms. Stone Fusion gave us a new island countertop, which is now a beautiful black granite. Ooh la la! Clermont Glass provided glass for two new cabinet doors. Pitcher's added hardware to my kitchen and bathroom cabinets and to the kitchen cabinets. They even gave us a slide-out trash can. It's the little things that make me so happy...

Ann and Angelo Cane from All About You redid Logan's room. Angelo created Logan himself in two baseball scenes on the walls. The walls were transformed from white to blue, and accessories were added to really make this a little boy's dream bedroom. Heck, they even painted inside the closet!

Austin got an entirely new room. Top to bottom. Blue walls with one red accent wall, and brand new furniture and accessories from Living Quarters. Thank you LQ and Rona! This room is fit for a teenage king...

Our sparebedroom was turned into a "media room." Jozef has decided that title is not correct, and that "Jozef's room" is much more appropriate. There is a black foldout love seat, a beautiful glass tv stand with a new tv on it, and Jozef has been adding his personal media. A.K.A. Playstation and stereo equipment that used to live in a closet.

A crew of people from HFC helped with all of the painting, and one just so happens to be an artist. She freehand painted a Florida Gator's logo in our new upstairs Gator bathroom. (Thanks Christina, it looks fabulous!) New shower curtain, new towels, new orange/blue paint, even one orange and one blue toothbrush! No detail was left out...

Oh my, then there's the master bedroom. I've decided it should now from this day forth be called "My room." It's so beautiful, with new taupe paint, beautiful light beige carpet (no boys allowed!) and one brilliant plum accent wall. I (note I said I, not we) was given new bedding, something I've secretly wanted for a couple of years now, and some other accessories. They master bath was painted in the same colors, and we were given new towel racks and accessories in there as well.

Did I mention some kind soul, John Wilkinson, donated tile for the upstairs bathrooms too? I'm telling you, THEY DID EVERYTHING!

One of my favorite things, (well actually they are all so fantastic it's hard to say "favorite," but you know what I mean) was done by Juan Garcia of J & J Handyman Services. When we left Friday morning, he told me "I have come to smash your house!" I won't lie, this made me a tiny bit nervous... Anyway, Juan did what he said, and smashed an opening between my kitchen and dining room that opens up the house in such an incredible way! He also built a half wall on the other side of the dining room to seperate it from the room we use as an office. It's all so beautifully done. Then I hear a rumor than Juan hung around and pitched in in many other ways throughout the weekend as well!

Outside, we were given some wonderful landscaping by The Garden Rebel, Robert Vincent Simms. What a nice man by the way! WDBO Radio hosted an interview with John and Dianne Garvis of The Good Neighbor Program, and from this apparently many calls about donating supplies and help came about.

Browne's Distributors gave us tons of mulch. CVS Builders delivered all the building supplies. (Thanks Tad!)

Thanks to two Home Depot stores for the paint, and the tile/grout supplies!

Thank you to Fixations, who are giving us a gourmet, chef-prepared dinner one night each week for eight weeks! Check this out if you are anywhere near Orlando, the food is unbelievable!!!

www.fixationsonline.com

Thanks to Chic-fil-A, Publix, and Pizza Hut for feeding the crew!

Thanks to Clermont Chrysler for hosting a fundraiser to help with our mortgage!

Thanks to Belk for giving us new dishes, glasses, and cookware for our new kitchen! Apparently they provided gift baskets for the sponsors of this makeover as well.

Thank you Sharon Sutton for helping to feed the crew, for making calls for the fundraiser, and for arranging for our limo ride.

Thanks to the Limo company too!

Thanks to Dream Vision Motion Picture and Television who stayed throughout the weekend and are producing a documentary. Who'd a thunk we'd be in a documentary one day?!?

Thank you to Channel 2 and Channel 6 for covering all of this!

Thank you to Logan's grandfather, a.k.a. "Papa" for working so hard, and also to Logan's uncle Robert, a.k.a "Ra-Rop" who worked round the clock to get everything done!

Thank you to all of the other volunteers who showed up and worked tirelessly!

Finally, how can I possibly express my gratitude, the gratitude of our entire family, for The Good Neighbor Program? You were the vessel God chose to work through. You are the ones who helped us see that this physical "fresh start" we've been given is a sign we are being given a fresh start with Logan's illness. We are through the worst of the worst. Although Logan won't be finished fighting for some time, we can breathe a bit easier and worry a bit less. Thank you for all you did to help show us that!

____________________________________
Sunday, January 30, 2005 9:36 AM CST

Hello from the beautiful Wyndham Palace Hotel at Walt Disney World! We arrived on Friday evening, and as we entered one of our two, get it, two rooms, we discovered a lovely room with two double beds, a big bathroom, and a terrace. How nice! How spoiled we feel!

Then we open the door to the adjoining room, and think to ourselves, whew... what a dump that last room was. WOW! There are stairs in our hotel room! We have been treated to a suite, complete with living, dining, and kithen, and an upstairs (yeah!) master bedroom with a king size bed and private bath, and a terrace the size of a small football field overlooking the pool with a spectacular view. So all in all, we have three beds, three bathrooms, three terraces, one flat screen plasma tv, two regular tvs, one set up special to show Logan's Wiggles DVDs which were provided for him by the hotel staff, a refrigerator, two mini bars, and oh so much more. By the way, my king size bed has nicer bedding than we do at home. There must have been 47 pillows on top, and that's only a slight exageration.

And oh so much more. As we enterted the larger room, we discovered on the living room table an array of gifts for Logan, including a Wiggles cassette player and tape, the two DVD's I mentioned already, a Mickey Mouse remote control car, and more. He was so excited! There was a "Welcome Logan!" sign on the wall with balloons, and a gi-normous basket of fruit and snacks in the formal dining room. Have you ever had china in your hotel room? Not me. Real china. Oh, and four personal Wyndham Palace Resort robes!

I no, it's all so much. More than we hoped for. Honestly, just being away from home with nothing to do but relax and have fun is a blessing. Everything else is simply icing. Yummy rich icing. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Wyndham Palace, we feel like royalty, and are having a fabulous time. This morning at our free bufffet breakfast, Logan and family met none other than Mickey Mouse himself! Yep, the big guy. The boss. Mickey!!! We also saw Minnie and Pluto, and let me tell you, they are lookin' good...

Tonight at 5:00 we get to go home and see what has been done to our house. I simply cannot wait. Good Neighbor Program, what exactly are you up to?!?

Stay tuned...

Kelley

Sunday, February 6, 2005 9:12 PM CST

Wow. No really. Wow.

This is my reaction to what the Good Neighbor Program did to my house.

About 1,0000 "wow's!"

I knew from being told at Logan's auction that Austin was getting new furniture from Living Quarters. I knew that Pitcher's Cabinets were doing something in my kitchen. I was told that an artist was coming in to paint a mural in Logan's room. I was told HFC gave money for some carpet or tile.

Everything else they kept a gigantic humongous secret. So sneaky these people...

So we came back from our weekend at Wyndham Palace that felt like an actual week's vacation, and drove to the Citrus Tower which is near our home. We were told to stop there and all to see if they were ready. Surprise! A limo was there to pick us up. I soon learned I am the only member of my household to have ridden in a limo, so the "men" were in for a real first time treat. Logan quickly discovered the telephone in the car, picked it up, and had a nice long conversation with the driver about his weekend. (We waited there for a bit while those sneaky people finished up.)

So off we go, carried in style to our home. We drive up to see dozens of vehicles lining the streets into our subdivision, and as we turned the corner saw that there were dozens of people standing outside with signs to cheer and welcome us home. It was so exciting, just like you see on t.v. On the house was a very large banner of Logan -- see photo -- saying "A Weekend for Logan" with his picture on it. There was a dj playing music and introducing us, people with roses, friends, family, neighbors, sponsors, volunteers, everyone who was in any way involved was there.

-----------------

I'm SO SORRY I haven't been back since Wednesday to finish telling the story of "A Weekend for Logan"!

Our Home Makeover Photos!

We were presented with a blessing, and bread, salt, wine, and the Bible from Sharon Sutton, an amazing lady who was given the Good Neighbor Program treatment last year. They worked miracles for her, and we soon found out they did the same for us.

So what did they do for you, you ask?!?

Everything.

No really, everything.

They ripped out our disgusting carpet. (I'm guessing that men in anti-contamination suits helped with that mess. It was that bad!

They tiled our entire first floor. Thank you anonymous tile man who donated the first floor tile and worked so very hard installing it all!

They carpeted our entire second floor. Not the cheap builder-grade carpet, the good stuff. The person who picked it out knew how hard my guys are on carpeting, and chose a rough/tough Berber in dark colors. Talk about your good thinking!!! Thank you Stinson's Carpets, especially Kathy, and the crew who installed it (on their own time for free). Thank you HFC for the $2,000 that went to carpeting, and who basically got the home makeover idea started in the first place!

They painted. Every single room. By the way, not knowing that Logan was going to get sick, we bought a big house. In hindsight, we would have bought a doublewide trailer to save money, but alas, we did not. So when I say they tiled and carpeted and painted, I'm talking about a LOT of tile and paint and carpet.

Did I mention this all happened in three days?

Kelly Pitcher from Pitcher's Cabinets put new countertops in my kitchen, and all three bathrooms. Stone Fusion gave us a new island countertop, which is now a beautiful black granite. Ooh la la! Clermont Glass provided glass for two new cabinet doors. Pitcher's added hardware to my kitchen and bathroom cabinets and to the kitchen cabinets. They even gave us a slide-out trash can. It's the little things that make me so happy...

Ann and Angelo Cane from All About You redid Logan's room. Angelo created Logan himself in two baseball scenes on the walls. The walls were transformed from white to blue, and accessories were added to really make this a little boy's dream bedroom. Heck, they even painted inside the closet!

Austin got an entirely new room. Top to bottom. Blue walls with one red accent wall, and brand new furniture and accessories from Living Quarters. Thank you LQ and Rona! This room is fit for a teenage king...

Our sparebedroom was turned into a "media room." Jozef has decided that title is not correct, and that "Jozef's room" is much more appropriate. There is a black foldout love seat, a beautiful glass tv stand with a new tv on it, and Jozef has been adding his personal media. A.K.A. Playstation and stereo equipment that used to live in a closet.

A crew of people from HFC helped with all of the painting, and one just so happens to be an artist. She freehand painted a Florida Gator's logo in our new upstairs Gator bathroom. (Thanks Christina, it looks fabulous!) New shower curtain, new towels, new orange/blue paint, even one orange and one blue toothbrush! No detail was left out...

Oh my, then there's the master bedroom. I've decided it should now from this day forth be called "My room." It's so beautiful, with new taupe paint, beautiful light beige carpet (no boys allowed!) and one brilliant plum accent wall. I (note I said I, not we) was given new bedding, something I've secretly wanted for a couple of years now, and some other accessories. They master bath was painted in the same colors, and we were given new towel racks and accessories in there as well.

Did I mention some kind soul, John Wilkinson, donated tile for the upstairs bathrooms too? I'm telling you, THEY DID EVERYTHING!

One of my favorite things, (well actually they are all so fantastic it's hard to say "favorite," but you know what I mean) was done by Juan Garcia of J & J Handyman Services. When we left Friday morning, he told me "I have come to smash your house!" I won't lie, this made me a tiny bit nervous... Anyway, Juan did what he said, and smashed an opening between my kitchen and dining room that opens up the house in such an incredible way! He also built a half wall on the other side of the dining room to seperate it from the room we use as an office. It's all so beautifully done. Then I hear a rumor than Juan hung around and pitched in in many other ways throughout the weekend as well!

Outside, we were given some wonderful landscaping by The Garden Rebel, Robert Vincent Simms. What a nice man by the way! WDBO Radio hosted an interview with John and Dianne Garvis of The Good Neighbor Program, and from this apparently many calls about donating supplies and help came about.

Browne's Distributors gave us tons of mulch. CVS Builders delivered all the building supplies. (Thanks Tad!)

Thanks to two Home Depot stores for the paint, and the tile/grout supplies!

Thank you to Fixations, who are giving us a gourmet, chef-prepared dinner one night each week for eight weeks! Check this out if you are anywhere near Orlando, the food is unbelievable!!!

www.fixationsonline.com

Thanks to Chic-fil-A, Publix, and Pizza Hut for feeding the crew!

Thanks to Clermont Chrysler for hosting a fundraiser to help with our mortgage!

Thanks to Belk for giving us new dishes, glasses, and cookware for our new kitchen! Apparently they provided gift baskets for the sponsors of this makeover as well.

Thank you Sharon Sutton for helping to feed the crew, for making calls for the fundraiser, and for arranging for our limo ride.

Thanks to the Limo company too!

Thanks to Dream Vision Motion Picture and Television who stayed throughout the weekend and are producing a documentary. Who'd a thunk we'd be in a documentary one day?!?

Thank you to Channel 2 and Channel 6 for covering all of this!

Thank you to Logan's grandfather, a.k.a. "Papa" for working so hard, and also to Logan's uncle Robert, a.k.a "Ra-Rop" who worked round the clock to get everything done!

Thank you to all of the other volunteers who showed up and worked tirelessly!

Finally, how can I possibly express my gratitude, the gratitude of our entire family, for The Good Neighbor Program? You were the vessel God chose to work through. You are the ones who helped us see that this physical "fresh start" we've been given is a sign we are being given a fresh start with Logan's illness. We are through the worst of the worst. Although Logan won't be finished fighting for some time, we can breathe a bit easier and worry a bit less. Thank you for all you did to help show us that!

____________________________________
Sunday, January 30, 2005 9:36 AM CST

Hello from the beautiful Wyndham Palace Hotel at Walt Disney World! We arrived on Friday evening, and as we entered one of our two, get it, two rooms, we discovered a lovely room with two double beds, a big bathroom, and a terrace. How nice! How spoiled we feel!

Then we open the door to the adjoining room, and think to ourselves, whew... what a dump that last room was. WOW! There are stairs in our hotel room! We have been treated to a suite, complete with living, dining, and kithen, and an upstairs (yeah!) master bedroom with a king size bed and private bath, and a terrace the size of a small football field overlooking the pool with a spectacular view. So all in all, we have three beds, three bathrooms, three terraces, one flat screen plasma tv, two regular tvs, one set up special to show Logan's Wiggles DVDs which were provided for him by the hotel staff, a refrigerator, two mini bars, and oh so much more. By the way, my king size bed has nicer bedding than we do at home. There must have been 47 pillows on top, and that's only a slight exageration.

And oh so much more. As we enterted the larger room, we discovered on the living room table an array of gifts for Logan, including a Wiggles cassette player and tape, the two DVD's I mentioned already, a Mickey Mouse remote control car, and more. He was so excited! There was a "Welcome Logan!" sign on the wall with balloons, and a gi-normous basket of fruit and snacks in the formal dining room. Have you ever had china in your hotel room? Not me. Real china. Oh, and four personal Wyndham Palace Resort robes!

I no, it's all so much. More than we hoped for. Honestly, just being away from home with nothing to do but relax and have fun is a blessing. Everything else is simply icing. Yummy rich icing. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Wyndham Palace, we feel like royalty, and are having a fabulous time. This morning at our free bufffet breakfast, Logan and family met none other than Mickey Mouse himself! Yep, the big guy. The boss. Mickey!!! We also saw Minnie and Pluto, and let me tell you, they are lookin' good...

Tonight at 5:00 we get to go home and see what has been done to our house. I simply cannot wait. Good Neighbor Program, what exactly are you up to?!?

Stay tuned...

Kelley

Sunday, January 23, 2005 9:39 PM

Hello everyone,

Update on "The Gift"
After countless hours of research (i.e. playing Spider Solitaire on the computer while reading through email) I have discovered "The Gift" is genetic. Logan's grandmother, Grandma Marjorie, passed it down to me, who in turn passed it on to my children. Grandma Marjorie, for those who don't know her, is the original multitasker, and it surprises nobody that she is the genetic link!

Logan Update
Logan is feeling much better. He now has over a week and a half before his next 24 hour chemo, and the dreaded roid-rage symtoms are fading quickly. Hopefully he will get to spend a few days at pre-k this week! Note to Logan's teachers... batten down the hatches!

This weekend coming up we are being treated to two nights at the Wyndham Palace at Disney. Whoo hoo! R&R for the Lozicki family! I just CANNOT wait!

Stay tuned to see what the Good Neighbor Program does while we are gone.

Kelley

-------------------------------------
Monday, January 17, 2005 10:29 PM CST

Well Ladies and Gentelmen, I have good news! Today I was witness to quite an amazing event. Today I saw my little boy, Logan Ryszard Lozicki, demonstrate that he has inherited... "The Gift"... from me.

I have been waiting and wondering for so long to see if I passed on... "The Gift" ...to him, and yes, I did! Big brother Austin long ago demonstrated his ability, so I was really hopeful Logan would receive... "The Gift"... as well, and he did!!!

Today Logan very slowly, quite skillfully... picked up an object with his toes and moved it to another location...

I know, you're out of breath with excitement, right?!? I only wish I had the video camera running at the time.

Not very many people that I have run across in my years have this special God-given talent. Using your toes to pick things up from the floor, thereby surpassing the need for bending over is just short of spectacular. Dare I say it's the next ring of the evolutionary chain? Dare I? Some people call it "Human Monkey Toes." I call it..."The Gift"...

Logan, welcome to the club my little man. Welcome.

Kelley

Thursday, January 13, 2005 4:17 PM CST

Hello Everyone,

Well, Logan survived another lumbar puncture yesterday at the hospital. (Spinal tap.) Unfortunately, they were unable to get enough fluid out to do any testing of the cells. They tried three times, with three needles, and three back pokes, but to no avail. It's just not good watching your little one all curled up in the fetal position, eyes darting back and forth from the sedation, flinch each time as the needle goes in. The sedation is an amnesiac so that he won't remember anything, but the flinch tells me his body still feels pain.

We were very happy to see some of our favorite 7th floor nurses at Arnold Palmer. Oh Miss Mo, we miss you so!!! Jessica is so amazing with Logan's procedure, and patient when he goes from being a good patient to being very impatient with the whole thing! We got to see our budy Ivan, who sadly was inpatient for a few days due to a fever and ear infection. Ok, now I've lost my patience trying to come up with ways to use the word patient...

Today he did well, although he did tell the babysitter his back hurt. I'm sure it does after being poked with a needle three times in the spine! Anyway, we gave him something to hopefully ease that issue. He's napping at the moment, which is currently 5:28 p.m. He went to sleep at 2:30, so I am thinking he is not feeling too well or he would have been up by now.

I'll keep you informed over the next few days. Pray it's not too rough on him as his body deals with yesterday's chemo!

Kelley

Saturday, January 8, 2005 9:10 PM CST

Hello and happy Saturday night to every one. I don't know if you have caught on to my pattern lately, but unless something significant happens midweek, I've become a Saturday night journal writer.

So, the week in review. All is well. Logan had his 24-hr methotrexate Wednesday/Thursday, and didn't feel too well on Friday. But by this morning he was feeling mostly all better. One tell-tale sign that he's suffering from methotrexate is bright pinkish-red eyelids. Another is he becomes quite irritable and occasionally naseous. Just ask his Friday babysitter and my new red work shirt. Poor girl is pregnant and keeping my irritable cancer kid and her very cute 4-year old. She has both hands very full. (Thanks Kimberly!)

Austin is back to school after the break, and currently taking Honors English and Spanish, among other things. We had a debate the other night on the virtues of learning Spanish. He didn't see the need for it. I think I should drive him to Miami one day soon. He'll get the concept quick!

I am back to teaching my 3rd grade angels and worrying about the dreaded upcoming FCAT that they must pass to be promoted. Next Tuesday night I begin a new semester at the college teaching "Technology for Educators." I enjoy teaching this class and will gladly be spending one night a week doing so. The two nights last semester turned out to be a bit too much to handle.

This coming Wednesday is Logan's yucky once every 3 months outpatient hospital visit. I'll be taking him to get his lumbar puncture (spinal) and chemo. Then he will have a week of steroids and the effects of the vincristine to deal with. I have seen where other children have dubbed this particular chemo drug "stinky vinky" or "mean christine." Both are apt, as it causes pain. Yuck!

Cute things that Logan said lately:
"You are the best ever Mommy."
"Mommy, you a bad boy!"

Take care, and put in a prayer for Logan to not feel to badly next week. Thanks!

Kelley

Friday, December 31, 2004 12:45 AM CST

Happy New Year!

Logan is doing very well this week. He's having a ball playing with his Christmas toys, watching movies, and playing outside. It's so great to be home with him this week, and the weather is beautiful here, so we've been out on his playset climbing and swinging and enjoying the fresh air.

Logan loves to play hide and seek. He's hysterical though, because when he hides, he basically just finds a spot, covers his eyes, and giggles non-stop until you find him. I usually have to look really hard in places like the trash can, bathroom cabinets, and underneath the furniture to keep the game going long enough. He's usually tucked in a corner but completely visible.

Last night I asked him to tell me a story. I have not done this before, so I was quite surprised when he thought for a second, and then started in... "Once upon a time..." Of course this sounded a bit more like "one ubona time..." The story went on about our dog Milo, a dragon, some scary stuff, etc. It was great! Who knew he had it in him?

May God bless all of you in 2005! Why don't you make a resolution to become a bone marrow donor?

Kelley

Sunday, December 19, 2004 10:09 PM CST

Tomorrow is the big day. The "I'm going to meet Santa day!" In Logan's pre-K class the big guy in red is scheduled to fly in around 12:00 noon. Let me tell you, the kid is just about beside himself he's so excited. Last year was fun, but this year, he gets it! Santa, reindeer, elves, presents, the whole shebang. He is geared up and ready to go.

Now how do Mom and Dad explain the real meaning of Christmas, the birth of Baby Jesus to a kid with all that floating around in his head? I'm not sure. Stay tuned and I'll let you know how it went!

Any of you out there follow the Wiggles? If not, count yourselves among the lucky. Anyway, for those that do, Logan has started to see Zardo Zap in the clouds. We'll be driving along and I'll here, "Look Mom, it's Zardo Zap!" I say, "Really? Wow! Did you wave to her?" And yes indeed, he gives her a wave before he tells me "I'm so happy!" He also tells me lately that he can use his imagination. To this I myself think, "I'm so happy!" Take that chemo... you can make him feel bad, but you can't ZAP his imagination!"

To Aunt Wendy, we say a special Happy Birthday! Tonight Logan whispered in her ear a special secret. It went like this....

"psst... sppptt... psssttssppt... Santa Clause...."

Merry Christmas!
Kelley

Tuesday, December 14, 2004 10:22 AM CST

When Logan was first diagnosed with Leukemia and stayed for so many long days at Arnold Palmer, we met some wonderful families. It was our good fortune to meet these moms and dads, and from them gather strength and advice for dealing with everything that goes along with a child having cancer. It was there that we met Angel Cassidy and her mother, Chris.

It was here that we met Mikey and his mother Sherry. Sherry has just received news from Mikey's doctors that he is not going to make it. My heart breaks for them both. They have been through so much for so long. I would like for you to all leave a message in Mikey's guestbook. I know from reading all of Logan's messages that great comfort comes from knowing how many people are with you; that you are not alone. You can read about Mikey's journey and leave him a message at:

www.caringbridge.com/fl/mikey

Of course your prayers for comfort for them both will be helpful as well.

Both of these children, along with countless others, have been recipients of bone marrow transplants. Please consider becoming a donor. You could save a life!

Kelley

--------------------
Update:
I just found out through a friend that Mikey is already gone. Please let Sherry know you are praying for her!

Saturday, December 11, 2004 8:34 PM CST

Hello Everone, and Happy Holiday Season!

We had a tremendously busy week this week, and quite frankly I am glad it's over and done with. Now hopefully we can slow down slightly and get ready to celebrate Christmas. Logan is definitely looking forward to it. He has told me on several occasions... "I wanna go Christmas!" "Get presents, see Santa Clause!" I think this Christmas will just be a blast, now that Logan is old enough to really understand what is happening. Should be a treat to see his face Christmas morning! Not that Austin doesn't get excited, but well, ok, he's 15. He's not wired to get excited about "kid stuff" anymore. At least he doesn't act like it.

Logan is feling well tonight after his 24-hour chemo day Wednesday/Thursday. Thursday and Friday he was feeling pretty yucky, but much better this morning. He scared us last Wednesday when we found out his counts were in the 200's. Haven't been that low in a long time. But then this past Wednesday his counts were up to 2400! So he's fighting things off much better now.

Please remember to pray for all the little ones with Leukemia out there. There are just too many. If you can, give blood or platelets, and become a bone marrow donor. That's my activist paragraph for the night!

Merry Christmas to All,
Kelley

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Sorry it took so long to get back to finish this update! My wireless computer network at home has decided to give up the ghost, and so my computer access has been limited the last few days.

So, as the concert comes to a conclusion, we are treated to the last scene from "It's a Wonderful Life." You know, where everyone comes rushing in with money and saves the day, and the main character learns a very valuable lesson about how great life really is, even in the toughest of times..

We are shocked and amazed to find that community members, business owners and the like have contacted the Good Neighbor Program to offer things for our family. They were not asked, they voluntarily gave. I am still blown away! We were presented with...

A brand new bedroom for Austin from Living Quarters, with the explanation that they understand how had the past year must have been for him, and wanting him to know that he is important too.

A two night stay at the Mount Dora Lakeside Inn.

$2,000 from HFC, (a home financing company,) which Stinson's Carpets is going to use to give us tile flooring to make our home a better more healthy environment for Logan.

A kitchen upgrade from Pitcher's Cabinets, including a new countertop, cabinet hardware, and crown moulding.

A handpainted mural for Logan's room, and the skills of an interior designer to take the existing decor in the house and make it better.

A bouncy house for Logan's 4th birthday from MegAmusement, Inc.

A certificate from Clermont Automotive for one of our vehicles.

So much, and I was informed that the reason for these tremendous gifts is so that we can experience a fresh start in the new year. How wonderful to be blessed in such a way. I know Jozef feels the same way I do, that we are undeserving of so much, and extremely grateful that people are so kind and generous. I know that when we see the changes made to our home that we will indeed feel refreshed.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Words do not begin to explain how grateful we feel!!!

Kelley

Sunday, December 5, 2004

What is the word for the day? It is "WOW!" I've been saying it repeatedly ever since last night's benefit auction and concert for Logan. "WOW!" I've determined that "WOW!" is actually an acronmym. It stands for:

We are so
Overwhelmed by kindness from
Wonderful people!

Here's a summary of what happened last night for Logan. (I'm sure I won't do it justice though.)

We were surrounded by friends, family, and people we've never met. Everyone who helped with the event was wearing a beautiful green sweatshirt embroidered with "A Night for Logan" in gold letters. The church was beautifully decorated with a Christmas set on stage. Michelle Meredith, a news reporter for our local Channel 2, was the emcee. She kicks it off and introduces Don Huntington, a professional auctioneer, who, with the help of Vanna White, oh I mean his lovely wife Betty, do an amazing job of auctioning off the items and entertaining us all at the same time. Don called Dianne Garvis saying he had heard about the event and volunteered his services. I'm convinced that Don is Heaven-sent, as his auctioneering skills garnered $3,700 dollars for Logan's trust fund account!

This leads me to the bidding wars. At first I was really touched by the fact that people were spending their hard earned money for Logan. Then I was completely blown away. The bidding got completely out of control as people openly demonstrated the goodness of humanity. They bid far past the value of the items, and on occasion some people even bid against themselves to give more money. I saw so many friends bidding, when I know they can't really afford to be extravegant, especially right before Christmas. I saw family members bid on things they didn't need or could get for free. I saw strangers spend and spend and look happy doing it. "Wow," was definitely the word of the night. When all the items were gone, Don auctioned himself, and a very kind sister-type person I know quite well paid $50 to watch him do a jig onstage! (Thank you Don, you are amazing!)

Then we are treated to a concert. If you have never heard the beautiful music of Kristof Srebrakowski, you are really missing something. He is fantastic. We then get to listen to Mrs. Dianne Garvis, the beautiful lady with the beautiful voice. Each song was more touching than the last. She also shared with us one very hilarious story about a cell phone call to F.E.M.A. Who knew she was a comedian? She read a poem that she wrote about a mother whose son is going off to Iraq. She ministered to us and blessed us with her words.

In the middle of the concert as she sang, we watched a montage put together by Kim Shelly. This man creates magic with media. We viewed photos and video of Logan from birth to now. As we saw him transform from a smiling healthy boy to a very sick and pale child losing his hair, there was not a face in the place untouched by tears.

Stay tuned... I am going to save this, eat dinner, and come back and finish. If you are reading this, come back tomorrow to find out how were were blessed even more, "It's a Wonderful Life" style!

Kelley

Wednesday, November 24, 2004 9:50 PM CST

What am I thankful for? Let me count the ways...

Jozef, Austin, and Logan, my three amazing men
The roof left undamaged by too many hurricanes
Chocolate
My little car that's been rode hard and put up wet and still gets me here and there
Music that touches my soul or makes me dance
Looking up at my 6'1" baby and feeling that rush of pride
Knowing that countless hands have held up my family so often
Understanding that life is beautiful, not just short
The endless compassion of the human race
The Good Neighbor Program, Dianne, and so many others who have taken my family into their arms
That my faith in God is such a well to draw strength from
Some of the most amazing friends in the universe
Great movies
Rain
Remembering that I'm more than a "cancer mom"
The ability to teach my students and sometimes get them to smile
Lisa who knows when I need something before I ask
Harry Potter books
Air conditioning, air conditioning, air conditioning
Doctors, nurses and cancer-fighting drugs
The sister who I lean on, laugh with, and love completely
Her husband, one of the greatest guys I know
My nephew who is so cute and strong and fun to play with
My mother who listens to me whine, gives advice, then makes fudge when that's the remedy
My step-father who would walk a million miles if you asked him to
My brother who reminds me who I really am,
and his wife who keeps him sane and happy
My beautiful step-sister with the beautiful soul who makes me forget about the step part
My grandmother who is wise, kind, strong, and too far away
My in-laws who help when we need help... again and again
Babcia who prays for us and cooks for us and keeps us together
My father, who still inspires me to make him proud
The uncles and aunts and cousins near and far who remind me that being from Iowa is something to be proud of!
The little boy who giggles and calls me Mommy

May Thanksgiving be all that you wish for!

Kelley

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Dear friends, family, and well wishers:

Some amazing things are happening for Logan, thanks to The Good Neighbor Program and some of the kindest people I've ever come to know. They are hosting "A Night for Logan" on Saturday, December 4th at 7:00 p.m. at the Church at South Lake in Clermont. The night includes a live auction, Christmas concert, and blanket drive. (They are asking for one new blanket for the price of admission.)

While I am not sure exactly what is in store for us that night, I am already incredibly grateful, because I sense that a lot of long hours and hard work are going in to making it special. My dear friend Dianne Garvis will be singing along with the Jazz sounds of Kristof. Trust me when I tell you that the concert will be wonderful!

Today I met for the first time a beautiful lady who is working on securing items for the auction, selling items on Ebay, (with all of the proceeds going into Logan's medical trust fund) and who knows what else.

If you are interested use the link at the bottom of this page to check out the Ebay site, go to www.ebay.com, and do a search for - Seller - this1sforlogan

It's all a bit overwhelming. I know that as terrible of an experience as this has been for Logan and our family, we have been blessed by some incredible people along the way. These many kindnesses have touched us deeply.

I was asked by The Good Neighbor Program to put down in my own words what it is like to have a child be diagnosed with Leukemia. Here are those words:

The Limp

The slight limp of a boy whose shoes are too tight,
becomes the limp of a boy with a sprain.
A fall provokes a cry that sends his parents running
to a child who refuses to walk.

Pediatrician, Emergency room, Urgent Care,
X-rays, waiting rooms, specialists
MRI, sedations, a bone scan,
The answer is found in a simple blood test

”Mrs. Lozicki, I’m sorry to tell you this over the phone, but your son has Leukemia.

He’s prepped for an IV that fails
again and again
His veins are too weak, his screams are so loud
Little eyes plead, Mom, please don’t let them hurt me

Many voices all scuffle through my head
”They have made miraculous progress with it these days you know”
”This is not necessarily a death sentence”
“His treatment will take two and a half years”

Liquid remedies in his mouth
Liquid poison in his veins
So much hair on his pillow
Too much sadness in his eyes

Blood tests, needle sticks, port implantation surgery
Injections administered intramuscularly, intrathecally
He needs blood, he needs platelets
These transfusions are safe, mostly, we hope

Oral medication, tastes like bitter metal
Liquid poison floods his veins
Don’t worry, but watch his kidneys
The chemo, the cure, can kill

Ultrasound, spinal tap, bone marrow aspiration
They are driving nails into my son
Redundancy in my brain, my prayers, my pleading
Oh God, Oh God, Oh God

Bacterial infection
Kidney failure
Dialysis
The critical care room where no one laughs

His father is terrified
His mother cries
His brother is left behind
We all feel so lost

Another procedure, another needle, more vomit, more pain
I watch as they hurt my son
I stand idly by while they torture him
Oh God, please don’t let them stop…

It was just a little limp…

Thanks to you all for supporting us. Don't forget to leave a message in the guestbook, it means so much to us!

Kelley

Sunday, November 14, 2004 9:46 PM CST

Good news, the MRI did not show anything on either of Logan's hips. This means there is no sign of avascular necrosis, which is cause for celebration. While I do not have a specific reason for Logan's limping, at least we have ruled out one possible cause.

"Logan, what kind of donuts do you want... chocolate... or glazed?"

"UMmmmm..."

"What do you think... chocolate or glazed?"

"UMmmm...."

(I show him one box of each kind.) Try to entice the decision making process forward.

"UMmmm.... I want.....

(Great, he's made a decision, finally.)

"...donuts!"

Saturday, November 6, 2004 4:56 PM CST

Hello Everyone,

Fall has finally arrived here in Florida. It was hot for so long, unusually hot for October. But today it was cool and breezy, and thankfully perfect weather for the garage sale we had.

Logan is doing well. Some nausea this last few days from the methotrexate, and the limp still persists (but is not worse!), but otherwise not too bad.

Cute thing he said this week: Daddy, I don't want a diaper. I am NOT a baby!" (Try to imagine his very insistent tone when saying this.) PS: He only wears a diaper at bedtime. He's potty trained!

Kelley

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

UPDATE... Logan did not have to be admitted to the hospital, as his ANC was 1440. (Over 1,000 is good for him.) His fever is down, and he seems to be on the mend. They gave him a broad spectrum antibiotic today just in case something does grow in the culture he took. Tomorrow he goes back to the clinic for a follow up, and possibly another dose of antibiotic.
--------------------------

Captain’s Log
Star Date 1.298.562

Waiting…. Waiting…. Logan is at Urgent Care at Arnold Palmer with Jozef. The issue this time? Fever. “Ya give me fever… Fever!” Pardon me, I’m working on a lack of sleep here. I woke up about 47 times last night to check his forehead for the official “Mommy Temp.” 100.2 100.5 101.6, but that’s the ear thermometer that’s so unreliable. Under the arm it’s 100.6. And so on all night long. 102. orally at 5:00 a.m. – doc is called.

So I took Austin to school and waited on the appraisers while Jozef does the sitting-around entertaining the three-year-old-in-a-small-hospital-room-thing. Or SAETTYOIASHRT for short. How’s that for an acronym? Anyway, it’s after 11:00, and there isn’t word yet. They accessed his port, but were not able to get a blood return. Fluid in, nothing out. This of course is worrisome to me, because this is already his second port. My thoughts immediately fly off toward another port surgery. Ugh.

If you could see inside the brain of a cancer mom, it’d be one spectacular light show. All those neurotransmitters firing off each millisecond. It’s fever. Is he neutropenic? Is it strep throat? How were his counts? But what difference does that make, he just finished up a round of Methotrexate, they could have dropped severely. Why can’t they get blood from his port? Why does my poor kid have to keep getting stuck with needles all the time? Is this all stemming from the flu shot he got on Friday? Just trying to protect him from the upcoming flu season. Want to keep him out of the hospital you know. Oh wait, he’s IN the hospital now. Hmmm. Can’t win. But then again there’s that limp. Maybe he’s got an infection somewhere? I wonder if they admit him if we can go ahead and get his MRI done sooner. Should I pack? Should I wait? Maybe I should have given him his Septra this morning before he left. But then again if they give him a different antibiotic, that might be too much for his system. He probably would have thrown it up anyway. And on and on those neurotransmitters fire…

So the appraisers came this morning. They were here for a very short time, taking measurements, sizing up our house cleaning abilities. Jozef spent several hours last night shampooing our carpets. I’m sure they were impressed by our cleanliness. I’m sure they added at least $42.50 on to the value of our home for his efforts, right?!? Oh by the way, we are not selling, just refinancing. It seems that leukemia isn’t just about your health. Leukemia likes to destroy your finances too. Ugh. Anyway, glad Jozef shampooed our carpets so we can pass on that $42.50 to one of many creditors knocking at the door. I really do prefer trick or treaters. Bill collectors scare the H--- out of me.

See what happens when I have to wait to find out how Logan is doing? I could be doing something productive. But no, rambling is better.

RING PHONE!!!

I’ll update you soon…
Kel
------------------------------------

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Happy Sunday Night to All,

Let's see... what to put in the update this week...

Oh yes. Logan is still doing well. His ANC on Thursday was 1660, which for him is pretty high, so I took him on Friday to get his flu shot. This he did not appreciate at all. Poor guy just wasn't quite ready for it. Thanks so much to nurse Gail and Dr. Watson for taking such good care of both of my boys. (Austin had food poisoning about a week ago.) In my house, it's all about the vomit. Saturday morning it was Logan... red Gatorade... and my couch and carpet. Not sure if he was sick from the flu shot, or the chemo, or a stomach virus. Nevertheless... like I said... in my house, it's all about the vomit.

Aren't you glad you stopped by to check up on Logan? You don't want to miss a good throw-up story, do ya?!?

Take care,
Kelley

PS: Oh my gosh, or as Logan says, "Oh my goodness!" I forgot to mention that Thursday night we went to see The Wiggles in concert with cousin Garrett and family. The boys had the best time, and the parents had a good time watching the boys have a good time. Even though I took 47 pictures, I did not manage to get a very good one. But here goes anyway:

Logan and Garrett at the concert:

The Wiggles!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Oh the joy of steroids...

They make you cranky,
They make you tired,
They make you eat macaroni n' cheese round the clock
They make your hip hurt,
which makes you limp
They make you yell at your brother
and hit the dog with your baseball bat
(Good thing Duke's so tough!)
Those steroids make you impatient,
and demanding
and sorry you were impatient and demanding

But they don't make you any less cute!

Thursday, October 14, 2004 8:55 PM CDT

Hello Everyone,

Thanks for checking up on Logan. It's really comforting to know people stop by this site to see how he is doing.

Yesterday was his big day. We got his LP (spinal tap), which I found out this morning was ALL CLEAR! He also recieved Vincristine (chemo), and we attempted to do his MRI. In order to do this, we tried to give him some additional sedation after his spinal tap in the hopes he would lay still. But no, even with me sticking my head in the big magnetic machine holding his arms down and talking to him, he still wouldn't be still. So unfortunately we will have to wait until November 11, when they can do heavier sedation with an anesthesiologist present. My child is a horse, you can't knock him out with the lightweight stuff!

Just after his LP, as the sedation began to wear off, Logan growled at me. It was very funny. He sounded like a little angry animal. He didn't have a clue what he was doing of course. Nurse Jessica, who we love, told me that the kids do and say all kind of strange things as the medication wears off.

Today he did ok, but was a bit more on the cranky side. He took a three-hour nap, so I think he was definitely feeling more tired than normal.

Kelley
PS: Have you registered to be a bone marrow donor yet?

Saturday, October 9, 2004 9:24 AM CDT

We met with the orthopedic doctor on Tuesday, and without the MRI results he did not have much to offer in regards to Logan's possible avascular necrosis. We are going to try physical therapy to see if strengthening the leg muscles helps reduce the pain.

The big day this week is Wednesday. 8:00 a.m. spinal tap and chemo, then hopefully an MRI if they can squeeze him in at the hospital. If not, we wait until November 11.

Thursday of this week Logan had his 24-hour methotrexate, so today he's a bit on the cranky side. Did I say a bit? Poor guy. His eyes give away how he's feeling. They get puffy and red.

On the homefront, all is well. The lawn business is booming, and Jozef is still working like crazy to keep up with all of his clients.

Austin is turning 15 on Friday. Wow! How did I get that old? How did he get so tall? Where did the last 15 years go? Why am I asking all these questions?

Monday, September 27, 2004 8:31 AM CDT

I know about the "Rain Rain Go Away" song. Is there one for hurricanes? Too many syllables in "hurricane." I suppose we could just all sing "Cane Cane Go Away." Doesn't quite have that nice ring to it though.

Here are our hurricane statistics:
We have survived Charley, Frances, Ivan, and Jeanne.
We went without power for a total of 29 hours.
One fence board lost
Two small interior water damage areas
One overflowing saltwater fish tank (loss of power)

Not too bad! We feel very LUCKY, as some of our friends and neighbors have much more to deal with.

By the way, any suggestions on how to move a 90 gallon saltwater tank so the carpet underneath can dry out?

Logan is doing well. The limp still persists. Dr.'s appointments and an MRI are scheduled in the near future. Unfortunately he received his 24-hour methotrexate dose a few days before Jeanne hit, so he was not feeling well and cooped up in the house at the same time. Saturday he was definitely not up to snuff. It was a "Don't even think about leaving me for a second Mommy!" kind of day. Yesterday morning he vommited, and then seemed to start feeling better by the afternoon.

We played Risk yesterday, and of course I won. (No bragging, just being truthful! Ahhhhh haa ha ha!) Nothing like a game of total world domination to pass the power-free hours.

We have all played countless hours of baseball with Logan. Unfortunately he decided that his plastic golf clubs work well as a bat. Jozef can hit em', but I have trouble hitting a baseball with a skinny plastic golf bat. Go figure.

That's all for now. We are home today as school was cancelled.

Kelley

Monday, September 20, 2004 9:46 PM CDT

Angel Cassidy is so prevalent in my thoughts still. I look at Logan and sometimes the gratitude is overwhelming. I'm again reminded to relish every day with him, and Austin and Jozef. We are so lucky.

A contingency of 12 attended the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Light the Night event in Orlando Saturday night. Our team, "Logan's Heroes," raised $710. I was proud to have contributed something, and the night was very special to me. Thanks so much to my family for supporting me by fundraising, and more importantly, being there to share in some special moments.

Logan is doing well, limping still, but feeling pretty good overall. Tomorrow he attends pre-K again. I can't wait to hear what he has to tell me at the end of his day there.

Thanks for checking up on Logan, and don't forget to sign the guestbook every so often. We love to hear from you!

PS: Light the Night photos coming soon...

Friday, September 17, 2004 10:22 PM CDT

Tonight our thoughts are with Angel Cassidy Guenther, and her family. Please stop by to sign her guestbook, and let her family know that this little girl touched your lives. I know that I will never forget the sweet smiling face we met at Arnold Palmer Hospital. This Angel has the most amazing family who needs our support.

www.caringbridge.com/fl/cassidy

Thanks,
Kelley

Saturday, September 11, 2004 7:14 PM CDT

What can I say, nobody asked for my opinion about just how many hurricanes are too many in our part of Florida. I would have voted that two in two weeks is definitely not acceptable, and sending a third monster category five right after that is not even an option! But, like I said, nobody asked me about it.

We are fine, our house is fine, and so far we have been extremely lucky. 12 hours without power, no big deal. So many people in Central Florida went for days, even weeks without power, and had major damage to their homes.

I'm praying Ivan turns away. We all need a break!

Now for the Logan update:

Logan's limp is back. I believe it's his right hip causing the problem. We met with Dr. Eslin last week at the clinic, and he ordered an xray, which didn't show anything, as we expected. They will schedule an MRI for him in about a week. We are looking for evidence of Avascular Necrosis. From what I understand, this is a disease affecting bone, caused by lack of blood flow. In Logan's case, it could be caused by the steroids he has been on and off of since being diagnosed with Leukemia. I've been reading articles, and found that it occurs in up to 10% of Leukemia patients because of the steroid factor.

I will keep you posted!

Kelley

Sunday, September 5, 2004 8:52 PM CDT

Hello Frances!
Just wanted to let everyone know we are ok so far. We lost power from 9:30 a.m. this morning until about 8:30 tonight. Logan was quite dissapointed that he couldn't watch The Wiggles or Blues Clues! Other than being hot and bored, we are fine. Don't know when it's going to be over with, but hoping by some time tomorrow.

Take care,
Kelley

Sunday, August 29, 2004 3:38 PM CDT

Today's Journal = a Test!

Directions: For each of the following, decided whether Logan's current behavior is:

A)Chemo-induced
B)Normal 3-year old stuff
C)The results of his gene pool

Ready? Here's the test. I hope you studied!

1.) Asking for yellow cheese and crying because what he really wanted was popcorn.

2.) Falling off the bed head first and declaring "Oh man... Now what happened!"

3.) Limping again.

4.) Throwing crayons at the dog then screaming in horror when the dog eats them.

5.) Singing the ABC song through the entire grocery store outing.

6.) Choosing to be a doctor for dress up day at Pre-K, even though doctor wasn't one of the options offered to him.

7.) "Mommy, I go pee-pee potty," says Logan. "Ok," replies mommy. "I go pee-pee in the pumpkin." "What?" asks mommy. Logan points to the Halloween plastic pumpkin he uses for trick-or-treating. "Oh yuck," answers mommy as she sees the pumpkin is not exactly filled with candy.

I'm thinking that one was a "trick"

8.) Dumping out every container holding toys in his bedroom, pushing over his play kitchen, and coming downstairs to let us know "Big Mess!"

9.) Chasing the dog around the house by banging two metal measuring cups together, all the while laughing hysterically while the dog flees in fear.

10.) Taking Duke, the big dumb yellow dog, along with him into the master bathroom -- putting a large assortment of feminine supplies into the potty -- and flushing. (The subsequent flood is not covered by homeowner's insurance by the way...)

Ok, want the answers to see how you did? What are you nuts -- If we knew what was causing this behavior we'd be avoiding it all in the first place! By the way.. could somebody call Dr. Phil. I don't think this is working for us.

Kel

Sunday, August 22, 2004 8:02 PM CDT

Oops, sorry I haven't updated recently. I have excuses about being busy, but I'm sure you'd rather I just get to the update!

Logan is doing well. He's been a bit more tired and cranky for the past week, but I'm not sure if this is from the chemo or just normal little boy ups and downs. His naps are becoming sporadic, which I'm sure is just part of growing up, but the result is he's more tired than usual.

Daddy has taught Logan some wonderful tricks. Tonight for example, I watched Logan walking around, hands out in front of him, walk straight into a wall. "Where are we?" is what he'd say just as he crashed into the wall. There was also this "uh!" sound effect that accompanied each bang against the wall. Please try to imagine this happening about five or six times in a row. It was funny, but of course I had to be motherly and scold Jozef for teaching him to bang into our walls...

I am putting the lyrics to Logan's "Song of Love" that plays on this page, because I know some of you can't make out all the words. I filled out a questionnaire for the company with a lot of fun details about Logan and his family, and then Lindey Jones turned it into Logan's song.

Please say a prayer for Cassidy, and stop by to leave another word or encouragement for her family. They are putting up a strong front, but each day is getting so hard for them. I hate Leukemia. Did I tell you that?

Which reminds me...Thanks for all the donations to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for our Light the Night Walk/Fundraiser!

Kelley

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 5:46 PM CDT

Ta Da!

Logan has become quite the little magician. He uses his favorite blue blanket to cover a toy or book, removes it and announces "Ta Da!"

Today he became a master magician - he transformed himself from a sick little boy with cancer into a... happy healthy Pre-K student!!! His first day of school, and his mother did not burst into tears or fall apart from the fear. Logan, an avid Blue's Clues watcher, has seen some of his favorite characters go to school and experience things like "circle time." A few days ago I began telling Logan stories about going to school and meeting his teachers, going to circle time, and playing outside on the playground. My stories are undoubtably interesting, but I believe Blue and Magenta did a much better job of getting Logan excited about his first day.

So, how did it go you ask? (And I know you did.) First of all, he made a beeline for the outdoor playground and had to be gently herded into the classroom instead. Of course when he saw the myriad of fun things in the room he forget all about that playground. I, being the doting mom, dutifully took pictures (coming soon I promise!) but only inbetween shots being taken by Logan's doting Aunt Wendy. (Sorry Wendy for shoving you out of the way so hard, but I did give birth to him after all.)

Being that I teach in the same school it was especially hard for me to stay out of the classroom. I reasoned that they were right down the hall, and if I showed my face Logan might decide it would be a good idea to leave with Mommy. So I white-knuckled through the morning and pretended to remain calm as the day progressed.

Alas, Daddy picked him up and all was well! The magic trick was complete - my little boy who has lived in a protective bubble for the last year (OH MY GOD IT HAS ALMOST BEEN A YEAR SINCE THAT HORRIBLE DAY OF DIAGNOSIS!!!) looked, felt, and acted like a normal little boy. He had a wonderful time, and seems anxious to go back again on Thursday.

A few fun stories that Mrs. Silva shared with us --

After being in the room for a while and spending time looking at all of the toys and centers, he went over to the door and told Mrs. Silva, "I go check on Mommy now..."

Also, he was chosen as the "Star of the Day." He was given the letters of his name to arrange on the board. After he finished this, he said walked over to the center with a toy telephone and picked it up. Mrs. Silva gently asked him to come over to participate in something else, and Logan told her, "No, I call Daddy." Apparently he wanted to tell Daddy he was the Star of the Day!

The principal, school nurse, and most importantly his teachers are being completely wonderful about supporting a child with a compromised immune system. Big thanks especially to Mrs. Silva, Mrs. Lyford, and Miss Holly!

--Please leave Logan a note in his guestbook and congratulate him on his big day--

Thanks,
Kelley

PS: Please continue to pray for Cassidy and her family.

Friday, August 6, 2004 6:56 PM CDT

Back to school... Wow! I'm back at work full time (and still teaching four nights a week for a bit). How strange to be back among the "normal" people. There's another world, one filled with people whose children don't have cancer. I had forgotten. It's hard to be away from Logan all day, but other than that I am really glad to be back. It makes me feel productive again. It also somehow makes me feel slightly less like I am waiting for bad news every second of the day. I suppose that's just because I'm so busy, which keeps me distracted from too much dwelling on Logan's Leukemia. That must certainly be a healthy thing!

Logan has had a very good week. He continues to make huge improvements in his speech capability. Aunt Wendy actually understood what he said today! Hooray, progress!!!

I came home today and found that Logan (with the help of my friend Kimberly and her daughter Laramie) had made me a necklace out of string, beads, and a small cross. He made one for Daddy too. He handed it to me and said "Look, Mommy, God necklace!" Thanks Kimberly, that was a really great thing to hear at the end of a very long week!

Please pray for all of our little friends who are fighting cancer -- especially Cassidy.

Kelley

PS: Have you clicked on the Light the Night Link yet?

Saturday, July 31, 2004 8:11 AM CDT

Oooh... sweet!!!

This is what Logan said this morning upon waking up in our bed and seeing me there. You really must try to imagine this being said in his little voice, but with a "Dude, Where's My Car" inflection. Very fun to wake up to.

Then there's the story Jozef told me last night. He asked Logan if he wanted to go upstairs and lay on Mommy's bed. Logan's reply, "I'll think about it..." (First time we've heard this phrase out of the little man!)

Anyway, I have to second Logan's emotions this morning. Beautiful sweet Saturday morning, sleeping in late, and waking up lazy. Of course there are a million things to be done, including the piles of laundry screaming for a bath and blow dry. Not to mention the dishes stacked painfully high in the sink. It's amazing how high they can go if you very carefully select your placement. At least that's what I think Austin was thinking when he put his last dish on top.

You know, cancer in your family really readjusts your atttitude and you realize how the little stuff is ultra-tiny insignificant stuff.

I am thinking this because going back to work after not quite a year off to makes you realize the pure joy of a Saturday morning again.

I started back to full-time work on Thursday, rearranging furniture, cleaning off desks, and trying to prepare for 27 eight-year olds who will be in my care starting next Thursday. I'm so excited about being back, and nervous about teaching a brand new grade (3rd), and TERRIFIED that something will go wrong and I won't be able to continue. So many suprprises and setbacks since Logan's diagnosis have really got me gun shy. But he has been doing really well since his last in-patient hospital stay in April, so I am extremely hopeful this will work out. (And my wallet really, really thanks me!)

Logan tolerated his last round of chemo and steroids very well. This coming week he only gets his nightly dose (6MP), and his antibiotic for three days. To the idea of taking less medicine for a week, I can just imagine a little voice saying "Ooooh.... sweet!"

Kelley

Sunday, July 25, 2004 7:11 PM CDT

I can see the headline now --

"Mother of three-year old leukemia patient admitted to mental hospital after child's latest round of steroids"

"I want speggi" (spaghetti)
Mother cooks spaghetti. 20 minutes later...
"Mmmm... speggi"
3 minutes later...
"No, I want cheese!" (macaroni & cheese)
Mother urges him to finish speggi. Son starts whining...
"No, all done!"
Mother cooks cheese. 3 minutes later...
"Blow cheese Mommy?"
"Ok" (blows on cheese to cool it off) "Here, nice and cool."
Son looks at cheese, then looks at his mother.
"No, I don't wanna go." (His phrase for not wanting to do something.)
Mother urges him to eat something. Mother lets son know he's not getting anything else until he eats his speggi or cheese.
"No, I don't wanna go. Hmmmph!" Son starts throwing pieces of pasta to dog, hitting him on the head and back which sticks in the dog's very long hair.
"Don't feed the dog."
(Son ignores his mother. More pasta is piled onto dog's back. Mother inhales deeply and exhales slowly.)

Flash forward 30 minutes --

"Mommy, I'm hungry..."

Wednesday, July 21, 2004 10:09 PM CDT

Logan did great this morning, acting like a real "old pro" getting his port accessed and spinal tap. He was really happy to see the playroom at the hospital again - the kid loves that place! Tonight he starts his week of steroids. Ok, wish us luck and notify the Kraft company - Logan's back on the roids!

Kelley

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Tomorrow is spinal tap day. We will be at the hospital at 7:30 a.m. to check in, then they will do the procedure at around 8:30. We will probably be there for a couple of hours total. I asked Jozef to go with me, so he took a few hours off work. Not sure why exactly, but I am not feeling brave about tomorrow. He's had it done so many times before, and I've always been ok. Maybe because we've had a few months now with the lighter chemo regimen. I've gotten out of practice handling the tough stuff.

I suppose too it has a lot to do with waiting for results. I don't care how strong you are, and how well your child is doing, when they are given a medical test and you have to wait for the results, you worry. Now add to that the fact that your child has Leukemia. Much bigger worry.

I'm so sad for our little friend Cassidy and her family. Thanks to everyone who is praying for her, and sending positive messages to her guestbook. www.caringbridge.com/fl/cassidy if you haven't had a chance yet.

Will update this journal tomorrow night when I get home from teaching. Thanks for your continued prayers for Logan!

Kelley

Thursday, July 15, 2004 7:28 PM CDT

It turns out Logan's spinal tap and subsequent rough week will start on Wednesday 7/21. Scheduling snafu there. Anyway, thanks for sending prayers that he doesn't have too many nasty side effects!

Before Logan's diagnosis he was suffering from a speech delay. He had only a few words that he never used in a sentence or even a combination. He is now seeing a speach therapist once a week, which combined with his improved health has really brought about an immense improvement. Here are some of the more interesting phrases I have heard him say lately:

After accidentally knocking over a DVD - "Oh God, now what happened?" (Yes, I'm working on changing this to Gosh)

After being bumped into by Austin - "What was that for?"

After a very cute magic trick - "Ta Da" (Picture his hands at 2 and 7 o'clock as he say this!)

"No, I don't wanna go! Hmmmph" - This is a response I hear often, which he uses for anything that he just doesn't like. For instance, if I offer him something to eat that he doesn't like! (I blame Cailou...)

"Mom, call dog" - his way of telling me our dog Duke is on the couch again.

"I want yellow cheese!" - Not Easy Mac, but the macaroni and cheese that comes in a little round container. Don't even try to put Easy Mac in the little round container after it's emptied out, he's on to that trick!

These are just a few of the new phrases in his repertoire. I'll keep you posted if anything new and fun crops up!

Kelley

Saturday, July 10, 2004 7:34 PM CDT

This is Logan's tough week coming up. Here's the plan:

Wednesday 9:00 a.m. - counts at clinic

Wednesday night - start 24 hour Methotrexate (7 pills every 6 hours), 6MP

Thursday at 10:00 - spinal tap to check fluid and for intrathecal Methotrexate at hospital

Thursday before we leave hospital - IV push of Vincristine (the one that makes his legs hurt!)

Thursday night - start one week of Dexamethasone (steroid that makes him hungry and CRANKY), 6MP

Friday night and 12 hours later - Leucovorin (Methotrexate rescue drug), 6MP

Saturday thru Monday - Septra twice a day (preventive antibiotic), 6MP

Poor kid is going to be gagging down a lot of medicine... The good news(?) is that he only has to do this once every 12 weeks.

Kelley

Sunday, July 4, 2004 10:00 AM CDT

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

I woke up waxing patriotic this morning... thinking about people who have fought hard... and I decided to pay tribute to those I'll call...

-- LOGAN'S HEROES --

Every U.S. soldier - any time, any place!

Arnold Palmer Hospital and Nemour's Clinic doctors, nurses and staff

People who donate bone marrow, blood and platelets

Those who raise money for cancer research and support

Cassidy, Mikey, Marcus, Julianna, Kendrie, Ivan, Carlos, and all little soldiers out there fighting cancer right now

Their parents, brothers and sisters

Our friends, family, and complete strangers who have supported us spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially through the past eleven months

Kelley

Thursday, June 24, 2004 11:01 AM CDT

Hi Everyone, all is well with Logan, except for a few bouts of nausea. He's making "potty progress," but of course not as quickly as I would like. It's hot here in Florida. I mean HOT! We don't go out too much during the day with Logan, it's too miserable. After coloring, play-doh, painting, and too much tv, we're running out of things to do. So it's not like he's a bored 3-year old or anything!

Austin's knee is healing nicely. He can't wait to be done with his six week recovery period of course. Not that he's a bored teenager or anything!

Kelley

Thursday, June 17, 2004 9:41 PM CDT

I hear Madonna is changing her name to Esther. This is one of the news headlines on my Internet homepage today. This is news?!?

I'll give you news - real news! Logan has gone pee pee on the potty! A milestone has been reached!

Would someone please call Madonna and let her know?

Anyway, today was a 24-hour chemo day for Logan. He was definitely not feeling well and needed Mommy or Daddy with him. These days are tough and take a lot of patience and hugs to get him through.

I was reflecting on how differently my thought processes are now that I'm a "cancer mom." I previously considered myself to not be a panicky mom like those who fret over skinned knees. Ah, but now the metamorphosis - I make skinned knee mom look cool calm and collected. With every little sneeze, tumble, and dark circle under the eye my mind races with the possibilities. At the sight of a bruise (uh, hello he's 3, there are LOTS of bruises) I flash to the sight of a platelet transfusion because he MUST be dangerously low. Two nights ago he told me "leg hurts" and I had to be physically restrained from driving him to the hospital for a spinal tap. Surely it meant a relapse since that was how we found out he has Leukemia in the first place? (I was assured by Miss Mo and Dr. Giusti at the clinic the next morning that I had no reason to panic, and his counts that afternoon confirmed it.)

I also realized that I try desperately not to speak the word relapse. Any Harry Potter fans out there? I can say Lord Voldemort all day long. But now the "R" word instills in me a terror unlike anything I've ever known. So from now on friends and family, you will have to know what I mean when I say "the R word" because I'm not explaining myself!

By the way, I have a bone to pick with the otherwise amazing Nemour's organization. (the clinic Logan is treated at) The oncology clinic is a place of healing, where cancer kids are treated with such amazing care and compassion that even after they have been tortured with needles, they don't want to leave. The child life specialists in the play room know your child and great him or her like family, and lend a sympathetic ear to mom or dad. The other parents become friends and wonderful sources of practical advice. The nurses never seem to get irritated with their cancer parents, even when they have cause to be, and the doctors are exactly what I want from my pediatric oncology team -- genius, patience and compassion.

You must understand, this is a place that could be a complete nightmare - the place where your child is given chemo and painful procedures. It could be a place where the staff stay detached to protect themselves from the sadness of illness. This could be a cold bureaucrat place like some other medical facilities. But it is not.

When your child has cancer there are days you would prefer to stay in bed and pretend it's not happening. There are days of strength and joy and lightness as well, but not always. Sometimes it is all you can do to handle what you have been given. And there are people at Nemour's Oncolocy Clinic who know that better than anyone. Maureen Sanders, for instance, has been Logan's primary clinic nurse from the beginning. She has been there to educate, comfort, and calm us. She sings the "Playhouse Disney" song to Logan so he doesn't mind getting a needle stuck in his chest. Ok, so maybe it's a bit off key and she doesn't know all the words, but I secretly think that's why he loves it so much! We call her Miss Mo, and Logan has bonded with her. I have as well, and have come to rely on her to keep me from losing my mind over every little bump along his treatment road.

Now with all of my praising, I am sure you are asking, "so what bone could you possibly have to pick?" (You did ask, didn't you?) Someone high up, someone too far removed from this amazing clinic to know the impact a few people can have, made the wrong decision. (In my humble opinion that is.) They decided, for reasons I frankly do not see as important enough, Miss Mo and her wonderful coworker Mimi must work at the hospital. While this is a blessing for those who are inpatient, it is devasting, yes devastating, to the rest of us. While I do have high hopes that their replacements will be great, it is an actual personal loss to me, the mom of a little boy with Leukemia, and so many others just like me.

So, to Miss Mo as your last clinic day approaches, I say THANK YOU for keeping me sane this long. Thank you for singing and dancing Logan and I through the pain and tears. Thanks for calling me back when I left you silly messages like "Logan isn't blinking properly!" Thanks for putting up with the bad behavior and temper tantrums - oh, and Logan's behavior too... We love you Miss Mo!

Kelley

Saturday, June 5, 2004 8:50 PM CDT

Logan, my three year old bundle of energy, is running around the house naked, giggling like a child gone mad. The reason? Logan is chasing our Golden Retriever - Duke -who is chasing our Peekapoo - Milo - around the house, and the barking and giggling have now reached a fevered pitch. Why is Logan naked you ask? (And I know you did...) Because lately that's exactly the way he likes it thank you very much! We dress him in the morning and take bets on how long each item of clothing will last.

Tonight Jozef went to the local pharmacy and came back with 230 dollars of medications. How many did you get, you ask? (And I know you did...) Two. One for Austin, which cost just over $11.00, and one for Logan. His Zofran, an anti-nausea medication, cost us a whopping $223 big ones this time. I'd like to personally thank the GlaxoSmithKline corporation as I'm confident they have already mailed me their company stock certificates. Surely $223 gets me more than 8-10 doses of medicine, right?!?

Austin is doing well after his knee surgery - although I fear boredom has begun to set it. Five more weeks of lying around not using his right leg. BIG BUMMER.

Some great news - our good friend Cassidy is back home after her recent bone marrow transplant, and is doing wonderfully! We also ran into another little one, Paige, when we were at the clinic on Wednesday. She too just came home from a transplant. I'm so SO relieved to know they are doing well!

Oh, how could I forget, Logan discovered Mommy's makeup stash today. Most of it ended up on the bathroom floor or in his hair. I would go out and get some replacements, but since I just recently funded some pharmacy exec's quarterly bonus, I will have to go pale-faced for a while. Look out world, here I come, without makeup! (Do you hear the sounds of screaming in horror? You should!)

Kelley

Saturday, May 29, 2004 7:59 PM CDT

Austin Update -

He had an arthroscopic procedure -- they repaired a meniscal tear in his right knee. (Better than cutting out the torn section.) Everything went well, and Austin is doing fine, although in some pain right now. He will be laying around for the next six weeks not using his knee at all, but hopefully this will mean he will be able to successfully play sports in high school after it heals.

Logan doesn't like looking at Austin's knee immobilizer (BIG brace). He calls it Austin's BIG owie.

So, have you seen the video yet? It's up above -- you click, then download to watch.

So, have you signed the guestbook lately? Seems silly, but it really makes us happy to get messages in there.

How is Logan? He's doing well. Seems to be handling this new regimen of methotrexate at home every two weeks. Some nausea, but not too much vomitting.

He likes to be "Superman" now. It's fun to see that he's officially learned how to pretend. We attach a small blanket as a cape and he runs around "flying" everywhere. Still only one potty success, but we are taking it VERY slowly, so I guess what can you expect? Favorite cartoon/children's characters you ask? (And I know you have been dying to find out.) Cailou - Buzz Lightyear - Clifford - Blue and Joe (Steve's ok but really Joe is SO much better! - and The Wiggles)

I miss my old job. Teaching at the middle school. Mostly I miss my comrades in arms there. Seriously, teaching middle school can be compared to soldiering, at least a little. Hello CLMS!

I am teaching three classes at the community college, which I love. But I don't get to see many co-workers there at night. Thank goodness the students are so great. Really!

Jozef is working hard. Too hard. If you aren't from Florida I'm not sure you can appreciate 10 hours of lawn work in summer here. Since I'm working at night, he gets to work all day and then be chief cook and bottle washer when he gets home. All that and he's still smiling!

Then there is Austin -- he's decided I haven't spent enough time in doctors' offices lately. Today for his pre-op appointments we spent hours sitting around waiting and occasionally being seen by medical personnel who asked the same 20 questions 8 times. Tomorrow he gets arthroscopic surgery on his right knee to repair or remove a torn meniscas. I'll let you know how it went and how long recovery will be.

When I come home at night Logan runs up to the door - arms outstretched crying "MOMMY.... Ohhhh..." and then I say "LOGAN.....Ohhhh...I MISSED YOU SO MUCH....!" Then we do this big dramatic hug and kiss thing. Gotta love that.

Kelley

Wednesday, May 19, 2004 11:17 AM CDT

UPDATE - SUNDAY 5/23 -- LOGAN HAS GONE POOPIE IN THE POTTY!!!

Official score now Logan-1, potty-247.
---------------------------------------

Hello Faithful Journal Readers,

I thought I'd tell you about a day in the life of a cancer mom. This morning I dash out of the house in a bit of a hurry. But before I can "dash" I pack Logan's bag with extra clothes, in case he decides to throw up in the car, (I've learned the hard way) some juice, lots of wipes for cleaning dirty hands, bottoms or puke off the car seat, and his 3-inch medical binder that I use to keep track of all of his medications, appointments, past diagnosis records, etc. When I buckle Logan into his carseat I notice the large dark circles under his eyes and feel that familiar panic, even though I know it just means his counts are probably a little on the low side.

We head off to the Nemour's Oncology Clinic in Orlando, which is only about a 30 minute drive. We are lucky, some parents have to drive several hours to get to an oncology facility. After giving the nice lady at the check-in desk Logan's personal information for oh, the 147th time, (It's all in the computer, but what the heck, let's check yet again!) we go back to the oncology department. Here is where Logan has fun, because they have an amazing playroom with wonderful Child Life Specialists who greet us happily. Luckily, we run into Logan's buddy Ivan, another amazing cancer kid. The two of them have started a mutual admiration society.

After a short time we go back to get blood pressure, height and weight, and then see Dr. Giusti, the oncologist. He does an exam and goes over the medicine schedule with me. Methotrexate - 7 pills every six hours for 24 hours. Back to the clinic tomorrow for counts again, and then Leukovorin at 4:00 p.m. and midnight on Friday. Also he gets 6MP every night. This isn't too bad, some days there are two other medications that he gets as well. Blech!

Back to the playroom for a bit, and then Miss Mo, our very favorite clinic nurse and Dr. Giusti's right arm, sings the "Playhouse Disney" song to distract Logan right before she sticks him in the arm to draw blood. Logan does pretty well, and only flinches/cries a little bit. She takes one vial for his counts, and a second to check his kidney function because we have an appointment with the Nephrologist tomorrow. She is doing me a favor by taking the extra blood today so he doesn't have to be stuck twice tomorrow. She compliments me now for being an "educated cancer mom" who thinks of these things ahead of time. Gosh, how did I get from cancer mom who can't dress herself in the morning to being "educated"? Oh yeah, Mo taught me!

Ok, back out to the playroom and to check out. By now the playroom has filled up with more cancer kids and their parents. Amazing how many families have been affected. Logan is having a ball coloring and playing with the fake kitchen food. When I tell him it's time to go he protests with a very loud whiny "NO!" I try to bribe him with McDonald's french fries and chicken nuggets, but he doesn't go for it. A small battle ensues, and thankfully Miss Jenn, one of the Child Life Specialists, distracts him from his tantrum, calms him down, and helps me get him out the door. We love you Miss Jenn!!!

On the way home I make a phone call to schedule an MRI for Austin, who has injured his knee. They can squeeze him in tomorrow. The MRI is to rule out a torn meniscus (cartilage in the knee). If it is torn, it will require surgery to repair. Whoo hoo! I love when the medical bills for the month are larger than the house payment. And of course surgery would mean my helpful teenager will be laid up this summer instead of helping me out with his little brother.

I get home and gently wake up Logan who has fallen asleep. He blinks his eyes, looks around, and starts crying. "French fries and chicken nuggets..." Oh man, he took the clinic bribe to heart, and mean Mom didn't stop on the way home. When I open the door to the house I am immediately hit with THE SMELL. In my rush to leave the house I had forgotten to put the dogs up, and one has had diarhea. Oh great. I put Logan on the couch, turn on Sesame Street, run out to the car to unload our stuff, then begin the cleanup job. This is not limited to one spot, more like five spots, all on carpet of course. I am on my knees scrubbing the stairs when I notice Logan climbing up behind me. He says something incoherent, throws up, and then smiles. I stop scrubbing, get a paper towel and clean him up. Then I go back to scrubbing the diarhea - and now the puke - on the carpet.

Ok, clean up is over, and Logan is hungry. I pop french fries and chicken nuggets into the oven, a frozen meal into the microwave for myself, and check phone messages. I call the children't pharmacy in Miami and order the next round of chemo drugs. I realize it's quiet, too quiet, so I head upstairs to see what the little man is up to. Not too much really. He has opened Daddy's hair gel container and dribbled it all over the carpet in the master bedroom. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

By the way, it's only 12:30 at this point...

Tomorrow - 9:30 MRI for Austin, 10:30 nephrologist for Logan, 1:30 back at the oncology clinic, then I teach my class from 6:15 to 9:30 at the junior college. What's really exciting is not knowing what bodily fluids I'll get to clean off of the floor!

A parting thought -- each morning I wake up and thank God for giving me another day with my husband and children -- and I really mean it!

Kelley

Thursday, May 13, 2004 9:41 AM CDT

Mommy has been fired as potty trainer. The final score was Logan 0, potty 247. The concensus has been made that Logan needs to go back to the rookie diaper leagues for a season. When Mommy's teaching schedule lightens up in about six weeks, she will be ready to train Logan for the big leagues, and show that potty who's boss! In the meantime, she's reading and trying to learn every trick in the book. Any advice, please email her, because quite frankly, after Trump fired her, she could use all the help she can get.

By the way, Logan is doing well. This is his non-methotrexate week, so he is getting his nightly 6MP chemo medicine as always, and does not have to go to the clinic until next week.

Oh, and Juliana Banana, here's a message from Logan for you: I learned the cook-me-food-that-I'm-not-gonna-eat-trick long ago my fellow devious friend. Do you know about the ask-for-the-only-food-not-in-the-house game? It's way fun... Then for an added bonus, you can play the food not in the house trick, then after mommy or daddy makes a mad dash to the store, you add the cook but not eat trick. Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!!

Saturday, May 1, 2004 9:06 AM CDT

Update - Wednesday, May 5 -

Potty - 47,
Logan - 0

Donald Trump read Logan's page then called last night to fire me.

-------------------------------
Logan has been feeling well this past week. Yeah!

We have recently embarked upon a new chapter in his life--potty training. That's right, diapers be gone -- out, out damned diaper! We made a special trip to buy some big boy underwear, Tigger and Buzz Lightyear to be exact. He likes wearing these, and doesn't miss the diaper at all. So far, so NOTHING. Time logged sitting on the potty - 45 minutes. Number of successes - 0. Official score is potty 6, Logan 0. I'm sure you will be anxiously awaiting an updated report including official Olympic scoring (watch out for that Russian judge though, I hear he's got a thing going on the side with the potty).

Off to the clinic on Wednesday for counts and starting his at-home chemo. Wish us luck!

Kelley - a.k.a. "The Trainer"

Saturday, April 24, 2004 9:43 AM CDT

Update (Wednesday, 4/28)
We went to the clinic this morning and were greeted with "Hi Kelley - you don't have to be here today!" Ugh. They scheduled us wrong and we were there a week early. But we did go ahead and have Dr. Giusti do Logan's exam and educate me on the next part of his protocol. He will be getting Methotrexate at home every two weeks. He gets it every 6 hours for a 24-hr. period. We go in to the clinic that morning to check his counts, and back the day after to make sure he has the right amount of Methotrexate level in his blood. We will start all of this next Wednesday.

Yesterday Logan and his cousin Garrett played in two inches of water in Logan's plastic pool and had a blast. Logan, the timid one, barely got more than his ankles wet, while Garrett, the scared-of-nothing adventurer dove in face first.

This morning Daddy, Logan and the new puppy Duke are wrestling on the floor while I type this. There are lots of WWF sound effects, including Logan counting his Daddy out while Duke attacks his toes. Of course Daddy screams in agony under the extreme power of the L-Man! His strengh is just too much for his six foot father to handle!

Logan is feeling well overall. I noticed a slight limp this morning, which was really a stiff-legged walk. I suppose some of the effects of the Leukemia will be with him for a long time. But mainly he feels good and doesn't even realize he is sick. (Thank God he is three and has the attention span of a gnat.)

Also, Logan has become a computer genius and a whiz with the mouse. We set him up a little desk not to far from mine so he can play his toddler games. I try to help him get started but he lets me know immediately that he is in charge and doesn't need my help. Hmmmph!

We will go to the clinic on Wednesday for counts and to be instructed on his next phase of treatment, which includes a new chemo at home regimen.

By the way, thanks for signing Logan's guestbook. It's really encouraging to us to know people are keeping up. And if you haven't signed in a while, how about an update? Thanks!!!

Kelley

Saturday, April 17, 2004 8:54 PM CDT

On Saturday April 10, Logan was given an amazing backyard playset from the Make A Wish organization! (See the photo above.) We are so grateful to Shirley and Ludmilla from Make A Wish for making Logan's surprise party so much fun for him. Here's a play by play of the day:

First, the installers from Rainbow were due in at 9:30 a.m. Shirley came early with a truck full of party supplies, and she and I patiently waited in the backyard. Thank goodness we had beautiful weather that morning! Why? Because we waited, and waited, and waited! It seems our installers forgot they had to drive from Daytona Beach to Clermont, and finally got started after 11:00 a.m. after receiving a reminder call. Oops! It was on that call that I asked about the mulch they were bringing, and found out they weren't bringing it as planned. Oops again! So Jozef, who was supposed to be out mowing lawns and making money, had to go to a local place and pick up and unload two large trailer-fulls of mulch. Of course he was in a hurry, so he hit the gate backing into the back yard, and smashed it. Can I get an Oops number 3?!? Then somehow as he maneuvered the SUV and trailer around the SUV got stuck. Oh yes, give me an Oops number 4 people!!! Finally, with the help of our neighbors they unloaded the mulch and Jozef was able to pull the SUV back out. Whew. Some time after 1:30 p.m. the Playnation guys showed up and started building the playset. Not that Shirley and I were worried or anything. Whew!!!

Okay, mishaps aside, the party was a huge hit. Logan was at Aunt Wendy's house all day, and they showed up roughly five minutes after the last details were taking care of. I was expecting a wide-eyed expression of "OH WOW!" from Logan, but that wasn't quite what happened. He came through the side gate, and noticed a ton of people in his backyard, and the look was more like, "Hey, what's going on here...?" So I took his hand and led him to the playset, and explained that it was for him. He was really excited then, and ran up to the swings saying "Whoo hoo!"

All the kids had a great time oh the swings, slide, rock wall, and everything else. It got very warm that afternoon and we are shadeless, so after eating our Subway kid packs (Thanks Subway!) and a delicious SpongeBob Squarepants Cake, we set up an Elmo sprinkler and filled up the kiddie pool. The kids were wet and happy in no time! (See picture soon.)

Since then Logan has played every day (when not in the hospital) outside on his playset and loves it. He even got me to go down the slide a few times! Two nights ago we were swinging, and Austin's friend Nick was pushing Logan, who decided to let go of the chain -- he took a brief flight in the air before landing "bang" on his back in the mulch. He cried for about a second and a half before he asked for "More... swing... more..." I guess being airborne isn't too bad?!?

Thanks again to Make a Wish, Rainbow, Subway, and all of our guests for making it a wonderful day for Logan. I'm so happy it all came together in such a great way!

Kelley

PS: Logan's cute thing of the day -- Hiding from Mommy by running to a spot and then covering his eyes so we can't SEE him. I love that!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004 3:51 PM CDT

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't updated this journal lately. We have been swamped! Logan had his Make A Wish party on Saturday. (I will write much more about that very soon.) Today I am writing you from a computer in the playroom at Arnold Palmer Hospital. His counts finally came up enough for us to be admitted for his LAST scheduled in-patient stay!!!! (ANC=902) Anyway, he's getting his methotrexate IV today for 24 hours, and then we will hopefully get to go home some time on Thursday. Will write more soon!

Kelley

Thursday, April 8, 2004 9:13 AM CDT

Hello there,
Once again Logan's counts are too low for treatment. (ANC 292 as of Monday.) So we will try again next Monday. We were told to take him off of the 6MP (chemo drug) we give him at night, and hopefully this will help his counts to come up again. In the meantime, he is doing fine!

Kelley

Friday, April 2, 2004 4:48 PM CST

Logan's counts were too low (ANC-350) to go for his last hospital stay. Not that I am some deranged woman who was actually looking forward to another hospital stay... but being the last one... How is he feeling? He is a bit pale, and has the impatience and irritability of a fatigued child. Otherwise he is doing well.

Have you joined the National Bone Marrow Registry yet? It just takes a blood test! www.marrow.org

Prayer requests - Cassidy, Marcus, Mikey, and all the other ALL kids; my dear friend Beth; and of course Logan!

Thanks,
Kelley

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 6:57 AM CST

What a strange week...

Logan is doing fine. He's in a "steroid-boy" state, but not too terrible. Today we go to the clinic to check his counts, and then hopefully go in to the hospital for our last 3-4 day stay! How odd to actually be looking foward to going. Knowing it's the last visit makes it really wonderful.

Last night I attended the funeral of a very good friend's husband, age 26. She is smart, beautiful, funny, kind, and full of faith and light. When I found out what had happened, I also learned that a man who was once an assistant-principal at my school lost his son in Iraq last month. He had two very young children. I'm remembering a line from a John Lennon song...

"Life is just what happens to you,
While you're busy making other plans"

So today, I will take Logan to the oncology clinic. I will hopefully prevent him from having any roid-rage blowups over something that doesn't seem important to anyone but him, and I will be very greatful to have all the moments, good and bad, that I get to experience.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 8:09 PM CST

It's strange how things can change in a year. But how nice to be celebrating tonight! A birthday is more significant now. More of an accomplishment now. Anyway, we're very glad to be celebrating this birthday with our little boy this year!

Logan is thrilled, mostly because he just opened a boat load of great presents. He can't decide which one to play with, so he goes back and forth in between his new electric jeep, his chalkboard/art easel, or the paints that he dumped all over the living room carpet while Daddy wasn't watching. And, it was red!!!

Tomorrow is a clinic trip for an IV push of Vincristine, and more importantly, his last day on steroids this week. Mommy is very glad that's about to be over...

Wednesday, March 17, 2004 3:08 PM CST

Hello,

It's a "post-chemo" week, but it could be worse. Logan is definitely not feeling well, but he hasn't had to deal with vomitting since the hospital stay. He is very active and only sleeping a little bit extra. The only way we can really gauge if he is not feeling well is to measure his attitude and behavior against weeks where he is feeling well. Believe me, there is a marked difference!!! You can just ask his little cousing Garrett, who gets the brunt of the attitude and fits of "NO TOUCH, MINE!" and then the occasional smack on the head or in the stomach.

I guess chemo makes Logan feel violent! (Picture mild mannered what's his name being doused with radiation and then turning into THE HULK. Just don't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry....)

I spent Tuesday when Garrett was over running interference all day. They would play happily for a few minutes and then wham bam somebody was crying or screaming or pushing or hitting! Poor Garrett. I guess it's hard to learn the "Don't make me angry lesson" when you are only a year old. And to think his mother actually pays me to watch him!

Tomorrow we go to the clinic for an IV-push of vincristine. I'm not looking forward to this, as it could possibly mean a few days of leg pain for Logan. He'll be going along fine and then all of a sudden start crying "leg hurts..."

Sometimes, ok almost all of the time, this cancer crap stinks! Nothing like a positive attitude, right?!?

Kelley

Sunday, March 14, 2004 2:09 PM CST

Hello Everyone,

We just got home this afternoon from our latest stay at Arnold Palmer Hospital. Once again I am reminded how lucky we are to have such amazing nurses there! It almost feels like our second home because everyone is so nice and extremely helpful, even when you have something unimportant to ask about.

Logan had another incident with the needle coming undone from his port. Fluid leaked into the area around the top of the port underneath the skin, about the same diameter as a baseball. We realized it when the nurse injected something and he started crying, meaning he could feel it going in and it hurt. So we had to take off the extremely sticky tegaderm (a clear bandage about four inches square) and the steri strips underneath that to remove the needle. Then they prepped the area again, and tried to re-access the port. It took many tries of sticking the needle through his skin to try to get it into the port. No one's fault, it was just that there was too much fluid in the way. Then of course more tape once it finally went in. Poor Logan is being held down by two of us and is crying and screaming the whole time. It hurts him and isn't easy for me to watch.

Uncle Danny and Aunt Susan came over Saturday morning to help out with Logan, and Danny and I decided we needed to invent something to keep that needle in place. Logan is not the only little one who moves around too much while he is hooked up. Anyway, stay tuned to see if we get any brilliant ideas. Thanks to them for coming, and also Jennifer and my good friend Kathy! Those days are long and hard when it's just Logan and Mommy. (Daddy has to be out trying to make a buck or two!)

Anyway, Logan is doing fairly well with the chemo he got this time. He's feeling tired and looks pale. This morning he vomitted, but so far that's been the only time. He was very glad to get home today, and is napping peacefully right now.

Some sad news to share with you about a little girl I met Thursday night in the playroom. Her mom had to be away so I played Candyland with her. She is so sweet, I was thinking "I wish I had a little girl of my own..." Turns out the chemo is not working and there isn't much more they can do for her. She developed a secondary brain tumor that is now causing her intense pain and is inoperable. So now it's morphine for the next few weeks, which is all she has left. I will be praying for Elizabeth and her family, and I'm sure they could use your prayers as well. It's so hard to meet these wonderful kids and then find out what is happening to them...

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 1:37 PM CST

We made our trip to the oncology clinic this morning. The normal routine is for Logan to play for a little while we wait for our turn. This time, much to Logan's dismay, they took us back almost immediately. His response to this was to throw a fit about "TOYS" the entire time he was being examined by the doctor. She was so glad to see Logan today...

Anyway, his ANC was 801, so we are good to go in for our next round of methotrexate. However, all the beds are filled and there are several other kids waiting as well. So, who knows when we will actually be admitted?

By the way, in case you were wondering, yes -- his nose is STILL running. Blech!

Kelley

Monday, March 8, 2004 1:01 PM CST

"Happy Birthday to me... Happy Birthday to me..." Yesterday, that is. I'm feeling great today, probably due to the weekend at the beach I just had with Jozef. Logan had his very first overnight stay with Jozef's parents, and Mommy and Daddy got to rest and be lazy. Just what the doctor ordered! Big thanks to the worn out babysitters.

Logan and I go back to the clinic Wednesday morning for a blood test to check his counts. Then if they are high enough, we'll be back at Arnold Palmer for a few days. He is still sick, however, with a runny nose and cough. Today while we were swinging outside his eyes were runny too, so I'm starting to suspect an alergy. Anyway, it will be interesting to see if his being sick has had a negative affect on his counts.

Will update Wednesday afternoon!

Kelley

Thursday, March 4, 2004 7:46 PM CST

Hello Everyone,

I'm happy to report that there isn't much news on the medical front for Logan. He's having a good off-chemo week, except for the fact that he's still fighting a cold or virus of some sort. Some days there just aren't enough tissues in the house, if you know what I mean!

Kelley

Friday, February 27, 2004 7:24 PM CST

Hi there,

Not much to report tonight. Logan is a bit under the weather, but not from the chemo or Leukemia! Just a sinus infection, according to his regular pediatrician. So strange to go to a doctor for something simple. Oh... the good ole' days!

Austin's team got to the championship, and played well, but alas, did not win. Oh well.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 10:17 AM CST

Hello,

Logan is in the post-chemo stage this week. He doesn't feel great, and wants to be held a lot. He hasn't been vomitting (Thank God!), but just feels kind of yucky overall.

Right now he is doing his speech therapy with Miss Ruthie. She comes to the house once a week and works with him for 1/2 an hour. (Unless he's sick or in-patient.) He really enjoys the sessions and I have seen improvement in his speech. Unfortunately he is only qualified for this until his birthday in March. Then we have to come up with another plan.

Austin's basketball team at school is doing really well. I've been really impressed with his improvements with defense and rebounding. Cross your fingers, they might get to the championship game on Thursday if they do well tonight!

Jozef is still working too hard, mowing lawns and cleaning offices on nights and weekends to ward of the bill collectors. I'm so proud of him, I just can't share that enough!

Kelley

Saturday, February 21, 2004 1:40 PM CST

Hi Everybody,

We got home from the hospital this afternoon. Logan is doing well so far, and is very glad to be home so he can pester the dogs. I'll write more later when I get a chance!

Kelley

Friday, February 20, 2004 4:08 PM CST

Hi Everyone,

We have been here at Arnold Palmer Hospital since Wednesday night for another round of chemo (methotrexate.) No spinal tap this time, yeah! He has been in a very good mood this time and so far so good as far as feeling well. I did notice he wasn't feeling quite right after his nap so we ordered him medicine to help with nauseousness. They will check his levels in the morning and if the drug is out of his system we get to home, otherwise it's another 24 hours until they check again.

I must give big Kudos to the Disney folks today! Mickey, Minnie, and Belle all came for a visit and Logan had a wonderful time! He was playing with a large train set in the 6th floor playroom when the characters came in, and his first words were "Hug.... Mickey.... Hug..." He got his hug, and a kiss on the nose, and another hug. Mickey even got down on the floor and played choo choo trains with him for a while. Minnie too! He also got to play a bag toss game and win a prize, which was a Winnie the Pooh book, colors and stickers, etc. It was really touching to see how much his eye lit up during that time. Thanks Disney!
They took Polaroids and gave them to us, and I happened to think to bring my digital camera, so.. I will post some pictures for you all to see when we get home.

Kelley

Sunday, February 15, 2004 9:57 AM CST

Good Sunday morning everyone,

Not too much to update this morning. We will go in to the clinic Wednesday to see if his counts have come up enough yet so we can get his chemo. I suppose we will go back to Arnold Palmer Wednesday night if they are.

Here's a thought -- have you given blood lately?

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 6:27 PM CST

Well, we went to the oncology clinic for Logan's blood counts this morning, and found out this afternoon that his ANC is at 450, too low for chemo. So we are not going inpatient tonight after all. I suppose we will check again early next week and see if his counts have come up, and go in as soon as they do.

In the meantime I have been all keyed up and ready to go, but not in a positive way. The hospital trips are beyond tiring and stressful, and hard on all of us. But the opposite of that is the fact that we do not want him to get behind in his protocol schedule, so not going in is bad news. No wonder I am a wreck most of the time and don't know up from down, my emotions don't know good from bad anymore! Plus when you get some time away from the clinic and hospital you begin to feel somewhat "normal" again, almost as if you are not the mother of a son with a terrible disease meeting other mothers of children with terrible diseases. I suppose it's good we get the breaks, so Logan can build up his strenth and Mommy can get a mental rest from it all. Whew! Good thing Daddy is so strong through all of this. He's been the rock holding us together lately.

Kelley

Saturday, February 7, 2004 8:39 AM CST

Ahhh... the joy of another week without chemo. It's good to be us sometimes! Logan is actually eating without solicitation, and is NOT on steroids! Whoo hoo! Of course most of what he eats is not in any food group. Wait, is there a peanut-butter covered in chocolate and sugar sprinkles food group? I'll have to ask my science teacher friends about that one.

This morning I was being lazy, lounging in my pajamas and watching Jurassic Park while Logan ran around the house saying "ready... set... go.... fast!" Of course he was demonstrating how fast he can go. But then came a dreaded period of quiet. Any parent knows that it is not the times of chaos that we fear, it is the quiet. So I got up and found my little angel drawing on his face with my lipstick. My semi-permanent-last-all-day-and-night lipstick! Of course it did not come off, so we had to send Dad to the pharmacy for makeup remover. In the meantime, Logan came back to me in the living room wearing my new sunglasses. Upside down. It's good to laugh!

So, my purse is now put safely out of reach, and although Dad came home with facial cleansing cloths that did nothing to help Logan's new coral-red splattered face, I believe this is going to be a good day. (Photos coming soon!)

Kelley
PS: We go back into Arnold Palmer Wednesday night for a 2-3 day chemo stay. But it was good while it lasted!

Saturday, January 31, 2004 7:07 PM CST

Not a lot to update this week, since he's enjoying some off-chemo time. He's feeling pretty well, except for a few moments here and there. We go in to the clinic on Monday to check his counts. He is pale and his lips are even paler, so I won't be surprised if they are much lower than the last time. I understand that with the ARA-C the counts drop after they receive it, and not during.

Daddy has been teaching him how to swing a bat and say "Hey batter batter batter" which is hysterical coming out of Logan's mouth. Then he swings at about 47 miles per hour and it's definitely not safe to be anywhere in the vacinity. He does pretty well hitting the ball of a t-ball stand. But if you pitch to him he stands still with the bat slightly behind his body, making it nearly impossible to get the ball to hit his bat. He won't even swing at it. But if the ball does manage to hit the bat, then of course he takes all the credit!

With this, I leave you with a request -- give blood, platelets, and/or have yourself tested for being a bone marrow donor. You just might save someone's life!

Tuesday, January 27, 2004 2:04 PM CST

Logan's counts are still good, 1222 yesterday. He's not feeling too bad, though I wish I wish I wish he could better articulate how he feels. Sometimes when he is grouchy (like all morning today) I think he must not feel well. It's just so hard to tell. How do you determine if a two-year-old with a speech delay getting chemo is being bad for a good reason, or just being bad?!?

Check out the photos page, I made some changes.

Thursday, January 22, 2004 9:10 PM CST

Another day of chemo bites the dust. Logan is still hanging in there. Dark circles and pale skin, but otherwise he doesn't look too bad. Did I tell you his hair is growing back already! (Yeah!) Tomorrow is the last day of this dreaded ARA-C chemo. Then he gets a two-week break.

His cousin Garrett was with us today and Logan has coined a new phrase in his honor, "NO, touch!" (As in don't touch my stuff buddy or I'm gonna put a hurtin' on you!) This he says right before gently (ok sometimes not so gently) pushing him away from whatever prized possession of Logan's Garrett is getting close to. For an example of prized possession, there was a book, his guitar toy, and the toilet lid in the bathroom. Don't worry, I don't stand idly by and watch; I intercede and remind Logan about sharing. But he's going on three and just figuring out the meaning of "mine." So I believe it may take a while to learn this concept.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004 1:03 PM CST

Jozef took Logan for his spinal tap yesterday, and although they had to put the needle in twice, it went well. Today I took him to the clinic for another dose of ARA-C. He threw up in the car on the way there. So I guess you could say we are off to a good start! He's feeling a bit puny this afternoon, but otherwise ok.

Last night we were watching American Idol and they had a sequence showing some of the auditioners dance. Logan got up in front of the tv and began to immitate some of the moves, which were hysterically bad in the first place! Anyway, we recorded the episode, and might try to recreate the moment for you all on video one of these nights if we can catch him being funny again!

Please add Cassidy and Paige to your prayers. They are both fighting Leukemia really hard right now.

Saturday, January 17, 2004 4:17 PM CST

Hello All,
Good news, Logan has been feeling better since yesterday. He woke up in a good mood Friday morning and has stayed that way today. Tonight he is spending the night with Grandma Marjorie and his cousin Garrett, so Jozef and I are going out! (Maybe no big deal to you, but to me... whoo hoo!!!)

Thursday, January 15, 2004 8:36 PM CST

Hello All,

We had to take Logan back to the hospital last night (to Urgent Care there) because he ran a fever that went up to 101. That's the magic number that tells us he has to be seen. It was a long tiring night. After they took blood for a culture and checked him out, they gave him Tylenol which definitely helped. Thankfully we were allowed to bring him home rather than spend a few days there. So far no bad news on the culture, so my theory is that it was the ARA-C that cased the fever.

Today on yet another clinic visit this week Logan was nearly unbearable. The poor kid must be building up an extreme dislike for doctors, needles, etc. (Not that I blame him one bit!) Anyway, let's just say his behavior was less than desirable. Wish me luck, because we still have six more visits before next Friday! I'm going to try to change his mood by making a stop at the dollar store tomorrow before the clinic and letting him pick out a small toy. Maybe then he won't be so focused on it being a trip he doesn't want to make? I dunno, worth a shot I guess.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004 6:35 PM CST

We're home from the latest hospital trip! A spinal tap, MRI, xray, and three chemo drugs later. Our little man did fine, although he wasn't feeling too well this morning at all. At least that's what my theory is on why he was so incredibly grouchy. The kid was inconsolable, almost hysterical at times. The nurses gave him medicine for nausea, and he finally fell asleep in the wagon I was walking him around in. After that he was a bit better, but still pretty grouchy until we left for home. Maybe he just doesn't like it there? (duh...) Anyway, thanks bunches to my friend Lisa who came this morning and helped me with my bundle of joy. I don't think I would have made it without her this time!

This afternoon he sat on the couch and watched tv for about three hours. After that he started to perk up, and now he's running around playing, and is quite happy. Once again I am amazed at how resilient he is!

The MRI and xray were for his hip, and showed great improvement. Still some slight sign of bone loss, but it's healing. I can tell that just from watching him walk. The limp is now pretty slight. We think the three weeks of Dexamethasone (a steroid) was either the cause of the bone loss, or the cause of the pain that made him limp. Luckily he is only scheduled for a few more doses that last for a week and not three.

Logan and I will be at the clinic every day this week and next week for chemo. Here's praying he doesn't get too sick as it builds up in his system...

Kelley
PS: I'm proud to report to you fans of the tall kid (Austin of course) that he brought home a great report card tonight. So through all of the chaos, (and lack of Mom checking up on his grades constantly,) he seems to be holding his own. Yeah Austin!

Saturday, January 10, 2004 5:51 PM CST

Good news, Logan's counts are finally up high enough (1138)to continue his treatment! So we will be checking in Sunday night and staying at the hospital through Tuesday morning. He will be receiving a spinal tap on Monday, to check for blasts in the central nervous system and also to administer methotrexate. He will also get two new chemo drugs, Cytoxan and ARA-C. I understand that ARA-C can make them very sick, so you prayers are needed this week and next!

The hair continues to fall. I'll add a photo tonight or tomorrow. Grandma Marjorie is going to even it out tomorrow afternoon for us by shaving it short. (That way there won't be so much hair everywhere either!)

Kelley

Monday, January 5, 2004 4:20 PM CST

Quick note, Logan will be going back to the clinic Friday to check his counts again. If they are up enough, he will check in at the hospital Sunday night for a day or two.

In the meantime, he is pale and tired looking, but is in a great mood (no steroids!) and having fun. Yesterday we went to the zoo with my sister Wendy's family, and he had a ball.

I have noticed large amounts of hair on his sheets the last few mornings. Stay tuned, I'll post a picture in a few days of cute boy with much less hair.

Also, please go get put on the National Bone Marrow Registry. We have several friends who need transplants, and matches are hard to find.

http://www.marrow.org/HELP/how_to_help_idx.html

Kelley

Friday, January 2, 2004 9:00 PM CST

Hello everyone,
We got Logan's counts tonight, and he is still too low for chemo, but they have gone up to 380. So the hospital trip is delayed once again. We'll have to try again early next week.

During this journey with Logan we have met many wonderful people who are also dealing with childhood cancer. Two children we have grown to know and love have just relapsed, Cassidy and Paige. Please add them to your prayers. This is devastating news for them.

On a lighter note, Logan used a word a few days ago that I had not heard him say before. He looked up at me and said, "Mom, yogurt, strawbebby please." It's just a mom thing I guess, but I think strawbebby is the sweetest word I have ever heard!!!

Kelley

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 9:48 PM CST

Quick entry tonight -- we went to the clinic for counts tonight. The results came back that his ANC is 276. MUCH too low for chemo. (And now we are housebound again.) We will go back on Friday and recheck. If it's better, we can go inpatient Sunday night. I'll keep you updated!

Thursday, December 25, 2003 7:19 PM CST

Merry Christmas to Everyone!

This was a wonderful Christmas for our entire family, and especially for Logan. This year he was able to understand more of what Christmas means. At least what it means to a two year-old anyway. He was spoiled by Santa and every family member and now has many new toys to play with.

As far as his health is concerned -- we went to see his orthopaedic physician on the 24th because his limp has become much more pronounced. The x-rays showed damage to the bone on both sides of his hip. The doctor explained that this was probably caused by the Leukemia before we caught it, and hopefully now has begun healing. He is scheduled for an MRI on Jan. 5th to get a closer look.

He will be going in-patient next week, Thursday - Saturday for a spinal tap, and a new chemo drug, ARA-C. He gets the ARA-C four days in a row next week, and then four days in a row the following week.

The good news, Tuesday was the last day of his three-week round of steroids!!! Now maybe he can start to feel a bit more normal again. Thank goodness, this time he didn't puff up as much as last time, so he wasn't nearly as uncomfortable.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and wonderful to us so far. From my Grandmother and relatives in Iowa who sacrificed their Christmas gifts so we could have the money for medical bills, to my mother and step-father who are sacrificing their time by constantly coming over to watch Logan when we need help. The members of my school once again collected money for us, and the teacher who is covering for me, along with two of my students, brought over gifts, baskets of food, and a card signed by all of my students. People in our community continue to send us cards and monetary help. We are overwhelmed by all of the generosity, and feel completely blessed. When I expressed my financial fears back in August to a friend, she said to me that "God will provide." I believe that He is doing just that, through some truly amazing people. Many of Logan's side-effects have been less harsh than we expected, and I credit that to the hundreds of people who are praying for him week by week. So, thank you to everyone! I want you all to know how grateful I am for your love and support!

Kelley

Friday, December 19, 2003 7:38 PM CST

Today was a clinic/chemo day. We arrived at 10:00 a.m. and left after 2:00 p.m. This time we put extra tape around the needle, and put him in his own little room with some movies to watch. I was so pleased that he actually laid there most of the time! Anyway, no problems to report this trip. Tonight he seems to be feeling pretty well. Let's pray he stays that way through the next few days.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 2:53 PM CST

Hello Everyone,

Just a quick update to let you know that Logan is tolerating these new chemo drugs well. This child still has his hair (thinning only slightly) for one thing! He has had some leg pain off and on the last few days, but other than that the worst side effects seem to be from the dexamethasone (steroid). He is miserable at times, and then feeling much better others.

Happy to report there was no chemo burn from the shifting needle in the port on Friday. We go back in this Friday, so hopefully we can keep that needle in place better this time!

Friday, December 12, 2003 8:13 PM CST

Today was a clinic day, and it was a long one. He got two chemo drugs through his port. It went pretty well until he moved and somehow pulled the iv line, which apparently dislodged the needle in the port. We soon figured this out, but in the meantime fluid was leaking out underneath the skin around the port area. The nurse had to take the needle out, and then put in a new one so that she could flush the port with heparin. We are a bit concerned that the chemo drug was part of the fluid that leaked, which would mean that it will burn the area from the inside out. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do if that happens. It won't show up for a day or two, and then they would have to do surgery to remove the port and then treat the open wound. Hopefully the fluid was all just saline, because he had been getting saline for a while after the chemo went through.

Thursday, December 11, 2003 4:25 PM CST

So far so good is out motto this week. He's reacting well to the new drugs. Unfortunately the steroids are wreaking havoc on him emotionally and physically. (Two more long weeks of those.)

I hope you'll forgive me, but I decided to share some personal emotions --
---------------------------------------------------------

So, what’s it really like? First it’s shock, like slow motion slowed down time eradicated and replaced with still frames of a movie wide-eyed stunned headlights barreling down shock.

Then it’s no no NO it can’t be… repeated into infinity…

Then the floodgates open and you cry red tears until you are too tired and can’t see anymore.

And then treatment begins and you have to be strong. What are you nuts?!? Be strong when your insides have melted and reformed into a super bouncy ball and now have the power to create internal explosions in 0.3 seconds? No strength here buddy, uh huh.

Time speeds up to 1/16th of normal. Doctors and nurses speak but through your diagnosis earmuffs only the occasional word is perceptible. Your autopilot button is switched on, but you don’t know who did it. It’s right in the middle of your back where you can’t reach, so someone else must have intervened.

The fuzz on your eyes clears slightly, but the world is still black and white. You begin to notice other live actual people around you.

He’s crying and screaming and sleeping and eating and you watch every infinitesimal molecular movement he makes and even in your sleep your parental third eye spasms from its constant vigil.

Now the earmuffs have worn down so that you can hear every other word; your brain has to work double time to put the word pieces together. Reception still falters. Perception is still a distant maze of tangled briars.

You begin to wake up while you are awake. You eat, sleep, breathe, cough, cry, and agonize. You keep going. Your brain skates around reality as your body struggles to slow because the brakes on the roller blades have worn thin from overuse.

And then you realize it’s been three months, and people are calling you terrible names. “Inspirational.” “A tower of strength.” “So strong.” So sick of the lies, so sick of the charade/façade and any other stupid French word that means FAKE! Don’t name me; I’m only a skater who can’t control the velocity of my trajectory. I’m hanging on to the spider web trying to slow down the Mac truck and I wouldn’t mind a break thank you very kindly. Won’t someone step up here and take over, because the web burn really stings…

So, how are you? “I’m doing okay, thanks. We’re hanging in there. I just focus on one day at a time.”

Don’t believe it. Don’t believe a word I say. Because sometimes I look at him like he’s gone and my brain has to tell my heart to restart but beware, because some data may be permanently lost. And no, I haven’t gone insane. It’s a perfectly normal human response to hearing, “I hate to tell you this over the phone, but your son has Leukemia.”

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 7:06 AM CST

On Sunday Logan got two shots of L-Aspariginase. One in each thigh. I wasn't happy because they told us one shot, so I only put EMLA cream (numbs the area) on one thigh. They decided to have two nurses, and do both shots at the same time. Poor kid screamed and cried bloody murder.

Anyway, Sunday afternoon was pretty bad at home. He was feeling sick and in pain, and it was next to impossible to make him happy. By that evening it was starting to get better though, thank God.

Now it's Tuesday morning and I can report that he's doing much better. Yesterday he was either in an extremely good mood or an extremely bad one. (Steroids) But other than sleeping a lot he seems to be tolerating the new drugs fairly well. (Vigorously knocking on wood as I type this!)

On a side note, yesterday he found a small bag with a zipper and handles on top and must have decided it was a suitcase. (Probably from our trip Saturday.) He was adorable, pretending he was going somewhere. He'd walk in to see me, say "I love you," and then "Bye," and then wave and walk out of the room. I love this age!!!

Saturday, December 6, 2003 6:36 PM CST

Today was chemo day at the hospital. We arrived at 7:00 a.m., and left at 4:00 p.m. First he received a spinal tap, then three different chemo drugs, and a medicine for nausea. Then we spent several hours getting enough fluids so that the chemo will hopefully be less hard on him. In the meantime, he got to play in the playroom and go for several trips in the wagon around the 7th floor. Tomorrow we go back at 9:00 a.m. to the hospital's Urgent Care facility to get a shot in the thigh of another chemo drug. Unfortunately we will be there several hours, (they have to watch to be sure he doesn't have a bad reaction to the drug) but there is no playroom down there, so the challenge will be keeping Logan preocupied and happy that long. Wish us luck!

Wednesday, December 3, 2003 8:21 PM CST

We hit a roadblock today. Went to the clinic this morning, (little Mr. Logan was quite grouchy today by the way) for a blood test. They called this afternoon to tell me his ANC is too low to start chemo tomorrow. It was 348. We want it to be at least 1500. 348 means he's susceptible to pick up every germ there is and the chemo would devestate him. So, the plan is now that we go for another blood test Friday morning, and make a new plan then.

Logan started his three-weeks of steroids this morning. I can't believe they kick in immediately, but I swear he did not have a good day! That boy who says "no" constantly and gets mad instantly showed up again. It could just be that he's not feeling well though.

I was thinking about his low ANC counts. I think it explains the limping that started up again recently. Low counts mean low platelets, which mean he has less blood flow. When he was diagnosed they had done a bone scan that showed decreased blood flow in his hip. Anyway, that's my theory now on why he's limping again.

Prayers that we can get his chemo underway ASAP are appreciated. Delays in the protocol are not a good thing.

Thursday, November 27, 2003 1:11 PM CST

Happy Thanksgiving!
Today I have decided to focus on what I am grateful for:

-My little “gigantimo” who sings Elmo’s Song off key and freely gives me hugs and kisses
-My almost grown-up fourteen-year-old who looks and acts like a man now
-My husband who works two jobs to keep us afloat and makes me laugh when I need to
-My family members who drop everything when I need them, and listen when I moan and groan
-The world’s most incredible woman, MY grandma!
-The nurses in oncology at Arnold Palmer Hospital
-A little boy who can be in pain one minute and happily playing with trains the next
-The moments when I am not scared
-The doctors along the way to Logan’s diagnosis who didn’t let “a sprain” stop them from looking deeper
-The people at Clermont Middle School who continue to bless my family long after I had to leave to take care of my son
-The people, some who only know us through someone else, who have held us up with prayers, cards, gifts, and money
-My amazing friends who have given me love, laughter, time and energy
-Logan acting out a skit that explains what to do if you find one of Blue’s clues
-and-
That I don’t have to cook Thanksgiving dinner!

Tuesday, November 25, 2003 7:16 PM CST

We took Logan to the Magic Kingdom Sunday for about three hours. He had a BLAST! His favorite thing was the tram that took us from our car to the front gate. He said "whoo hoo, yes!" when it started going. His second favorite was the monorail. (I figure next time we can pay for parking, and just ride the tram and monorail all day and not waste our tickets.) The park was packed with people, way too many for my taste. So, we went on the people mover, and to see Mickey's house. That's where the pictures came from. He got a private meeting with Mickey there. And yes, he liked that very much. It was well worth the trip, and because we are being so careful not to tire him out, a short afternoon, but definitely "good times."

As far as his health is concerned, he's doing a bit better. He's eating more, and definitely gaining in the energy department. He has just recently started to limp again, which quite frankly has me worried. Just can't figure out why it would be happening again. I know I spend too much time worrying about every little thing now, but the possibility of a relapse is terrifying. If he's not improved in the morning, I'll take him to the oncologist to get checked out. Better safe than sorry I suppose, and definitely better to be too cautious than to miss something big!

Sunday, November 23, 2003 10:43 AM CST

It's a beautiful morning so far today in Florida. It has been since 4:30 a.m., when Logan decided he had enough sleep! We finally got him to go back to sleep around 9:00, so hopefully he won't be too tired today. We've been planning a trip to the Magic Kingdom, and if he wakes up feeling well enough, we'll still go this afternoon.

Logan is trying to master music. Last night I went into his room and saw him banging on his toy piano and singing "Elmo's Song" at the top of his lungs. It was just about the cutest thing I have ever seen! I'll try to get it on video this week, but you know how those moments pass sometimes.

He is on a hiatus from chemo right now, and until December 4. I think I have already seen an increase in energy. (Hmmm.. maybe that's why he woke up so early today?) His appetite is up and down, but at least slightly improved from last week.

Thursday, November 20, 2003 5:50 PM CST

Well, I thought we had the vomiting problem fixed, but oh no. On the way to the nephrologist this morning he vomited twice in the car. Poor thing. Since then nothing, but again, still not eating.

After his first appointment I took him to the oncology clinic so they could do more blood work. It all turned out pretty good. Not dehydrated, counts coming up, etc. They can't really tell me why he's still throwing up. I guess this is another example of Logan not following "the rules."

Monday, November 17, 2003 6:02 PM CST

This round of chemo was definitely harder on Logan. His vomitting continued through Sunday night, then finally stopped. The poor little guy couldn't even keep water down for more than 15 minutes. Today he was tired, and still not eating, but at least he got some Poweraide in him. Hopefully he will continue to improve as the week progresses. We have a break now from chemo until December 4th. (Yeah!)

Saturday, November 15, 2003 10:25 AM CST

Hello from the hospital --

Logan is currently napping, and we are waiting to find out if we can go home today. Unfortunately, the chemo is catching up with him. I guess it has a cumulative effect. He has vomitted four times so far, and has eaten almost nothing. I'm glad he's on the iv fluids so he won't get dehydrated, because he's not drinking much either. I asked for some Zofran for home, which is an anti-nasea drug.

Yesterday I met a little girl who was just diagnosed with ALL last week. I talked with the family a bit, and noticed their sad tired faces. I realized that we have come a long way, because we've found a way to feel hopeful and see the occasional levity around us. Not that it has become easy. It hasn't. But we are coping better lately, and that is definitely a good thing.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 1:27 PM CST

This morning we went to the clinic (Nemour's Oncology clinic) for a blood check. I was pleased that Logan only cried for a few minutes this time when they accessed his port. He is really becoming a brave little trooper. Tonight we go to the hospital to start his fluids, and then tomorrow he begins chemo. Hopefully we will get to come some time Saturday.

Monday, November 10, 2003 9:53 PM CST

Hi Everybody,
We have had an interesting last two evenings. Saturday night Logan woke up in the middle of the night vomiting. (First time that's ever happened.) He went right back to sleep though. Last night, he woke up at 1:00 a.m., and never went back to sleep! Ugh... Jozef and I tried to sleep with him between us watching cartoons. Logan had to make sure we were paying attention, because about every 20 minutes he would reach over and tell one of us to "wake up." Here's hoping for a good night's sleep for all of us tonight!

Saturday, November 8, 2003 4:07 PM CST

All is still well. I have a slight concern about Logan's eyes, but there's every possibility it's paranoia on my part. I just see a bit of a difference, as if they are not equal. One turns in slightly more than the other. Anyway, we go to the clinic on Wednesday, so I will have them check it out. Jozef and Austin don't see it, so again, it's probably my nervousness about his condition.

We had two small visitors this past week, cousin Garrett and friend Laramie. Logan really enjoyed having friends in the house to play with. I think it's really good for him, and I can't wait until we don't worry about him being around other kids all of the time!

11/5

Logan is still doing well. We are enjoying our out-of-hospital days very much. He dressed up for Halloween as Mickey Mouse, and had a wonderful time. We had one little glitch, however. When the lady at the first house opened her door, instead of saying "trick or treat" he said "Oh hi!" and tried to walk into her house! When she would not let him and gave him candy instead he was pretty upset about it. This went on for the next three houses before he got the hang of it.

10/25

We are home from the hospital. We got to leave at about 2:00 this afternoon. Yesterday Logan was not feeling very well and was tired, but otherwise I think he did very well on this round. This morning we had a problem with his port. It would not return blood, so they had to remove all of the tape around it, push on the port, and finally remove the needle and put in a new one. This is really kind of a painful process. Logan was pretty upset with us. This afternoon we got a visit from Uncle Jeff, Aunt Wendy, and Garrett, and Logan really enjoyed it. I think he gets a big kick out of having a little cousin around!

Say a little prayer if you would. He is running a low-grade temp, about 99. If it goes up, then back to the hospital we go...

10/23

We checked in to Arnold Palmer last night, and Logan headed straight for the playroom. It was tough getting him out of there and into bed. He was a bit overexcited and did not fall asleep until after 1:00. Then the nurse came in to put Emla on his back (an anesthetic cream) and he woke up. This was at 5:00 a.m. by the way. Oh well, sleep is overrated!

He had his spinal tap early, and it went fine. They started the chemo at around 11:00. This is the one that takes 24 hours to go in. I spent most of the day chasing after him with his IV pole as he went from toy to toy. We also went for a walk (he rode in a wagon) outside and hunted for squirrels. We found several brave ones, but soon discovered they don't like M&M's. Squirrels must be really dumb, because Logan and I think M&Ms are delicious!
I will keep you posted, but so far so good...

10/10

Hi Everyone,
I sent the attached poem to my mom, who wrote back and told me I should send it to everyone. So it's attached, if you are interested.
Logan is still doing well. He's back on steroids, and they are starting to kick in. How do I know? Well, his appetite is up and his patience is DOWN. But right now he's chasing Milo around barking at him, and having a ball. It's so good to see him playing and having fun!

Attachment of poem is below:
-------------------------------------------------------

Let’s get x-rays,
An MRI, a bone scan
Doesn’t look like cancer
But we’ll check his blood

L E U K E M I A
A voice on the phone says
Stretched, fast/slow, high/deep, it’s an evil voice
I can’t find the voice in my head

I’m screaming to my father, you can’t have him yet!

There’s a rush, in my brain, in my veins, to the hospital

Prep for an IV
A second attempt, then a fifth
His veins are too weak

So many voices now, such scuffling in my head
They have made miraculous progress with it these days you know
This is not a death sentence
But isn’t a sentence about death a death sentence? My mind is sad, silly, surreal
I can’t shut it off

Blood tests, needle sticks, port implantation surgery
Liquid remedies in his mouth
Liquid poison in his veins
Little eyes plead with mine, Mom, please don’t let them hurt me

He needs blood, he needs platelets
These transfusions are safe, mostly, we hope
Don’t worry
But watch his kidneys
The chemo, the cure, can kill

Ultrasound, spinal tap, bone marrow aspiration
They are driving nails into my son
Oh God, Oh God!
Redundancy in my brain, my prayers, my pleading

Oral medication, tastes like bitter metal
Liquid poison floods his veins
Injections administered intramuscularly, intrathecally
Little eyes scream at mine, Mom, why are you letting them hurt me!

I’m hurting my child
They are torturing my child

Oh God, please don’t let them stop

by Kelley Lozicki
10/8/03

10/8, 10/7

10/8/03 Hello,
Logan got a new port put in today. He wasn't allowed to eat or drink all day, and they did not take him back for surgery until 3:30. Thank God he didn't start steroids again until tonight! Anyway, his appetite has been greatly reduced so he didn't seem to mind too terribly. The surgery went fine. He's sore, but seems ok. He also got some chemo tonight, Vincristine. This one can cause some jaw pain, leg pain, etc. So we'll be watching him closely for the next few days. Austin is turning 14 next Wednesday. OH MY GOD!!!

10/7/03 Hi Everyone,
Logan is still having a blast being at home. His steroid cheeks are getting a bit smaller, so he looks better too. He scared me a bit today because he didn't urinate for about 14 hours. We went in to the oncology clinic and they checked him out and decided he was fine. He's been eating and drinking a lot less this past week. It's hard to "make" a toddler drink, but we sure keep trying!
Tomorrow we are going in for another port surgery. Hopefully they won't decide at the last minute not to do it like last time!

10/4, 10/3

10/4/03 Hello All,
Logan did very well on his newest chemo drug, and got to come home tonight. He's having a ball exploring the house again. Here's praying we get to stay home for the next two weeks!!

10/3/03 Hello All,
I'm attaching two photos of Logan taken this past week. He did fine today with his new chemo. (So far so good.) His spinal tap results were negative. (Yeah!)

PS: Jozef doesn't know I've been letting his son play with dolls! :-)

10/2, 10/1

10/2/03 Hello,
Logan got his spinal tap this morning. They had to do it twice because the first one did not produce fluid. They also had to give yet another IV, but they did it while he was still semi-sedated after the tap. They started his new chemo drug, Methotrexate, at 3:30. It has to run for 24 hours. Then we stay until it is completely out of his system, probably a few days. So far so good, he's not reacting too badly. Here's praying it stays that way!

10/1/03 Hello All,
Logan had a good day today. He's gaining strength and playing harder. They decided against starting the chemo today to be sure his port site culture came back negative after 48 hours. So he will start in the morning. He will also have a spinal tap in which fluid will be taken for testing, and a chemo drug will be inserted. Let's pray he reacts well to the new chemo!

10/2, 10/1

9/29, 9/27

9/29/03
So, Logan went in for surgery to have a new port placed today. Right before they took him in (after waiting over two hours) they decided the old site had puss in it and they could not put a new port in because there could still be infection. So they took him back, opened up the sight and drained it. They will hopefully put in a new port in about three weeks. They admitted him today (a day early) to put him back on antibiotics for two days before his new chemo starts up. They are going to have to put his methotrexate drug into his regular IV line on Wednesday. They said it won't hurt the vein like some of the other drugs can. But, it means he has to stay hooked up to that IV for fluids, chemo and other drugs through the whole week. Bummer. Anyway, let's pray the infection is completely gone by Wednesday!!!

9/27/03
Logan is still doing well. I have successfully given him all of his antibiotic treatments through his iv. (Whew!) The nurse had to come once to put a new IV in, but other than that it wasn't too hard. Logan has been playing hard, walking as much as possible, and crawling (with fabulous sound effects) around. He is pretty tired at the end of the day from all his hard work. His appetite has dropped significantly. It takes a Happy Meal to get him to eat much. Monday we go in for his port placement surgery. It should be outpatient. I will let you know Monday night how it went.

9/24

Hello All,
Well, they finally let us out of the asylum. I asked for his antibiotic to be given at home by a home health nurse, and they decided it would be okay. She came tonight and taught me (gulp) how to do it myself, so I won't be seeing her again unless I need help. The plan is for us to be home through Sunday night. (We go in to the clinic briefly Friday for blood work though.) Then we go back to Arnold Palmer on Monday for surgery to have a new port placed in. On Wednesday they will begin the consolidation phase of his chemo. So I would guess we will be there from Monday through about the following Friday. One item of concern is still Logan's kidneys. The ultrasound showed improvement, but his blood pressure is slightly elevated, so we are under the close watch of the kidney doctor. I'll tell you this much though, I haven't seen Logan so happy in over a month! He jabbered all the way home, and has been playing non stop since we got here. Even if it's just a few days, I think it's going to do wonders for him. Oh and yes, my big kid with the broken thumb is looking for a quick cure so he can play football again. Even though I have explained that isn't likely, he's decided to scour the Internet. In the meantime, those of you who see him, keep an eye out that he has his splint on please!

9/22, 9/20

9/22/03
Logan is feeling much better today. He has been for the last few days, but today he actually walked! This is big, because it's been along time since he felt strong enough to do that. He walked a few steps for me early today, and then Grandpa Donnie watched him walk down the hall this evening. We are still Arnold Palmer inmates. The plan was to leave tomorrow, but now they are considering leaving him on the antibiotic for a full 10 days after the day they took the port out. The thinking is that until they removed the source of the infection the antibiotic really wasn't doing much. SO, I will find out in the morning if there's a new go-home date. In the meantime, we have Blue Clues videos and a great playroom!

9/20/03
We were hoping to be sent home this morning, but the verdict was three more days. The incision from around Logan's port is still draining a bit, so they want to keep him on antibiotics for three more days.

9/18

Hello Everyone,

Today was a good day. Logan is still sore from his surgery yesterday, but when the pain medicine was working, we had some fun. We went to the 6th floor playroom and painted with a few other children. I'm going to call Logan's artwork "Layers of Purple." Rather than mess around with too many colors, he preferred to glob layer after layer of the same color onto his masterpiece.

Then after a very brief nap I pulled him around the hospital in a wagon. It was nice outside, so we went out and tried to feed Fruit Loops to some squirrels. Apparently squirrels aren't too smart, because they didn't bite; and frankly, the Fruit Loops are quite tasty.

So then we made popcorn and Logan shoved large handfuls into his mouth while a volunteer sang songs and played the guitar for him. He didn't react unless the man stopped, and then he said "guitar" between bites to keep him playing.

Not much medical news. The preliminary news on the bone marrow is that it's negative, but they will give me the final word in the morning. They are checking the culture from his port to see if the bacteria is growing, but so far so good. In the meantime he's on a heavy antibiotic just in case. But it's not the antibiotic that could have been one of the factors in his kidney failure. So many things to consider at once!

9/17, 9/15

9/17/03
This morning Logan had a surgical procedure that included removal of his port, removal of the catheter used for dialysis, and a bone marrow aspiration. He did just fine, although a bit sore when he got back to the room. There was pus found all around the port, so removing it turned out to be the right decision as it is definitely infected.

Not sure when we will get to go home. As much as I would like to leave, I don't want to come home until I am confident that Logan is relatively healthy.

9/15/03
Yeah, no more dialysis! All of his blood work is looking like his kidneys are on the road to recovery. We still don't know exactly why is happened, but to me that's not as important as fixing the problem, so I am happy. Dr. Giusti told my mom that "Logan doesn't follow the rules." (Meaning it's not normal to have kidney failure like this.)

We left Special Care (one up from ICU) tonight and are now back at home sweet home. No, not our real home, but back up to 7th floor Oncology. Jozef is thrilled because he slept on a chair that pulled out and became a plank last night. Not too comfortable I guess. At least here we have room for our air mattress and cot. Amazing how you become grateful for a cot after sleeping on a "plank!"

9/14

We came back yesterday concerned about another bacterial infection, but it turned out that the real issue of concern was Logan's kidneys, which basically shut down yesterday. He had to have dialysis last night, and may be having more tonight. We don't really have any concrete answer as to what caused the kidney failure yet. We are very hopeful that his kidneys will recover and this will be a temporary problem. He did not urinate yesterday at all, but did finally start to have wet diapers late this afternoon, which is a wonderful sign that he may be turning around.

At this time we are waiting for lab tests to determine if he's improving. I'll let you know when I get more information.

Kel

9/14/03 (later that night)
The doctor felt that Logan's labs were improved enough not to do dialysis tonight. (Good news!) They will check them again in the morning to see what the plan is for tomorrow.
Also, I forgot to tell you. Logan has started to lose his hair! :-(

8/29, 8/28, 8/27

8/29/03
Yeah, he had a burst of energy today and actually played with his toys for about 20 minutes! This may seem like no big deal, but he hasn't really "played" in about 4 days.
His checkup today was good. The doctor says he's doing very well. We go in on Tuesday morning for a chemo treatment.

8/28/03
Not too much to say today, other than that he doesn't feel well and is tired. He's eating tons, which is great. But he's not interested in much of anything, even playing or going outside. But he's hanging in there... We go in for a checkup tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.

8/27/03
Logan was very tired today. He basically followed a sleep, eat, sleep routine. There was a little bit of Wiggles (a kids' show) here and there though. He ate better today -- I actually got some hamburger, rice, corn and peas in him. An actual vegetable was ingested!

His blood counts came back a little better. He still has 2% lymphoblasts. We want to see zero very soon. He is still very neutropenic, meaning that he's very susceptible to bacteria and viruses and wouldn't be able to fight them off. His platelets are much better 174k (150-450 is normal.) But most everything else is low.

Mom, Dad, and Austin are doing ok. I know I personally still feel like I am not part of the real world, but it some alternate reality. I did start teaching a class at the community college, and although it took a while to get my head out of the fog, it I was eventually able to divert my attention away from Leukemia for a bit.

8/26 and 8/25

8/26/03
Last night Logan could not sleep, meaning none of us could. (Well, Austin could sleep through a tornado.) They didn't have to give him quite as much anesthesia this morning for his spinal tap because he was exhausted. The tap went fine. I will call and get the results in the morning. His irritability is still quite evident, and he's definitely more hungry. (Both side effects of the steroid.) Also, now his feet, hands, and face are starting to get puffy. The nurse today said they will get much worse. But so far, I am pleased with how well he is doing overall.

8/25/03
It was nice to be home today. Logan is doing ok, but he's not feeling well and is hard to make happy. He's eating, thanks to the steroid drug, but unfortunately it's macaroni and cheese about five times a day. I did actually get some spaghetti in him tonight. Will miracles never cease?

Tomorrow is a spinal tap and two chemo drugs. Say a prayer...

8/24/03

We are home!!!

8/23/03 Logan is feeling more tired today. He took several naps in between bursts of energy. We also decided that when he says "yuck" and spits, that means he's feeling nauseous. Also tonight he has been closing his eyes, frowning and holding the back of his head. The nurses
confirmed our suspicion that this is a headache from the chemo. They gave him something for the nausea, and also some Tylenol for his headache. Unfortunately the Tylenol caused dinner to come back up.

His overall neutrophil count is 30 today. Yesterday it was 224. This means he's even more susceptible to illness. So, the no visitors rule continues. This is bad for him, and for us. He is getting bored with us, and we're running out of entertaining things to do. I had hoped to go home tomorrow, but with his even lower count, I don't see that
happening. I don't want to take any risks, for sure. We'll see what the doctor says in the morning.

10/6/2003

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